Has he taken any steroids (for an illness) in the last month? This happened to my husband last spring due to his asthma flaring up. If he has taken a steroid, that is a side effect.

You mentioned that you and him are trying to postpone pregnancy; maybe that is a stress on him and it’s giving him E.D.?

He doesn’t take any medications. Maybe it is stress with the postponing… and it’s because he’s been unemployed for a long time. I can see where that would be a problem. Maybe I should try to see how I can help him de-stress.

How old is he? (Only if you don’t mind sharing, of course.)

He’s 38.

It sounds like stress to me.  If you are okay sacrificing your own climax for his, then tell him it’s okay to not “wait for you” the next time.  Maybe a few successes will help him to relax again.

Prayers for your family, Jane.  I think the economy the last few years has allowed some companies to think they can do anything because people won’t quite, and a lot of times they are right.  Things do seem to be (slowly) improving, though.

Prayers for you

Oh, good for you!  I’m sure this was a hard decision, and my prayers will be with you.  If the counselor isn’t a good fit, please find another, and don’t give up!  Thank you for your prayers also.  I can definitely use them!

thanks for the update!  prayers for you.  God can do anything!

Look up Greg and Julie Alexander of San Antonio, TX They are in fulltime marriage ministry, have appeared on EWTN, and have a book out now - I think it’s entitled “Marriage 911”.  I’m don’t know where you are located but they have parish programs and outreach services in different parts of the country.  God Bless!

Yay!  Hang in there and many prayers for you!

It seems to me that your enjoyment of sex is related directly to your enjoyment of your relationship with your husband. If you are being respected and enjoying each others company your sex life will reflect this. If you are feeling used and unhappy with him, sex will most likely make you feel even more used. I am speaking from what I have experienced personally. It is very normal to not enjoy sex with the arrival of a new baby for so many reasons- the lack of sleep, the hormones, your body image, etc…..
I think you need to write him a long letter and let him know your feelings and also to convey to him your desire to be home with your children and let him know your needs…Also, being postpartum is difficult and the sleep deprivation really wears on a marriage. I am praying for you today.

Did you mean to say you had your 9th baby weeks ago or you had a baby 9 weeks ago?

It is not a sin with the situation you describe. I would take steps to get the painful things you mentioned addressed.  It seems to me that it is important to set some boundaries. No one should be treated like you describe.  Especially not by your husband.

dear Wondering, you certainly aren’t obligated to have relations with your husband under any circumstances!  I understand that you want to please him, but sex has to be an expression of the love between you two, and it doesn’t sound like that’s his motive at all.  I don’t have much advice, but you sound like you think this is partly your fault or something, so please don’t beat yourself up!  This is not your fault!  I’m praying for you.

I think everyone has different things that make them feel especially loved.  I really enjoyed the book the 5 love languages because of this.  For example, my primary love langauge is words of affirmation while my husband’s primary love language is acts of service. For Joe, making him a sandwich for lunch in the morning before he goes to work or quietly doing one of his chores is a sure way to tell him that I love him.  In your present condition, it may not be possible to do the things you normally do for your hubby but maybe by thinking about the things that he has really appreciated in the past can give you some clues about something he might appreciate.  HINT:  most often we show others we love them with our own love language so Joe always used to do acts of service for me…until he figured out words matter more to me than chores.  Maybe he likes to receive small gifts; a letter telling him how much you appreciate him and love him; cuddling up on the couch for a fun movie (sans popcorn!); going to the classic car dealership and walking around while he admires his favorite muscle cars; or re-organizing his sock drawer for him while you rest on the couch.  Making love and food are important parts of intimacy but they are far from the only way to connect with the love of your life!!

Oh how I have been there…. I have a 2 month old and I was very sick for months and months ( this was #4). I will say a little prayer for you. A couple of suggestions… if you can afford it and tolerate the smells… Order a cheese pizza and have them make a heart out of olives (or whatever you can eat) for dinner that night. Then he gets s night off without the smells. You could also write him some of the reasons you love him for each year. Say you’ve been married 8 years, you could cut out eight hearts and write something you love him for, celebrating the last eight years! Good luck!

don’t worry, it’s going to get better!  How about a back massage?  Or a nice bath for him, while you sit with him and talk, or get him a nice drink (or a bath together, if that sounds good to you).  Buy special treats for him when you go shopping.  Reading out loud to him?  My husband really finds that relaxing.  And remember to tell him that you feel bad about the lack of love-making, and wish you felt up to more.  He’ll survive if he’s having a hard time waiting, it might help him to hear that you still find him attractive and wish you could be more active!