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Email a FriendThanks Father for your help. My husband and I went “church shopping” about 4 years ago after our local parish got a new priest who we felt was abusing the liturgy. We gave him the benefit of the doubt (maybe that’s not what he just said…..) many times but found ourselves leaving Mass angry at what we had seen/heard rather than grace filled. We prayed for guidance and wrote him a respectful letter explaining our concerns. In a very hurtful, accusatory manner, he addressed our concerns during Mass! After that we contacted the church secretary to withdraw our names from the church membership and we found a parish about 20 miles away. Sadly, we are not the only family to leave the parish since then. It was a very painful experience to leave our local parish, but in the end we knew it was best for our family.
Is It Okay to "Parish Shop"?
Posted by Fr. John Bartunek, LC in Faith on Thursday, January 14, 2010 11:00 AM
Q: Is it required that we attend our home parish (just a few blocks away) when possible, or is it acceptable to attend Mass in another town on a regular basis? Our reasons are many, and probably too personal to go into here.
A: This question has a short answer and a long answer. I will try to land in between the extremes.
The Bottom Line
Strictly speaking, the Church is quite reasonable in what she requires as regards participation in the sacraments. We are obliged to attend Mass every Sunday and holy day of obligation, to receive Holy Communion at least once a year (during the Easter Season), and to confess grave sins at least once a year. As long as the priest is in good standing and the rites are validly celebrated, we are free to go where we wish. You can read more about what Canon law has to say on the legalities.
God’s Solution to Church-Shopping
We should not leap-frog our local parish lightly. Parishes are the main cells of the Church. In a sense, our local parish is an extension in time of the Incarnation. The local Eucharistic Celebration is Christ coming into our the here-and-now of our lives, including our geography. The God who is in charge of history is also in charge of these kinds of conjunctions. Providence isn’t blind to where we end up living, and which parish coincides with that. With prayer, faith, and humility, we can usually discover what God wishes to give us through our local parish, and also what he wishes us to contribute to our local parish.
I remember the first time I experienced this personally. I was still a Protestant, but already exploring the Catholic faith (and feeling attracted by it). I moved back home after graduating from college. As I rented my first apartment and settled in for my first full-time job, I started looking around for a good church to go to.
I must have visited 28 different Protestant churches looking for just the right combination of doctrine, worship style, and like-minded folks. As the search went on, I became tired and frustrated. Then it occurred to me, “Hey, wait a minute. If I were Catholic, I wouldn’t have to go church-shopping, because God would already have picked a church out for me — the local parish.”
So, with great relief and giddy excitement, I called up the diocesan chancery office, told them my address, and asked what parish I was in. They told me, and I started going to Sunday Mass — that local parish (what I considered God’s choice for me) became “my church,” although it met none of the personal-preference criteria I had set for myself (I mean, absolutely none). That was the parish where I ended up entering the Catholic Church.
Reality Check
Your question implies that you have strong reasons for not attending your local parish on a regular basis. That can certainly happen. No need to feel guilty about it. Nevertheless, I would encourage you to be very honest with yourselves, making sure that there really are strong, objective reasons, and that you are not merely falling into the “church-shopping” mentality. There is no perfect parish, and when we shop around, we can subconsciously start setting ourselves up as our own judge and jury regarding all Church affairs, which, generally speaking, is not a good idea (unless becoming a heretic is on our agenda).
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We were married in & had our 1st child baptized at a parish that served the local university, as I attended this parish as a college student. After our child was born, we felt less at home in the parish as it was very student-oriented—so we sought a more family-friendly parish. We found one that was full of young families like ours. We remained at that parish for close to 10 years. When the pastor was transferred, the parish went through a series of temporary pastors until a priest was assigned there permanently. During this time of upheaval, it seemed as if a wayward parish council took charge & the parish became what felt like a social club—not a place of worship. When even our young children began to notice that things seemed “unorthodox” at the parish—we felt we had an obligation to leave & to seek out a parish that would nourish our family spiritually. It was hard to leave, we had some dear friends there & my husband came into the Catholic Church in that parish. Part of me felt like we were abandoning our Lord, or leaving as if He weren’t truly present there on the altar. Admittedly, there were times we wondered if the Mass we were attending was valid/licit. We did “shop around” for another parish—but though the choices were many (there are 5 Catholic parishes in town, despite its small size), there was only one parish we felt we could attend in good faith—meaning that we knew we would not have to return home after Liturgy to sit the children down & say, “Ok, now when you saw/heard this at Mass today, it was incorrect because….” It was very stressful having to do that every Sunday. In the end, we found a wonderful small parish where our entire family has truly grown spiritually. We feel that we made not just the best, but a truly necessary, decision for the spiritual well-being of our family.
