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Email a FriendThanks for posting this. I completely agree with you on the importance of teaching kids some simple manners like looking people in the eye, a firm handshake, using names and titles—-Mr and Mrs, etc. Each night as part of their bed time routine our kids (ages 8, 6, and 4) look their Papa in the eye, shake his hand firmly and practice saying hello to an adult we know: “Hello Uncle John, how are you?”. Then they come to me and do the same using the name of a woman: “Hello Mrs. Murray, how are you?” We have started see some attempts to do this in real life now. This all started a year or so ago when we visited a friend whose five children greeted each of us with a handshake and used our names (with title). Those kids were all under 14 and they were VERY impressive. It quickly became a goal for our kids to do the same.
First Impressions Count
Posted by Lisa Hendey in Just me on Wednesday, September 08, 2010 6:18 PM
It’s College Fair season here in Central California, which means that I’m spending a few nights this week representing my alma mater at area events where students come to obtain information from a variety of colleges.
Last night, I was reminded again of the very sad state of manners in today’s high school students. Out of approximately 800 students attending last nights event, exactly TWO students looked me in the eye and offered a handshake. I won’t even comment on the quality of those two handshakes - I’m giving them major brownie points for even trying! At the end of the evening, I finally lost my cool altogether when one student approached me with a “ring pop” and proceeded to slurp on it while asking me a series of questions about our university. Based on what this young woman told me, as a student enrolled in AP courses at her high school, she could actually look forward to a very bright future. However, if I were a “real” college counselor instead of simply an alumni volunteer, she wouldn’t have left me impressed. I actually tried to gently counsel her about a few things (especially about slurping candy while speaking to an adult who could determine the course of your future), and she actually looked shocked. A nearby teacher came to me afterward, having witnessed my gentle attempt to counsel this young woman, and thanked me for my efforts. I volunteered to come to her classroom some time to share some remarks with her class. I hope she takes me up on that offer.
I’m not stating that my sons are in any way perfect, but I will say that Greg and I have done our very best to instill in them a few basic rules of etiquette. I would hope that in a similar situation, they would be neatly attired, would offer a handshake and would look the adult squarely in the eye. In fact, when I came home last night poor Adam was subjected to a review of these skills and a lecture from mom about the sorry state of his peers’ manners.
What can we do to genuinely, lovingly help young folks today to recapture the lost art of showing respect to others? Do you review manners in your homes? Are you brave enough to “call out” your kids or their friends when you see poor behavior? Or am I just a dinosaur who needs to come into the current state of affairs and simply accept that this is the way things are now?
I’m off tonight again to meet with a whole new batch of students. Let’s hope that tonight I receive at least three handshakes… and no ring pops.
Comments
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I completely agree with you. Unfortunately, if kids nowadays are like that, is because many parents have just accepted that “things are like this now”. WHAT???? No! This is SO not the way it’s supposed to be. This happens (frequently) because kids now normally have to grow up without parents, because said parents have to work. or because there are simply no parents around. But this kind of manner education begins when they’re little… and they come out of respect. My kids are still very young, but they know that rudeness is never tolerated. When they get angry, I tell them “it’s ok to get angy, but it’s never ok to be rude. You can tell me what angers you, but never, ever be rude because you’re angry”.
But the most important thing is, definitely, example. The way they see you behave, they will behave. I certainly hope my kids grow up to be good and well mannered people, and above all, kind.
I lived in France during my teenage years and what I noticed then is that teens aren’t as separated from their parents as American teens are; for example on a typical Friday night parents and children head out to the local cafe and the parents sit at a table and the teens sit at the next table and everyone drinks and socializes together. Basically, there is no “teen scene” until the children leave for the university.
We socialize a lot with our children. We frequently entertain and have people over at our house - family and friends. Our teenagers are accustomed to talking to adults. We also insist that they play on team sports and deal with coaches, and of course, they attend school. All of this is preparation for when they leave the nest for good.
It could have been worse (POP ROCKS!). Just kidding. I had a similar situation with a grown adult (actually he is a Deacon at our parish). After Mass last night I reached out to shake his hand and, I don’t know if he had something else on his mind or just didn’t want to open up a can of handshakes, but he pretty much ignored me. It was a little strange.
Couldn’t agree more re manners. Good manners is simply putting the needs of others first. “Do unto others…. and in Philippians we read about considering others as more important than ourselves.
I still can’t get over all the teens who can’t even manage a simple “hello”. Driving a carpool, I would say hello to a child and address them by name, ” Hi Rachel, how are you?” and be greeted with a grunt. There are only a few teens ...i know who manage to say ” Hi Mrs Smith ” and smile.
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