Danielle,

When was the last time you took/sat in on an NFP class?  Definitely the old texts and brochures floating around may not be as appealing, but much of that has changed in the last couple years.  The Couple to Couple League is making great strides in the promotion of NFP.  And if you disagree with people taking NFP classes, then I suggest checking out this blog post on Why NFP should be part of marriage prep: http://www.cathmed.org/students/students_blog/why_natural_family_planning_should_be_a_part_of_marriage_preparation/

In my very humble opinion, I think NFP as a whole needs much work. When we went through pre marriage prep, there was a one size fits all approach. Women and their bodies are vastly different. There was a glossing over of challenges and difficulties that may arise, out of fear (I think) that couples would give up on NFP. Difficulties, sufferings and the Cross are REAL in marriage and it was painted to us in a very utopic way.

NFP is best for marriage, but it needs to be taught in a real world way and couples NEED constant support from others (ie other couples, medical professional or clergy). It is not EASY it is the WAY OF THE CROSS.

First, Brian, in all charity, do you understand the nature of the site you are commenting on, and the long history of a large group of women sharing their NFP experiences and supporting each other in this journey? You seem very hostile toward Danielle Bean (which is ridiculous) and the other commentors. I don’t think you will find another board as supportive of NFP for marriage prep and married life than this one.

Second, I was pleased to hear a Homily about NFP last week from a visiting priest, we have lived in this Parish for two years and it is the first time it has been mentioned. unfortunately, the priest did not really seem to u dedstand what he was talking about, he made no mention of how NFP can help with infertility, no mention of the health benefits which derive from a woman knowing more about her body, he just read off some statistics that appeared to be from a talking points memo, and then told us engaged couples were encouraged to look into it. I don’t think that policy is strong enpugh, and I wish people in leadership positions in the Church would really learn about all the benefits of NFP so that they could discuss is in a way that would be more compelling.

oh well, baby steps, right?

It does need a makeover, unfortunately the marketing stradegy used now seems to put NFP in the running with contraception. NFP is not contraception. I have been told by someone in a position of power in our Diocese that ‘the problem with you NFP-ers is you have too many kids!’. I think that comment says alot.
    Catholic marriage is like no other. Our documents on marriage and family are rich, beautiful and sadly unread. If we marketed NFP to marriage not ‘number of children’, we might be more effective. Who wants to get married and be rejected, ignored or treated with apathy. The desire to be loved deeply, in a grace filled marriage is what all people hope for. Women especially, we need to re educate for early ages. Filling the books with excerpts from documents and testimonies from couples would have more impact than ‘just another form of contraception’. My husband and I have (in an age appropriate manner), presented marriage to 7th and 8th graders as well as highschoolers in this way. They are usually intrigued and surprised, ‘they never heard of any of this’. But also, I cant count the times a woman has said to me, ‘why didnt they teach us this?’ because of the profound impact for the better NFP has had on thier marriage.

We fight culture and those with in the Church. It is an uphill battle, we have to spend time dispelling scientific flaws about NFP as well as undoing very creative marketing from pharmecutical companies. We have religious and professors explaining to parishoners and students that the decision is ‘up to them’, ‘no one follows that teaching anymore, and if the majority doesnt agree the Church needs to change’, or my favorite ‘if a woman in non ovulatory during breastfeeding then the pill follows ‘natural body rythms’‘.

The truth is, NFP changes marriages and grows them into beautiful, solid foundations for raising children. What every woman craves in thier relationship is to be cherished, honored and loved deeply. If they only knew what the Church has to offer marriage they would run as fast as they can towards it.

