Denise Jonas Speaks to Moms
Posted by Lisa Hendey in Family on Friday, October 23, 2009 2:00 PM
A few of you may have heard of this little rock band called the Jonas Brothers. While we don’t have any of their CDs in my home, I’ve heard great things about these young men and have often wondered about their family upbringing.
I learned a little bit about Mom Jonas—aka Mrs. Denise Jonas—this week as she prepares to speak out to moms around the country as a representative of iMom.com, an organization of over 20,000 moms (and growing) meeting monthly to discuss parenting, peer support and family bonding. As a part of her role with iMom, Jonas recently released the following “words of wisdom” for moms.
Denise Jonas’s Mom-Insights
Jonas never tells other moms how to mother, she says, but she’ll happily reveal insights she’s gained. To kick off her new role as iMOM ambassador, Jonas listed some personal principles acquired in her own ups and downs, she says, as a sometimes-working/sometimes home and often-on-the-road mom.
1. Put in the rug time. I called our family’s spontaneous father-and-sons games “rug time” or “rearranging the living room without a license.” But without a word, the boys and their dad called it love. I learned that no carpet or piece of furniture is worth more than the bonding that happens in rug time.
2. Cook when you can. Life on the road wreaks havoc on kitchen togetherness but I love to cook and I’ve learned to do it as I can. Something’s very comforting about eating food mom cooks.
3. Never mind the hair. Moms also know this lesson as “choose your battles.” As issues come up, I’ve learned to weigh each for its big-picture significance and adjust my response. Some things, like a teenager’s hair, I let go.
4. Buy the drums. Your daughter wants to play softball? Find a team. Your son wants to sing? Encourage it. Someone’s good at drawing? Quick: paper and colors. At times you have to study your kids. Other times their gifts hit you full force. Whatever the case, give them a chance—then stand back and give them room.
5. Celebrate the wrinkle cream. In a store once, I saw a wrinkle cream and mentioned to the boys that I liked it. Next Mother’s Day, I’m unwrapping the wrinkle cream and felt like crying! But the sweet thing is, my sons had heard me and wanted to please me.
6. Trust the detours. First the news of Nick’s diabetes brought shock. Then we responded as a family. We learned about diabetes, followed the guidelines, and stayed the course—and our eyes opened to others with health issues. Bad news has been a backdoor blessing.
7. Stay grateful. With privilege comes responsibility, and we’re grateful for all of it. Yes, everything. Our flight is held up? We’re grateful to be going. Our hotel reservation is one room short? We’ll sleep on the floor. Life isn’t perfect, but in every circumstance, our job is to manage our response.
8. Sit close, hug often. Our family speaks the language of hugs, and we speak it liberally. I’ve learned that when words aren’t enough, holding my child says volumes. Kids outgrow laps but never hugs.
9. Set internal pillars. The world presses in with schedules, expectations, and exhaustion. How my children withstand that has everything to do with what’s inside them. We don’t just assume our kids will pick up good inner structures such as honor, self-respect, honesty and kindness. We talk about those things and praise our kids when those qualities show.
10. Be the mom. My kids don’t need me to be a buddy, a sidekick or a maid: they need me to be a mom. Kids need a mom to set limits, set the example, and set out what they can be and do. Anyone can be a friend. Only the mom can be the mom. That’s the highest calling—and a big reason I’m big on iMOM.
I found a lot of insight and reassurance in several of Denise’s comments, especially the ones about keeping family close. While my life looks very different than the life of Denise Jonas, I feel a kinship with her as a mom of musical teens.
It’s likely we’ll never have the opportunity to meet in person, but Denise taught me a lesson or two today and has me thinking about what I’d list as my top ten mom insights. Care to share a few of yours?
Visit iMom.com today for more information on their work with mothers around the country.
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