She could check with the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha, NE.  They have a website and they do distance consultations, so if your friend is nowhere near here, she could still get expert advice from a very experienced surgeon and ob/gyn - and maybe also get a referral if there is someone in your area who has trained at the Institute.  They have an outstanding success rate and are orthodox too, so you can trust both the morality and the efficacy of their methods.

If you think your friend might be interested in some nutritional approaches to dealing with uterine fibroids, feel free to e-mail me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and I can pass some along. What a blessing to have a friend like you!

Thank you!!!

Wow, First off let me suggest and offer prayer because it does sound like quite a mess.

Secondly,  Let me just say that since my children were small ( they are all teenagers now) they have had relatives( My brothers in law ) who have been on drugs( one with his drug buddies ,was in a drug / alcohol related car accident which left four of his friends dead and him and another friend severely messed up)  , living with and having children with girlfriends, and just all sorts of things that could have badly influenced my children.
The way that we have handled this has been to watch our children closely (for safety reasons) when they are around( since we live less than an hour away we see them three or four times a year) and then matter of factly explain to our children that yes uncle_________ says stupid things and acts the same and this is because he now has brain damage because he drank a lot of alcohol and took drugs when he was young and unfortunately he was not disciplined, like they would be if they tried doing this, and he has ruined his life. Now he is an adult( in years) and still has to be treated like a child because of his choices.
We also explain the living together and procreating of a couple other brothers in law by saying that yes uncle so and so and ______( no aunt, just her name) are having a baby and we pray that they get married because God doesn’t want us to have babies when we aren’t married and so on.(BTW we do not judge the baby but accept her/ him and do the same as we would if the situation were different such as send gifts and so on) Of course we only explained once the kids were old enough to see what was happening ( one Brother in law got married to the Mother of his children before anyone even realized that they were not husband and wife.)
In the end, we don’t pick our family and can not change who they are and IMO If I come off holier than though…. it will only cause problems so as long as being around them doesn’t put my family in danger, the best that we can do is pray for then and be the best example that we can be.

I am in the same boat, I am a convert as well.  I have to be honest and say that I took a break and did not see my Mom’s side of the family for a couple of years.  I had to get myself on track and strong in my deffences as well as my faith before I could face them.  Now I see them once a year at Christmas.  You have to remember the most important job you have is to make your immediate family okay.  Also, you can’t change what people think of you.  You have to know what ever you do there are going to disagree with the way you run your family, the trick is knowing that you are doing the right thing…  God bless it is a hard road.

M.E.

I am currently reading a book called “The Gift of Faith”!  It is an incredible book I have to say.  One section talks about Moses being in the wilderness and how some of the Israelites were greedy with the manna God was providing, so they took more than they needed.  However the manna spoiled, they had been specifically instructed to only take what they needed. So in these times of economic stresses we need to remember that God will provide for us.  It is so much easier said than done.  This baby is also part of your manna!  God has provided you the gift of life in your womb, His manna of Love!  Blessings to you, your family and the expectation and joy of a new baby!

Give it a little time to sink in. Unfortunately society makes it very hard on us nfp followers because we don’t feel we can talk to anyone about our fears because they will many times throw a cliche in our face like - don’t you know what causes that - another one - etc. We have had 2 surprises (one born and one in utero 12 weeks along) in addition to the other planned kids. You have this group of women supporting you and hopefully some real life ones out there too! I just flat out told everyone when we found out and braced myself for their reactions - some were snotty and others were nice. it was too stressful to hold it in but you need to do what is right for you as far as when to share the news. I also found one day when i was at my wits ends i called my mom and just cried - i told her i needed her to not tell me nfp was stupid but just be my mom and listen and love me - and i was pleasantly surprised that even though she may not fully understand my faith - she loves me and was able to just be my mom at least for a few weeks most important is trusting in God. He will give you what you need and in the mean time - put fear aside for just a few minutes and think about what an amazing woman you are. You have an actual, beautiful, innocent little person growing inside your womb. We are so lucky to be women and have the joy of life inside us!

M.E., I will say a prayer for you. Though I am only in my first pregnancy, I was in shock and denial for several weeks because I had only been married two months and didn’t feel ready at all for this. I had the same guilt over my nonchalant charting and disregard for fertile mucus that I knew was there. I’m 5 months in, and I am just now fully accepting the gift God has given me. Please remember that God will pour His grace on you and bring you joy.

