Amen! Years ago I gave up the chore chart and allowance. Now I just assign a job that needs to be done (that minute) to whomever happens to be around, or lying around watching tv, or playing video games, or annoying a sibling. It works like a charm.
Chore Chart Madness
Posted by Rachel Balducci in Family on Wednesday, September 07, 2011 1:28 PM
Our family started school yesterday, and for me that means one thing: time to get organized.
For the last few days, as we celebrated the end of summer and got our school supplies lined up, I kept thinking about what I wanted our weekly home rhythm to look like. This year, I decided to take a step back from what I’ve tried in the past, mostly because I’m finally realizing it doesn’t really work.
Up til now, I’ve approach our chore chart much too practically. Or perhaps I’ve been too romantic. I’ve had this idea of the chores my boys “should” do, and I’ve assigned those. I also have always considered the kinds of chores I did growing up and have gone that same route.
But what I have finally recognized and embraced is this: my own family is unique. Just like yours is. And no one chore chart can fit all.
What worked for my mom with her children just doesn’t fit the same way. It’s not a flawed method, it’s just not the method for us.
For example, I’ve always assigned a dining room servant and a kitchen servant and changed those jobs out daily. And it ended up somehow being a ton of work for me.
As I was praying about this last week (yes, I was praying about a chore chart!) I realized that a) I like doing the kitchen clean-up, b) it is easier to do the kitchen clean-up and c) there are other chores the boys could more easily complete while I was doing the kitchen clean-up. And the dining room was better served with each boy clearing his own place.
So this year, our chore chart is going to look totally different. There are all new! and exciting! chores on the list and the way we dole them out might even be different too!
What I’ve learned from this, what I hope you learn too, is that the chore chart is there to serve the family—not the other way around. For too long I tried to force something in our home that just didn’t meet our needs. I was worried that if I didn’t assign certain chores my children wouldn’t get the life skills they needed. And then I realized that cleaning a bathroom twice a week, if that’s what I need done, then that will go just as far in training my children. They will learn important life skills, the most important one being “we work until the job is done and we’re all in this together.”
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We found a system that works for us a few years ago - we have 5 kids and it was a 5 week schedule (one weekly chore, one dinner time chore, one Saturday chore) per kid and put it on a spreadsheet (my son actually did this). Now that my oldest is in college, we did a new 4 week schedule with jobs still rotating once a week. When he came home for the summer, we fllipped back to the 5 week one. We always know whose week it is to dry dishes, whose to set table etc. If someone is gone for dinner, I have the option of changing the chore to someone else who is there, or doing it myself. As they get older, they get more added on to whatever that job might be - as they get older, for example, cleaning the bathroom also involves cleaning the tub, not just the sink and toilet. I agree that it has to work for whatever suits your family the best. One thing I have noticed, is that I should actually be expecting my children to do more as they all get older. Every couple of months we do some big chore (spreading mulch, or cleaning out our sunroom) and everyone is expected to help even though it is “off the chart”. Also, my older children could be helping a lot more with dinner preparation especially during the summer. We only pay $3 per week if all chores are done, but we do pay extra for big chores like cutting the grass. Our kids actually “fight” over who gets to cut the grass because they get $15 for that. We do have a big yard. That seems like a lot to me, but my husband is the one that set that rate! I think the main thing is that kids should be expected to help around the house and however you can get that done, go for it!
I have tried all sorts of chore chart variations. Like you, Rachel, some things just don’t work well for me. I had a “kitchen helper” but my kitchen is small so having a helper around while prepping meals or cleaning up, doesn’t help. I also found that some kids were not motivated to do their chores for money or privileges because they didn’t like their chore. Now, I have each kid’s name on a chart. Every time I ask them to do something, or if they volunteer to clean something, I put a star next to their name. X number of stars = X amount of cash at the end of the week. For my kiddos who really want something at the store, well, this provides them with a way to earn the money and I get things done. Sometimes nothing gets done and I just have to put everybody to work for zero reward but “because we are family and this is what families do.” But most weeks, I have at least two of my four earning some cold, hard cash.
I look forward to the day when my children are old enough to help out. We have 3 children ages 4 and under. My oldest does do a good job of helping out here and there but I can’t exactly ask him to throw in a load of laundry or help out with the dishes.
No, a four year old can’t do laundry but you can start training them now! Sorting colors, helping move clothes from washer to dryer, putting away their shirts and underwear. The day isn’t long until they can do it all—especially if they’re tall! (Pray for tall!!) My oldest could do laundry start to finish when he was 7!!
Definitely get your 4 year old involved if your ready to have a helper. It will take lots of coaching from you, but believe me, if you wait a year or two you will not have such an eager participant. My 4 year old puts the silverware and napkins on the table at dinnertime and can take his cup and any sippys to the table. He gathers up all the bathroom trashcans and dumps them in the main trash so my husband can take it out on trash day. He can fold washcloths, hand towels and kitchen towels at the coffee table and sort socks. With a hand-broom and dustpan (or dustbuster, even more fun) he cleans up crumbs under the table. And some of those things he’s been doing since he was 3, so if you have one close to 3 you could have all kinds of help!
