i HATE that question! or even, “so when is the next one?” since we only have one (thus far? )  it just really feels like people are prying into your personal life, particularly your intimacy with your husband.  yeck.

i really hope someone has a good answer, so that i can be prepared for one day when i might need it

We have 5 kids and have been trying to find the perfect answer to that question for 12 years! I find that that elusive “right” answer changes constantly according to the situation and person. And I can count on one hand the times I thought I did the best I could do on the spot. It’s just a really hard thing to communicate well in a grocery store line or the lobby of a doctor’s office. I think a cheerful countenance and happy, respectful children are a powerful witness in themselves. But that’s in a perfect world…lol. I once had a challenging day with a 14-month old who just wanted to constantly run away from me. I thought I was dealing with it well and the baby wasn’t crying or anything but I heard a woman say to her friend, “See…that’s why I didn’t have more kids.” I cried on the way home feeling that my family had the exact opposite effect that I would have chosen. But there is no softening a heart that refuses to soften. It is a cross to bear in this culture and I know those who are open to life do it willingly.
I pray that in each situation you are in, the Holy Spirit will bless you with the right words:).

We are expecting baby number five, and when someone says, “Wow, your hands are sure full!” I smile and say brightly, “Yes, and what a wonderful thing they are full OF!”  Now, I know that it’s not *proper English” but I think it would lose a little bit if I said it correctly—-time is of the essence you know…

I’ve also had people wink and smirk and say, “you know, you could get that *fixed* so you wouldn’t be so busy” (wink, wink) and I smile pseudo-innocently and say, “But, why would I do that?  Nothing is broken and gosh it’s just too much fun!!”

Good luck with people!

PS I notice the word verification things too—-mine is “sat19”  +giggle+

I would say, “I would never be ungrateful and deny a beautiful gift from God”  and “the greatest gift you can give your child is another brother or sister”.

“Oh, how perfect, you got a boy and a girl!” Me: “So, far” (That always invites more discussion.)
“You have your hands full!” Me:“It’s the best job I’ve ever had.”
“How many do you plan on having?” Me:“I’ve already seen that fertility isn’t really in our hands.  I have a friend who wanted a large family who, after her second, was told she couldn’t have any more.  I have two friends who only wanted 2 children, but the second was twins.”  (This usually gets people nodding and hopefully, seeing the hand of God in our lives.)
And my personal favorite used in Catholic settings (especially, when IN CHURCH, people ask if we’re “done”:  “God knows.”  (He truly does!)

I’ve settled on saying “we’ll see what God has in mind for us.”  I think this explains our way of life in a simple way without seeming preachy.

1.to the you got your hands full - I say “and I love it”
2.to the you’ve got your boy & girl so you can quit (mind you, it’s obvious our family formation includes adoption) - I say “I hope not, we’re so blessed”—when pressed I say “Why would I shut God out now when He’s given us so much?”

We’re expecting #2 any day now - a boy - and our 3 year-old is a girl.  When people have asked me about being pregnant, the conversation has gone like this:

Them: Oh, is this your first?
Me: No, our second.
Them: Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?
Me: It’s a boy!
Them: And your first?
Me: A girl.
Them: Oh, so will you be done now?
Me: We’ll see…! We’re trying to just take them one at a time right now! -or- It’s up to God!

The funny thing is that the conversation goes this way - VERBATIM! - 99% of the time.  I really feel like we don’t know how many children we’ll be called to have.  My DH and I got started on a family a little later in life and recognize the gift that fertility is and that it may not be available to us at any time.  In particular, it took 18 months and a series of tests to conceive our second.  By the same token, I feel like my usual responses don’t adequately convey the message, but there’s often a time pressure and the difficulty in getting into a theological discussion with a stranger.

As an aside, the cleverest response I’ve heard came from a friend’s Dad (there were 13 surviving kiddos in the clan):

“Don’t you know how this kind of thing happens?”