I spent the better part of my pregnancy with our fifth child saying, “What? For real?” Like you, I felt (sort of) to blame. As we got closer I really started to recognize the amazing gift and accepted the surprise of it as an extra element of joy in receiving. Now, with a nine-month old, I find myself asking the same questions, “What? For real?” As in, how did I ever become so blessed? So hang in there. God knows what’s best. I will pray for your health and the health of the baby.

M.E.,
I could’ve written your post a few months ago.  We are expecting our sixth, and we did feel like we were being called to postpone a pregnancy, and I also was a little too cavalier with my nfp.  The mix of emotions you are having right now are so normal!  I waited until 11 weeks to announce the pregnancy, with one of the reasons being that I wanted to be as positive and open to life in my communication with others, rather than being sarcastic and self-deprecating.  It worked a little (sarcasm snuck in here and there).  Just know that any feelings of guilt about failing at NFP could be coming from the enemy—whenever you feel this guilt, try to say a short prayer for joyful acceptance.  Another thing you might do is offer up the physical suffering you might be experiencing with morning sickness, etc., and give it to Mary to offer to Jesus.  I did this a little and it gave me great consolation.  It also made it easier to not complain and use that time of mixed emotions for contemplation.  Also, be consoled in the fact that it’s God’s doing, ultimately, that brought about your pregnancy!  He knows what He’s doing.  He will take care of you!  Take heart and keep the faith!

Have no fear! 

I think that your feelings are normal!  As much as a child is a blessing, he is also a big responsibility and moms do get tired!  Our first three children were all surprises.  The first two were 13 months apart, and then #3 arrived 16 months after #2.  So when we brought home #3, our oldest was just over two.  I remember finding out that #3 was on the way; I sat in the bathroom for an hour crying.  I felt overwhelmed and physically exhausted!  Then I felt guilty for feeling bad about being pregnant.  After all, we wanted these children—all of them—I just hoped for more space between them, especially since I deliver by cesarean.  The first year of #3’s life was hard but then things quieted down and when he was 18 months, I felt ready for #4 and we decided that we no longer had a reason to postpone a pregnancy.  God blessed us with #4 and when he was 2, we again felt that we no longer had reason to postpone pregnancy (and I had baby fever).  So here we are, ready to deliver #5 in about six weeks.  I couldn’t be happier.  As much as the first three pregnancies of our marriage were unplanned and slightly stressful, the children have been an absolute joy and they were so great that we planned two more. 

I bet that you will feel better (emotionally) in a few weeks, or maybe in a couple of months!  I know how hard it is to have mixed emotions about pregnancy.  Soon you will be more excited and then when #3 arrives, you won’t know how you ever did without him! 

I’ll pray for you today!

Dear M.E.  I sent you a comment, but since I really don’t understand using this site yet, it has ended up at the bottom of the page.  Trust Me! It’s under someone who wants potty training tips.  Thank God, I don’t remember much about potty training.  My second trained himself because he couldn’t stand the smell.  Anyway after all the struggling I have done tonight, I was darned it I wasn’t going to at least tell you where the stupid message was!

Read today’s blog by Mary Alice Teti - room for one more.  It is absolutely beautiful.  I wil be praying for you!!

I don’t know if there are any formal rules about when a funeral Mass should be held, but I do know of several area parishes that routinely schedule funerals for (one of the) daily Mass times. The idea is that the deceased is a member of the parish community, and it’s only fitting that a member of the parish community be commended back to God during a regular parish Mass. It’s always been my understanding that if this is a parish custom, the public is welcome. You may want to call the parish office to double check, but you are probably more than welcome to go (and the deceased would appreciate the additional prayers, I’m sure!).

Funerals, weddings, Baptisms, etc. are all public events in the eyes of the Church, so don’t feel out of place.  (Since my parish only has one priest, our daily Mass gets canceled for funeral Masses every so often as well.)  I would be extra careful about keeping the kids quiet, but that’s more out of politeness than anything else.  Also, remember that even if you can’t receive Holy Communion, Mass is still the unbloody sacrifice of the Body and Blood of Christ, so it is good to go.

When our Parish has a funeral mass, it always takes the place of daily mass and the Parish is always welcome to attend and receive communion. The only thing is that Parishners who are not close friends and family of the deceased ( or even know for that matter)are asked to set towards the back of the church and leave the front for funeral guests. This also obviously applies to waiting until the Catholic guests in good standing receive communion first ( of course if you are in the back of the church it would be just like any mass)
I assume that this is common practice and not unique to our parish as when my husband’s Grandmother died we got to the church to see an uncle of mine with several other Church Parishners who came for mass. My uncle was not aware that this was my husband’s Grandmother. We also seen several people recently at my Grandmother’s funeral mass who nobody knew in the back few pews of the church.

