Have any of you struggled with “being in the mood” while you are pregnant (and breastfeeding too, actually--anything pre-fertility).  My husband and I are really struggling to find a balance, and it can be very frustrating for both of us when I have virtually no libido at all.  Thanks! You all are the best.

Yes, yes and yes. We struggle with this all the time at the moment.

Hey everyone,
I mentioned this under Arwen’s article on being involved with pro-life stuff, but I wanted to bring it up here since there are always so many people who participate in this forum.  There is a great initiative called the Nineveh Journey which starts in a couple of weeks.  The website is http://www.ninevehjourney.org It is simply 50 days of prayer and sacrifice for the election of pro-life officials and for the conversion of all people, including ourselves, toward a culture of life.  We unite our prayers each day (Sundays are free, like Lent ) for one particular state.  Stop by the website and sign up; we’d love to get at least one person from each state!  Thanks!

Do any of you ever feel like you don’t fit in really anywhere?  We homeschool - and have for a long time in a small town/rural area and have a large family so stick out like a sore thumb in our parish and are considered an oddity there.  I work part time and am the only one in our homeschool group to do that.  I also have had a kid go to the public highschool, and no one in our group has done that.  And then, on the teams that our kids are on, we are always kinda on the fringe - we don’t know the others very well, our kids haven’t been going to school together since preschool, etc.  And of course we have this big ol family and our kids aren’t allowed to do many of the things there kids do.  And I’ve known my local homeschool friends for over 10 years but for the most part everyone keeps their lives pretty private. it’s not that deeper kind of friendship.  If one of them called I would know it was ‘about something’ not just to talk.  And everyone is so busy and spread out over a distance that our time together is slim.  I’m so grateful for the internet communities that I belong to but sometimes ‘real life’ can be downright lonely.  Is it just me?  I know that I’ve heard a mother who’s kids are in school say that they don’t really ‘fit’ either and even in school that their daughter is lonely for a true friend.  And i know she herself is on the fringe at times.

Our eldest son has been a regular marijuana user at college this past year and has no qualms about telling me (we don’t help him financially, have tried to get him to stop, etc).  I found out later that this all began in highschool - pretty much right under my nose.  Now I feel like my antenna is way up and I’m suspicious of every move my 17yo makes.  He is a very private person anyway.  He’s always acted very responsible, never needed a curfew because he came home in a timely manner or didn’t even go anywhere to start with.  But I just have this nagging feeling.  Dh says he’d never do the drugs and alcohol thing but I’m not so sure, and I’m not sure if it is just a backlash of his older brother.  This seventeen yo is rather defensive with me all the time, and has been since he was about 14yo and we had some issues with computer use (sad), so a heart to heart just isn’t going to happen.  But I’d love some suggestions on this in general.  Also, if anyone has had a kid living on campus that has been doing everything you taught him not to, rejected the faith he was brought up in, etc and have some advice in how to help him or help myself through this, I’d love to hear.  Can you help someone who doesn’t want help or think he needs it???

Re: college child
My kids aren’t old enough for these problems yet but I do remember many of my siblings (I’m #10) rejecting the faith and other expectations in our family.  My Mom (widowed) was always very clear that,while we all have free will and will make our own choices, in her house we respect her rules.  This included not allowing the younger siblings to stay overnight at the homes of older siblings who lived with a boyfriend and even eventually insisting that one move out because she wouldn’t respect the house rules.  Even now, when we kids are in our 40’s and 50’s, respect for Mom and her beliefs and expectations rule in her home.

re: in the mood
With 2 under 2, one that still regularly wakes to nurse during the night, that can be an issue...primarily due to exhaustion.  I find that utilizing the time after resettling the baby can be a good answer.

Does anyone know where the Church stands in regards to tattoos and/or body piercing?

Thanks!
Dina

Good morning!
I would like to humbly ask for your prayers.  I won’t go in to all the details, but right now my family is going through very difficult times.  It is a combination of serious health issues, financial difficulties, the possibility of losing our home, and teenage children having broken hearts.  We are all very grateful for our faith...it seems to be the one thing we hold on to that can not be taken away.  So I am asking for prayers this coming week that God will shower us with blessings and give us the strength to carry on.  Thank you.

First of all...Therese, your family is in my prayers!

Second...for all of you moms of many…
Birthdays.  What do you do to make them special?  We are having a difficult time financially right now & I have 2 of my boys with birthdays coming up very soon.  Any low cost gift ideas, special traditions that your family finds meaningful, etc....Thanks in advance!

