as a wife with a deployed spouse, a cry room ministry sounds like heaven on earth.

or at least a foretaste!

This cryroom that you describe - one built by the angels themselves - would be such a help for us at mass, even when my husband IS home.  when my choices are babysitting or mass, i obviously bring to mass (i want my kids to learn how to behave at church and they can’t do so not there; plus, lets be honest, they wouldn’t go), but spend the whole time riding herd on them.  if i had a space where i could HEAR and not have to be quite as uptight (i mean they are little boys under 3 afterall), but still maintain respectful quiet and no crazy toy atmosphere, it would be SUCH a blessing.

and, i totally applaud the Catholic book suggestion too.  we bring a “mass bag” with our own, but new stuff is always more interesting.  however, we are super strict that Church time is for Church things (we want them to learn that this is a “special” time and a special day) - so buzz and woody and mater stay in the car because they aren’t for church.  Truck and princess books in the cry room really go against that standard we’re trying to uphold!

I hated sitting in the “Mother’s chapel.”  I have a friend who left the Church because of the way an usher looked at her in the “Mother’s Chapel.”  You might think it was petty, but if you aren’t being welcomed, that goes a long way in how you feel at church.  Anyways, I hated sitting in there because the kids in there are usually loud, which would encourage my children to be loud.  I could never hear, because of the kids loudness and because of the horrible sound in there.  I am printing this off and I am going to share this with my pastor.

This was quite surprising for me. In Brazil we have evangelization grupos for children in many parishes. they go to a separate room with activities for children. we have the same discussion if would be better to keep them with their parents, but I dont know any parish that have “cry rooms”. Mainly, I suppose, because of costs, which are relatively higher for us to build one.

No markers, crayons or playdoh.  No adults without children (why one would torture themselves in this way is beyond my comprehension).  And please, add some KNEELERS!  Or at least leave some room for kneeling on the floor.  The CLEAN floor.  Our “cry room” has so many problems (like access to the restroom being THROUGH the cry room!), that despite have multiple young children, I choose to take my child outside rather than go there.

Just wanted to say I absolutely LOVE this!!!

I think there needs to be a reminder that some parents have special needs children. A whole spectrum of behavior and learning disabilities. A young dad in the cry room with me last weekend apologized for having a loud son, that he had autism. I told him it was a “cry room” it wasn’t supposed to be quiet, a repetition of what a wise mature mom had told me a few years ago when my baby was crying in there during mass and I felt guilty for making the noise. Our cry room is filthy with wall paper peeling off the walls and sticky floor, and the sound system is broken. A big sign reads “absolutely no food or drink” but that doesn’t stop some moms from breaking out the snacks in protest. I’m learning to slowly stop judging and start being more empathetic towards other parents. I don’t know who their kid is, what challenges they have getting to mass. I’m just going to assume they are trying and thank God that they are at mass and pray for the parents who aren’t there. Try to have a little more empathy too!

I love the one about the priest being in there!! I have often said that seminarians should have to sit through mass with a toddler before they are ordained!

Amen on #5! We only bring prayer books and saints books and Bible story books to Mass. I’m trying to train my children about what Mass is by helping them to understand that it is set apart for prayer and thinking about God and holy things.

I think I might suggest a stack of small, flat cushions for kneelers, if a typical kneeler or prie-dieu is not practical. 

Sound systems are much appreciated, as well.

It seems like every one of these rules is something that could cause a hardship to a family with special needs. A diabetic child or a pregnant mother may need food. A voice synthesizer looks awfully like a video game (at least, to me). An allergic older child may be in the cry room because it seems safer than dealing with peanut butter smeared on the pews. An autistic child may look like a bratty child who should behave better. My baby won’t nurse when he’s distracted, so I have to find someplace (like the confessional) that has no speaker to nurse him during Mass and the really amplified sound in some cry rooms gives ME a headache.

