Lisa, after reading your beautiful opening, I’m embarrassed to admit that when someone asks me what I “do”, I reply with my career title “I’m an Archivist”, not with “I’m a Mom”.  I worry that might lead some mom’s to say I’m not a “good mother” because I don’t always put my children first. How do other working moms deal with feelings of inadequacy when they put their job ahead of their family?  I had the career before I had my children, and we’ve never been in an economic situation where I could leave my career to become a full-time Mom.  As my daughters get older, I struggle to seek out what positive impact my having a career makes on their lives, and not focus on the missed opportunities.

Thanks for giving us a voice on Fridays to talk about working-related issues. I have many other ideas… but will save some space today for other commenters.

Shelly - great topic!  I hope you’ll just give a quick “laundry list” of some other topic suggestions too - that will help me in the future with keeping these posts of interest to our community.

p.s. You’re my favorite Archivist!!

I teach part time at a local university, and I find that the work-life balance is very difficult!  I find that the days when I am not teaching, I am trying to catch up on a dirty house (and making frozen meals for the days when I teach)...but this means that there is very little opportunity for moms groups, play dates, etc.  I’m really lonely!  I love teaching, but university politics is such that you don’t make close friends at work…  Our situation is such that we need Mum to work, so cutting back isn’t a viable option.  I would also like to address the housework balance issues that arise…my husband works a tremendous amount of hours, but I still find myself struggling with resentment at being the one to hold the house and family together, in addition to helping to meet the bills…  I very much hope I’m not alone in this!

I quit working outside the home more than four years ago , and one of the reasons was child care. I needed someone to watch my son a couple of half days a month while I attended meetings. (I otherwise had a very flexible schedule working entirely from home - often into the wee hours of the morning - as a communications director.)

Where do you find child care for a few hours here and there when you have no family to help? I could easily place my son somewhere 40+ hrs/wk, but eight hours a month? Forget it.

Although I’m presently not employed outside the home, there may become a time when it becomes a necessity or I have a part-time at-home job, so I look forward to reading these posts.

We had a local columnist who for years focused on her perceived mommy wars. It got tiresome. I really think there’s a lot more understanding and empathy among moms that work outside the home and those that don’t than people imagine.

The company I work for allowed me to start working from home after my son was born.  He’s 21 months now and I guess you could say my situation is working out.  My SAHM friends tell me how lucky I am to be able to work from home, but I’m not so sure.  I struggle daily with trying to find the hours to get my work done, as it is a pretty demanding full time job, and give my son the attention I wanted to by choosing to stay at home.  I struggle with putting God first in my life when I feel like I’m either in front of the computer, taking care of my son, or tending to the other duties of the house (cleaning, wash, cooking, etc).  I feel extremely guilty that I am not giving my son or my husband the appropriate attention because I’m too stressed out with work. 

I’m super happy to have found this website and blog!

Great topic! I went back to work full-time after my first child was born 5 years ago, and I switched to part-time after my 2nd was born last December. I hated having to go back to work after the first was born, but we needed me to work. I used to long to be a stay-at-home mom, but now that I’m part-time (20 hours a week) I think part-time is actually the ideal situation for me. It gives me just enough of a break from the kids and housework, but I’m not away so much that I feel overwhelmed or that I’m really missing my kids’ childhoods. Also, we’re very lucky that my MIL has always been able to watch the kids while my husband and I are at work.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about being a working mom. First of all, I was told when I was growing up that working is so great, so fulfilling, part of your identity, etc., and I haven’t found that to be the case for me at all, though I guess it is for some people. I had some bad work experiences right out of college and had 2 job losses in the first two years, and I’ve just generally not found that work is as fulfilling as I thought it would be.  Over the years I’ve developed a huge appreciation for “Dilbert” and “The Office.” I’ve realized I’m definitely a “work to live” person and not a “live to work” person. My interests don’t easily lend themselves to paying jobs, so I’ve decided I will mostly get my fulfillment outside of work, through writing poetry, reading good books, having philosophical conversations, volunteering, etc., and of course spending time with my family.

At the same time, though, being at home with a baby all day long while trying to get housework and errands done can be very difficult, and work gives you a bit of a breather from that. Though I’ve found I miss my babies terribly if I’m at work too much, which is why I really like working part-time.

I used to be more dogmatically opposed to women with young children working if they don’t have to, but now I do think that society benefits from women’s contributions in the workforce.  At the same time, though, children really need their mothers. I think the solution to the “mommy wars” is more family-friendly careers. There’s nothing wrong with women having careers, but they shouldn’t have to have careers in the same way that men do. We need more part time, flex time, and telecommuting options. It should be easier to take time off when your kids are young and then go back to work later. That’s where the solution lies, I think.

thanks linda,

How u ladies all dealing with being open to life and working outside the home especially if you have bosses that are anti- children?

i got pregnant the very first month i got a job and my boss was not very happy. and am terrified of having another baby right now ... how do you deal with that?

Alleluia!!! I can’t believe I am reading this post!!!  I love coming to this website and have never felt judged but, I have felt that I was different by being a mom to one son and by working outside the home.  It’s a great comfort to know that there are others in this specific situation with the accompanying struggles.  The funny thing is that it seems that my life is a lot like those with large homeschooling families (I’m a 2nd grade teacher at the same school my son attends).  I just happen to leave the house each day to fulfill my vocation.  Lisa, I can’t thank you enough for adding this feature to Faith and Family.  Thank you for cooperating with the Holy Spirit and following this call. 

Topic Suggestions:

1) St. Gianna Molla- I pray to her often but, don’t know all that much about her except the basics.  A working mom saint who loved her baby so much she sacrificed herself for the life of her child- plus she was a fashionista. 

2) Social life- It seems that this is the part of my life that is sacrificed.  How can I sneak in quality friendships?

