I am often asked how I manage with 6 kids etc.  It occurred to me one day that no matter how many kids you have they suck it all out of you   I mean this is the best possible way! All your time, money, faith, emotions . . . So, while I definitely do more laundry than others, I think our output of mothering energy is the same whether you have 1 kid or 9.  Those precious children take it all . . . . whatever you have . . . and then some.

I have two kids, ages 6 and 18 months. While I admittedly don’t have a whole lot of mothering experience, I’ve found that in general, the older they get, the easier it gets. Every age has its particular difficulties and certain things may get harder for awhile as they get older, but the overall trend is that it gets easier.

I can’t imagine how a teenager could be more difficult than a baby or toddler. I mean, teenagers sleep in, take showers, do chores, etc. I know you have to worry about dating, bad influences, etc., but unless you had a real problem child (like a pregnant teenager or a drug addict), I honestly don’t see how it could be harder. I think a lot of people just don’t remember what the baby/toddler years were like by the time their kids are teens. I guess we’ll see.

I am blessed to have toddler and teenager with some in between and an infant due soon. So I can see both perspectives at once. I have to say that I am looking forward immensely to this baby. One of the reasons (aside from the obvious “babies are gorgeous” factor) is that there is so something so simple about early mothering. I did NOT say EASY…but simpler. The new baby will require a 100% self-donation and that does get very, very hard, particularly with other siblings who have needs. But a teen requires something different. And this world is a little scarier beyond the scope of tantrums and physical safety. Right now, I admit that the older years seem harder to me. They are physically easier because the kids can take care of themselves, feed themselves if necessary, dress themselves. But emotionally and mentally it is harder because now free will starts to kick into high gear as our children struggle into adulthood. My prayers have taken on a new intensity.

I think comparing difficulty of ages is something of a waste of time. If we are giving everything of our motherhood, it is ALL going to be quite challenging. Our vocation requires that we give ourselves entirely. There is no part of this journey that allows us to coast. Our tiny kids need us for everything. Our big kids needs us, too, but in a more complex way that is difficult to walk. The heart gets stretched beyond where it thought it could go. This is not because teens are “bad” but because they are at a time of incredible growth and change and they do need us more than ever.

The older my children grow, the fonder I become of them. I wouldn’t wish them to be “littles” again. Neither do I wish for my “littles” to grow as quickly as they do. The weight of our crosses never diminishes when we give 100% to our vocation…no matter the age. But our capacity for joy increases proportionately.

I personally am not looking forward to the teenage years.  While I’m sure the actual workload is less, I’m dreading the worry factor.  However, no age is worry-free.  For example, my son’s first year, I was paranoid about SIDS (he was at high-risk for many reasons).

For obvious reasons I really welcomed this article.  I am around mostly large Catholic families since I homeschool so while everyone is nice I do get comments implying my life is easy because I have only two.  Every family has its own crosses and challenges and you don’t know anyone’s situation but your own.  We have big health challenges and it’s exhausting and stressful.  But I can’t give everyone I meet a medical synopsis of my family and how tough it is.  I was so grateful once when I was apologetically explaining to a mom of 8 that I really was busy all the time and she said when she had two she was also busy all the time, confirming that all moms max out no matter how many kids they have.  None of us are sitting around eating bon bons!

Thank you for writing this, Rachel.  I have a family member who loves to tell me, “it only gets harder” and “the bigger they get, the bigger the problems”.  As a mother of two little ones with a third on the way, it is absolutely spirit crushing to be told this.  I spend a lot of my time feeling overwhelmed and inadequate as it is.  I don’t need to be told “it gets worse”.  And, I don’t find it to be true.  I find my three and a half year old much easier to parent than my 18 month old.  Both are easier to parent now that they sleep through the night and take regular naps than they were as newborns.

One of the reasons I love this group is that you make me feel like I have an average -to-small size family.  In my neighborhood, our little family of four kids really stands out as being HUGE.  Other moms often compliment me that I make it look easy, that I always seem to have it together.  While this is the highest compliment I can imagine (it proves I’ve fooled them) I never know what to say.  It is true that I try hard not to come across as “that crazy mom with too many kids” since I feel like I’m the only representative of the ‘big family’ subset of society that these people ever talk to.  Meanwhile, I generally feel that I’m barely keeping it together. So what should I say when they compliment me? Any advice?  After thanking them should I blow my cover and admit that I’ve fooled them?  Should I tell them that I feel like I’m barely holding it together, but I felt that way when I had only one child, too?  Or should I just smile and thank them for the compliment?

A great article with some wonderful responses.  Two years ago our family moved to a city which is considered the bible belt of the province (in Canada).  There are people with huge families.  There are families with 6, 7 and two with 10 children at our parish.  When asked how many children I have, I respond almost with embarrassment, “Only 3….”.  However, I have never gotten a self-righteous response.  They try to affirm that I’m just as busy as they are.  They say it’s not really any different to have 6 instead of 3, except maybe a bit more driving around and more laundry.  I do have to say that having 3 is easier than having one!  They entertain each other and sometimes help each other when they get older.
People always comment on how hard the teenage years will be.  I just don’t know if I agree with all of the societal views.  I like the way you put it, Melody.  I also think that if we spend alot of time and keep open the lines of communication to the best that we can, perhaps the teenage years won’t be so bad.  I wonder sometimes if our society has just come to expect that teenagers have problems and are rebellious and that’s that.  Anyway, mine are 4,6 and 8. So, I have a few more years to go. 
The other thing is that all of your comments somehow encourage me and I really feel supported by them.  You indicate motherhood is draining.  Yes!  It’s overwhelming at times. Yes!  To give 100% is HARD and I have to admit I try to escape mentally and emotionally sometimes.  I feel guilty about that.  Maybe it’d be better if I actually got away for a whole day every couple of weeks.  I feel totally burnt out. And it’s so hard to keep doing the same things day after day after day.  Preparing 3 meals a day is something I actually don’t like at all—-I’ve never liked being in the kitchen much.  And that’s just for starters—-never mind all the other stuff…..I actually would rather clean than cook.  The routine and monotony can be really hard.  Yet, there’s always some challenge to deal with everyday.  So, it’s not like it’s boring.  Do any of you, while choosing to stay home with your children, or even choosing to stay home while your children are at school, feel like “escaping” for a time?  (I hope I’m not the only one!!)
At the same time, I’m glad I’m at home with the kids.