Amy - I was thinking about this a couple of nights ago and was going to ask about it here as well.  I feel like I am disappointing my husband so much but there are times when the feelings just aren’t there.  It used to be worse and within the last few months I have tried “talking my self into it.” Telling myself he deserves to be loved and this is one way I can show him, or wouldn’t he be surprised if I came out in a nighty.  Sometimes I get in the mood just from thinking about it and even get a feeling like when I used to get ready for a date.  It doesn’t work every time but I find it is better than it used to be.

My question:  I am interested to hear from all of the homeschooling moms.  What curriculum do you use or have used?  And what did you like or not like about them?  I am seriously considering Kolbe, Seton, or Catholic Heritage, but am interested in hearing about others.

This question is especially for the “working outside the home” set.  Yesterday I went into school to pick up my keys so I could get my classroom ready for next week’s opening.  I had to have a conversation with the boss about a procedure I have been trying to schedule the past few weeks.  Well, of course it didn’t work out, and now I will probably have to take off 2 days to have it done. 
She kept going on and on about how it shouldn’t have taken so long to get approved etc, etc.  How would any of you handle that?  I think it is none of her business.  I was very ticked off when I got home yesterday.  Yes, I am venting.  I need some come back lines when I see her again on Thursday.

College kids--- scary! My oldest did take advantage of the freedom but he came home to work on the weekend. A couple times he went back to campus just in time to see some drunk friends do some really stupid things—while he was sober. It was eye opening. It is not too late to have the heart to heart talk with the 17 year old. Start with small, genuine compliments of how responsible he naturally is-- I leave them a note or send an email or text if I have to. And then—the hard part-- stay up very late every night. Be there when the house is silent and they are willing to open up. It may take months but I know it is worth the effort.
I’ll pray for your 2 you pray for mine-- we move them this weekend.

Re: boss and procedure...you don’t need to allow the boss entre into your personal life beyond the fact that you did attempt to schedule the procedure prior to school but were unable to.  Being a reliable employee who gives an honest day’s work is your obligation.  If you’re doing that then it’s perfectly acceptable to say that the issue is private and you’d rather not talk about it.  That’s what sick and personal time is for...illness and personal issues.

I think you might get overwhelmed at getting a bunch of opinions on likes and dislikes about many curriculums.  I’ve been homeschooling for about 6 years now and I use what works for my children although many, many other people use different things.  We primarily had used Seton for the basics and Math-U-See for math.  BUT, I must tell you, you should check out Andrew Pudewa’s website and talks for spelling, writing and poetry!  You can download his talks for only $3 each and he is totally awesome.

http://www.excellenceinwriting.com

Good luck with your endeavor.  Pray about what curriculum you should start out with and be aware, it may change after a year or two when you find what works best for your children.

Thanks for your great advice Maureen!  You clarified what I was thinking.  My boss caught me so off guard yesterday I was rendered speechless.  I am going to have a little talk with her on Thursday. A very diplomatic one of course.  I am a good reliable worker and am very rarely out sick at all.  Of course if I do get sick, I stay home!  Thanks again, and God Bless !

Please pray for my father. He is the father of eight children (the youngest being just five years old). Two year ago he went through the terrible ordeal of oral cancer and a horrible surgery, radiation, chemo, and lingering side effects of choking while eating. At his check up yesterday they found another tumor at the back of his throat. We are praying that this is a different type of cancer then what he had before, because if it is the same then that means that it is a very aggressive form to have survived all that prior treatment. We will find out Friday. Please pray for peace of mind for him and a good outcome. Thank you so much!

Anon-
I hear you about the loneliness.  I’ve been there.  I am there.  Want to meet for coffee? 

I’ve heard other women comment on this- how mothers in our society seem to have lost the cultural connections to other women and families that made daily life more enjoyable, more bearable.  It’s not exactly the whole “it takes a village” thing, but when families lived in closer proximity or in community with extended family and friends, life wasn’t so isolating.

I, too, often feel on the fringe: the only one in homeschool group who works (though part-time).  I sometimes feel the other moms look askance at me for this.  The only one at work who homeschools.  The only one at work who is an orthodox (by that I mean faithful to the Magesterium) Catholic.  The only orthodox Catholic whose husband is Protestant (though he just recently converted—yay!!!).  And on.  I’m naturally an introvert, too, so that doesn’t help matters.

Wish I had some advice- but you’re far from alone.  I’ve been trying to just get out and initiate more activities- inviting my kids’ friends and their parents for bbq or a lunch picnic, that kind of thing, but it’s not the same as daily interaction.

God Bless.