I remember teaching my boys how to do chores. It started with the simplest chore when they were being potty trained…flushing the toliet!From there we worked on picking up laundry and toys, etc. Slowly as they got older they learned new “skills”. By the time they were 11 and 12 they could do laundry, run a vacuum, cook the basics and were learning to sew. All basic survival skills in adulthood. I followed the example of my grandmother whose rule was if you were in her kitchen you learned to cook, if you were in her laundry room you learned to do it, etc, etc.
I was just about to do this with my husband too. I struggle with knowing what is an age appropriate amount of work, and what chores I can assign to what ages. We have 7 children and my oldest is 8, so sometimes having all of them doing chores is so overwhelming to me, I’d rather just do it myself, but I know in the long run that won’t do us any good.
I would love to hear others’ opinions on this, too (ie, what age is appropriate for doing what). In my case, I have a 20-month-old. She seems pretty good at “putting things away” (in general she knows where her toys go) & in taking things from here to there (ie, if I hand her a piece of laundry, she can walk to the dryer and throw it in). Right now none of this is time-saving, but I am trying to start habits. What I would LOVE to know is if other moms have their 2-year-olds doing more than this & what, specifically, they have them do / what two-year-olds are capable of doing?!
2-year-olds can “put away” as you described. They can “dust” low things like chair rungs, etc. They can put their dirty clothes into the hamper (and learn that only dirty clothes go in the hamper.) They can toss the dryer sheet into the dryer when you do the laundry.
What kills me around here (with 2 kids still at home, ages 15 and 9) is when they have school, homework, sports—that’s a full day right there. So do I let them go to bed when they’re done all that, or do I make them do the dishes? Their chores seem to become my chores when they’re involved in something. What do other families with older kids do? (As someone above mentioned, we do pay the teenager to mow the lawn.)
Barb, I have the same challenge.
The problem I am running into is that I do not have enough hours in the day to do all that is needed to keep up with this family of nine people. We have two at home, home schooling, and the rest in school. I do not want to shortchange the younger ones by doing chores all day long. They need my focused attention. Yet I do not want to expect kids who have been at school and extracurriculars all day to come home and do chores.
What do the rest of you do??
Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
I have older kids too Barb. My attitude is that a home is not an office; it’s a home. It doesn’t have to be completely efficient all the time. Secondly, I am the mother and my primary job is to run the house. That means I get to do it the way I want to. Moreover, it doesn’t take me very long to pull my house together after the kids leave for school in the am. After school, they put away their things, do their homework and go to bed. On Saturdays I usually assign a job to each child. It depends on who’s around and how irritating they are to me:)
We have been using the same system for 2 years with our 2 older boys, 9 and 6 years old. I stuggled with finding how to limit video/computer time effectively and consistently. So….. we decided no video games or computer games during the school week at all. Our children earn their video/computer time by completing their daily chores. For our 9 year old that includes emptying the dishwasher, taking out all the trash to the outside can, making his bed, getting ready for school in the morning without hassle, completing homework and prayers (for each of these they get 5 min) then they must also read 20-30 min for which they get rewarded min for min. (I was having trouble getting them motivated to read). For the 6 year old the chores are the same except he does the recycles and vacuums the living room and entry area rugs instead of trash and dishwasher. This has worked beautifully! They often compete for who can get the most minutes each week. Usually they earn about 2 hours total for weekend video game time.
Our 2 year old daughter doesn’t have a formal chart yet but helps without hassle (imagine that- the difference between boys and girls!) with picking up toys, putting away laundry, bringing laundry to the laundry room and putting away silverware. Never hurts to strat early!
I read a book once that was VERY helpful in not only listing the chores expected at what age but is very practical in teaching basic life skills to our children: from sewing, changing a lightbulb, changing a tire, to balancing a checkbook. Its actually geared toward all ages with very basic skills to more advanced. It is very well written and inspiring to read as a parent; its written by a Christian: Life Skills for Kids by Christine Field. I highly recommend it!
We’ve used all sorts of chore charts and finally figured something out that worked really well for us. We have 7 kids ages 3-16 and they all have some chores. I generally re-assign jobs in June and keep the kids on those jobs for the entire year (gives me the summer to “train them in” before homeschooling starts in the fall). By keeping them on the same job both they and I know who did or did not do their job - no looking on a chart to see whose day is what, etc. (but…I do have them each take a turn helping a day with dinner so I can sort of train them in on making a complete meal, and they do take turns for dinner clean-up).
I am a firm believer (have learned the hard way) that chores are not optional. So, I only assign the littlest ones chores I will actually make them do. Our 3 year old simply straightens shoes once a day by matching them up and lining them against the wall.
