Staceymvanderbent.blogspot.com. found out her daughter was downs in the.delivery room. Christian mom talking about what she went through and how having beautiful daughter has changed her ability to love. She just started the blog.

Barbara Curtis has a website -
http://mommylife.net/archives/down_syndrome/
Her 8th child has Down’s syndrome.  They had another biological child and then adopted 3 more children with Down Syndrome.  She has a lot of info as well as links to resources.
Please don’t beat yourself up for being taken aback.  You’re not rejecting your child by being confused and, perhaps, frightened.  Even Mary didn’t readily understand what was being asked of her…she said yes but also still pondered it in her heart.  Seems to be that you’re following her example.

Check out http://www.prenatalpartnersforlife.org  It was started by a wonderful Catholic mom from our parish who received an adverse diagnosis before her son was born 7 years ago.
 
This is from the site:
“If you have come to this site because you or someone you know has received an adverse or negative prenatal diagnosis, you have come to the right place. We are parents who have gone through similar circumstances and we want to offer support. Most of the stories on this site are of families who have carried to term after receiving an adverse diagnosis. We are here to help you. You are not alone! “

Praying for peace for you and your family.

In addition, there’s a new book by Leticia Velasquez called “A Special Mother is Born.”  (I think she sometimes posts here at F&FL;, too—check thru some of the feature articles?)
Here’s a link to a nice interview with her about her book, and about Down Syndrome & diagnosis in general:
http://www.ewtn.com/vnews/getstory.asp?number=116879

Michelle, I will pray for your peace of mind, heart & body.  I will pray for your sweet baby, too.  I will ask the Holy Spirit to guide you *only* to the information that you need to hear & read, and shield you from anything harmful or anxiety-provoking. What is it the priest now says after the “Our Father”?  “...Deliver us, Lord, we pray, from every evil, graciously grant peace in our days, that, by the help of your mercy, we may be always free from sin and safe from all distress….”  That’s *ALL* distress, Michelle!    God bless you.

I’ve had two babies now with soft markers for DS. The first time I had a very hard time with it. It pretty much ruined the pregnancy. We have pictures immediately after the birth where I look like I am just intently gazing at my baby, I know that I was looking for markers of DS. By the time the next baby rolled around and the markers showed up and the blood tests were concerning (which I did because one hospital had a NICU, one didn’t-turned out that baby did need a week long NICU stay), I was completely at peace with it and blessedly so were my doctors. No one mentioned amnio but once and then the subject was dropped for the duration. BTW, both of those babies were 100% chromosomally normal. 
You have already been given lots of great resources. I’d also recommend calling your local chapter of the DS Society. See what is available in your area in regards to support. I’d wager they have a list of people willing to talk to families with a prenatal diagnosis or possible diagnosis.
There is one other blog I recommend. http://www.kellehampton.com
She had a little girl, Nella, with DS in late Jan almost 2 years ago. They didn’t have a prenatal diagnosis and didn’t find out until birth. The birth story is told with text and pictures and is very raw. Kelle was extremely honest about her feelings. She has continued to blog about her life and Nella and Nella’s sister and her journey from shock and fear to the absolute joy she has found. She is a professional photographer and the pictures she takes of her girls are beautiful. 
Having a child with DS isn’t the end of the world but you will have to find a new normal. A wonderful normal but different and that is OK.  Don’t let this ‘if’ consume the next few months. If your baby has DS there is nothing you can do to change it, there is nothing you did to cause it. You will love this little one no matter what, everything else will come with time.

Michelle - Prayers for you and your family in this challenging time.  Please don’t be embarrassed that you are having a difficult time coming to terms with this.  I know I felt the same way just thinking that something might be wrong with a child in my womb (which is always a possibility, and even more scary when tests come back with suspicious results). I have always worried that I would love a child less if it wasn’t within my definition of “normal.” Now I realize that it is only the unknown which is truly frightening. While we don’t have a child with Down’s, we too had to deal with a difficult “possible” diagnosis of brain damage after our fourth child had a significant episode of birth hypoxia.  However, once the child was “outside,” and I got to meet this sweet soul in person, I could have cared less what the diagnosis or possible future problems might be.  I loved this child as fiercely as the 3 God gave me before this sweet soul, and I truly think you will be given the grace to feel this way too, no matter what the diagnosis.  God provided us with a miracle, and our sweet baby has seemed to make a complete turnaround, for which I am truly grateful.  But what I was most relieved to discover was that it really didn’t matter if my child didn’t match up to my own narrow idea of normal.  God prepared me to love this soul no matter what lay in store for the future.  I pray this will be your experience too!