To Teens and Drugs and Alcohol:

I was in college not too long ago and I have had experience with what you are talking about. However, my parents, who are devout Catholics, never pushed religion or their views on me (when I got to my late teens/early 20’s) they would talk to me about their faith in God, however, they would always ask me open-ended questions for me to ponder; and eventually it would lead me to their line of thinking regarding right and wrong or judgments on morals. My advice to you is pray for your son who is in college and don’t keep pushing your views. He needs to come to this realization on his own. My wise older brother gave me some sound advice when I was 17. He told me that each person will have a moment in their life where they will realize that they have to “want God” in their life. They will have a moment that they will choose to follow Christ and His teaching. It will be some sort of enlightenment. Even when I went through my “rebellion” I never forgot what my brother told me. When a parent raises their children in Christ and the church, they do all they can to teach them to follow Him. But, eventually each person needs to choose to follow Him.
Regarding your 17 year old: If he continues to show he is responsible and obeys his curfew and his grades do not drop, then I wouldn’t worry. It is when a person just doesn’t care anymore about anything that I would question what’s going on in their life. I really hope this helps a little bit. If there are any questions you think I could answer, please feel free to ask me. I won’t be offended. I hope I didn’t discourage you, because that was not my intention. I just know what your oldest is feeling and I am trying to help you to understand where he is at this point in his life. I’ll be praying for you and your children. God Bless!

I have the opposite problem with lonliness and isolation.  My house seems to be the dumping ground for all sorts of children, many of whom live in the neighborhood and whose parent’s work full time.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy my childrens’ friends, but I am tired of the constant hubbub, and feeding and keeping track of not only my four children, but the various stranglers who show up at my door.  Sometimes I throw them out and enforce strickly family time, but then I have this nagging feeling that I am not being charitable, after all, they are nice kids and my kids enjoy playing with their friends.  Summer will be over in one week (hooray!) and I can’t wait until school starts again so that I will have some down time.  In the meantime, I’m praying for patience.

Marie -

I hope those are stragglers showing up at your door and not stranglers! That’s a whole other problem!!

Hi ladies,
I am pondering homeschooling my youngest daughter who is three right now.  Are there any books you suggest that will give me ideas, thoughts, preparation and maybe just a general overview of what I’m in for? This would be the first time I’ve homeschooled and I’m nervous and I don’t know exactly what it entails, but I’d like to look into it.  Any suggestions for reading materials, etc.  would be so appreciated.
Amanda

Marie,
Those stragglers who keep coming, do you ever speak to their parents?  I am a working Mom (full time) and I always make sure I know where my 15 year old is.  How old are the kids?  Maybe they feel that they can come to your house because their Mom’s can’t be there for them.  I only starting working full time about 6 years ago.  I can’t survive financially if I don’t.  Talk to the parents, and maybe it will open your eyes to some issues you have not thought of.  If the parents don’t seem too ummmmm, responsive, you will know why the kids are attracted to your house. You are a caring person and they know it.

Homeschool curriculums…

Everyone has opinions on these, of course.  We ended up deciding on Seton.

We came to the realization as a couple that I would spend way more time and money trying to do homeschooling “my own way” and that there might be gaps in our kids educations if I did it that way...so we decided to go with a curriculum.

We looked closely at Kolbe, CHC and Seton.

The Kolbe rep talked a lot about how you can make so many choices on the curriculum.  Basically, there are different book choices for a bunch of different subjects.  We were looking to simplify by purchasing a curriculum, and that sounded more complicated than we wanted.

CHC rep told us how gentle the program was...that a lot of people come to them after getting burnt out on Seton.  She stressed that her kids all did really well with the gentle approach.  I can see how some children would really benefit from a gentler approach, but I didn’t see it as necessary for our daughters.

Seton stressed that its curriculum was very thorough, and that teacher assistance is available all along the way.  The materials looked challenging enough for my kids, and the academics looked very strong.

All three programs seem to be very strongly Catholic...I just found Seton to match my personality best and to have the academics I want for my girls.

First ~ prayers for you, Therese, and for your Father,Elizabeth!
On fitting in ~ Gosh, this is a subject I’ve struggled with for a long time.  Any time you go counter to norm, you don’t “fit in,” which is MOST of the time living in this world and staying true to our Faith.  We’re all square pegs in the world’s determinedly undefined holes.  As practicing Catholics, we get used to that isolation from the world on the large scale, and even take a certain satisfaction in it. But, it’s hurtful when you find you don’t “gel” within your own faith group ~ when you feel like you get the silent cold shoulder because you don’t fit into the popular Catholic mold at the time. 

We were the first in our group 15 yrs ago to homeschool, and we were looked at with suspicion.  I was a young mother then and that was hurtful.  But, then everyone else started homeschooling.  Oh, happy day!  Of course then we moved, and were led to place our children in a Catholic school, where we didn’t fit in because we used to be homeschoolers.  That was disconcerting. Then, we moved again, started homeschooling within a homeschooling-friendly group and were led to put our high schoolers in a Catholic boarding school, and it has started all over again.  How could we possibly send our children away?!  Again, we don’t fit in.