This question hits home right now. Our parish “home” has been St. Marys since we were married there 18 years ago. But our bishop has decided to close many parishes and merge several others. St. Marys (a very traditional-minded parish) is merging with another downtown parish (a very liberal-minded parish). Since we have many children still to be baptized, receive First Communion, Penance, and Confirmation, we have been considering other parishes in town where there might be the best spiritual food (Sacramental instruction, homilies that don’t water down Church teaching, and a reverent liturgy) to offer our children. We and many other families in the parish have been struggling with the question of whether it is better to go to the “assigned” merger parish in order to be a leaven in that community or whether we ought to look around town for another parish for the sake of our children.
Father Bartunek, I truly appreciate this whole article, and especially the last paragraph which warns us not to fall into the “church shopping” mentality which can easily make our pride the standard. I love the example from your own life of going to a parish which met none of your personal criteria!! Yet, I wonder if it would be the same for those of us who are parents of children still in their formative years. Would you please comment on our duty as parents to provide a parish home where our children will receive solid instruction in their faith VS. our duty to “go where we are planted” (as you said, “The God who is in charge of history is also in charge of these kinds of conjunctions.”). Many thanks for your help!
This seems to be a common theme as we wait in joyful hope for the ordination of more good men to serve in the Lord’s vineyard. We also left the parish closest to us for one which we knew would feed our souls, minds and hearts. We attended Mass in our small town only one block away—we had been so pleased when we first moved to see that the church would be so close to our home! I was thrilled, with three small children, that I would be able to walk to daily Mass no matter the weather, and that we would never face travel issues even in snow storms. We introduced ourselves to the priest there, and he gave us a rather strange look as he introduced himself, and that was the last interraction we had with him for months. Though we would present our family week after week following Mass, he rarely made eye contact and even less often spoke to us. I sang with the choir, but left, disgusted, after being assured that “people don’t attend this Mass to fulfill an obligation; they come to hear US sing!” I taught religious education for four years, trying my best to teach the Catechism, even *gasp* USING the ACTUAL CATECHISM, and was asked not to return because I was not teaching from the abysmal texts provided—and I actually expected those in my charge to know basic truths of our faith. The last straw for us was when, after not having attended there for months, I was called upon and asked to bring a casserole to church because it was “our Small Parish’s turn to provide the meal for a funeral.” We had never been formally added to the parish membership role, though we had asked to be, and had not been ministered to in times of need (I had endured major surgery and had not even been paid a visit to pray, been brought Communion, nor had anyone responded to my requests for a hand with the kids, a meal, the laundry—anything—though we had been helpful to others…not that we did it in expectation of reciprocation, but the lack of caring was truly upsetting!), and after months of not being present, there was no, “Why have you left? How is your family?”—it was just, “Can you bring a casserole?”
The parish we are now members in is very active, very vibrant, very orthodox. There are dozens of families, and the membership is very diverse—including many elderly people, many singles, and a wide range of circumstances. Very many of the families home school, ensuring that their children are properly raised in the faith, go to confession regularly and attend Mass as often as possible, and take an active role in parish life. We drive 40 minutes each way to participate, and do so many times each week as our home life allows. (Lots of trips during Christmastide and Holy Week!) I think we do owe our children—and ourselves—the very important priority of true religious education, meaning we attend Mass where we know our souls are being truly fed. We go to the trouble of putting nourishing food on the table to feed our bodies; it follows to reason that we would place ourselves well to attend the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.
Father, thank you.
We belong to a large parish in a diverse community comprised of varied socioeconomic levels.
Some people have left our parish to join the Latin Mass community, because they beleive it is more orthodox. They particularly do not like the addition of Lifeteen; they view this as evidence that our parish is unorthodox. We disagree. Many of their complaints are a matter of taste, or a matter pf priests spread too thin to do every apostolate these people would like. Legion of Mary lost its priest advisor, for example, because he could not keep up all of his duties, and Legion of Mary had fewer than half a dozen members.