Dad: “I do, but she don’t! Don’t tell her!” wink wink

I think that some people might be curious on the idea of raising larger families, or sometimes just making conversation. I swear there a few people in my life that keep asking me that question over and over even though I have answered them already. My response might not be the most clever, but it seems to work:

Person: “So are you done having kids?”
Me: “I thought I might done before (with 2), but then look what happened! (I point to my third.) So, I’ll never say never again.”

This seems to leave a bit of mystery with the questioner… does it mean she’s done or doesn’t she? If they pursue it, which hardly ever happens, I just go on to say that you never truly know what life will give you. I’ve been blessed with the children that I have and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Personally, I hate such questions. It is no one’s business. But many people don’t view it that way. They think having children is like picking which company you want to work with or if you should have a summer house. They think it is a personal choice like your preference of car color rather than an openness to God’s choice.
I have 3 children, aged 3 and under, so I get the “got your hands full” comment often. I’m happy to see some good suggestions here on how to respond to that.
People who think they control everything probably, I think, have pretty dull lives.

“You have your hands full.”
“Better full than empty.”

“Are you done?”
“If God blesses us with another baby, we will be happy.  If not, we are already happy.”

“Don’t you know how that happens.”
“Yes, and obviously we’re really good at it!”

You’ve got your hands full. 
Me:  Yep, full of treasures!

Are you done yet?
Me:  I don’t know.  God’s in charge of my life. (with a huge smile)

We have two sons close together in age and had hoped to have a large family (closer to 11-12 children).  When our youngest was 11 we had the joyful announcement of a 3rd child.  After a sorrowfilled miscarriage, I was still hopeful.  When we did get pregnant, the reaction was crude and self-centered.  To this day, I will get comments that he is an oops or mistake.  To which I let them know very clearly and at the same volume as their comment: God never makes a mistake and it’s so good that God thought to bless our marriage with the gift of this precious life.  I usually follow it with: We have always placed our marriage, our children and our family in God’s hands. He has always taken such beautiful care of them even when we have failed.  Most people will smile and change the subject.  I realize that my comments have been a source of conversation (gossip) amongst some of the other mothers but I have received and continue to receive many complements on our older sons who work at placing God at the center of their life. They are very attentive to their little brother.  The have been seen and heard encouraging their little brother to be respectful, caring, good and dutiful.
I have to express gratitude to all of you who have large families.  You bring joy to my family through your witness of love much greater than each of us.

I could never pull it off, but a chic and gorgeous girlfriend of mine responds thus to, “Don’t you know how that happens?”

“Do I? [sexy grrrrrrowl]”

I relish the idea that people receiving that response never ask that question again

I always say:  Don’t ask me, ask God; He knows! It’s not up to me; it’s in His hands!  [It’s about the answer is close to this for the other question I get asked frequently:  When are you going to stop breastfeeding?  My answer:  Don’t ask me, ask the kid!  It’s not up to me ]

We have 5 children.  We had three boys and a girl in just over six years.  I got the comment a lot that we finally got our girl and were therefore done.  We were always open to more children but it took 8 years for our precious youngest son to come along.  It has been a great lesson in trusting in God’s timing, and I am always thankful when I am able to communicate that whenever inquiring minds want to know.

We have 4, and our oldest is 6yrs.  I get the comments EVERY time I am out with the children by myself.  If my husband is out with us I may not get a comment.  I think it is best to try and see us from their point of view.  I DO have my hands full.  And when they say it, I respond with “thankfully” and a big smile.  I think it is hard to not notice us.  I can remember when I didn’t “have my hands full” and would notice the large families too.  Now, I never said anything to them, but maybe they noticed my looking.  I thought they looked so beautiful!  I like to think that the people noticing us think the same thing. 