I forgot to hit submit earlier and what i wrote pretty well echoes what you’ve already received but here goes: I just lifted you up in prayer! As for advice, i wonder about reading some blogs of families who have kids with Downs and experiencing their joy. Pondered in my heart is one that comes to mind. A family from my hometown had a baby with Downs several years ago and i remember the dad reading a book and getting super excited about a part where it discussed a technique of teaching math to a child with Downs while mom was still pregnant. I guess all that was to say to focus on what the baby can do, and wait to find out how he or she will adjust to do what others think he or she can’t. I wish you well… Please keep us posted!

We were in a similar situation about two years ago.  I had a level 2 ultrasound that revealed our second baby had three soft markers (heart issue, cysts on the brain, and he refused to open his hands!) for Trisomy 18, a chromosome issue that is usually fatal.  Against medical advice, we declined all further testing. I gave birth to a very healthy baby with a mild heart murmur   Please do keep reminding yourself (I know it’s hard) that soft markers are not a diagnosis.  They tell you about them to keep you informed and also to cover themselves. 

I read absolutely everything I could about Trisomy 18, then figured out that I was making myself more anxious rather than reassured, and gave it up to God.  I truly believe that we get the grace to deal with these types of things in the moment, not in the months before.  Prayers for a peaceful pregnancy and healthy delivery!

Only you know you.  At birth, my son was diagnosed with spina bifida.  At first, all I could do was read read read read about SB.  I joined support forums, read blogs of other moms with SB babies… the whole nine yards.  It became my life for awhile.  Afterall, at the time I knew nothing about spina bifida & also only had a fuzzy sense of how serious my son’s current condition is/was.  So it was kind-of like I had to immerse myself in the world of SB to be emotionally, mentally, and knowledge-based-ly prepared for anything.  Once tests started being done & facts about my son’s actual situation started coming up & we could talk with people who not only knew about SB in general but about my son’s particular case… I was suddenly able to let go of all the books and websites (though who knows—I may need them again in the future!)  I just share this to say that whatever you feel you need to help you get through NOW may not be what you need tomorrow or next week… so just go for what feels helpful to you now & let later take care of itself—even if you realize that may mean there are no “issues” later.  Just do what you need to do to heal NOW.  The news of possible handicaps is its OWN issue for YOU to “heal through” even if it turns out to be unfounded.  Seek support!! 

Also, please give yourself time to warm up to your baby & the possibility of the struggles he/she (and your whole family) may face.  Pain, struggles, heartache… you are not “supposed to” be able to just embrace all that right away!  I KNOW it feels nasty to not fall in love right away with your little life inside you… but just be at peace that it WILL happen.  I have a dear friend whose daughter has various health issues (deafness, inability to sit or walk, etc.) and my friend said it took two solid years to “fall in love,” but now she can’t imagine life without her dear one!

I know those may not have all been the words you were hoping to hear.  Some rough patches on the road of life are rough for awhile & it is never nice to have to drive through them on and on and on.  But whatever the future holds for your little one and your family please remember that
a) you will FALL IN LOVE with this child over time
b) you will adjust to your child’s special needs and soon they won’t feel unusual but simply part of your normal routine and your child will stop feeling “handicapped” to you

I recommend you name your baby as soon as possible!!  It helps the falling in love part…

I am currently going through pretty much the exact the same thing…I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with my second daughter, and am anxiously awaiting an appointment with the pediatric cardiologist.

Everyone has given great advice, but I would just like to add- I know this is hard to process. By the time my daughter arrives, we will have been struggling with the many different feelings that come with this diagnosis for about 6 months.  Just today in my “research” I came across this article http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2012/01/target-ad-with-down-syndrome-boy-helps-dad-blogger-raise-awareness/  that links to a dad’s blog about his son’s story: http://noahsdad.com/story/

The article points out the reoccurring statistic that “90 or 92 percent of of parents who learn through prenatal screening that they have a relatively high chance of having a child with Down Syndrome abort the pregnancy.” Personally, I was HORRIFIED, and I believe that we have been chosen to carry and love this child because we are NOT that 90 to 92 percent. We will choose to bring this child into the world confident that they are perfect in the eyes of God who created them. This doesn’t mean it won’t come with struggles and fear, but I believe that He knows what both our children and us need. Keep praying, you’ll be in mine, and update us if you feel like it!