My husband and I felt an obligation to stay. I have read stories of extreme problems such as priests wearing clown suits during Mass. If we had serious problems like that, we would reconsider our decision! However, what we actually have is a large parish where our pastor tries very hard to address everyone’s needs, too few priests, and some people whose needs are not 100% met by the parish. What we also have is Christ truly present in the eucharist.
There are a lot of “cultural Catholics” who do not know the teachings of our faith very well, and only go to Mass on Christmas and Easter. There are teenage girls who wear mini skirts to Mass. The music and homilies vary in beauty and depth. But this is reality. These are the people who comprise the Church. We live in a secular age when many, many Catholics truly do not know how to live as Catholics. We also have a consistent parish presence in our adoration chapel, a vibrant Catholic community on the local campus, and a CCD program which is becoming more helpful and information packed all the time.
Because we remained at our home parish, we have forged a bond with other Catholics in our town. We have a community. It is a community of sinners—starting with me and my family!—because it is a community of people. Yet it is the body of Christ.
Thank you for your words of wisdom, Father. I urge others to ask, not only what can I get from my parish, but what can I give?
Our teens who have been formed by this parish experience are very serious about their faith. Our college aged son would only miss Mass if he was in the hospital! Our teens are always involved in dialogue with kids of other faiths, expalining and defending Catholicism, and they sincerely try to live their faith. Being raised in a parish some have considered “lukewarm” has not had a bad effect on them. I cannot say this is ture for all children, only that it is true for mine, so it is probably true for at least *some* others. Parents know best what is good for their own children, though, so I am not second guessing anyne else’s judgment.
Believe it or not, we’ve had a very similar experience in our parish. 15 years ago, when we joined our parish a new pastor was appointed at the same time. We were too young amd busy with our growing family to really get involve in the Church politicas at the time. Tired me didn’t even notice that the choir was singing Marty Haugan songs, or that there were girl altar servers. We simply went for the Eucharist.
Now we have a new pastor, and lots of former parishoners have “come back” to our church. Should we let them in? Seriously, sometimes you have to live through some bad times to appreciate the good times. I’m happy we weren’t just “good time Charlies” . We’ve made some wonderful friends there. My children see their public school teachers there. It is our home and family, with the good parts and the bad parts. Christ is in the Eucharist always, whether it be at the Cathedral or the little chapel on a military outpost. We shouldn’t forget that.
bllom - I really, really like what you have to say here. All very good reasons to stay in a parish. Father, thank you for your article. I think it is a very balanced approach. We are all in different circumstances and know what is best for our children, and their formation is a huge priority! But it is very important not to start judging parishes as “holier than others” etc. That doesn’t do anyone any good. Many of the people I know who engage in this line of thinking and let their parish choices reflect it, aren’t helping anyone get closer to God, and they in fact turn a lot of people away who feel they can never measure up.
One good point I heard on Catholic radio: a caller called in and railed about the priest’s “watered-down” homily, it wasn’t proper church teaching, blah, blah…the priest who was answering calls said, “What was the Gospel about?” and the person couldn’t tell him! We need to guard against becoming so nit-picky about this rule and that rule, that we miss the unalienable truths and gifts that are part of every Mass: scripture readings, the Eucharist, and so on! We become like the Pharisees when we focus so much on the rules that we lose sight of Jesus.
“Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, I am there…” Jesus didn’t say, “Where 2 or 3 who are executing the liturgy exactly perfectly are gathered…” He simply said when we gather in His name, He is with us.
I am sure the topic of male vs. female altar servers could develop into a hot-button topic all on its own, which is not my intention…but here are my 2 cents worth…
Priests are icons of Christ, spiritually & physically, & many priestly vocations come from the altar. Christ himself chose to limit the ordination of priests & Bishops to men only; consequently, the Church does not have the authority to ordain women to the priesthood or the Episcopate. Boys serve at the altar partly as a way to introduce youths to the priesthood, which is for males only. God intends men & women to have different, but equally dignified, roles in the Church, the family, & society. The Church mustn’t be overly influenced by secular society, which teaches that there should be no distinctions, no differences in roles, based on gender. The choice of boys only as altar servers better reflects the teachings & traditions of the Church, & gives us better hope for future priestly ordinations.
