I agree with the readers response in this article….attending a reception implies you are celebrating with/for someone. You wouldn’t be able to say to your friend “congratulations, I’m so happy for you!” because you wouldn’t be, you would be saddened by their sinful choices. Furthermore, I would never consider bringing my family (children) to such an event!

I just finished reading an excellent book called Beyond Gay by David Morrison (it’s on amazon here).  It was written by a man who was a gay activist, then became Christian, then became Catholic.  He now lives a chaste life.  I highly recommend it!

Father, I disagree with you. The purpose for showing up to a post baptism party for a Methodist child is to celebrate the baptism which we still believe to be a valid baptism even if it occurs outside the Catholic Church. As long as the form is correct, the baptism would be accepted by the Church should that child ever decide to marry a Catholic or even enter the Catholic Church. It is my understanding that the “wedding” between two homosexuals would not be considered a sacramental or even a valid marriage in the eyes of the Church so there is no marriage to celebrate which is what attendance at a reception implies. Your analogy compares apples and oranges.

If you wanted to make a similar comparison, then try comparing two Methodists getting married and two homosexuals. Someone could attend the reception and even the wedding of the two Methodists because the Church would see that marriage as a valid one (provided there were no impediments) although not a sacramental one. The “wedding” of two homosexuals is neither valid nor sacramental according to Church teaching.

While I understand that all analogies break down at some point, as they are merely analogies. I would have to argue with Fr’s choice of an analogy because there is an essential difference between baptizing/raising a child in another faith and engaging in a homosexual relationship. The former is intrinsically good, and the latter intrinsically evil. While the Catholic church is the only true church, it does not mean that our separated brethren (who have been raised in the Protestant faith and therefore not actually abandoned the Faith nor apostacized) are living a life of sin or committing themselves to an intrinsically evil lifestyle. This is a crucial point and one that cannot be ignored. Of course one should always be charitable, but I believe that attending the reception would indeed indicate a support for something that by its very essence is immoral and always will be. A more accurate analogy might be if your friend had their child “baptized” at a Black Mass…would you skip the “mass” and attend the reception? I hope not! I wouldn’t go to either! (No, I am not likening homosexuals to devil worshippers here, merely pointing out that an event/union which really is intrinsically evil ought not to be attended at all).

I’m uncomfortable with the main point of this reply also.  It is certainly a thorny question and one we are increasingly likely to face, but I would believe attending either the ceremony or the reception would be a sign of support for the action, which we can’t do in good conscience.  If everyone is happy, celebrating, accepting and congratulatory at the reception, how can you participate in that?  The “marriage” is a complete nullity and you can’t even make a charitable presumption of validity or sacramentality, as you could (say) for a couple that had been cohabitating, had been previously divorced, or belonged to a different Christian denomination.

How *do* you support a friend or family member without endorsing the lifestyle or openly immoral actions in this case?  Here I agree it’s a matter of prudential judgment, but I don’t think it could include going to a gay “wedding” reception because the risk of scandal would be too great.  I like St. Peter’s advice.  FWIW, the area I struggle most with this on is with family who are cohabitating.  My husband and I won’t stay at their houses, I don’t really participate in conversations about homemaking, etc.  But I try to keep lines of communication open, I’m friendly to the significant others and I look for areas that we have in common that we can talk about without my feeling like I’m endorsing their choices—they are family, I love them, and that’s why I care so much. 

Word verification = natural99!

I also do not agree with the Methodist baptism analogy.  I think a better one would be the case of a good friend (who is Catholic) getting married outside the Church to a divorced person.  Should you attend the wedding?  I don’t think so as it would imply approval of the marriage.  I also don’t think you should attend the reception as that would still imply approval.  As a previous comment said, could you congratulate them on their marriage knowing they were living in sin?  I also don’t think you could say “I want to support you,” as this implies supporting their decision to go against their faith.  Is it easy to stand true to your faith?  Not always, but people often will respect you for it.  My mother was the only one of 11 siblings that did not attend her brother’s adulterous wedding and reception.  Yet her brother respected her because she stood firm in her faith.  That fact that she wouldn’t “support” him did not affect their relationship and they remained just as close.  Her love for him would not allow her to support his decision to imperil his immortal soul.

Meg - you took the words right out of my mouth!

I agree with all the comments so far. What are you saying to your children when you attend a reception celebrating a mortal sin? That couple will not be living chaste and their “wedding” is morally wrong. Would we celebrate any other grave sin to keep lines of communication open? Would we attend a celebration over a divorce, a couple moving in together, a couple using contraception?