My brother in law has Down Syndrome, and my beloved mother in law told me about a simple short story called “Welcome To Holland”.  If you google it you can find it.  It is a beautiful analogy for learning to accept the initial heartbreak and confusion that comes with learning about a disability, and the joy that can be found when you rearrange your expectations.  Please check it out!!  I will pray for you, your baby and your family.

Yes, do read Welcome to Holland!

Third try here - I think the links I tried to include were triggering the spam filters - so sorry if this is a triplicate post!

HGTV . com is a pretty comprehensive site
ThisOldHouse . come might help
Hulu . com has a Home and Garden “genre” with lots of DIY TV show clips

You could also try a Google search for “do it yourself basement playroom” and see what appeals to you.  Good luck!

I’d recommend you go to pinterest.com and search for playroom. You’ll find more ideas than you need.

I like to LOOK at Pottery Barn Kids and then go elsewhere for less expensive equipment…but the ideas at PBKids are great.

I love the fabric book slings, so if you have any books you want to keep in your playroom, they might be a good solution: http://pinterest.com/pin/18718154670783472/

I really like my Dyson Animal.  It does have quite a bit of plastic, though.    It is so very easy to maneuver and is light weight.  It goes easily from carpet to wood.  It does a good job with animal hair.  If you don’t have pets, you could go with another option, of course.  I do not like it on stairs.  The accessories were a pain to use initially, but now are easier, so I don’t know if I have just gotten used to it or if I was a slow learner.  I believe I paid $539 for mine a couple of years ago.  We have since bought a house with central vac, and I could not believe what a difference there is between that vac and the Dyson.  We still use the Dyson and the central vac system is unused.

We have a ROYAL canister upstairs & an ELECTROLUX canister downstairs.  The ROYAL has a power head that automaticall adjust to floor height (harwood/vinyl all the way to long shag). LOVE both & have had both for almost 20 years!

We have two large baskets that we keep them in. In one are just the puzzle boards, stored on their sides so you can flip through them. In the other are the pieces—the pieces for each puzzle are in a ziploc bag, so when you want to do the puzzle, you just find the bag that has the right pieces in it. It’s not a perfect solution, but it more or less keeps things organized.

I dont have many puzzles since my boys are both really young, but when I was a kid we had tons of puzzles and my mother would cut out the picture from the front of the box, put it and the pieces in a large ziploc storage bag and mark the backs of all the pieces with a letter, number or, symbol. So if a random piece was found under the couch or in a pocket etc, then all we had to do was look at the back of the piece for the letter to see which puzzle it belonged to. Also having the puzzles in bags cut down on the amoutn of storage space needed for them..no more bulky boxes!

I second what MR says.  We have the boards separate and the labelled ziploc with the pieces.  Phew!  Nothing worse than puzzle scatter!

Try using a Bounce sheet or a baby wipe and swipe her head whenever you get somewhere.  If she likes hats, encourage their wear.  Maybe she would wear a kerchief headband that covers the top of her head?

No suggestions here, but I’m in the same situation.  My 19-month old won’t wear hair clips or let me pull her hair into a (tiny) ponytail.  She just rips them out.  Her hair is curly, and has ‘a mind of its own’.  I keep hoping that if I keep trying, she’ll eventually leave the clips in!

When my daughter was at this age, I slicked hers down with a little baby oil in the morning…

I wouldn’t do the Bounce sheets. They have chemicals in them. For now, I would just “Go with the flow.”  I don’t think too many 20 month old’s have neat hair LOL. The baby oil might work, just go easy, just a drop, otherwise it will never come out.

Christine, firstly I think you are amazing for having 4 children aged 3 and under. Wow! I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. We try to have leftovers once or twice a week, which saves time in the kitchen (I feel that I’m in ours all the time, too!) and means I can spend more time with the children, catching up on chores, or having a cup of tea and a few minutes to myself. We generally start dinner at 5 or 5.30, so I normally start preparing it 30 mins to an hour in advance. My children rarely watch tv - even though they tend to get restless just before dinner, I found in the past that using the tv as a babysitter for my firstborn while I was making dinner actually made him behave badly once the tv was turned off! So from about the age of 18 months he began helping me in the kitchen and he LOVES it. Even though it slows things down a bit, he is getting better and better at his tasks (washing the vegies, holding the knife with me while I cut, mixing, pouring in ingredients with assistance) and it’s a great family bonding time. (The baby sits in her highchair and plays or eats snacks while we are prepping the food.) Obviously it would be quite a bit more time consuming with all your littlies, but it’s worth a try! The other thing you could so is use a slow cooker and throw everything into it in the morning. GOOD LUCK!