That being said, I think it would be great if more programs existed (involving prayer, serving the poor, needy, etc.) for young girls that would introduce them to the consecrated religious life. I would feel supremely blessed if any of our sons or daughters felt called by God to the priestly or consecrated religious life!
I am interested to hear others speak of parishes as liberal or orthodox. My city is similar—the parishes all have their own “reputations” and assessments are often made of people based on which parish they attend. (“Oh, she goes to THAT parish.”) This seems very different from how I grew up, where people went to their neighborhood churches and each parish had members who were liberal, orthodox, and everywhere in between. I worry a great deal about this trend… the more people seek out a church that fits their own preferences the less we are exposed to other Catholics whose expression of their faith is a bit different from our own. I think our Church can really benefit from dialogue among our different groups and can suffer when we associate only with other Catholics like ourselves. At the same time, it’s nice to feel accepted and comfortable in our Church communities. I think this is a really tough issue.
I think it is interesting to read all these comments. In researching my family history, I have come across parishes that were historically German, or Irish, or Italian. These groups of people did not feel comfortable attending Mass with each other - I sometimes wonder if it was differing styles of worship within the norms set by the Church - after all the Mass was in Latin then. There is historical precedent to look for a parish that suits one’s style of worship.
In NYC where my dad grew up, you had Irish, Italian, German, Hungarian & Polish neighborhoods. Each neighborhood has its own parish & school. The churches were built to serve the particular immigrant group that settled in the neighborhood. It’s highly unlikely that you would live in an area outside of your immigrant base, so therefore you wouldn’t need to travel across town to attend church.
My husband and I do not attend the parish closest to our house (about 3 minutes away) and have instead chosen to make our parish home at one about 15 minutes away for a number of reasons. However, I was really struck this weekend while at a performance of “The Screwtape Letters” at the Shakespeare Theatre in DC. In one letter, Screwtape encourages his nephew to make sure his “patient” goes church shopping. Then, Screwtape argues, the patient/soul becomes a critic, instead of becoming humbly open to that with which the Lord wants to feed him. Pretty powerful.
Therese, thanks for this. This is where I am at right now. We are blessed (some would say, “spoiled”) here in NYC because there are plenty of parishes of all kinds nearby. Our “official” parish is not perfect but neither is my “other” parish (with the beautiful music and more emphasis on the Eucharist). I do feel church shopping is wrong. However, I can understand those coming from other (Christian) traditions. My husband is a Methodist and when I met him he was attending a different denomination—the Methodist church in his neighborhood was not “suitable”. This was mystifying to me. I am concerned about children’s formation as well since my kids go to public school and I am IT. I have taught CCD on and off in our parish for some years and I do feel they do the best they can with the population they are dealing with. It is a real problem. But I am staying and I think things are slowly changing. For instance, we are having adoration all day on Friday, 1/22 for Respect Life. I am hoping that this will open the door to a more regular adoration schedule (as we have at my “other’ church). Pray for your pastors and your parish priests. Remember that it’s not about “you” and your musical tastes, altar girls, etc. God has put you there for a reason. OK end of speech 
Don’t rely on parish faith formation to educate your children—I say this as a DRE for my parish. Even families with excellent catechesis programs should never leave it all up to someone else to teach their children. Parents should always take charge of their children’s religious education—if the parish can help you, great. If not, do the minimum required to have access to the Sacraments and do the formal instruction at home.
Faith formation, music programs, building styles, etc shouldn’t be the basis for choosing a parish. I strongly favor sticking with your home parish unless there are serious theological errors being taught or the Mass being offered is invalid for some reason.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church (1653) states: “The fruitfulness of conjugal love extends to the fruits of the moral, spiritual, and supernatural life that parents hand on to their children by education. Parents are the principal and first educators of their children.” Catholic Canon Law also supports this.
This comment is in response to JMB’s statement, “lots of former parishoners have ‘come back’ to our church. Should we let them in?” First, it’s Christ’s church; therefore, it’s open to all, no matter what the reason. Leaving a parish to go to another parish is not a mortal sin, and we certainly can’t judge why we haven’t seen someone for a while. Furthermore, the Church is for sinners as well as saints. It’s up to the person to take care of his or her soul through the valid reception of the sacraments. This kind of reasoning is very provincial and has nothing to do with the teachings of the Church.
