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Posted by Arwen Mosher in Just me on Friday, November 18, 2011 4:13 PM
My husband, wonderful man that he is, often says to me, “Why don’t you go take a bath?” Or if it’s the best day of the week (Saturday) he says, “Why don’t you go out by yourself for a couple hours?”
I sometimes tell him no. “I will feel better if I stay here and get more stuff done,” I tell him.
I don’t know why I haven’t learned by now: there is always more “stuff” to get “done.” I rarely stop moving between sunrise and sunset and my mental to-do list still stretches over the horizon. An extra sixty minutes plugging away at it won’t make a discernable difference. I should rest. But I routinely refuse to do so.
A wise person recently listened to me describe this situation and shocked me with a truth I had not considered before: God built a sabbath into the week. He worked for six days, and then he rested.
Now, the omniscient omnipotent Eternal Being does not actually need to rest. (I majored in theology in college, so you can trust me on this.) Creating the heavens and the earth did not wear him out in any way. He didn’t need the sabbath. He created it despite that.
I guess it means he wants us to rest.
Being on duty twenty-four hours a day, as happens when you’ve got little ones, is enough to wear anyone out. I am perpetually drained. I daydream of bubble baths or even - let’s be realistic here - ten minutes hiding in the bathroom with a book.
My wise friend also made me think by comparing rest to eating. I’d never say, “I’m really hungry, but I’ll feel better if I just keep going without food,” he reminded me. And yet I continually treat resting that way: as if stopping for an instant will make me unable to go on.
In reality, resting rejuvenates me. If I take my husband up on his offer of time away, or if I let the laundry go and instead spend half an hour reading on the couch before bed, I’m better equipped to dive back into my horizon-stretching to-do list when rest-time is over. It really does help.
God took a day of rest, and commanded us to take one too. I owe it to myself to obey him.
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Awesome reflection. I can very much relate. Although, I do “rest” throughout the day by reading (a book or on the computer), I rarely take time to get away—by myself—to do the things I really love to do (scrapbook or shop!). Instead, I think I need to work on the things at home. I’ll have to continue pondering this and chat with my wonderful husband!
Arwen, may I recommend an excellent book called, “Souls at Rest”? It has a wealth upon which to meditate about Sabbath rest and its necessity for our “wholeness” and our holiness. You can find it on Amazon. It’s by Charlotte Ostermann. I know you’re thinking, “I cannot even go to the bathroom alone, nor do I ever get a shower, so why is this lady telling me to read a book?!” Because you NEED to slow down and read (case in point!).
THanks for your wise article and sharing your insight with all of us.
Arwen,
This is something I have just recently started realizing as well. My husband and I work opposite shifts, we have 7 children 9 and under and homeschool so it seemed to me like I just didn’t have luxury of rest in this season of my life. But since I returned to work of my last baby was born i’ve been really striving to take Sunday as a day of rest, I do my best to get things ready on Saturday night so I don’t have immediate stuff staring at me, I make dinner or at least plan it out, get the laundry done, etc and then on sunday I just ignore it all. It has made a HUGE impact. I am able to ignore the stuff bothering me because I say it’s Sunday, I can always do that tomorrow but tomorrow I may not be able to rest and every other day when it feels like there’s not enough coffee in the world to keep me going I can just remind myself that I will get respit ... on Sunday.
Thanks for sharing.
I, too, have started taking Sunday as a day of rest. Yes, I still have to make the meals, and clean up, but I use paper plates, so I don’t have as many dishes to do, and as much clean-up. I also strive to have the laundry done, or at least my daughter and husband’s uniforms fot the week. That way, I can spend the time with my family, or reading. I’m not ALWAYS successful at it, like last week, when I didn’t get the floors swept, and it was driving me crazy, so I did them. But for the most part, I try to make Sunday what it’s suppsed to be, a day for the Lord and for family. The Orthadox Jews have the right idea, for the most part.