I find her reference to working women quite depressing
where did she get that we all want 1.2 kids & push the baby to a nanny so we can outearn men

Yes nfp needs an overhaul but lets be more positive about it

I think part of the problem has been infighting between the various methods.  My archdiocese has recently started a program where we give a basic “here’s why NFP and not other methods” talk, then teachers from both Creighton and CCL give a brief presentation on their methods.  The cultures of Marquette, CCL, NaPro, and Billings are all *very* different; unfortunately, people tend to hear of only one and if they try it, they may be turned off if it just isn’t their style. 
The Creighton model refers to itself as “NaPro technology” and has a very medical outlook (“Got X problem?  There’s a surgery or drug for that!”)  Quite reassuring for some, huge turn-off for others.  CCL takes a very “whole-family” approach (ecological breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc) and, without a full medical clinic behind it, promotes vitamins, dietary changes, and the like.  Again, right up some people’s alley, huge turn-off for others.  So giving people the spectrum of what’s out there would really help, imo.  Effectiveness is all pretty much the same no matter which method you choose; teachers/dioceses need to work to make sure people know their options. 
The other thing I’ve been aiming for in our program is for the real paradigm shift (hence some hesitancy on my part about the “sexy” bit in the article mentioned).  As pointed out earlier, it doesn’t work to have people keep the overall cultural mindset, but substitute NFP for birth control.  So we’ve changed our discussion questions from things like “how many kids do you want?” (a decision that no one can possibly make beforehand - maybe you want ten and then you’re infertile or develop major health issues, maybe you want one and your first pregnancy you get twins) to “how will we decide if God is calling us to have a child?”  I refuse to include the chirpy assurance that the abstinence is minimal and instead say that for some people, NFP is really easy and is seen as a huge blessing, but for others it is a cross (while pointing out that life in general is like that, with jobs, kids, health, whatever).  But the cross doesn’t mean that there are no blessings along with it.  I also now throw in references to Simcha’s recent column on why the Church doesn’t just make a list of just reasons to avoid - God wants to talk to *you,* not to a list - and now to Jen F.‘s column on seeing children as part of marriage and a “surprise” as not a horrible diagnosis like cancer, but just part of the territory. 
Anyway, this is way too long, but in a general way, I agree we need to change how NFP is “marketed,” but at the same time, we can’t market it the same way the culture markets contraception because, as JPII said, there is a fundamentally different view of the human person between those who okay contraception and those who don’t.  The difference isn’t merely surface, so the marketing can’t be surface either.

I began taking Creighton classes through my OB six years ago after the birth of my first son for “green” reasons, I was not Catholic and had been on the pill for ten years and married five years to my Catholic husband who never pressured me to formally leave the Episcopal Church. I credit NFP with helping me to realize that I wanted to convert. We now have three wonderful children and are One Family, One Faith. What a gift NFP brought us! My husband and I speak yearly along with other couples about NFP to priests at the Catholic seminary here. One of the things I have been frustrated with is the attitude that NFP is only for engaged couples and that we should just “write off” or give up on couples who have been married for years and contracepting. It seems to me that there are many married Catholic couples who might be open to NFP if it was marketed in a different way. If that means playing up the “green” aspects of a hormone-free lifestyle and alerting women to the dangers of postponing their fertility, then so be it. If it means mentioning that NFP is as effective as the pill at avoiding pregnancy when used properly, then so be it. If it means playing up NaPro’s role in solving fertility issues, then wonderful. Whatever brings people in the door. If we could just convince more couples, whether engaged, newly married or long married, to give NFP/NaPro a try, I think they would be amazed at how much closer it brings them to each other and to God. And, to be honest, I am tired of hearing that using NFP to space or avoid pregnancy is “having a contraceptive mindset.” Being “open to life” does not necessarily mean having as many children as possible (Although God Bless those of you who are feel called to do this). Creighton/Marquette/Billings/sympto-thermal—these are methods sanctioned by the Church and we should not make couples feel guilty for employing them. They are doing the right thing by using NFP. Criticizing fellow NFP users for perhaps not having the same mindset, when we are all following the teachings of the Church, is not doing anyone any favors. Let’s spread the good word of NFP and not tear each other down because some of us only have 3 or 4 children rather than 7 or 8.