I think that JMB’s response was more rhetorical than seriously attempting to prohibit people from joining a parish.
Our diocese tends to be more pastoral in this practice, allowing people to choose what parish that they wish to belong, although sometimes questioning why they don’t belong to their ‘proper’ parish. In the last area that we lived, that diocese tended to focus more on what canon law says. They would not permit people to join a parish that was outside of their parish boundaries. ( Can. 518 As a general rule a parish is to be territorial, that is, one which includes all the Christian faithful of a certain territory. When it is expedient, however, personal parishes are to be established determined by reason of the rite, language, or nationality of the Christian faithful of some territory, or even for some other reason). I know that I’ve heard my pastor say that he is responsible for all people within his parish boundaries and will attend to their needs, even if they are not Catholic.
I can really understand the difficulties that some of you face and a don’t blame you for wanting to find a parish that feels right. I do like what Father said about there being no perfect parish, because it’s definitely the truth! Another thought about parishes that don’t meet your needs, can YOU become the leaven to change things about your parish? Because if you don’t feel comfortable, perhaps there are others who don’t as well, and maybe God is calling you to something greater.
Can I point out what seems to be at the bottom of “Parish Shopping” : lay peoples lack of confidence in the Priests and Bishops to truly be a Servant of Servants. I have to go to Mass and lend a critical ear because Priests and layman alike can spread heresies. Like Catholics for Choice or a Priest that is openly critical of the Pope. It seems to me that Priests (because well they’re human) can fall into the moral relativism that plagues our society. I think we should always be humble when we criticize what we see at Mass and remember that the main point isn’t the homily, the Liturgy of the Word, or the music but the source and summit of our lives: the EUCHARIST. That being said my family just changed churches because they Priest, though not technically wrong in celebrating the Mass, was down and out mean. Also, while I attended RCIA classes two separate RCIA teachers “counseled” us that birth control wasn’t wrong. As a family it was emotionally upsetting to change parishes but ultimately we feel that God created a space for us in our new parish and the transition has been incredible. Our new parish needs us and we need it and we’re looking forward to helping a new community.
What a timely article for us! Just today I gave our pastor a letter stating that our family is withdrawing from our church home of nearly 10 years. The reason is that our parish is now a member of an organization that is affiliated with the IAF (Industrial Areas Foundation) which is a group similar to ACORN. IAF affiliates around the country have a very liberal agenda which includes abortion rights and support for same-sex marriage. We’ve informed our pastor of our concerns, but he is unwilling to remove our church from the organization. I’m heartbroken to be leaving our family, but we cannot in good conscience be members of a parish that is contributing money to the IAF.
My husband and I moved 10 minutes away and continued attending the parish where we had joined the Catholic Church. 4 years later we moved again and purposely chose a neighborhood (among 3 suburbs we were considering) largely due to its proximity to a parish we wanted to be part of. I suppose that’s church shopping in a way, but all other things being equal, we figured it was best to place roots near our preferred church. In the two years we’ve been here, we’ve become more involved and volunteered for things like helping with the Latin Mass in hopes that it would have the support it would need to continue.
This is very timely for me as I prepare to move to a new state. I have never been one to go church shopping and have stayed in parishes where I was not thrilled with the music and the homilies and the agendas, hoping to be that light or leaven. But that was before I had children old enough to receive Communion. Although I am confident that my children are getting a proper Catholic formation (from my husband and I), it would be tiresome to have to explain to them every Sunday why things are or are not being done a certain way.
For example, we have attended Mass at military chapels where there is not typically a tabernacle present. Every once in a while is fine, but I do not want my children to not have the habit and/or understanding that we genuflect before the Real Presence of Christ present in the tabernacle. Therefore, I would make an effort to attend Mass at a Catholic church the majority of the time, even if the liturgy were reverent.
Outside of military chapels, other issues threaten to rise blood pressure and cause significant distractions at Mass. When your husband is turning three shades of purple every Sunday, it might be time to look elsewhere to fulfill your Sunday obligation!