Gosh, questions like this always remind me how spoiled we can be in the big cities, where mass is so readily available, and where funerals are done at 10:00 am and never boot the daily mass.  But it’s always been my understanding that funerals and weddings are open to the parish.  However, funerals have to be planned at least a few days in advance, so before you bundle everyone up, call the parish office and ask if there’s a funeral.

My wedding was on a HDO. There are all kinds of people I didn’t/don’t know in the background of my wedding pictures as quite a few members of the parish (it was a ‘borrowed’ church. Our parish at the time was church-less) used my Nuptial Mass to fulfill their obligation. That was fine of course, it is a rare instance where a Mass is truly private, unless held in a private residence or chapel.

Sarah, I feel like I am in a very similar place as you (right down to having graduated 7 1/2 years ago!)  It definitely is harder to make good friends as an adult, and even more so as you move into new stages of life.  We just moved to a new city two years ago and I have been working full time, so I was feeling even more like I wasn’t connecting with people here since my baby was born over a year ago.  What I have been doing over the last couple of months is—stepping outside my comfort zone, being a little bolder than normal, and just reaching out to meet new people!  I went to a La Leche League meeting, met a few moms with babies around mine’s age, and made plans to meet for lunch or do walks after work or on the weekends.  (Of course, people there are not necessarily Catholic, but it’s still a nice place to connect with others at a similar life stage and sharing a commitment to how they are raising their children.)  Completely out of the blue, I emailed a couple of women from my alumni club (Notre Dame) who work near me to see if they could do lunch sometime, and one (who is my age and with two kids) has become a good friend through that.  I also got involved (not too much time commitment, but occasional meetings) with a conservative professional group and a Catholic lawyers’ group and just started meeting people there.  I have been so very happy to meet new people this way and just by occasionally doing work lunches to build the parent friendships and then trying to set up small playdates or lunches when possible, it’s really helping me feel like I am making friends with people in our new stage of life.  It just wouldn’t be possible if I stayed my normal more introverted self.  Maybe you can start looking for ways to reach out this way yourself?  That Catholic moms’ group might be a good place to start.  If you could manage to go even just once and make some introductions, you could have a way to start meeting occasionally outside of the group, being flexible with your work.  Or think of other networks or groups you might be able to do the same with.  Since it’s your hometown, hopefully you can think of some that might be possibilities.  Hope that helps—best wishes!

I spent the better part of my pregnancy with our fifth child saying, “What? For real?” Like you, I felt (sort of) to blame. As we got closer I really started to recognize the amazing gift and accepted the surprise of it as an extra element of joy in receiving. Now, with a nine-month old, I find myself asking the same questions, “What? For real?” As in, how did I ever become so blessed? So hang in there. God knows what’s best. I will pray for your health and the health of the baby.

Thanks for the advice, Kim! Meeting people for work lunches sounds like a good idea, since it’s so hard to find time otherwise. How do you fit in all that stuff with a full-time job and baby? I only work part-time and I find that the housework, errands, home maintenance, car maintenance, etc. is just never-ending. Maybe it will get easier when my 1-year-old gets older. My older daughter is 5 and it definetly got easier as she got older.

You don’t happen to live in the Washington DC area, do you?

You could check with the church mom’s group and see if they do other activities at other times.  Ours does a Mom’s night out once a month which would at least help you meet the mothers and then see if you wanted to set up other playdates.

When our weekly moms’ group didn’t fit my schedule any longer, I asked our pastor if I could start the same group in the evenings for working moms. (Technically, he asked me.) No homework or much prep involved. (Other than ordering materials yearly.) It’s a real blessing and the relationships we’ve formed are lovely. We use materials from MOMS (Ministry of Mothers Sharing). It’s a very nice program, you read the upcoming weekend’s readings and supplemental materials. You might consider initiating just what you need. God bless you.

The mom’s group at church actually does have social events outside of regular meetings sometimes. I’m on their email list so I hear about them. Usually I think I’m just too busy to go, and I’m so shy anyway so why bother… but maybe I just need to take the plunge and go sometimes. Thanks for the advice, everyone!

Sara D.—we live in the Washington D.C. area, and I’m in a fairly similar boat. I work full-time, and most of the mother’s groups at our church are during the day, when I’m not available. By the time the monthly women’s group rolls around at 8 p.m., I’m usually exhausted, and full of excuses as to why I shouldn’t get off the couch…. My husband has been encouraging me to start something from scratch if I don’t see it out there. So I’ve been thinking about initiating a Saturday morning brunch time or afternoon tea time… or something on the weekends for a more neutral time for Catholic moms who can’t make the weekday appointments. I’m also trying to look into weekend-day retreats for mothers in our Diocese that I might be able to attend. You’ve inspired me to take the plunge as well!