But, I’ve learned my lesson.  It doesn’t matter where you go, what you do, who you hang around with.  You’re rarely going to match up perfectly with anyone, and you’re never going to meet with everyone’s approval.  We humans are so flawed.  It’s hard for us to see sometimes that what is good and God-ordained for one, is not what He’s chosen for someone else.  Working part time may be what you need to do, but is not what I need to do. Boarding school works for my kids, but might be disastrous for yours. I’m ok with that, and I’m content that most people think I’m nuts. 

It’s true that sometimes isolation is a good thing for the soul.  To be sure, Our Lord and his Apostles were isolated.  The Apostles even disagreed amongst themselves in the early days of the Church.  With prayer, this feeling can be turned to grace. 

BUT ~ I don’t think you necessarily need to feel friendless!  It looks to me that you just haven’t stumbled into the right girlfriend ( or friend-family) yet.  There are lots of people out there who have learned the difference between proper and improper lines of discernment. Not everyone is a Catholic Snob.  If I were you, I’d first dig deep to make sure that the division I feel in my current circle is not a matter of my own worries.  Then I would place the matter in Our Blessed Mother’s hands, and get her Mom, St. Anne, in on it, too.  Between the two of them, I bet they’ll send a good friend your way ~ Whether close at home or on the internet, there’s someone out there you can connect with.
I won’t say good luck, but God bless! (Sorry this turned out to be a novel...)

Hi - I’m looking for a reading program that would work with a 4 year-old. Phonics or something, I need some specific names or links. We are home-schooling preschool this year and I’m looking for the reading component. He was NOT interested in 100 Easy Lessons, unfortunately. Thanks!

About feeling isolated.  I am a teacher and believe it or not I often feel that way. It is not just a homeschool situation. I interact with many people but am not close to them. While I have no great advice for how to find friends, I just wanted you to know that many of us are in the same boat these days. It is hard to find others who have the time to get to know you on a deeper level. I have thought about joining a group of some kind but just don’t have the time or energy and I think, often, that is what hinders others as well. I wish you luck and hope and pray you will find what you are looking for. Perhaps prayer will lead you to a person or place where you are needed and you will find the fulfillment you are missing.

I will be teaching first grade CCD for the first time this year.  I’m looking for helpful web sites for church teaching, crafts, coloring pages, etc.  I’ve got them for a little longer than an hour once a week.  Any help/suggstions about the above or other tips are appreciated.

To:  Andi--(post #10)
RE:  Kid Birthdays

The pressure to have an all-out BASH for our kids birthdays is so strong these days!  We have 7 and one on the way so big parties that include lots of classmates, etc don’t happen too much.  We have family birthday traditions that include:
1) If at all possible, all family members are present for the birthday “breakfast"--this is nothing special, just a breakfast when we all make it a point to be up, out of bed, ready for the day at the same time and able to sing a happy birthday straightaway in the morning.  If the child has received a gift from a relative in the mail (we don’t live near any family)we “save” it for that birthday breakfast.  I’ll make pancakes or whatever--sometimes it’s just donuts--it depends on the time.  It’s just having that acknowledgement FIRST thing in the morning that the kids really look forward to.

2) Then throughout the day I make it a point to talk to the child/children about their day of birth--with so many siblings, there are many stories to relate--the kids LOVE to hear about this even if it doesn’t seem so “grand” to us---they really love to hear about when I yelled “TONY, IT"S TIME!!” and how fast Dad drove (or didn’t drive and where everyone in the family was at the time and how they found out about the newest sibling, etc.  It is the best part of the day.  We share these stories throughout the day or at breakfast/dinner, depending on the time, who is there, the age of the child, etc.  The little ones love to hear about how their elder siblings “arrived”.

3) I make the birthday child’s favorite dinner--even if it’s macaroni and cheese.  A few candles, some homemade confetti, home-decorated napkins or paperplates (color the edges of plain paper plates with their faorite themes, etc)

4) Cake and ice cream for dessert.

5) Gifts---if the kids are little 4 and under--they don’t need much and perhaps you can “recycle” a gift.  Sometimes my parents will get them so much for Christmas that I save stuff back to give them for birthday---they’ll never know and enjoy the gifts even more.  Certainly for the 1,2 3 year olds, we recycle the old baby toys.  When the bigger kids caught on one year I explained that they too had recycled gifts--now it’s no big deal.  The fun is in the surprise and all the attention.  The big kids will also *make* presents--depending on the things they like---you can *make* a coffee can drum set with old cans and contact paper. 