First of all, warm up meals are not so bad if they were homemade to begin with.  Secondly, not every meal needs to be gourmet requiring hours in the kitchen.  Look into crockpot recipes.  Consider the meal plans where you cook one weekend a month and freeze everything (you need a big freezer to do that).  Even if you don’t have an extra freezer, you should make it a habit to double or triple recipes and freeze the extras for a few weeks later (meatballs, meatloaf, cooked chicken for casseroles to fajitas).  Definitely look for “20 minute” meal ideas (women’s magazines and online).  Saving Dinner (the website and the cook books) is a great resource for simple, delicious meals in a half hour (sometimes you need to marinate 8 hours).  Saving Dinner also has weekly plans and often one meal uses something like chicken cooked earlier in the week, saving even more time.  Lastly, include the children (and I HATE to do this, but it helps) in the kitchen.  They are too young to do most things, but they can splash in the sink, bang the pots, mix and even do some “cutting” using a non-serrated knife.  Most evenings I put dinner on the table within 30 minutes (chicken breasts, steamed veggies and rice).  I save complicated recipes for the weekends.

oh man…I’m sorry i don’t really have advice, but I just wanted to say, you are NOT a bad mom and wife!  Oh my gosh, I think you are doing great to be so organized with all those little kids!  Sorry, I know this is not very helpful, but please don’t feel guilty!  I only have one baby and I totally know that feeling—it seems unfair to have to spend all your free time doing some chore, and you have to pick between things like “cook” and “get enough sleep.”  Don’t worry about putting the kids to watch a video.  For one thing, it won’t last forever, you just need some help till they get a bit older and more independent.  For another thing, they have eachother to play with and learn from!  They are not solely dependent on you for attention!  I’m sure they are doing great!  The only other idea I have is, could you take a free afternoon sometime, maybe on the weekend or your husband’s day off, and cook meals in advance?  It’s not too hard to make double batches of casseroles, pasta, breaded chicken, etc.  Pizza, too, you can make pizza crusts and they freeze easily and then you can just defrost, sprinkle on bagged cheese, frozen veggies or pepperoni, and you have a whole supper.  Prayers for you today.

My reply was posted not under your question, but below for some reason. Oops.

I usually had kids around me while I was cooking.  Some sat at the table and did play doh cooking, or else they stood at the sink and did water play.  The toddler ones just played with the measuring cups and anything else they drug out of the cabinet.  You are an amazing mom - you could mix it up with the TV sometime, having them help sometime, having them around you but not helping etc.    Also, I try to have one or two “big” meals a week (maybe you could do this on a weekend) and the rest of the week have easier ones so you can mix it up.

Christine,you are an inspiration to be trying so hard with such little kids. It’s not easy. I also have 4 kids although not quite as young as yours, and a husband that is rarely able to help. I learned a while ago that I’m going through a season in my life where I can’t do everything. This season is temporary in a few years I may be able to get back to having everything the way I want it. But for now I won’t spend more than 15 min prepping a meal. My kids can play without me for that amount of time. They color or do puzzles at the table. The 5-2 yos can go outside. I use safety gates to keep them from wandering out of the play area and destroying other rooms of the house while I’m cooking.
I keep the prep time down by using most of the ideas that have already been said. Crockpot meals can be quickly prepped at naptime and they are hot and ready when hubby gets home. We do sandwiches and salads once a week too-I throw all the ingredients on the table and hubby and I work together to assemble and serve. The little ones can help clean up by putting everything back in the fridge. I also try to do one pot meals when I do cook that way clean up is much easier.

Christine!  I say Drop the Guilt!  You’re doing a lot, the kids have you *and each other* so there’s plenty of love going around even when you’re busy.  Also, if you feel like taking a nap or reading a book during their nap time, which I really think you should do once in a while, you can rely on the fact that right after nap time they’ll be a little more amenable to playing together on the floor near you while you do some dinner prep.  They’ll be fresher from the nap, you’ll be fresher from the rest, and your dinner will be fresher for having been made a little later in the day!  God bless!

Christine, you are amazing!  I was in your situation once. My kids are older now, but I still have a problem with meals now because I work full time. Making extra soup, spaghetti sauce and other things on the weekend that you can freeze, or just heat up later in the week helps.  Now I do most of my cooking in less than a half hour.  I throw everything into the oven.  Even vegetables, with a little olive oil, salt and pepper!  I make extra rice on the weekend (hubby likes it!) too.  IF you can put all your ingredients in the crock pot the night before when the kids are in bed, that helps too.  Just give yourself some slack.  You are a great Mom!

