The Witness of Infertility
Posted by Arwen Mosher in Faith on Wednesday, July 30, 2008 12:00 PM
My husband and I attend a parish that is charismatic, orthodox, and vibrant. It is also full of big families. This is a wonderful thing, but during the 30 cycles during which Bryan and I waited for Camilla’s conception, it was also a hard thing for me. At Mass on Sunday I would look at the parents tending to their young ones and think: what a lovely witness! The contraceptive mentality is entrenched in our society but the Church calls us to be countercultural, to embrace children as God’s blessings, and these families were doing it. During the early months of our wait, I struggled to understand why we were not being given the chance to witness as well.
What I didn’t figure out until later was that we were being given a chance to witness—but in a very different way. Responding to the natural fertility of married life in a way that complies with the Church’s teaching on human sexuality is a loving, sacrificial act. Responding to fertility problems in a way that complies with that teaching can be just as much a loving, sacrificial act. But because it doesn’t produce beautiful, bouncing babies, it is not quite as visible.
I can imagine that for those couples who are extra-fertile, the temptation to use artificial contraception might be strong. Faithful Catholics, however, are called to embrace the truth that children are the supreme gift of marriage. They carry burdens as a result of their refusal to use contraception, but they are ultimately blessed in their acquiescence to God’s will.
For those with fertility problems, the temptation is to find a way to have a child by any means. There are many licit fertility treatments, but there are also many fertility treatments that involve conception which occurs outside the unitive marital act. In a way, these treatments are the other side of the contraceptive coin: instead of artificially removing procreation from unity, they artificially remove unity from procreation. For Catholics who want to have a child and see no way to make it happen naturally, the temptation to use these treatments might be strong. Faithful Catholics, however, are called to embrace the truth of the Church’s teaching that every child has the right to be conceived within an act of marital love. (Donum Vitae II.A.1)
In doing so, they give a powerful witness to the world. It is usually invisible, but it is a witness nonetheless. And if those Catholics with fertility problems hold strong against temptation, they learn in time—as my husband and I did—that adhering to the Church’s teaching on human sexuality is an act of love that brings Christ’s joy.
By the overwhelming grace of God, I now have a toddler and another baby on the way, and I don’t look longingly at the families around me at Mass. When I see a young couple with no children, though, I always say a prayer for them. Of course I pray that God will bless them with children, but I also pray that they will hold strong against temptation, that they will see God’s blessings in their lives as a result of their faithfulness, and that they will know what a witness they are in doing so.
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