Our oldest is also a challenge due to time constraints. However, my dh grew up with a wonderful mom who decided he was busy enough with school,etc. he shouldn’t have to do anything other than study. My dh insists our oldest are NOT raised this way. Chores help teach balance and helping the family. There have been studies that point out that people who have a hard time holding a job have a higher incidence of doing no chores growing up. So, depending on what is going on with our oldest she may have to help clean up after dinner on the nights she is home, or she cleans a bathroom over the weekend, etc. Our oldest does NOT spend as much time on chores as her younger siblings. (and we pay a weekly allowance loosely based on how much they help - so my 10-14 year olds all make more than my 16 yo and younger set). But, I figure if she has an hour a day to blog, email, chat with friends before heading home from school, read for pleasure (yes a good thing: ) then it’s not too much to ask her to spend 15 minutes or so helping us out with something. When she is literally running ragged (she stared PSEO college classes during her senior year of high school 2 weeks BEFORE he nanny job ended) she will help when she can and she hasn’t complained. So, while I don’t expect her to work hard on stuff all day and then stay up or skip homework to do chores, she can do something…even folding a load of towels…something to help her help us.
Now we moved and my old system that worked for years needs reforming…so I’m anxiously reading these comments
I am trying to assign by days (my 6,8,10, and 12 yo’s take turns emptying the dishwasher,etc.) we’ll see how it goes. I am also finding that my oldest two boys are having to help my dh a lot more with some major jobs fixing things, etc. that can easily take an entire Saturday. So, I am telling the others they need to pick up the slack. Kinda wrong to expect those boys to sweat all day and then come in a sweep the floors and vacuum when everyone else is done in an hour or less ![]()
Also, another thing that has worked for us and we will continue to do is set aside Saturday morning (or some evening) for cleaning the house - and they all have assigned jobs so the hard workers get rewarded by earlier free time and not have to pick up the slack of the dilly dalliers. Then on Monday nights they focus on their rooms. Then Wed. night we have family movie night and if someone didn’t get their room done decently by then they clean instead of taking part in the movie.
We do a weekend chore list. During the week, the kids are expected to pick up after themselves and clear their dishes and do a few odds and ends as requested. But as others have said, during the school year, expecting more than that is unreasonable with our schedule. On Saturday’s, I run off a list for everyone on Exel, appropriate to their age and adjusted to the needs of the household that week. Usually 5 or six items per child (some of which are simple tidying.) The last item on the list is always, “Love your mother.” And I have to sign it at the end. My oldest son can’t wait until he’s done to come “love” me. He usually gets a few things done then comes and gives me a hug. I kiss him and send him back to work. He smiles and (usually) happily goes back to work. Although loving me isn’t a chore ... they all seem to appreciate the spirit of doing the list out of love/community of the family. They also appreciate knowing that when the list is done, they’re free. Before lists, they were always afraid I’d come up with more for them to do. Which I would. So the list approach makes me think through reasonable expectations, too. Also, throughout the week we employ the “quickie pickie” policy. I command “quickie pickie” and that means everyone looks around and does a quick tidy on the first floor for Mother’s sanity.
Great timing…so while I am reordering or chore list for a new home how do you all handle boy/girl chores? IMHO the boys and girls all need to know how to cook/clean/etc. But with our new home there are a lot more jobs my dh is trying to teach the boys. Just pondering whether I dish out all indoor to the girls and outdoor to the boys…or adjust daily (might be the best for them - but a lot of work for me). So..what do you do?
I’m not sure what kind of jobs your husband is trying to teach the boys, but women do need to know how to do most outdoor jobs and men do need to know how to do inside work. I only have boys and my first is 3, so there’s not much he can do outside except water the garden. He helps me with lots of things around the house, though.
We give age-appropriate chores, based on ability, regardless of gender. My 15-year-old daughter mows the lawn better than her older brother ever did. Both of them are good cooks. Dishwashing, unfortunately, hasn’t been perfected by either one
I’m incapable of coming up with a system and sticking to it - in general. And chore charts, in particular, seem to trigger manic episodes: “And we can have STICKERS! And for every five stickers, they’ll get a ticket! And tickets can be used to spend at a treasure box full of items purchased at Hobby Lobby, on consecutive Thursdays between 4pm and 5:30pm, except in case of rain.”
Having said that, I have my eye on these printable, laminate-able chore cards...because they’re so CUTE! Of course, I’d need to modify them to include the chores I assign my older children, and decide what weight of cardstock to print them on, and probably look around for the best deal on book rings, too.
Nice information here in this article. It is important to have structure in the home an developing a system that works for you. In our home we have a routine that we do every morning. We also incorporate, the pledge of Allegiance and morning prayers. Great information. Keepup the good work! I would like to see men writing and commenting more on the daily aspects of the home because they should be involved in the schooling and especially in charge of the home as far as making sure the chores and things are done. God Bless! Ave Maria!
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