I also respectfully & strongly disagree with Father’s suggestion that attending such an event is permissible.  Others above have stated the case very well, better than I could.  In supporting & celebrating a homosexual “union” by our presence, we do a disservice to those involved by implicitly condoning their behavior (let us remind ourselves that this type of behavior is mortally sinful & puts their very souls in grave danger).  Can you imagine how confusing (not to mention scandalous) this would be for children?  It may be a fine line, & an uncomfortable one, but I think charity demands that we be honest & firm in our defense of marriage (as defined by the Church), especially considering the serious nature of the sin involved.

Jaime,
Thank you for your thought-inducing remarks, it is good to hear other perspectives too! I do disagree with your assertion that the discussion is taking a direction too severe, however. Again, I think we need to be very clear that the difference between a homosexual union and a heterosexual union is of the essence here. Unfortunately, I have been to many a pregnant wedding (though I know the couples were sincerely trying to be better and to amend their habits).

The point we are all making however is:

a homosexual union is wrong, always and everywhere and a reception for one union celebrates that union, therefore one should not attend. A heterosexual union, although the partners may have sinned sexually, is still a morally good action. Their marriage is a moral good, the homosexual union can never be a moral good.

As for visiting with homosexual friends, that is another topic and I don’t want to derail the conversation by discussing that (not that I am implying anything negative there).

God bless you, Meg

I have to also disagree with Father.  I would not attend the reception for a gay wedding no matter who it was because it is indeed a celebration of the wedding itself.  There are other ways to show love for the individuals involved.  A wedding reception is a wedding celebration.

I agree with Father that this is an issue that is complex and must be handled with prudence.  With all due respect to Father , when I discuss this issue with family/friends, I like to use a different analogy, which some may find harsh.  Suppose I were to join the Ku Klux Klan and then have a party afterwards to celebrate.  Would you come to my party?  Bring a gift ?  WOuld you want to photographed at my party?  just some food for thought.

I know that my brother who is a priest can not attend weddings of (non-annulled) divorced Catholics because it would imply that the Church approves of the wedding, since he officially represents the Church.  But I am a lay person.  I guess if I ever got invited to a “gay wedding” reception, I would have to make that decision based upon how well I knew the couple. 

Growing up, my parents had friends who had two gay children.  My father was a deacon and we never excluded them from our Christmas dinner or any family celebrations.  They were welcome in our home and treated with respect.  There were no lectures on homosexuality or anything in front of them.  My father and mother just told us to “love the sinner/hate the sin”.  Plus, it was none of our business what went on in the privacy of their homes.

Here is my question:

I have a sister who is Jehovah’s Witness. I attended her wedding.
We almost weren’t invited, and were not asked to be “in” the wedding
just, eventually,  asked to attend

This was really hard for me.
I actually ended up crying for at least 20 minutes
after the ceremony.

I guess my question is where is the line drawn?

Should I have gone to the ceremony?
Did I go cause I was HAPPY and CELEBRATING THE MARRIAGE…no.
Did I go because she is my eldest sister and we wanted to show her we LOVED HER… yes.
My whole family is catholic and
my whole family attended. She is the only one
who decided to become JW and get married at a JW ceremony.

I just don’t know.
Should we begin to question all the “celebrations” we attend?
Non-catholic weddings?
Baby showers for those who conceived through IVF?
Bridal Showers for those cohabitating?

It get really tough in these situations to know
how to distinguish, Hate the sin, Love the sinner.

I also disagree with Fr. here. For many of us, this is a real situation we may have to face. I did not attend the wedding or reception of a family member who married a non-Christian outside the Church. It was a very painful decision, but I would do it again, and even more so if a “gay” couple were involved. I think Fr. underestimates the potential for scandal. Anyone hearing about our attendance could assume that we approve the relationship. This could lead that person to think the relationship is okay, to the point of not only condoning sin, but falling into it himself. People’s souls are at stake. The situation of a couple living together before marriage is very different. While they were sinning before marriage, their marriage, barring other impediments, is valid. It marks an end of illicitness in their relationship. That is something to celebrate. Attending the wedding would not be condoning their past sin. If we knew a couple was planning to contracept, that would not invalidate the marriage either, unless they intended to never have children. The wedding is not celebrating their contraception, nor any other sins they may be committing in secret that do not invalidate the sacrament. Socializing with anyone living an unchaste lifestyle is a very different thing than going to a reception meant to celebrate that lifestyle. I welcome the family member I mentioned above (and the legal spouse) to all events where other family members are invited. Do I have a great relationship with them? No, there are some hard feelings on their side. I cannot control that. But my conscience is clear.

