Different yet Similar
Posted by Arwen Mosher in Family on Monday, February 21, 2011 11:14 PM
I love getting advice from more experienced parents, especially ones who’ve had or known lots of children.
Why? Because I’ve found they’re good at reminding me of something I, as a novice mom, often forget: that every child is unique.
I know. It seems obvious. But in practice I’ve found it easily slips my mind. I assume I know how to handle an issue with child #2 because child #1 went through a similar thing, and am repeatedly surprised to find that child #2 needs something different from child #1. Imagine that!
Child #1, our daughter Camilla, is high-needs. She exited the womb with a list of demands which - although its contents have changed - has not shortened since. She’s always been good at expressing that she’s in need, from those early days of screaming through her precociously verbal toddlerhood to today. At age four, Camilla makes sure the whole household knows what she wants, and why, and how she feels about getting (or not getting) it. If necessary, she increases her decibels to achieve this.
It’s not always easy, but it is straightforward: we can trust that Camilla will tell us what she needs. (Assuming she doesn’t just take it without asking.) (I’m not saying the *discipline* is easy, you notice.)
In many ways, child #2, little guy Blaise, has given us a rest from his older sister’s intensity. We guessed he’d be laid-back from the first hours after he was born, when he lay happily in the bassinet at the hospital instead of screeching until we picked him up. We were right. Blaise has a temper, but as long as he’s not angered, he doesn’t need much. He sits happily in his stroller. He eats the food we give him. He sleeps right through the night.
It’s great, but it has a downside: it makes it easy for us to forget that Blaise needs as much love and attention as his sister does.
This afternoon all three of us were lying down for a rest, me on the bed between the two kiddos. Camilla and I were happily occupied with books while Blaise - who was exhausted - lay there clutching his stuffed animal.
It took me a couple minutes to realize that he was saying something under his breath. I leaned toward him so I could hear his whisper.
“Be close to you. Be close to you.” He was saying it over and over, so quietly I could hardly make out the words.
“Buddy, do you want me to cuddle you?” I asked him, and he broke into a grin and nodded.
I rolled toward him and he curled himself against me as I rubbed his back and softly sang the song he requested. He was asleep within three minutes.
So many things - like the ways they ask for the things they need - vary from child to child. But - like a toddler needing love from his mama - there are some constants, too. It’s good for me to be reminded which is which.
Photo by Brandon Thomas; used with permission
Print Blog
Email a FriendPost a Comment
By submitting this form, you give Faith And Family Magazine permission to publish this comment. Comments will be published at our discretion, and may be edited for clarity and length. For best formatting, please limit your response to one paragraph and don't hit "enter" to force line breaks.