The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is an NFP book from a secular standpoint. The author gives the technique, but you have to take the book with a grain of salt because she also encourages barrier methods during the fertile time instead of abstinence. With that caveat, I know many Catholic women who like that book better than The Art of Natural Family planning for several reasons. One of the reasons is that in TCoYF she uses the term “cervical fluid” instead of “mucus”. I think that it can be a huge turn off to people to have to think about “mucus” down there, whereas it is natural that one would have “cervical fluid”. Yes, it is just a euphemism, but if making that change would help people make the switch from contraception, it would be worth it.

I think the Church needs to market having babies better. Yeah - NFP could use some help too, but let’s get to the root of everything here. It’s about *procreation*, and NFP is a tool to help manage that part of marriage.

I think people promoting NFP all too often try to beat contraception on contraception’s terms, not marriage’s terms. Contraception is around because people want to separate babies from sex, and that allows them to separate sex and babies from marriage. Marriage needs to *own* sex and babies. Catholics need to convince others that marriage and babies go together in a beautifully eternal way.

Catholics don’t need a “Yaz” commercial for NFP, in my opinion. But, hey, maybe we do need all these different angles to attract people in different places in their lives. I just think more emphasis needs to be placed on this procreative aspect and to really convince couples of it’s crucial and beautiful importance in every marriage. They need to be sold on the “why” it’s important, not just stats on NFP’s effectiveness when used correctly and how it can open up communication in your marriage. NFP is tough, a huge commitment and can be a cross for some. You need conviction to use it! Otherwise, when the going gets tough, people are gonna move on to the next thing.

I wish that NFP could be presented more like P90X - “This is crazy-hard! But you can do it! It’s worth the extra effort!”  I think that would be more appealing (and honest) than trying to make it sound like practicing NFP is no big deal.

12 years ago my husband and I were gobsmacked by how hard and stressful NFP was.  I can’t help but think that those first few years would have been much less agonizing had our expectations been more realistic.  We’ve come to an understanding and an acceptance with the challenges of NFP now, but it is because we are no longer trying to convince each other that it is easy.

My husband and I took our NFP classes in California and in our diocese they were not required classes.  So, we signed up for a class taught by a couple we knew that went to my church at the time.  They taught through Northwest Family Services: 

http://www.nwfs.org/couples-a-singles/natural-family-planning.html

  I really enjoyed the presentations and the workbook and found them very relevant, modern, and completely honest about cycle differences, etc.  Also, their workbook is small and very user friendly.  When I was introduced to CCL material upon our move to a different state I was overwhelmed by the size and the amount of info in the workbook.  Maybe it has changed since then, but NWFPS offers a much more to the point and manageable system IMO.  I also prefer their charting system

Danielle, there was a comment in response to your Crisis article that I found rather poignant:

”I have seen good Catholic women immersed in guilt because they have 4 children under 5 and are totally exhausted and feel they need a break and somehow ‘if they were REALLY holy’, they’d be thrilled to have another one on the way.”

This says a lot to me about the expectations we place on each other, or somehow imbibe and build up in our heads - a lot of needless anxiety about “being a perfect Catholic” and stuffing of any feeling or desire that arises contrary to the picture-perfect (jumpsuit, groceries, baby-on-hip and all!) idea of being that “perfect” Catholic.  I did (and occasionally still do) this, and the results were, can we say, neurotic?

Not that I want to be governed by feelings, but the frank acknowledgement of them can be helpful, right?  Lest they remain unsurrendered and fester into resentment?  I mean, isn’t that a major part of NFP - fostering communication about what’s *really* going on?

I’m all for good marketing, but some of us really can get a little caught up in that ideal “picture” presented by proponents of NFP.  Makes me wonder what the criteria would be for a positive but truthful promotion of NFP.

