Holding the Baby
Posted by Arwen Mosher in Family on Friday, January 28, 2011 11:06 PM
When I was pregnant with Blaise, I thought often about how his birth would mean the end of my one-on-one time with Camilla. Juggling the needs of two children would necessarily change the dynamic around our home, one in which I’d previously paid swift attention to my daughter’s every need and been aware of every change in her life.
I was sure that the gift of a sibling would more than make up for the loss of Mama time in Camilla’s world, but I still treasured the end of that era, and as Blaise’s birth approached I thought often about how good it had been.
With this pregnancy, I’m not so aware of the dwindling time alone with my two - even though I’m guessing the advent of twins will change our lives just as much as Blaise’s birth did - simply because I’m too busy to think about it. But occasionally, I remember.
On Friday mornings Camilla goes to Atrium, and it’s just Blaise and me at home. Without his older sister around to antagonize him, my boy is calm. He putters around, shows me the things he finds, builds stacks with his favorite blocks. It’s fun to chat with him about what he’s doing, and I pull him onto my lap for hugs (when he lets me). It’s a blissful two hours.
This time alone with my boy reminds me of the last months before he was born, the end of Camilla-and-me, and I’m reminded that the coming change will be similar in a way. Blaise’ll no longer be my baby.
But his babyhood has already been different from his sister’s, as I’m reminded when I read him a book and he joyfully identifies “buh-fly!” a word I haven’t taught him. He didn’t learn most of his body parts from me, or many of the animals, or countless other things that I taught his sister. By the time I think of teaching him something, he’s already picked it up from Camilla - just one of the many benefits of siblinghood.
We prayed and waited for baby Camilla and she was a miracle to us, and I would have been so grateful even if she had been the last of our children. But God’s plan for our family is unfolding differently from that, and as always, he knows best. Camilla’s babyhood is gone but having a little brother has benefitted her immensely, and I know that having younger siblings will be good for Blaise just as having older siblings will be good for our coming babies.
That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to make the most of these last months with Blaise as my baby, though. I plan to squeeze him and rub my cheek against his soft head as often as possible. And I will - as soon as I can catch him.
photo credit: Brandon Thomas; used with permission
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