Glad it helped a little!  No, unfortunately, DC is the city I just moved from two years ago (we used to go to Holy Cross in Rockville) but now I’m in Texas.  That sparks another idea, though—any way you could find an online community or local message board to make connections?  When I was in DC I met up several times with other bloggers, and it was crazy how connected the Catholic community was (although the demographic I tapped into at the time didn’t have kids).  I am kind of dorky in the “online community” respect though ... even met my husband on message boards

As for housework, car maintenance, etc., I will be totally honest and admit ... I can be kind of lazy on some things   So I keep on top of the kitchen and pick up toys at the end of every night, I’m pretty sure I haven’t, say, dusted or cleaned the windows in months.  I did manage to take my car in for service this morning by carpooling with my husband.  Um, so maybe that’s not the best answer?  But the other thing is just taking the social things one at a time.  With work lunches, just schedule one or two occasionally since you’d be eating anyway—it’s not too hard to fit them in.  With playdates/walks after work, be flexible on timing if things get too hectic.  With those outside MOMS events you were mentioning, don’t feel like you have to commit to doing all of them.  Like you said, just take the plunge and do one event and say hi to people (or just one person).  Believe me, it’s out of character for me to have been doing all this too, but I just remember that other people also probably find it hard to make close friends as adults and are looking to make connections too.  Good luck!!

Come home, in my experience “companies” need someone to stay on top of them and make sure the job truly gets done and gets done well.

I think it is hard for moms all around because there is so much to do- in addition to all the things we normally do like feed everyone, do all the laundry, cleaning, etc.  But we should try to remember that the reason for the season is NOT to add more stress to our lives, but to welcome our most wonderful gift in our hearts- Jesus Christ.  So, do all the things we do with this in mind.

I too let my kids do most of the decorating this year (mainly my 10 year old daughter did) because I had to go out of town for 4 days 2 weeks before Christmas.  That definitely made it more stressful, but it was almost a relief that it was done when I got home- not exactly how I would have done it, but done. 

I think one thing to try and do is get your shopping done in Aug/Sept/Oct before the rush.  Shop online, ask for lists, whatever you can do to get it done sooner rather than later.  My husband does a lot of this and I have learned to just let go and let him buy, not looking at the cost.  We can afford to do that right now, so I don’t worry about it anymore, even though I would be more thrifty.

I also like to make my cookies starting in early Dec., making a batch or two a week and then freezing them.  This year I didn’t get to and from Dec. 20-23 I was constantly baking and that was tough.  I told my husband to remind me not to do that again!

Hope that helps!

Christmas preparation is almost unbearably stressful for me as well.  The one thing I did differently this past year was to make it my (New Year’s!) resolution to be FINISHED with Christmas shopping BY Advent.  NO major gift shopping after Thanksgiving.  Like you, I do as much online as possible.  I also opt out of any gift exchanges that I’m able to.  Sounds kind of like a downer, but it has helped.  Of course this means that Christmas shopping gets done all throughout the year, and is a constant thought in the back of my head.  Also, as mentioned by another poster, I do baking (breads and cookies) actually months in advance, and then freeze them, if that’s an option for you.  Blessings to you!  I’m glad you posted, as I’m often overwhelmed by how stressful Christmas preparations are for me.

I see that many of you try to releive your Holiday stress by shopping online. Though I see your point, might I humbly suggest that instead of so many online orders you instead shop early in local stores. Yes this can be more work but many of these online processing warehouses are outside of the US and by doing sll this online shopping we are not supporting the US economy, which needs all the help it can get. Just my two cents

Thanks so much, all, for sharing your thoughts. I’m sort of “scared” to shop too early, because it seems my younger ones, especially, change their minds in the last month before Christmas as to what they’d like to have. Have you ever run in to that? How to handle?

Ashley, what I did with my daughter was to put her in big girl undies and then every 2 hours or so, tell her it’s time to go potty and put her on.  I tried to relax it after a while and let her tell me when she needed to go and let’s just say there was a lot of wet pants around here for a while.  I’ve read about using a “potty bell” if they resist you telling them - set a timer for however long, and then when it dings, that indicates it’s time to go.  (that might help mama remember, too!)  We’ve continued to use a diaper for naps and night, though it’s rarely wet so I reuse it a few times before tossing it.