Dating Is Not a Chore
Posted by Kate Lloyd in Family on Monday, June 14, 2010 10:00 AM
I like dating.
A friend of mine in college told me once, “Dating is overrated.” A lot of people seem to think that it’s just a necessary evil: a stepping stone that you have to take so you can be married.
They bemoan the indecisive in-between stage where you’re floating between questions like, “How much time do we spend alone?” and “How much do we include other people in our relationship?”
There’s some sense to this point of view, but it gives dating a negative flavor. It’s true that dating poses some tough questions: you’re exclusively considering this person, and yet ... you’re not exclusive because you’re not married. It can be tough and stressful trying to figure out where to draw the line. And of course, if you really love the person, dating is only a stepping stone.
That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be enjoyed! Real dating should be savored. Life will probably never be as carefree in the future as it is when you’re dating. If done right, dating can be one of life’s best experiences. I love asking young married friends for pointers. Here are some things I’ve learned:
1. Remember you’re dating, not married. It’s so easy to spend every hour with the other person, and end up making every decision around him. It’s good to have some room to breathe with just your girlfriends, or by yourself. You don’t have to study as a couple all the time. If you involve others, you’ll quickly become known as a relaxed, fun couple to be around when you are together.
2. Go out with other couples. My boyfriend and I talk a lot during the day, so when it’s time for an evening ice cream, we love going out with our friends who are also dating. I know these little ice cream or coffee breaks are becoming some of the best memories we’ll ever make. There’s a wonderful spirit of camaraderie when we spend time with other dating couples. We’re all in the same boat, journeying towards something together. When there is a problem, it helps to have close friends who are experiencing the same things.
3. Take advantage of the fact that you are footloose and fancy free. Whether it means taking an early morning walk together every day, (because there are no kids yet,) or going on an impractical, spontaneous day trip with friends, just do it. My tendency is usually to think, “Never mind, I’ll get another chance soon.” I might not though. Good opportunities should always be grabbed.
4. Involve the families. There is an ongoing debate in the Catholic world as to whether one should date or court. Maybe dating can resemble courting if a few things are remembered, number one being to always include parents and siblings. If you are far from home, visit home often, or at the very least call when the two of you are together. A friend of mine once told me that when she was dating, whenever she would call home, little sister inevitably wanted to talk with the boyfriend. My friend seemed to like that, as she grinned and told me, “I don’t mind getting the family involved. It reminds me why we’re here in the first place.”
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