I’ve been in this situation a few times. My husband and I are adult converts to the faith, and our families are all mostly Protestant. The hardest situation was when my father married his girlfriend, a twice-divorced non-practicing Catholic. He was very upset and thought it was a reflection of my love for him. But we stood firm didn’t go, despite pressure from all sides (including other Catholics-in-name-only who couldn’t understand why we weren’t going) and it was the right decision. Eventually our relationship healed. Still, it’s a tough situation to be in.

We were in a similar situation with a dear sister.  In good conscience we could not attend, but my sister threatened the family if we would not attend (i.e. she would never speak to us again, she would not allow us to be a part of the lives of any children she might have, etc.).  We prayed about this, and in the end decided that we needed to love her, in the truth.  So, we lovingly explained why we could not attend the ceremony, but that we loved her and that nothing would alter our love for her.  On the day of her wedding, we spent the day quietly, in prayer and fasting for her and her new husband.  She did not speak to us for about two years, but through the grace of God, she is in contact with us again.  In that time we continued to communicate with her (even though the communication was one-sided) and pray for her and trust that in time, we might have true reconciliation that was based on love and truth.  We are still working our way there, but I do not think that would have been possible if we had compromised our principles in a well-intentioned, but misguided charitable impulse that would have left her confused as to what it means to witness as a Christian.

We’ve been there.  My brother got married on a lake on Holy Saturday.  Yeah during the Triduum.  It broke my mom’s heart.  The whole family attended and the biggest thing was fasting on Good Friday.  Thankfully, we were able to have fish at the rehearsal dinner, and exposed many from the “Bible Belt” how us Catholics do things   Now we just continue to pray.  With God there is a way!

I’m not sure this applies, but I ran across this quote today and it spoke to me.  I think it fits.

“‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”  Matt 9:13.

I’d go to show my love for my family member.

I am a Catholic (working my way back into the Catholic faith) who married a Protestant in a Protestant church over 4 years ago….although I wish someone had enlightened me to the fact that a marriage between a Catholic and Protestant was acceptable to the Church as long as a Priest presided in conjunction with the Protestant minister, I am very grateful that my Catholic family did not abandon me in that time of transition! Because of their support and love (all the while my knowing their preference was for a marriage in the Church) we may (with God’s power) eventually bring MANY people back into the Catholic faith! I do not agree with a legalistic treatment of this issue….devout Catholics can have their Faith be known without denying attendance to a wedding outside of the Church. The Holy Spirit reveals many times throughout the book of Acts in His directions to the apostles the importance of bringing people into the church if they confess belief in the One True Christ, rather than turning them away because they have not yet ‘converted’ to Judaism.

The advice I’ve heard from priests is to go so that relationship is not destroyed and you still have a chance at evangelizing them.  However, I think you also need to make clear your position and why it is wrong so they don’t just think everything’s hunky dory.

I would go to the wedding, absolutely. 

I used to be lapsed myself, and I know lots of cradle Catholics who are still estranged from the Church.  But many of them talk to me about faith because they know I am a safe person to talk to.  And I think that the best thing we can do to evangelize is show others the joy and comfort that we get from our faith. 

To put it another way:  I think faith is most attractive to others when we emulate the love that lies at the core of Christ.  Christ engaged with everyone, and those points of encounter led to grace.  If someone is estranged from the Church, it’s probably because they’ve seen the rules and the regulations, but they haven’t sensed the love.  I think I’m called to show that love to those who are lapsed, and to make them want to take another look.  Going to their wedding can be one way in which that happens.

I didn’t read the article.  I don’t know if it is true but if the brother in the article was baptized as an infant and was not catechized after that then it’s not like he is rejecting the Faith by having a secular wedding.  I would attend.  If he was baptized and never received 1st communion and confirmation then he has never chosen to be Catholic.  I don’t know if that is right or not.

If I only went to weddings based on how good of Catholics the happy couple are, I wouldn’t go to many weddings, since I’m an adult convert and very few of my family members are Catholic.

I was raised by a Catholic Mother and Protestant Father, attended Catholic Elementary School, received all my sacraments and did marry a Catholic although not really practicing one.  Would I judge someone else for “marrying outside the faith” as my parents did?  No.  It is not forbidden by the church.  Is it easier—yes if they are on the same page of faith practice as you are.  Christ taught us to love everyone despite their faults and not to judge—-that’s our heavenly Father’s job.  I would attend the wedding as a support to my loved one especially if they are both of Christian denominations.  It is by our example that we show our faith and by opening our hearts in love that we lead others to our Church and faith.  Unless you want to sever ties and wish to be judge as you have judged others—-rigidly, harshly, by “legalistic” measures, consider love being your guiding presence.  Jesus said the greatest commandment was:  “To love God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.  and 2nd “To love your neighbor as yourself.”  Therefore, I feel that since I am still not perfect that I have no place to judge others.  Besides my Christian Protestant Grandmother raised my Catholic Mother and had a better grasp than most born and raised Catholics….she converted in her 70’s (belatedly due to fear of her own lack of education that would hinder her in official classes).  She joyfully received the sacraments before she passed away.  I think if my Grandfather’s relatives had shunned her or their marriage it would have had quite the opposite effect on her view of our faith and religion. 

On the other hand, I have struggled with the “gay marriage” invites but have been able to respectfully decline.  The invites were not from a close family member or anyone living in close proximity. Gay “marriage” violates nearly every official faith I know—-Jewish, Christian, Catholic, Muslim.  I wish them well in their “union”  but the term “Marriage” is sacred as man and wife regardless of their faith.  I continue to love the gay people I know while praying for them.  Again,  God created all of us and it is His job to judge in the end not mine.  So I just love and let live.  They all know my personal convictions.  It can be prickly but if they love you in return—-well—love will lead the way.

I came across something just yesterday while listening to Sister Ann Shield’s podcast (Food For the Journey via renewalministries.net). She read something from an unknown author that has since been adapted by Patrick Madrid. The words of it came to mind while reading some of the comments here about the struggles many of us have faced in these situations. Might be a good framework to consider while praying about how to handle future questions/situations:
http://patrickmadrid.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Mission_Statement.pdf

When someone is raised Catholic and baptized and confirmed it does not mean that they ever got it and understood what it meant.  Confirmation to me was something I really did not have a choice about and people do not have a choice to be baptized as infants.  I never had a choice until I was an adult and out of my parents house.  So if someone was raised Catholic and they never really understood it I think it is ridiculous to assume they understand it in adulthood.  Are they really rebelling or have they not had the veil lifted from their eyes yet?

It would be entirely different to me if someone converted as an adult to the Church and understood what they were doing versus someone whose parents were Catholic therefore they have no choice and have to be the rest of their lives. What if they really did think and pray long and hard about the Catholic Church and realized and this point in their life they really could not be Catholic? Our conversion and spiritual journey is not always a straightforward road.

I have never seen a situation where a family member refused to go to their siblings wedding actually bring about good and conversion.  I have seen it the other way around—attending the wedding left doors and hearts open down the road.

I have gone to the secular weddings where there has been NO mention of God at all.  While it is a bit disturbing I always choose my gift for the new husband and wife carefully.  It is not uncommon for the couple to go home with a sick call crucifix for a fallen away Catholic or a lovely wall cross for my protestant friends.  A gentle reminder of the Third Person who needs to be in their marriage is never a bad thing