Two things have helped me.  First, I’m usually an anxiety filled controller when it comes to holidays.  I like to know exactly whose house it’s going to be at, who’s bringing what dish, and how many people will be there at least a month ahead of time.  My husband has helped me to take deep breaths and allow the flow of the Holidays to develop naturally instead of me trying to nudge everyone in a certain direction.  I’m learning to let other family members take the lead at a pace that’s comfortable for everyone. 

Second, I have developed a love for freezer cooking.  Maybe I can’t control knowing where Thanksgiving is going to be or know what I’m bringing more than a week ahead of time but I can cover several bases by having some classic dishes made and frozen ahead of time.  Things I now freeze a month in advance are:  green bean casseroles, brown and serve rolls, full pies and/or pie crusts, appetizers, mashed sweet potato casserole…there are many other family recipes that freeze just as well.  This allows me to peacefully enter the holidays and not feel overwhelmed.

The joy is in the process not the results.

It isn’t the picture perfect tree that is important it is the laufhs and working together getting it up. Taking cookies to friends and family is wonderful, they are happy you thought of them and took the tome, not whthwr the recipe came out of Bon Appetit or the back of the choc chip bag. Simplify, find joy in the season, don’t sweat the small stuff and step back and watch. We moms get so wrapped up in prep that we rarely step back and take it all in ourselves. We are so busy making memories for wveryone else we don’t make our own.

Coming from a smaller family, it made sense that everyone would bring a dessert, a side, a beverage, etc. Otherwise, it would be too much work for the hostess.

Marrying into a large family, I see now (8 years in) that my husband is right & I don’t have to do this.  I bring one thing.  Nobody notices; nobody cares (or nobody cares enough to comment) whether I out-do myself or under-contribute (by my standards.)

So I guess my short answer is: I stopped holding on to the idea that my family’s traditions are ” the right way.”  (This is very much still a work in process!)

One thing we do is stay home Christmas Day.  It seems that the month of December is filled and we devote this day to spending it at home with our 4 kids.  Anyone who wants to come visit is welcome.  Also, I host a Candy Making Party the week before Christmas.  We invite all our friends and end up with a housefull of friends family and kids.  We spend the day making cookies and candies and then everyone takes some home.  I should also add that everyone brings the ingredients to make their favorite holiday candy.  It seems like one more thing to add to the calendar, but to me it is such joy in cooking together with my friends (who are like family) and being together.

Internet shopping, limiting gift-giving, trying not to schedule doctor’s appointments during December.

I think picking and choosing what events to attend and what to avoid is important.  I love to have a wide selection of Christmas cookies, so it’s worth it to attend a mom’s night out cookie exchange, even in the middle of that crazy time.  But I have always suggested a real “Christmas” party for any Catholic/friend groups - meaning that it occurs during the season of Christmas (post December 25th) and not Advent.  Most other activities, I try hard to just say no.  There’s enough mandatory fun that I don’t need anything extra.

I look at every possible activity/tradition/meal/whatever, and ask myself if i love it enough to *happily* invest the time and effort it takes to pull it off.  If not, I don’t do it, even if it feels mandatory or I fear that the season won’t be the same without it.  When the Christmas season comes to an end, I don’t want to be worn out or resentful.  No one is ever going to remember that I never managed to get lights up last year.  What they do remember is that after my kiddos and I had a great time putting giant ball ornaments on a tree in the front yard, those ornaments cheered up the whole neighborhood until February.  We couldn’t take them down, because people kept commenting Now *that* was worth it, and we had a good time doing it.  Pumpkin pie?  Even I don’t remember.

Back when we were all kids, we’d go to my uncle’s house (across the street from the “dreaded” Knights of Columbus). It was very segregated…men were in one part (usually “cheating” at cribbage, aunts and the very young (according to the male-folk all sounding like old hens), and us older kids were regulated to a far off room to play board games and be minded by the older cousins.

I try to have all Christmas shopping and Christmas cards done by Thanksgiving. Christmas shopping isn’t that big a deal anyway since I only get a couple gifts for each kid, one thing for my husband and just a few things for my husband’s family.  For my own extended family, none of which live nearby, we mutually decided on no exchange of gifts which is definitely a life-saver for everyone.

I do not host any big dinners or parties since we have limited family in the area and friends are busy with their own extended families.

We got rid of the big heavy artificial tree last year which was murder to get up and bought a smaller tree which we can put on a coffee table to make it seem taller. The older we get the harder it is to haul stuff around.

Mostly, Advent and Christmas activities consist of religious-themed crafts and activities that I do with the kids as part of our homeschooling.

I have streamlined so much that the holidays involve very little stress and I actually look forward to them.

Not sure this is quite what you mean, but…we stop taking the kids with us to stores about 6 weeks before Christmas.  Yes, it takes planning & they’re a little sad not to go grocery shopping at Walmart. We tell them, truthfully, that the stores are super crowded and noisy this time of year, and they hate noisy crowds, which helps.  My oldest are 8 & 6. They see no TV advertising & their Catholic school is good about it, so going to stores would be the only real source of crazy Christmas promotion. Not having the kids totally wired about Christmas has been really good for us.

The most peaceful holiday we ever had was when my entire family spent it out of the country. We did the trip as our Christmas present to each other. Christmas Day was spent going to mass and simply being together. It was so peaceful and fun. We just made memories together and I’ll never forget it. In fact, I want to do it again. Memories are much better than gifts.