Finding the Right Formation
Posted by AGroup in Faith on Wednesday, January 20, 2010 10:00 AM
A continuation of last week’s topic:
Q: Fr. John, can you can address the point about the children getting poor formation [in programs available at one’s local parish]? This is so common for parents and they wonder what to do.
A: We have to start by remembering that there is no such thing as a perfect formation program. Think of Jesus. He gave his 12 Apostles personalized formation for almost three years. At the end of the program, one of the twelve betrayed him to his enemies and the other eleven abandoned him in his need. Even conscientious, attentive, balanced, and wise teachers cannot create formation programs that will guarantee perseverance in grace and growth in holiness.
I can’t emphasize how important it is to keep that in mind. As a parent, you want your child to avoid sin, failure, frustration, suffering, and every form of misery. That’s good. But that desire, mixed with a dash of comsumerist salt, may lead you to an unrealistic view of the circumstances you have to work with. Consumerism has made us all into believers in the perfect product. But when it comes to educating children, there is no such thing. Human beings are free.
Your child can receive optimal formation in the very best schools and programs, and still go off track. Or, on the other hand, your child can struggle through extreme difficulties and disadvantages and still become a great saint.
The Most Important Factor
This doesn’t mean you should be indifferent to the programs you choose for your child. You have a responsibility to make a decent effort to provide your children with all they need to flourish. And if you can only find a mediocre program, you will need to fill in the blanks 9or correct the errors) on your own.
But the most influential factor in your children’s upbringing isn’t the parish program, the school, the mass media, or even your words of wisdom. Study after study shows that the single most influential factor in a child’s formation is the example of their parents. We learn by example, especially in our most formative years.
When your children see you and your husband working hard to love each other more and more deeply in Christ; when they see you forgive each other; when they see you respond to tragedy and tears with faith and courage; when they see you recover from your own falls and shortcomings with supernatural optimism and a sense of humor; when they see you kneel together in prayer even when you don’t feel like it; when they see you laugh at their spilled milk; when they see you reach out to neighbors who are in need or who don’t share your faith, even when you are having trouble making ends meet; when they see you make sacrifices in order to honor your ageing parents – that’s when they forge their young Christian hearts.
That’s the core of their formation, and no mediocre or even downright awful parish program will have even a smidgeon of the impact your example has.
Bottom line: Make a decent effort to find worthy programs to complement the formation you give your children, but don’t expect great programs to substitute for what happens in the sacred space of your Domestic Church.
(Do you have a question for Fr. John? Leave it in the comments here or .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)!)
Print Blog
Email a FriendPost a Comment
By submitting this form, you give Faith And Family Magazine permission to publish this comment. Comments will be published at our discretion, and may be edited for clarity and length. For best formatting, please limit your response to one paragraph and don't hit "enter" to force line breaks.