5) As far as inviting other kids/classmates---that is when it becomes expensive.  Our ages are 16,14,11,8,6,4,2--the big three have had parties with friends but we keep them very simple--and the fact that they have only had one makes that party special---we did not pick a certain age, we looked at each child’s desire, personality, special age, where we lived, who their friends were, etc.  (When one was turning 9 on the 9th, we invited 9 boys for 9 hours--YES it was INSANE but he will remember that birthday his whole life!  We played tons of games and ate a lunch and had cake/ice cream later in the 9 hours and they drank lemonade from a mix.  And almost three years later all those 9 boys plus our son remember that day as if it were last week.  They ALL had a blast.  His birthday party is a big memory for all those boys.)

Don’t be afraid to NOT have a gift bag.  That is a real sticking point with me.  Yes, you want to thank your guests for coming but it is NOT necesary to shower THEM with gifts and candy.  It’s really out of control.  To be served some type of food at the party, play a game and a hand written thank you is plenty.  (WHY do we over-indulge children SO MUCH!  No wonder they have problems with self-control--another topic!)

Wow--I’ve rambled on....hope some of the ideas have helped.  Be creative and do not be afraid to keep it simple.  The most important to your kids will be how you and your husband and his/her siblings remember their special day.

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to YOU!!!!  I think our kids birthdays mean even more to us!

Wow, Beth!!  “ask & you shall receive!!” I knew I would get great ideas here!

My youngest will be 8 Sept. 6 and my 2nd (of 4) will be 12 on Oct. 2.  I love your ideas.  It’s hard because my 10 year old had his birthday in June while with all of my husband’s family (who all live out of state) for a reunion, so his was fantastic.  I know in my head that not every birthday can be fireworks & huge parties, but am just feeling kind of sorry for these 2!  Your ideas are great & I will definately implement them.  I think the main thing is to make them feel special, no matter how much money we have to spend.  I agree that the goodie bag thing is getting ridiculous!!  Sometimes I think that my kids get more than we gave the birthday child when we go to these parties!

And thank you!!  I agree, birthdays mean as much (or more) to us than they do to the birthday child!!

Amanda - go to my website and click on “my Amazon store.” There are several homeschooling info book suggestions there.

Dina - a great articles on tattoos and body piercing:  http://www.cuf.org/Faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=233

Alexis - We use CHC’s reading program, Little Stories for little Folks.  It is phonics based and we love it!  The 100 lessons did not work for us, either.

Curriculum:  Oh boy, did you open a can of worms!  All good worms, mind you!  You really do have to find what works for you.  Our family uses CHC with the exception of Math (we use Math U See), and absolutely love it.  It is incredibly flexible, totally orthodox, and my kids love it!

re college:

I would try to rule out an emotional imbalance. 

I used some recreational drugs in my teens and it was because I was depressed and anxious.  At the time the drugs seemed like a better alternative to the psychological mess I was in.

At this point I would just ask your son questions to help him understand his own behavior better.  Why do you smoke?  How do you feel when you smoke?  How do you feel when you don’t smoke? 
If you are not in a position where you can ground him then I think your only other option is to keep the dialog open.

For Alexis:
Check this website and let me know your thoughts. I saw this on tv. Maybe this will help. I am thinking about this for my 2 month old and 3 year old daughter.
http://www.yourbabycanread.com/

I have a “different” request.  Friends of ours, the Rose family, have been married for nearly two years.  They have been unable to conceive and carry to term due to health reasons for the entire two years.  They are totally faithful to the Church and would make absolutely outstanding parents.  They have decided to give foster parenting a try, in the hope of being able to adopt.
Since they are not having a baby in the usual way, I was afraid any new additions to their family would not be celebrating in quite the same way as giving birth to a baby.  I don’t want that to happen.  I have created a wishlist on Amazon for them in the hopes of throwing them a “long-distance shower.” They have received their first gift and remain baffled (this is an anonymous surprise!)

If you could find it in your heart (and wallet - I understand!) to purchase a gift or two for them, I assure you of God’s reward for your kindness!  There are many items that are below $10. 