Maybe just a reminder to think seriously about what you are doing to make sure that you really need to make an exception to the normal rules of public behavior before you do it? For instance, “If you absolutely must bring food to church, please be VERY discrete and clean up after your child. Otherwise, please bring a non-allergenic snack for every child under 7 who may be near you. NB. Although rare, rice allergies DO exist.”

My church doesn’t have a cry room. Usually by the sermon (about 30 hour thru) I need to take my 16 month old son out to the vestibule or confessional.  He hasn’t been a crier, but as soon as he started crawling, then walking he hasn’t sit still for long. I find it difficult for him to sit still at home for even a 5 minute book; is there some sort of way to get an active kid his age to sit still for an hour and 20 minutes? I saw his cousin (a girl) the same age sit still for over two ours on someone’s lap with stories during the middle of the day. I’m pretty sure it’s just different temperaments, but any advice would be helpful.

I’m not into a lot of rules because, as a few posters have said, kids with special needs don’t fit into them and we can’t know other people’s circumstances.  The only rule I really think should be enforced is no adults without kids.

This post caught my attention, as my experience as a mom at church has been quite different in many ways, yet very positive, so here’s what I have to share…

Our church does not have a cry room, but it has many many children who attend mass regularly with young and old alike, without much disruption.  The church welcomes children in the main church, and our former monsiegnor used to call the occassional sounds the children make “sounds of God”.  We have a basket full of only Christian children’s book at each entrance families may borrow to occupy restless ones.  The kids are a part of the mass in other ways too.  One mass is designated a “children’s mass”, when the children’s choir sings, and the readings at this mass used to be read in children’s words, instead of word for word as written.  First communion class kids are invited to the altar during the homily for a personal discussion with the priest who delivers that week’s gospel reading in a way a child can relate.  During every mass, children going up during communion receive a blessing if they are not old enough to receive.  Plus all young children are invited to the altar just before Mass ends for a blessing from the priest as well.
I have been bringing my kids to this church since the day they were born, and during the nursing days, when my oldest started to fuss, I would bring her to the foyer area just outside the main hall to nurse her, while still listening to the mass over the speaker system installed there.  As a toddler, my youngest would become upset at times having to sit quietly for so long, so I made a “church bag” for her with christian coloring books to keep her busy.  This has kept her very happy ever since. Now she is older,6, and can join the rest of us sitting, listening, pondering, learning to pray…
We have brought an occassional (non-electric) toy or snack in during difficult days when we might not last without it.  These haven’t been overly disruptive, nor are the same items other families bring in when needed.  Most understand their responsibility in keeping the church neat and quiet.  When kids just can’t make it through the whole mass on some days, and become too loud, they are brought to the foyer or hallways until next time, when maybe they’ll have a better day.
I’ve seen these separate rooms for kids in some churches and always felt thankful that our church has not had one.  I feel my children are being brought up as a part of the whole church community, and learn by imitating the others they see, including their parents, other children, and seniors as well (who love to see all the children during mass!).
As for rules….I guess I feel like in any public setting, it’s a parent’s role to set the rules for their children on what is expected.  I have had to reward my kids once in a while for being on their “best behavior” while at mass, just to remind them that we expect it of them.  When they were very little, it took time for this to sink in, and at times, one child would spend most of mass with one parent out in the foyer/hall.  But this didn’t last long, and the best result of all of this is that we can sit in church together, as a family, with the entire church community sharing our faith process together.

This discussion makes me very thankful for our parish’s nursery, concurrent preschool program and concurrent Children’s Liturgy for ages 6-10 (exits at the start of mass and returns at offertory) program at our 9:30am mass during the school year. But these programs require organizers and volunteers and a supportive pastor. Perhaps, in some parishes, if there were enough demand, it might be easier to organize a nursery or other program rather than to overhaul the cry room?

I love when parishes have a cry room.  The only thing I wish I could add to it is for those of us in it to be remembered at communion time.  In my parish extraordinary ministers bring to Eucharist to the disabled, the frail elderly, the musicians, and the choir rather having them get in line.  But if I were feeding a baby or struggling with an unruly toddler at communion time I’d have to skip receiving our Lord.

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