3) Simplifiying- The simpler the better when it comes to wardrobe, laundry, menus, cleaning etc.  I’m always looking for ways to simplify yet not sacrifice beauty or quality.  Flylady and Mother’s Rule of Life have been big influences. 

4) Prayer life- Ideas on how to grow in the spiritual life while meeting all your obligations.  My trouble spot is the afternoon.  Morning and noon prayer are great but, as the day wears on and I fatigue, I lose focus and can’t seem to stick to a prayer routine. 

So sorry about grammar/spelling- I already wrote one post and accidentally deleted it.  So… this one is rushed

I am neither a wife nor a mom, but most of my friends are both!  One in particular just had her 4th baby as she works as a nurse and pursues her PhD as a Nurse Practitioner.  She told me that although she had felt some “pressure” to be a full-time, stay-at-home mom, her husband had given her a book on St. Gianna Molla, which greatly encouraged her.  St. Gianna was not only a model wife and mother - she also worked outside the home as a doctor!  I highly recommend her to you ladies who seek this balance.  This saint’s life is both inspiring and real.  May she interceed for you as you work both inside and outside the home!

Thanks for this, Lisa! I work 15-20 hours for our parish in communications (bulletin, website, and some other things, including helping our pastor start a podcast!) and I also do some writing and we just started a homeschooling adventure with our oldest this year.  For some reason, that list doesn’t look as busy as I usually feel…hmm.  Anyway, I appreciate this…as a not-quite-home-all-the-time mom, sometimes I feel a little, well, out of things—sometimes it feels like I don’t really “fit”—I work outside my home, yet I’m home a lot.

So, really, thanks for this.  I don’t have any topic suggestions, but when and if I do, I’ll be sure to let you know!

Great article! My husband and I always joked that at 40 we’d switch roles but we didn’t really take it seriously. At 41 he was laid off but had a great job in 7 weeks and could never have done the work of a job search while having full control of the house. Howeve right after that I started seriously looking at going for my teaching degree. I’ve made a dent in the process. I have a long way to go but since I passed the testing requirements I’m confident. Due to paperwork mix ups however I still have not started as a substitute teacher. The paperwork could have been handled but—my husband was laid off again and at first we put all our energy into his job search: new resume, reaching out to every contact, monster and industry specific websites etc.
Anyway I was really getting excited about being the one working and yet we are so used to him working we just can make the paradigm shift. Yes he cleans if I’m gone. He cooks like crazy and helps with the homeschool—and well. (Actually he makes me look incompetant he’s trying so hard—I’ve warned him if he takes the at home job he’ll need balance so he doesn’t burn out!)
Anyway, my first qustion is about incorporating prayer into the work day. Then I’d like to hear about others making this shift at an older age—someone asked me if my girls were my grandkids yesterday—ouch!

And a prayer request please—he’s been offered a job that is same as unemployment and no more. He hates to be on unemployment but this one would be a big drop from his last 3 jobs. I’m hoping he agrees to stay home as what I could earn won’t affect his unemployment and gives him time to wait out the recession.

Erin:  Thank you for the wonderful answer “I am a working mom”.

Suggested topic.  I am an attorney working in a very politically liberal enviroment. Because of my very strong pro-life views, I tend to isloate myself socially at the office.  I would like to learn how to witness to my co-workers especailly on the evils of abortion.  (All except one of pro-choice and most of the them are Catholics—arghhhhhh).
I tend to walk away from these converstaions and later feel so ashamed of myself for letting the Lord down!! (My arguments tend to go like this"Co-worker: It is a women’s choice!.  Me: Why are you so stupid?”  Not very productive or very Christian)
Thank you so much for this blog—it has saved me from pulling my hair out on many a frustrating day at work. 

Have restful Sunday, With gratitude,
Maggie

I’m a parish music director/music teacher.  I’m also a grad student.  My toddler is with a sitter four afternoons per week this semester.  I haven’t felt a lot of judgment from the people I know, but it would be nice to discuss NFP and nursing resources that don’t look down on those of us who work outside the home.  We use the STM and I have to admit that I’m a bit wary about turning to CCL for advice since they don’t have any working mom instructors.  Thanks!

Thank you Lisa H for starting this dialogue, I think it is so important!  I am mom to a 2 1/2 year old and an 8 month old; I am wife to our parish’s youth minister (jr hi, sr hi, young adult ministries, and confirmation!).  I am also a pediatric occupational therapist, working 20 hours a week.  I enjoy raising my children and I enjoy my job, but I don’t love juggling both.  My struggles and hopes for discussion are:

- emotions related to “needing” to work to make ends meet (mine and my husbands).
- “passing the babies” and all that goes with working on my beloved’s days off & vice versa
- feeling competent and keeping up with skills/education outside of work time
- hesitancy to leave the kids with babysitters since I’m out of the home so much as it is
- sharing (or not) responsibility for household chores with my beloved
- difficulty connecting socially with co-workers since I can’t join them after work for a drink, etc.
Obviously, this is a big issue for all of us.

I am a wife, and mother of three daughters, 20 & 14 year old twins.  I am an eighth grade educator,and all the drama that goes along with that and then come home to TWO eighth graders of my own.  Due to current economic conditions (when will we be able to stop saying that?), my husband/girls father, lives three hours away during the week and is home on weekends. 

How can I make time for myself to recharge my batteries to deal with this eighth grade attitude, 24/7, when the time my husband & I have together is so limited?  In addition, he takes it personally when I do take that time, thinking I don’t want to be with him.  He is easliy frustrated with the twins and then shuts down.  He doesn’t seem to get it that I deal with this 24/7 . . .sorry for the rant, sometimes it just really gets to me, would like him to walk for an indeterminate time in my shoes. . .