There could not be a more deserving couple.  You can see their “story” at the website above, and please check out their wishlist:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/2EDZSXUZOSVT6

I can jump on the ‘Lonely’ thread. I usually lurk but rarely post. I have 3 little boys, 2 are starting school in a couple of weeks, and I am pregnant with my first girl! I feel like there are soo many exciting and abundant blessings in my life. The dark cloud that descends upon my day or intrudes upon my thoughts is my relationship with my DH who has been “in a funk” or whatever you want to call it since the beginning of July. I have thought long and hard about whether I am being too sensitive or whether I am being a little dramatic. I have come to the conclusion that I am not. He works long rotating shifts in a very stressful occupation and picking up overtime these last few months; he is rarely home. These days it seems like I am a single mom trying to emotionally support a very stressed and overworked hubby. The problem is the lack of nuturing, support or even affection that I receive from him. I am not sure how else to come to him and share what is in my heart because he says it is hard enough when he is home to listen to me on top of everything else he deals with. Usually his days off, I work a few shifts outside the home one or two days a week and he takes over home and kids. Since he has picked up overtime, I have not been working as often as I used to. They also have not needed me at my workplace either. I have thought about whether I need to just get out and if that is affecting my outlook but I don’t believe that is the case. I plan all kinds of outings with the boys and my sister and her kids. I really just miss my relationship with my husband and don’t know what else I can do to appeal to his sense of being needed without putting even more pressure on him to throw him over the edge. He won’t talk to me about what is bugging him and worries a lot more than he needs to, if he would only let me help him realize that!!

I am curious if anyone has any good ideas about making some extra money from home.  My husband owns a construction company that is struggling right now with the the economy the way it is.  I am a SAHM of 5 and expecting #6 in about 3 weeks.  Currently, we have not brought home a paycheck for over a month and we are really feeling the pinch.  We are living on savings and trying to stretch it out as long as we can-- hopefully until things turn around some.  I would love to do SOMETHING to help ease the financial burden on our family, but am needed primarily at home with our children ages 9, 8, 5, 3, 1 and soon to add a newborn to the mix.  Any great ideas??  Thank you in advance! 

Regarding homeschool curricula:  I suggest choosing one curriculum and then adding in or substracting out items to suit your family.  We started with Seton and still use some items.  However, CHC is more gentle and we switched to that for spelling.  We also use Abeka math and language.  It is Christian, but not Catholic.  Finding the best curriculum for your family is a search, but take your time.

I joined into my church’s 30 40 something groups however my children are all older than most people’s my age so though I am accepted, I still don’t really fit. I tried talking with people from my boy’s karate class but again I stay on the fringe.Now, I have basically given up and focus on my family. We don’t go places with other families but go by ourselves and have fun

Shoot only half of my comment published. ignore the above.Here nis another shot at the whole thing. Sorry

Anon,

You could be me only I only have three children , and send my children to public school and a state college. We do not care for the Parish that is honestly a two minute walk from our home so we attend the Parish where I grew up which is Ok except that 90% of the kids there attend school together so my kids have always been the outsiders. Even those families who I have known since childhood now have their Band parents, football parents, PTA parents, or whatever parents group, and though they speak to me, I am the outsider . I joined into my church’s 30 40 something groups however my children are all older than most people’s my age so though I am accepted, I still don’t really fit. I tried talking with people from my boy’s karate class but again I stay on the fringe.Even in my family I am the only daughter so they boys hunt together and stuff like that but I stay on the fringe there too. My in laws are so different I don’t even try. Now, I have basically given up and focus on my family. We don’t go places with other families but go by ourselves and have fun .I know that my being with you is no help but at least I can offer support and say your not the only one

Lonely:  I have found, over the years as my family has grown and after many moves, it is harder to connect.  After 5 children, we were an oddity and people were afraid to have us over--an imposition, I guess. (Our families are far away so we don’t have a lot of get-togethers with them.) We usually do the asking and the hosting because it’s very easy for me to ‘plan’ for a few more. (we have 10 at home).  I also recognise that the ability to connect well with 10 children + spouse on a daily basis, requires not having too many ‘other’ activities/get togethers anyway.) It is also hard to find the ‘right’ match for children in one family to match the ages, genders and/or personalities of ours.) We recently met a family with 5 girls our girls same ages, and they all get along wonderfully well---a 1st for us, in a long time. So, it generally is hit and miss, in this respect.  I take comfort in knowing all you lovely ladies are out there doing your ‘daily duties’ in the Faith as I try to do them here in my family.  God provides the things we need and we can trust Him to provide friends within our family members, if we can’t ‘find’ them outside.
Birthdays:  We do lots of ‘traditions’ and this helps make the birthdays ‘special’ without a lot of cost. We all make ‘signs’ for the birthday person.(Just markers on copy paper taped up all over the house.) My husband is very creative and makes very personal, humorous signs for the children. They look forward to reading them upon rising.  We also, like the previous poster, make breakfast special, let the child choose the dinner and their cake design. We do one really special party for each, and the rest are ‘family’ parties. The girls recieve a hope chest on their 10th birthdays,( one son wanted one, so we got a deacon’s bench for him) and everyone has a ‘gold coin’ hunt (silver dollars) with poem-type hints, on their 16th birthdays (the girls recieve a beautiful birthstone ring at the end of it also.) We also ‘recycle’ gifts for the youngest ones and handmade gift are always made/recieved from child-to-child.  God bless you all.

