I liked this and found it helpful, but am kind of annoyed by part of the last point.  The part that says:  ‘Major religions view marriage as sacred and prayer…..’  This is put out by the USCCB.  It shouldn’t say Major religions, but the CHURCH views marriage….  I could really care less what other ‘religions’ say about these matters, unless the view is in line with the Church and then why not just state what the Church teaches?

Anna, I agree that the terminology is annoying for those of us Catholics married to Catholics.  But so many couples are from different faith backgrounds that to say “The Church says…” might seemingly invalidate these guidelines for those spouses who don’t feel they need to take advice from the Catholic Church.  These rules are great for anyone of any faith background and can be distributed widely without somebody feeling offended that they are “Catholic” guidelines, even young Catholics who aren’t really practicing their faith or who believe that the Church has any business telling them how to conduct their lives (for example, this could be distributed at pre-Cana classes where many couples are only there because they feel they have to be there, but aren’t really interested in the faith).

My husband and I don’t fight.  We discuss. No seriously, we really don’t have fights but one thing we do is we pray together every night.  It’s hard to pray with a person (OK impossible) if you are mad at them.  Early on in our marriage, I can remember it being 3am or later before we prayed together to go to sleep BUT nothing ever stewed, and it’s gotten easier to resolve differences the longer we are married. 

We are perfect, but we make it work.  I really don’t believe that all couples HAVE to fight, that it’s just a part of marriage.  I think the guidelines are good though for couples that do have disagreements or fights.

Currently in our household there has been many ugly arguments, very heated, even physical, my husband was so angry he grabbed me one of my arms and around the throat with the other hand and had me pinned on my tip-toes in the corner of the closet. What lead up to that was how he treats my oldest daughter, 20yrs old from a former marriage.  He is all sweetness to my younger daughter, 18yrs old, also from former marriage. and I was so hurt by how he was handling and lying about the situation that I mocked him of how he would have treated the youngest with such sweetness and sugar compared to the oldest with cruelness, and then lies when I ask about the situation. He also told me to “leave and go somewhere and die” ( I am disabled and have many medical problems—and he knows I really don’t have anywhere to go)—-the poor girls, I was going to leave and they got hysterical, and so did I, my husband sat calmly on the floor saying you don’t have to go. After the physical harm to me my daughters both opened up to me about other things that he had said to them over the years, absolute cruelty!  So much that I can not even think were to start to list them, so I will spare you with the details. They asked me to promise not to share this with him out of fear of what might happen.  I demanded counseling, it’s been two weeks now and the counselor we chose has been out of town until next week so we are still waiting to go. My husband doesn’t understand why I am so distant still.  He told me that I need to make choices of reaching out to him in love and affection.  At this time I feel neither for him.  This has been so hard on all of us. Please pray for us, to the Holy Family, that we many somehow regain, peace, trust, affection and love between all of us, I know it will be a long road, and we (the girls and I0 are afraid to bring things up at counseling because of fear of the ramifications when we get home—-I can not settle on it just between my husband and I but I need to see improvement in how he treats my oldest.  I told him years ago that if I would have know that he was going to treat her the way he does I would have never married him.  (not being bias because the are my children, they are both the most wonderful daughters anyone could ever ask God for).