Wow - lots going on here. I would like to give my point of view on NFP.
I think something that is really overlooked is the seasons of one’s life and the life of a marraige and a family. My husband and I learned NFP when we were engaged and went into it thinking we would NEVER do anything put NFP because we are 100 percent on board with Catholic teaching (which we still are). However, this is what happened, and what I have seen happen with a lot of my friends:
In the very begining, we learned NFP but didn’t actually put it to use because we WANTED to get pregnant right away, which we did. So, we called ourselves “NFP” people when really we had just learned about it and hadn’t actually really put it to good use for a period of time.
Now we are 30. We’ve been married 5 years (later this summer:) we have 3 children, ages 3 and under and a baby in heaven.
What we believed has not changed at all. BUT, I’m tired. My husband is tired and we can’t afford to keep having children at this rate. So, now its REALLY time to start using NFP for the first time. Trying to re-vist it can be hard - but of course we will do it. So, with my experience in my mind, I’m just saying I can see how some people who really wanted back to back babies (and didn’t have trouble getting pregant) can re-visit the resources when they finally get to this season of their marraige (5 or so years in) and have a hard time related because SOME of the resources can give off the “have a baby every year or your aren’t as HOLY as other Catholic families and aren’t a true NFP couple” Now, is this what NFP itself says, NO, it is not. However, I can SEE how some people revisit NFP and get that feeling - and that is not good.
Please don’t attack me, I’ve got 3 kids under 3 over here and I may cry if someone is mean

Yes, NFP needs an overhaul in its marketing. I’ll leave that discussion up to the rest of you, since I am not a fan of NFP and only use it in the loosest sense of the word. (Nor do I agree that it absolutely must be taught as a mandatory thing pre-marriage. In fact, there are many excellent reasons why this is a bad idea, as postulated by many conservative Catholics.)

More importantly, there needs to be an overhaul in conservative Catholic circles as to the ubiquitousness of believing that ALL “good” Catholics use NFP, and “Why would’nt you want to?,” and “NFP isn’t working for you? You’re just not trying hard enough, communicating enough, you’re just being selfish, you’re just not doing it right, blah, blah, blah, etc., etc.” There is such a decidely pro-NFP bias to so many Catholics, that one begins to think it has become part of their Catholic identity and is used as a measure of others’ Catholic identity or level of committment to Church teaching.

Many, many of the uber-conservative Catholics believe that NFP is sinful, akin to “Catholic contraception.” I am not here to support that belief or rebuke it. The Church DOES allow NFP, and for that reason, anyone claiming that it’s wrong to use it is off their rocker. However, there seems to very little respect for those who choose not to use NFP based upon this belief, which is entirely in line with Catholic teaching.

Likewise, I see very little respect for those who choose SFP (Supernatural Family Planning), aka “Catholic & Careless,” which means that you just act like a normal married couple, have sex, and accept the children as they come. Periodic total abstience likely play a role in this approach. This, too, is not for everybody, and I am not necessarily recommending it nor arguing against it. But there are some who are so brainwashed by the “beauty” and “rightness” of NFP that they cannot accept any other possibility of dealing with one’s fertility than NFP.

For many, many Catholics - and I include myself among them - NFP is the furthest thing from natural. I don’t consider it normal/natural to chart myself like a science experiment. And no, I am not afraid of mucous or my own body. Likewise, I don’t consider it natural to to abstain from sex when I am most in the mood for it; as with my husband who doesn’t think it is natural to always be wondering when he can act upon his natural desires, which are NATURAL and not LUST.

NFP makes horrible assumptions about the intentions of spouses where lust and natural desire are concerned, and it has harmed many Catholics who are too afraid to speak up and say so for fear of being lynched by the NFP Cheerleaders. Another less than desirable teaching of NFP is the “great good” that comes from a woman not being “sexually available” to her husband 24/7. The language “sexually available” is at the onset offensive and makes assumptions about men in Catholic/Christian marriages that cannot be substantiated. Furthermore, there are periods in marriage when couples - including the woman - WANT to be “sexually available” 24/7, as well as periods where doing so may prove a world of good in terms of the unitive aspect that is part of the sexual relationship (and part of Church teaching.) NFP twists the concept of marital chastity to meet the need of explaining away why couples can’t/shouldn’t have sex when they most want it, based upon charting. This is disingenuous because it is ignoring the elephant in the room, which is natural desire and love between spouses that seeks expression. No, I am not arguing for marriage to be one big sex-fest. Rather, I am asking for truth, reality, and common sense to inform the discussion.