Andi--

My SIL is expecting her 11th child, her oldest being 13.  She and her husband have decided to take the birthday kid out to dinner with just mom and dad, wherever he or she wants to go.  With such a big family, it is never the case that one child gets to have mom and dad all to himself!  Then, they go home to do cake, ice cream and presents with the rest of the siblings.  SO much more affordable than having a big party for each one.  The little ones who can’t appreciate dinner out w/mom and dad still obviously enjoy the cake, ice cream and presents part!

A question for Danielle: Will ‘Danielle Daily’ return to its previous profligacy, or is the recent (since F&FL;) downturn in frequency and length of posts more or less permanent? I completely understand if it is, and I enjoy F&FL;and will continue to read here,just wondering about ‘Danielle Daily’.

Re: kids at your house all the time. It’s nice to be able to keep a close eye on the kids your kids are playing with.  That being said, you don’t have to have them around all the time, nor should you feel guilty about that.  Spending time as a family unit is very important.  Siblings need to learn how to get along with each other without anyone else around.  In fact, if my kids aren’t getting along with each other, they aren’t allowed to play with other kids at all until that is fixed.  I remember a friend of mine telling me that even though she liked the neighbor kids, she didn’t want her son to be raised by the neighbor kids.  That one-liner has really stuck with me through the years, so when I’m tempted to let my kids who are bugging me the most be occupied for large amounts of time by other kids (whether at home or away), I remember that my family has to come first.  My mom always used to say, “Charity begins at home.”

Washington Archbishop responds to Nancy Pelosi - Have you read the response?  Short and sweet and clear that it’s the bishops’ role to teach and elaborate on the faith, not Speaker Pelosi’s.  He reasserted Church teaching that life begins at conception and any procured abortion is intrinsically evil...no ifs, ands or buts. Thank God---finally.  I called the Archbishop’s office to extend my gratitude and to ask him to encourage his brother bishops to follow his example.  I believe we need to support our bishop’s when they speak the truth ...after all, aren’t we supposed to be the Church militant and defend Her and Her teachings.

Hi
RE: lonely
I saw a “review” of a book on blessed among men blog (danielle bean’s sister) on making friendships in homeschool circles, etc.  Might be worth checking out.  I think it was called needle in a haystack, maybe.

What is a reasonable amount of extended family communication/acknowledgment? Every year when I start shopping for Christmas presents for my parents, my husband says, “I can’t believe you have to buy presents for your parents.” Before Mother’s day, we were at the store and I was going to buy cards for both our mothers and our three living grandmothers. The cheapest cards I could find were $3. My husband said, “My mother would rather not have a card then know that you spent three dollars on it.” I ended up only buying cards for my mother and grandmothers and his got no acknowledgment at all. It doesn’t bother my husband that he hasn’t seen his grandmother in more that 9 years (so she hasn’t met our children) and he doesn’t understand that I want to see my grandmothers again before they die. They are 87 and 93 so their time is running out. One of them hasn’t met my children at all and the other I haven seen in three years. So, I guess I am asking, are there other people who don’t do much with their family and my desires are a little high, or are the things that I want to do (Christmas presents, etc.) normal and reasonable?

To: Michelle
Re: Websites for religion class

I really like sermons4kids.com. It talks about the gospel for each week and gives helpful ideas, coloring pages, etc. Faithfirst.com is also a good site. I know they both talk more about the gospel for the week but you may find some helpful ideas. akidsheart.com may also have some ideas for you. Good luck and God bless!

Hi Kate, thanks for asking about DB.com. Since Faith & Family Live gets my first blogging efforts these days, and there is only one of me, I can make no promises about upkeep over there.

I’ll be doing all the same kinds of posting and more over here, though, so people who enjoyed DB.com over the past 4 years will find more of the same here.

I’ve heard from a few readers who were sad to see me move my blogging as they felt a bit “lost” over here among other bloggers, etc.

If you want to read only one blogger at a time, though, you can do that here. It might simplify your experience and make reading easier.

If you click on my name in the “posted by” section at the top of a blog post, it will bring you to “my” page that shows only my posts. You can do the same with any of the other bloggers here as well.

Just thought I’d point this out for anyone who feels “lost” or would prefer to read one blogger at a time. You can do it!

Karen -

ChaCha.com is hiring. It’s a legitimate way to work from home. I’ve only just started so I’m not making much money at it yet, but the mom who recommended it to me says she makes between $4-10/hour.