If the problem were only aesthetics (music not to my tastes) or liberal homilies (that my children wouldn’t probably understand anyway) or issues like girls as altar servers, we would probably suffer through it. But if we are the ONLY family with more than 2 children (by vocal choice), the priest and congregation stress social justice and downplay confession and Eucharistic Adoration, and the Mass seems to be a three ring circus with the focus on entertainment not worship, then I would have to considering finding a church that felt more like home.
We switched parishes last year…there are 35 parishes in my town (I live in a heavily Catholic area) The parish in our neighborhood is a Polish parish - Polish-language masses, Polish-centric activities, etc (Were Irish-Italian). We went to their English language masses and our son received his baptism there - but we weren’t happy there. But, when we were looking for pre-school for our son, and in our search found our current parish. We love the fact that they have a parish school, it’s family orientated, and it is conservative. When we decided to make the switch, we didn’t have any problems since we were enrolling our son in the parish school and our current parish didn’t have one.
We changed parishes when I found myself anxious every time I drove into the church parking lot and when I was praying that my kids were NOT listening. I had tried to be that leaven for a couple of years and had suffered verbal abuse from the priest and nun who was in charge. When we started to go to the other parish, about 25 minutes away, my noncatholic dh started coming more often and within a year he was going to RCIA. For us it was a sacrifice to drive farther to this little rural parish but I really feel we were abundantly blessed for our efforts.
ironically we left a church for verious reasons and found anothe church home, and decided to move based on where the church was…LOL! It has been wonderful to be more involved. Sadly the church that we were attending changed many of their policies to make it harder for youn families to become involved…now that we are at an orthadox church which is family friendly, we have been able to jump in with both feet…Praise the Lord that he allowed us to move and grow!
Katrina - I agree wholeheartedly. In our current parish I have no confidence in our current pastor, who thankfully is retiring in a year. Under his watch, words in the creed have changed (he dropped “for us men”) and he regularly allows lay people to make decisions that go against Rome. They’re usually “small” things, but they add up. sigh. At the same time it is by far the most energetic, loving community I’ve ever been a part of, and it has one of the only Catholic schools in our area. The other more orthodox parishes in our area are snooty and almost impossible to break into socially & trust me we tried!
What bothers me the most is how often the “good, devout Catholics” leave parishes to go be with their own kind. How will the other Catholic learn about our beautiful powerful Jesus & his church if no one will stick around to help teach them - especially when the priests & religious themselves (the older ones!) are so confused? We need to evangelize our own church! At our parish I am amazed & saddened that so many committed adults know so little about what the church really teaches - especially in liturgy. My DH & I (along w/some friends) have a quiet apostolate of teaching our fellow parishoners about confession, the Eucharist, a proper Mass etc. People always seem grateful to learn it.
Anyway - great topic.
Thank you for being the leaven in your parish, I wish we could have done the same. You try and try and eventually you decide you have to your domestic church first. It’s sad to have to leave a parish, it took us a year to do it and we had only been attending the church a month when the first warning sign happened. My husband’s in the military and we see a lot of different parish. Some we didn’t like but then came to love once we were able to open our hearts. I’ve butted heads with a priest before but never to the point where I felt I had to leave a parish. Heart sick is the best word to describe how we felt about having to leave the parish. But I’m happy some do stay and try to make it better, they should recieve many blessings because the deserve it.
I was never one to “Church shop” that seems really protestant to me. I’ve always just gone to whatever Catholic Church was closest, unless I was away or had to go at a different time, or whatever.
Where I live now, a river runs through the city, and one side is one diocese and the other side is another diocese. Technically, I belong to one diocese, but I always go to Church in the other. For one, there is no neighbouring church, as I am in the country, and two, it is the same distance for me to go to the other side, because we live fairly close to the bridge.
There are so few priests and parishioners in a once very Catholic Québec now, that the parishes have become one big parish, with the same two or three priests and one parish council taking care of all the churches. So on the one side, it doesn’t matter which building you go to (and they are all the same distance for me), it’s the same parish. It is the same on the other side. There are 3 churches within a similar distance to my house. All the same parish there too, with the same priests rotating.
