beautifully written post!

Lovely post Lisa. There are a few times that I or my husband have been told just based on our children(we have six)that we’re a good Catholic family. I am always polite and thank them. Sometimes I leave it alone, but in some cases I felt called to gently say something more back to challenge them. Some I am sure are just wanting to encourage us, while others honestly think that those with many kids are better Catholics. I know many fabulous, holy,Catholic families out there like you said, that may have 2, 1, or no children who are an incredible witness to me. That’s how God planned it for them, not because they weren’t open to more. The number of children you have doesn’t mean squat as far as how good of a Catholic you are. Nor really does me being Catholic define who I am. Yes, I love and cherish the Catholic faith, and I know it to be the faith that has the fullness of truth and how I/we have chosen to practice our faith and be closest to Him, yet,I am more defined as a son/daughter of God. I am His and to be close to Him and His Son is what makes me “good” at anything. The rest is following His will and seeking to be closer and closer to Him everyday-always open to what He may ask of me/us.

Great post!  You are right- families come in all sizes and it is not up to us to judge who is living out God’s will for them “better”.  We have 6 and feel abundantly blessed.  My brother in law and his wife have had 2 miscarriages and would love children, but God seems to have other plans for them.  I often wonder how they are judged when no one really knows their situation and how desparately they want children.  It has taught me a great lesson to not judge others because things are not always as they seem!

I’m going to wade in here in an attempt to help clarify what others might be feeling about these articles (yours and Rachel’s). In reading posts like these and others on this subject, there is an overwhelming majority of opinion that the only reason for being a “good Catholic” family with a small number of children is infertility. But what about those couples who are truly committed to discerning God’s will for them and who for reasons of physical health, emotional health or even financial health (not selfishly enjoy the treasures of the world but what about a couple who can’t pay for daily bread, much less the medical care that a pregnancy requires) choose to follow the Church’s teaching on Natural Family Planning in a very prudent way? They are just as much open to life, right? Those who have been surprised by the gift of another child often say that that child is proof of God’s will for their family. But can’t you say the same thing for a family using NFP even in a very follow-the-rules-to-the-letter kind of way? If they have not been surprised by an unexpected pregnancy, then is that not also a sign of God’s will? Anyway, those are the couples that I feel for anytime this discussion rolls around. While I know that “open to life” can also include those using NFP (even in it’s most strict form) you don’t always get the impression that others do and the notion that the size of a small Catholic family must be due to infertility is a conclusion that many of those same people seem to jump to quickly. I don’t think either you or Rachel in anyway implied any of these sentiments, but there are too many combox commenters who type without thinking. Since I know that tone is hard to read in this medium, please believe me when I say that I am simply trying to help understand the plight of some of those people who might have taken offense in the discussion and I hope I have done that in a sincere and charitable way.

As one who was just asked, AGAIN, if my youngest (6 years younger than the next one) was a “surprise” I welcome this article and the one by Rachel.  We have 3 children, and their wide age range is not the way we had planned things.  But that’s how it happened.  I think that the frustrating thing is that many people don’t understand this, and they just assume that big age gaps mean that there were “unintended” pregnancies.  I hope that the example of the readers here will help people to learn that children are a blessing, no matter how big or small the family, no matter how big or small the age range.

Amen! As I am blessed with each pregnancy I give thanks to God because I know so many families who would love to have another. Many of my friend’s husbands are not interested as well as many with secondary infertility. Please pray for another friend who is struggling with infertility and miscarriage. I feel so inadequate to be blessed with so many babies. THY WILL BE DONE for all of us in our different states of life.

I know that the commenter from the “large family” discussion probably won’t log in to see this, but I wanted to share a thought that someone once shared with me. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to have another baby (we’ve now been blessed with 3!), and a friend pointed out that the Holy Family only had one child. That comforted me quite a bit!

All the recent articles about families, family size, family gatherings, etc. have brought so much joy to me.  I come from a big family, so does my husband.  Since marrying 8 years ago, we’ve been blessed with 2 children 5 years apart.  I feel like we’ve seen both sides of the aisle and have come to realize that God is so much a better planner than we are!  As Catholics, we celebrate large families in a contracepting world often hung up on 2.5 or less.  As Catholics, we pray for families who haven’t had the pleasure of many children running through their homes.  But, we as Catholics also know that each child is a blessing, and we accept and love each one as the most important gift given to our care.  As good Catholics, we recognize that the Church provides a beautiful way for us to “plan” our families, which leaves the ultimate decision in God’s hand and we simply focus on our family in the now.  Sometimes that means prayerfully and intentionally trying to avoid pregnancy until God has deemed us ready and able to parent again.  We love our spouses, we love our children, and we pray ceaselessly that God will give us all we need to help bring each to heaven in His time.