BIRTHDAYS:  We have 8 kids and are not big gift givers.  One gift we have found the kids to enjoy, especially as they get older, is that we give them a homemade “gift certificate”.  It says Daddy will take them shopping for the gift of their choice.  They feel special that Dad will go shopping with them and usually come home with a tool or something I would never think of getting.

HOMESCHOOL: I know a lot of people that use Seton, but I am not a fan for one reason.  They are so big in pushing creationism that they mention it 10 million times in each book (or so it seems to me.) My husband and I are both biologists (I’m not employed), and we see no conflict of interests in believing in evolution and that God is the designer of all.  I use all secular school materials and just do my own thing for religion and it seems to be working.

Terri,
I understand where you are coming from. Years ago when my kids were small I had to work to make ends come even close to meeting while my husband worked all the overtime he could sometimes even a second or third job to support us. I have no sisters nor close friends and with just me and the babies home I would get very lonely. My husband knew how I felt but knew that we needed the money too. He was very unhappy that he felt he didn’t have a choice and had to work these hours neglecting me. Thankfully prayers were answered and he got a better job which allowed me to stay home with the kids and for him to only work one job. He still works overtime when he can get it as we always have money needs ( I am shelling out $600 later today for new tires on the car ) but I am seeing a lot more of him now and when it has been awhile since we have had family time,he will skip an overtime shift to be with the family.

Birthdays

I used to have the big family parties on one day and then a kid party on another when my older two were younger but it got to be too much(not to mention too expensive ) and we scrapped most of the parties. This year my youngest turned twelve and we , excluding his sister who had to work ,had Dairy Queen as a family on his B day night after dinner which he chose. The next Friday night , when everyone was off work,we had cake and ice cream and invited Grandparents to join us. It almost got out of hand when my in laws asked if they could bring two cousins who were supposed to be spending that night with them. I felt bad but said no because if I had them two cousins I would have to have all of the cousins who lived near by. Then I would have to have aunts and uncles and so on. I did offer to change the day so the Grandparents could come alone but they decided to change the sleep over to Saturday night instead of Friday. Because this son is the youngest , though he has had equal amounts of friend parties he has only had a couple whole family parties but we have made things up to him by doing things like taking only him out to eat when his sister is working and his Brother is at their Grandparents mowing their grass. It may be different but it all works out.

Re:  ChaCha
I bet your friend gets to answer some weird questions LOL!

To Alexis: If your 4 yr old isn’t interested in the reading yet, I wouldn’t push it.  Lots of boys learn to read later than girls do (on average) and if they’re pushed too early, they won’t like reading throughout their lives.  We were homeschooled and one of my brothers didn’t start reading until he was 8 or 9; he’s entirely proficient now and finishing his PhD.  If your son is interested, then go for it, but if not, it will keep.

To CT: my husband and I aren’t quite that opposite about family connections, but our families do have very different traditions.  Mine all write thank-you notes to each other, his never write any for anything.  His family does all store-bought cards with just a signature; mine makes homemade ones and we all write thoughtful notes.  Maybe he’d feel better about the cards if you (and/or your kids) made some so they weren’t expensive.  If he’s never been that close to his grandparents, then maybe that’s just the way it is unless you know from his parents or something that the grandparents want more contact.  But for you, I wouldn’t avoid your relatives just b/c your husband isn’t close to his.  You’ll obviously feel bad for ages if you don’t stay close to them and they will probably miss you too.

CT,
I do not think you are unreasonable.My brother’s and I still buy presents for my parents for Christmas. We have quit buying for each other but buy the nieces and nephews a $50 savings bond ( each costs $25)I do not buy Christmas presents for my only living Grandmother ( we were never close )but send her cards for Christmas, Mother’s Day etc. We also buy gifts for my Husband’s parents( usually a huge fruit basket or a family type of thing) but he and his brothers never exchanged gifts so we have never bought them gifts. We did buy for his nieces for a few years but their families never bought for our children so eventually we stopped. Instead we have always bought for his Grandmother ( whom I am closer to than I ever was any of my Grandparents). If your husband doesn’t want to buy for his I would respect his wishes or talk to him about maybe giving a small fruit basket or something like that. but that is ultimately his choice. Everyone isn’t raised the same nor does everyone feel the same Your family should be your choice as long as you keep things within a budget that your family can afford.

For those who are looking for a good reading/phonics resource try http://www.starfall.com. It is free and my kids love it! 

For the 1st Grade CCD teacher try http://www.k4j.org.

*Question:  My children are 8, 5 and 2.  My son has expressed an interest in receiving an allowance.  My husband and I have mixed feelings on this. I was wondering of those of you who give your children allowance what type of system do you use ? Any suggestions on practical ways to teach them to save and handle money responsibly (besides by example of course )?

Thanks!