I don’t think there will ever be that one perfect line.  How could I ever know where they are coming from and what would prompt them to say something?  I just hope that whatever comes to my mind is loving and expresses the joy that I have for being so blessed.  There aren’t a lot of “big” families out there.  Hopefully ours will leave them with a good impression.  And for all those people out there that say, “see…that’s why I didn’t have more kids”...(sigh)...what could you say?  I’m not sure.  I think that is just a good time to pray for her/him.  If they actually say something to me, I tell them something like, “Oh, sure you could have more.  God always supplies the grace for whatever situation He places you in.” 

I try and focus on those people in our lives that we can really witness to with our lives rather than complete strangers.  Of course, if God gives me the opportunity to really tell them about why we made the decision to have a large family, then I will gladly tell them.  But otherwise, I think I would just be putting too much pressure on myself to be that perfect example of a large family.  Hahaha!  That is never going to happen.

My favorite is my husband’s comment in the elevator at the hospital when they came to visit me with my 5th child (we now have 6)
Other person: don’t you know how that works?
My husband: yes, and we’re really good at it.

And when I get the “hands full” comment (must be a nationwide thing), I say that I am very blessed and that usually stops them from anything worse than the hands full. The other is when I am asked if they are all mine and I just comment how I wish I had a $1 for every time I was asked that.

I don’t remember where I saw the link to this video posted originally, but it’s relevant and funny. The family in question isn’t Catholic, but at the end they include their responses to all the questions they get: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaD8xat6VDw

I get the “hands full” comment often too.  I don’t mind so much.  What really bugs me is when the same man at church walks up to me and says the same thing, week after week after week, as if I hadn’t heard it the first time, “Must be some sport huh?  Five kids.” and he shakes his head, and looks like he can’t believe it.  I can’t believe he still hasn’t gotten over it after 5 or 6 years in the parish.  On the other hand, he is over 60, perhaps he’s got alzheimers and he keeps forgetting he’s already seen me?  I don’t always go to the same church (I have to schedule mass around soccer quite often) but when I do go there, I try to avoid him if possible.

I don’t really have any good comebacks.  If we get to talking I often mention that there is just something about large famiies.  I like large families.  I’m never bored.  When I only had 4, I had a lady ask me how many I had, and her reaction was shock, “Oh! I pity you.” 

“I don’t.” I shrugged.  We kept talking and I guess she realized I didn’t have it so bad after all.

My younger kids bug me to have another one too.  Unfortunately, it is my husband who doesn’t want any more.

We have 5.  It is interesting that you get the comments a lot more often when your husband isn’t there.  I like the “better full than empty” and “they are treasures”!  It’s especially important for your children to see how you respond.  I tell my teens that they are a witness to the culture of life.  My oldest used to complain about “going out with the circus”, ie. our family.

I have often noticed a funny connection with the word verification too - mine is “expect76”.  Hmm, i wonder what that could mean

My roommate is one of 10 and her dad always says, “We’ll stop when we get an ugly one… no offense to the youngest.”

Arwen Mosher:“We don’t know. We know that we will love each one that is given to us”

I have 4 children, ages 4 and under, so I get these comments daily.  I didn’t realize how large the number 4 was by the world’s standards.    Plus we had 3 boys, including twins, and then a girl, so everyone assumes now that we’ve got our girl, we’re “done.”  I typically say “it’s up to God - He’s full of surprises.  Maybe we’ll have triplets!”  My girlfriend is the youngest of 12, and her Dad always said “she was the only one planned.”  Agreed: the best gift you can give a child is a sibling.  But there are many couples who struggle with fertility, so I’m sensitive to asking any questions about numbers.  What bothers me most is the mentality that children are a “right” and you can just have one whenever you choose.  We actually have a 5th child, our first who was stillborn, and we wondered what God’s plan would be after she died - if we would have more (surprise, surprise after several years - 4, so far).  I really learned to be open to trust God’s will and timing - so contrary to the attitude that you can just have your 2 - a boy and a girl, whenever you want.  Children are gifts you cannot buy (another topic with $$ for in vitro, etc.) or demand or deserve - to be accepted from God with joy.