Gosh. I don’t know what I’d do if I was in that situation. Actually, if my husband tried to guilt me into more sex by talking about topless bars and affairs, I’d probably slap him. But I have some anger issues.

I guess it sounds like your husband doesn’t really understand the point of marriage and having a family isn’t for it to “fit his style”, it’s for him to change himself to become more like Christ. Christ didn’t say, “I will lay down my life for them, as long as I feel like it—but if not, I’ll go to strip club instead.” Maybe he needs a gentle (or not so gentle) reminder of this? It also sounds like he needs to get back to Mass. How can we ever grow in holiness if we do not receive that which is Holiness itself?

I admire your courage to post on this issues which must be causing you such heartache. I’ll pray for you and your husband as well.
God Bless!

If your husband wishes to commit a mortal sin by going against what the church teaches, that is his decision. Pray for him daily and be the best wife and mother that you can. It would not be a sin for you to continue to have relations with him if he is using a condom himself or if he gets a vasectomy, especially if he is threatening you with an affair. It’s an ugly situation, and I am saying a prayer for you right now.

If you put the ball back in his court, and pray for him, it will be between him and the Holy Spirit to see where his sin is. If you are the judge telling him NO then he is going to keep resenting you. Give the decision to him and put yourself in God’s hands. Keep praying for him, don’t stop! He knows what you believe and what is right - you have already done your job in evangelizing him. It’s up to him now.

I have a quick question.  We are currently pregnant with number three, I am 12 weeks.  I feel like pregnancy turns my husband into a kid in a candy store. (Sorry to be so blunt).  It is like he knows he can have it whenever he wants.  While we may have a few days go with no sex, with every day that passes I feel his desire and expectation increase.  He tries to be respectful because he knows I am often feeling sick, but I sense his need and expectation and I begin to feel guilty.  Crazy, I know, but I miss the days of charting!!!  I have a husband who is 100% on board with the theology of NFP and so it felt so much easier to feel like sex was sacred.  Now it feels like an expectation.  Anyone else been there, and any suggestions?  Should I just suck it up? (PS.  I do enjoy sex and am not a prude, he just has a much higher sex drive then me, especially when I am sick and pregnant).

Well, I’m feeling like a freak b/c I’m 10 weeks preggo (#8) and sick all the time, but sex really helps me feel better at least temporarily.  I feel like I’m the one chasing my hubby around, LOL!  I’ve always had a higher sex drive than he does, so I guess maybe I understand the opposite side of the problem from most ladies.  Feeling rejected sexually can really seem the same as being rejected romantically/emotionally, and it is just plain frustrating physically when you want to but your spouse doesn’t!  Not saying that these feelings can’t be dealt with- that’s where self-mastery and sexual integration and maturity are developed.  But it is still frustrating and I’m embarrassed to say I’ve started more than a few arguments b/c I’ve felt lack of physical intimacy.  I am of the opinion that having sex more often does not make it less sacred… aren’t we encouraged to attend Mass daily when possible? 

Hello anon,

I hear you on dealing with the husband that feels neglected because of nfp and feeling like u are wierd and alone— i was almost getting a diaphragm when i got my first period pp
Things can be pretty ambiguous and cause unecessary tension :-(

But i dont say this to discourage but to encourage - i prayed for my husband and when i did get around to telling him that i was contemplating abc he said he would rather continue to abstain than sin—and this is in the same week that my period started

So just pray—God moves

Hello anon,

I’m just writing to let you know that I have a non-Catholic husband, who is pretty supportive about most stuff but not homeschooling and he’s nervous about NFP (we have yet to be challenged in that regard because we have 2 and both want a 3rd.  I predict some challenges there too).  That sound’s like a normal and healthy dialogue about what is best for your family.  However the strip club threats need to be addressed in some fashion, really that’s your most dangerous gripe and I would certainly address how it makes you feel when he does that.  What’s important is that you continue to work hard to serve God and your husband/family, pray for guidance,  and if you need to vent, you come to a safe community of people who support your Catholicism and MARRIAGE.  Everyone could use the support of the community that faith and family have built! 
My prayers go out to you! Cassie

Thank you everyone! (I’m the first anonymous commenter.)  I feel fortified and strengthened by your comments.

Invite your selfish husband to have compassion, care and understanding.  While it’s wonderful for a man to have a fulfilling relationship with his wife, there are times in the lady’s cycle when that isn’t possible, if you want to avoid pregnancy.  There is nothing at all wrong with the way you are wanting to lead your Catholic life.  Your husband is the one with the problems, not you.
I am praying for you that you will persevere and that your prayers for your inconsiderate husband will be answered quickly, and that he will return to the faith.  From today’s reading Daniel didn’t agree to follow the wishes of the king.  He was lowered into a pit with lions.  The next day Daniel was unharmed and the king issued a decree that Daniel’s God was to be revered.  I do hope this gives you courage to persevere.  God bless you and your children.  Daniel