Also, it would be hard for you to do, right now, Arwen, but when your children get a little older, I have tried to take my break while the kids are at school, or at least when my oldest is at school and my 3 yr is playing indepenently. I sit down for an hour and check the computer, or read and have a cup of tea. I used to feel guilty, but then I realized, my husband, and others who work outside of the home get a lunch break if not a couple breaks. Also, they get to leave their jobs at the end of the day. Since my “job” gets busier from after school to bedtime, I take my break in the late morning. Then I’m ready for the craziness the afternoon and evening brings.
My husband and I also work opposite schedules ( mine is part-time and his is fulltime), and Sunday is the only day that we both have off. We have tried to plan it so that all our yardwork, housework and errands is done before Sunday, to reserve Sunday for church and family time. 90% of the time we’re able to work it that way, and it helps a lot.
Arwen,
I, too, have started taking Sunday as a day of rest. Yes, I still have to make the meals, and clean up, but I use paper plates, so I don’t have as many dishes to do, and as much clean-up. I also strive to have the laundry done, or at least my daughter and husband’s uniforms fot the week. That way, I can spend the time with my family, or reading. I’m not ALWAYS successful at it, like last week, when I didn’t get the floors swept, and it was driving me crazy, so I did them. But for the most part, I try to make Sunday what it’s suppsed to be, a day for the Lord and for family. The Orthadox Jews have the right idea, for the most part.
Also, it would be hard for you to do, right now, Arwen, but when your children get a little older, I have tried to take my break while the kids are at school, or at least when my oldest is at school and my 3 yr is playing indepenently. I sit down for an hour and check the computer, or read and have a cup of tea. I used to feel guilty, but then I realized, my husband, and others who work outside of the home get a lunch break if not a couple breaks. Also, they get to leave their jobs at the end of the day. Since my “job” gets busier from after school to bedtime, I take my break in the late morning. Then I’m ready for the craziness the afternoon and evening brings.
Cleaning your house, while the children are still growing, is like shoveling the driveway while still in the middle of a blizzard.
Another reason for resting - you can show your children that you think the Sabbath is important. I know you have babies, but your older ones can understand that God does really want us to spend Sundays worshipping him, having family time, and helping others. Since you are helping others nearly non-stop, you need to help yourself on Sunday and other parts of the day in order to stay close to God. Why do you think the monks spend several times during the day in prayer? When I went to a Benedictine high school, the sisters seemed so happy. I attribute it to the shared prayer and the mandatory one hour of relaxation time they built into their schedule. They were running a girls high school, a monastery, and a retirement home and still had time to rest and enjoy each other as a community. Your family is your community - spend some time just enjoying them! There is never an end to chores ......
Awesome reflection and great reminder for us all! Thank you!
I have been blessed this week to have some time twice! First with a friend over coffee while our girls were at theatre class…and second at a garden club home tour…which happened to be at our local Benedictine monastery! What an awesome blessing! We even got to stay for Compline!
The time wasn’t extended…only an hour or so, but, because we made it a priority and said yes, we were blessed, and rejuvenated! (Love those Benedictine Sisters!)
Your husband sounds wonderful, Arwen. I hope you can take him up on his offer to give you respite without feeling guilty (oh, how I know that guilt), I have been a mother to little ones almost twenty years and I am burned out. I hate not having any energy at all to be a fun mom for my kids. So I guess what I am suggesting is that even though you are young and strong now and a hard worker, taking regular rest times now can protect and nourish the future Arwen. People told me this when I was younger and I didn’t listen.
Ladies, I love this. I too try to have work done on Saturday, to rest Sunday.
Although, I have a question regarding my hubby. He loves his football, and one son too. And, my hubby pretty much refuses to play board games. So, how do I support family time, esp. with winter coming? We do attend mass together each Sunday and we mostly get in a rosary or divine mercy Sun. night. But, the day is spent with me feeling like he needs to turn off the TV and give both me and the rest of the family more attention. Sometimes I can pout and get irritated, which isn’t helpful to the family.
We have 5 kids- 13 to 1yrs. old. I don’t like to complain, but this is the truth.
As a former pre-school teacher, I instituted a “break time” of 10-15 minutes morning and evening with my first child. My kids, now 21, 19, and 11, have learned to give Momma her time when she’s on “break”. They also learned to “wait until I finish this chapter”. Of course, sometimes they’ve learned these well enough to turn the table on me. LOL
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