BusyMommy: I’ve seen large tables that have a bench that wraps around the table and sits against one of the walls. It is L shaped and you arrange it the way you would like it to fit. Great for small places. Also, benches fit lots of kiddos. AND yes to the sectionals! Hope this helps. Here’s a link to a L shaped bench with table. It’s really expensive but I just wanted to help you see what I’m talking about. http://www.cymax.com/Common/Product/CatProduct.aspx?ID=384065&Src=ShopZilla2&SrcID=5516990&utm_source=Shopzilla&utm_medium=ppc&utm_term=384065&utm_campaign=CYMAX&srccode=cii_10043468&cpncode=18-109047633-2&source=ci_shopzilla

I rent my home, and I have 6 kids.  I have 2 friends with 8 kids who rent/have rented homes.  Don’t completely rule out a rental.

As for small home living, I have done that too.  We own a 1000 sq ft Cape Cod with an “eat-in” kitchen that is only 8’ x 12’ (including fridge, oven, sink, cabinets).  When we first moved in, my tiny family of 4 could sit at the kitchen table.  By the time we moved out, my husband and I stood while the 4 little ones ate and when they were done, we sat down.  There was no dining room.  When we had guests, we tried to do things outdoors (ruling out most bad weather entertaining), but if we just had a few guests (grandparents), I served food that didn’t need to be cut with a knife and we ate sitting in the living room.

The living room was also tiny and we had only a love seat and a chair-and-a-half.  When adult guests were over, children sat on the floor and extra chairs would be brought in from the kitchen.  I think that’s when I bought some folding chairs too.  For family movie nights, the kids generally piled on mom and dad or lay on the floor.

Now, my family of 8 has a 3 person couch (seats 4 or more depending on how friendly everyone is being) and 2 arm chairs, and 2 extra chairs more appropriate for a desk.  Family movie night generally finds someone choosing to sit on the floor, and little ones still sit on mom or dad’s lap.  We would not buy a sectional because we move frequently (military) and I would never know for sure that it would work in the next house.  I prefer to have chairs that mix and match.

I think that as long as you have seating for adults, hosting a playdate or even a casual dinner with another family should not be an issue.  My children never sit around when friends are over.  When serving lunch or dinner, it is not unusual for the adults to supervise or to hide in the kitchen while the children eat at the dining room table, then we clear them out and relax there ourselves.  I have even hosting situations where the children could not all squeeze around, so we’ve done the littlest ones first, then the older ones…or the girls first.  Sometimes I have had older ones sit at the coffee table in the living room.

I would not purchase a dining room table that is too big for the room.  Benches are great for getting more people to fit.  You may not be able to serve food family-style: have everyone fill their plates in the kitchen and carry it in, keeping only condiments and a few other things on the table.  Consider a narrower table if it gives you the room to put a side table along the wall to serve as a buffet.  If you are tight at the table, think about having a small, kiddie folding table in the same room for the youngest ones.  These sets are not very expensive and the table and chairs can be folded up when not in use.  I know my 4 and 6 yo would sit there…even my 8 and 10 yo daughters would sit there if it meant more elbow room.

Just throwing in here….my daughter just taught me that she shreds her cooked chicken by putting it in her stand mixer with the paddle attachment.  My friend also makes bulk meatballs and mixes the ingredients into the hamburger using the dough hook of her mixer.  Thanks for the ideas!

We have had our leather couch and chair for 14 years.  They have been jumped on, drawn on, bled on, spit up on, thrown up on, peed on, and goodness knows what else by 6 boys (and a dog!). They are a cinch to clean.  They are for the most part in great shape still.  What has started happening in the last few years is that the leather is getting fine cracks in it.  Not tearing or anything, just looking worn in the heaviest wear areas.  Perhaps it is because I stopped conditioning the leather a few years into having it, I don’t know.  But I would say that the leather still looks really good for 14 years old and it still is in style.  I’m hoping to get some new furniture in a couple years and the old couch will head to the basement for continued use!

We bought a leather couch a year ago, and so far I’m happy.  The one thing in any couch that I insist upon is that the cushioning for the back rest be ATTACHED.  About 8 years ago, I bought some furniture and the back rest cushions (big pillows, really) could be removed.  My children did this, of course, and within a year, the cushion was deformed and unattractive…plus, I would go to sit down to nurse the baby and it would be gone, making for an uncomfortable sitting experience.  That set of furniture is gone…I held on to it for way past it’s expiration.