I agree with Fr. Bartunek. And Mara, and Laura, and ViolinMama, and a few others here. People of faith need to be leaven in the world, and build bridges, instead some here advocate that we tear down the bridges, circle the wagons, and hide from sinfulness—heaven knows we have enough of our own, even in a “safe” circle of wagons… When in doubt I say think of the relationship and the person—in this case the person who might be hurt, and the relationship that might be severed—by my non-attendance—and respond accordingly. With love. Of course we must be prudent, Fr. B explained that very well I think. I think I know what the Pharisees would say about this one. I don’t have close homosexual friends but I’m imagining a good, down-to-earth person, not a “gay crusader” with a flamboyant sex-themed party.

I can’t remember the wording on the party invitation from our gay relative and his partner, but it was something to the effect of “celebrating our love.”  My husband and I debated about whether or not to go, and finally decided that we would.  It helped that it wasn’t a wedding.  We just couldn’t see how we could *not* go and still have this person know that we accept him fully. I don’t regret it. I feel like we continue to grow in our relationship with him, whereas it would’ve come to a dead cold stop had we not gone.  I also think I have more legitimacy when, if ever, we discuss explicitly our beliefs.  You know, I do think some people are influenced to live a homosexual lifestyle.  It’s accepting, sophisticated . . .  But others, well, it’s obvious that he or she was born with homosexual inclinations.  It’s got to be hard.  Marriage is not an option. Only to carry the cross and to always be chaste.  Even though heterosexuals are also called to be chaste, too, they have the opportunity to marry.  Anyway, I knew Father’s example would be ripped to shreds, but at the end of the day, going to a celebration doesn’t mean you celebrate every aspect of the event.  Often it means we don’t agree on religion, or your lifestyle, or politics, etc…  but, I love you.

I am nearly rendered speechless. I feel like all the campaigns for gay marriage have had their intended effect on our thinking. They’ve won a victory over us.

Attending is a sin. It is a sin by confirming others in their sin. Those who are “marrying’ don’t hear, “I disagree with your lifestyle, but I love you.” They hear: “It can’t be that bad if the Catholic is here.” They think you are a hypocrite who might come around and be honest with yourself one day.

St. Michael, pray for us. I really can’t add much to what’s already been said. I’m just stunned…and sickened.

Father, I don’t know you and I haven’t read many of your other posts on Faith and Family, but I am surprised by your response to this question.  How can attending a reception celebrating the “marriage” of a gay couple NOT be seen as supporting that lifestyle?  Going out for dinner or meeting up with gay friends, that is a completely different matter and I completely support.  You’re visiting with friends, but that in no way implies you support them living together.  But attending a reception in honor of their “marriage?”  No, that simply is not an acceptable option.

As a catholic I believe that marriage between a man and a woman only is valid and sacramental. As the homosexuals marry committing themselves for homosexual acts, they proclaim that homosexual acts are not sinful. So as a catholic I cannot attend their wedding and reception. However I shall remain friend willing to help them spiritually and materially when circumstances arise

I wrote earlier, and want to offer something else, now anonymously—in the last few years, the reality of lesbianism hit home in our family.  My aunt ended a 30 year marriage to live with her lover.  They said they feared telling my parents and actually had their other sibling tell them because they feared being judged and rejected by my devout Catholic parents. 

Instead my dad, who is in his 70s, response to his sister was:  ‘You’ll always be my sister, and I’ll always love you.’  In fact, my parents have welcomed them into their home many times (same as they did when she was married to my uncle) and been to the sister’s new home. 

Extremely interestingly, the lesbian sister and her lover are now active in a church (not Catholic, but Christian)—after both eschewed religion, faith, etc. as unnecessary, just trappings, for the masses, etc. for all of their adult lives.  Somehow they are getting closer to God despite this situation (their church 100 % welcomes openly gay lovers, so it’s not following church teaching, but still it’s something remarkable that they crave God).  And I think my parents’ loving response was instrumental in that. 

We still think what happened is tragic, and I feel just so sorrowful for my (“former?) uncle, but rejecting or shunning my aunt and her partner would have been wrong.  (They did not have a commitment ceremony or whatever it’s called, so I don’t know what the other sib. or my folks or myself would have done in that case.) 

On the other hand one of her nephews, my sibling, conspicuously will not write the lover’s name on Christmas cards or e-mails, in other words won’t acknowledge her existence.  I certainly won’t call her “aunt” —but I can write both of their names and ask about the lover.  That is a grace, I think.  Because I’m not able to do it because I am oh-so-welcoming, but I do want to follow Christ’s example and in this instance He makes it kind of easy (not comfortable, I struggle each time) for me.