I would probably still mostly go to my side, except that I grew tired of things like them giving bread (however unconsecrated it was) to children at communion, (Just too much fodder for confusion) and the fact that the whole first part of the Eucharistic pray was in fact sung by the choir instead of said by the priest, (excepting the specific words of Christ), leading me to wonder if the Eucharist was even Eucharist at all. They do this on the other side too, but only in one church and not that often.
I am rarely in the same church twice in a row because my kids are in soccer and I often have to work church around soccer or other activities, but mostly always in the same parish.
I agree that sticking to a community parish is best, but if that community parish isn’t even Catholic anymore… well…
I would also like Father John to guide us some on when is it bad enough to leave for the sake of our children. When the homilies are not heretical but only lame? When the parish nurse recommends in the bulletin that our girls get immunizations for STD’s? When the CCD teacher actually teaches explicit heresy? When the priest tells our sons in Confession that masturbation is not a sin but a healthy way to deal with their hormones? What is really the line that tells us it is time to go?
I’ll be interested in hearing what Father has to say too. We’ve handled some of those issues by 1) taking our children to confession with an Opus Dei priest (we’re not members of OD) and avoiding priest we don’t know well for confession for the kids (isn’t that so sad? that I feel we need to protect our kids from confused priests? It often angers me!) , 2) homeschooling religious ed and avoiding the CCD program altogether. (Although in one parish I HAD to put my DD in 2nd grade ccd so she could make her 1st communion. Which was a joke & a waste of time. We then resumed our homeschooling of RE)
Re the RN: A lot of people are ignorant about the topic of abstinence, NFP, and guardasil 
so I’ve just come to expect that everywhere. In those cases I just explain to my children that the RN is not fully informed.
It is a burden for sure—this constant work of managing what people at the local parish are saying/doing/teaching to myself & kids. Its a burden I’d prefer not having and am often discouraged by the state of our parishes these days. And, btw, we’ve moved a couple of times, and have found the same issues at every parish. Even if you find a
“good” parish, if the good priest is reassigned, then often your back to square one.
Come Lord Jesus!
Carol Brady’s comment just got me hot under the collar. There is NO reason a parent should be forced to have thier children attend a RE class. As long as they are teaching thier children (and yes I’m OK if the priest “tests” the child.) That’s one of the obligations we have as parents, to teach our children. We are thier first, primary, and most imporant teachers in everything - not my words but those of the Church. I comend you Carol for suffering through, I would have gotten rash!
http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=MGYwMDFiYjA1NDM1Y2QyZjE3YWM2M2NlZWI2YWM1NzU=&w=MA==
The link above (in case it doesn’t work)is to an article titled, “Mass Appeal:Confessions of an Unrepentant Church Shopper” by Jennifer Graham and posted at National Review Online on April 5, 2007.
I just happened across it while searching for something else, and lo and behold, it discusses the very topic of this blog post by Fr.John!
As a fallen away Catholic who was ready to “come home”, I did parish shop. My children needed a faith base, and the Catholic Church was my true home. The local parish just didn’t feel right to me. The details are not important, but in looking back I can see now that God led us to our current parish because it would be there that my agnostic husband would join us and become a Catholic. The music program and the pastor there played a significant part in this. God led us and continues to use us here as active members, but I have also gotten involved at the local parish and go to daily Mass there.
In regard to what Carol Brady is going through, I sigh deeply for her. Parents are, and should be, the first and foremost teachers of their children in the area of faith and morals. Protect them at all costs. The devil would be happy to have you sit back and just shake your head. Check out the Cathechism of the Catholic Church 2221-2226.
In part, “The right and duty of the parents to educate their children are primordial and inalienable.”(2221) and “Parents should teach children to avoid the compromising and degrading influences which threaten human societies.” (2224) Good stuff.
There is nothing wrong with parish shopping. What it boils down to is the person with her/his level of own spirituality. Most time we are very critical of our surroundings, critical of people, and sadly is critical of priests. It takes humility to bring us to appreciate our parish, our priests, our surroundings. When we find ourselves being critical of our priests, what can we do to help that priest? If we find ourselves being critical to our parish, what can we offer with our talent, time, money, to help our parish. Parish is made up of “people” with different gifts, and that many gifts may come from you and me.
I find that almost perfect parish is the involvement of its many people with the different gifts of musicians, readers, volunteers, etc. And if we find ourselves as an outsider, then that is when start shopping around for perfect parish.
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