Moving right along: The claims of couples using NFP having a 0% or 3% divorce rate are completely unsubstantiated. Undocumented evidence to the contrary abounds if you are willing to look for it, and besides, the methods by which these numbers were arrived at are ancient and scientifically flawed. And yet this claim is sold as an absolute fact to the NFP crowd. And so when these couples do start having problems in their marriage, they either look to NFP as the savior (very misguided notion) OR alternately look suspiciously at NFP as the culprit, feeling that they were sold a lie. Sexuality and fertility are only one of many aspects that make a marriage. To place all your eggs in the NFP basket is foolish.

What SHOULD be required pre-marriage in the Catholic Church are a clear teaching of the church’s mandates about artificial contraception and the concept of being open to life. And the concept of marital chastity. That’s it. Put out the brochures from CCL and Billings, and suggest a reading of Humanae Vitae, by all means. But after that, get out of the future bedroom and relationship of that engaged couple and allow free choice guide their decisions.

The pressure out there to always be amazed, excited, encouraged, and promoting NFP is so overwhelming and “standard” as to be saccharine and robotic. You do NOT have to practice NFP to be a “good” Catholic or be perceived as a “good” Catholic. Likewise, if you prefer and get something out of NFP, great! Even so, if you become over-zealous about it, you run the risk of over-influencing those for whom NFP might not be a good match, nor even beneficial.

Finally, for those scratching their heads right now, wondering then how they can prevent pregnancy and space babies without NFP, consider that there ARE (yes, there reallly are - they are out there) couples who just practice abstinence because NFP has presented a roadblock to their natural desires, rhythyms, and sensibilities. Quite frankly, many of them will openly proclaim that after trying and failing with NFP, abstinence was MUCH, MUCH EASIER. It was less intrusive to their physical bodies, it was less intrusive to their sensibilities of making love, it was less intrusive to their psychological/emotional state of mind (i.e. no longer thinking I HAVE to have sex on the appointed days or else I’ll get none!), etc. I agree with that assessment 100%.

My husband and I teach for CCL, and until recently we did the sexuality and NFP talks at our parish pre-cana.  I find discussion like this one interesting, but I’m wondering how many of the commenters here were dead-set against the Church or the teaching on contraception when you got married?  Were you convinced by the glowing reports only to be disillusioned later?  Would a more balanced approach have gotten you to try the method, when you were already disinclined to listen?

This ministry is so tough.  The culture is such that people come in and already have their minds made up that the Church is wrong about contraception (and possibly just wrong as there are many mixed marriages and those who marry in the Church just to please mom and dad).  So how do we reach these people who have no idea about sacrificial love that NFP is hard, but worth it?  If I get up there and say that many women today have irregular cycles which will require longer periods of abstinence, many 2 weeks or more, how many people will that convince?? Add to this that some precanas only allow 10-15 minutes for NFP talk so you really are reduced to a sound bit and you’ll understand some of the difficulties of ‘marketing’ NFP.

I’m not trying to be argumentative about it; I’m really looking for answers.

The unattractive thing about NFP is its failure rate. I know what you’re studies say and what this site has to say about effectiveness. But speaking from personal experience, 4 months of NFP and then getting pregnant is NOT effective. It had nothing to do with the users as we abstained frequently at every little change being horrified of another child we couldn’t financially support without government aid (which we were already on). Very prudent usage. Still pregnant. Bottom line, hormones change and they don’t have to give advanced notice. Maybe in another 60 years when methods are perfected, but not now.