Can I ask everyone here to pray for my marriage? We’ve been separated for a few months but I feel like we’re approaching some kind of turning point, I just don’t know what. He cheated on me, and it’s hard to find anyone to talk to who doesn’t want to write him off entirely. But I’m trying to do the difficult balancing act of avoiding bitterness and cynicism while keeping a spark of cautious hope alive.

Anyway, please pray for wisdom and perseverance for me, and for courage and strength for my husband to do the work to heal our marriage. Pray for the best outcome for our children, who are too young to understand what is going on.

K, here’s the mess:  my newborn son has a health condition that needs access to “big city” medical facilities… so we moved to the big city where my parents live & moved in with them (well mostly we are in a storage unit, but we are staying with them for a couple weeks & our apartment will be available for move-in during the last week of Advent.)  Anyways, my in-laws phoned a few days ago & said they wanted to come visit our new baby.  Hooray!  We were excited.  Then they said they’d already bought tickets for… this weekend.  Oh.  So we are living at MY parent’s house and HIS parents are arriving this weekend to visit.  As you might have guessed, my mother is ticked off that the in laws did not wait just a few weeks until we were in our own place & visit us then.  (Understandable; but with my son’s health condition, I also understand my in-laws’ desire to see him right away!)  Back to my mom, though: initially said she was washing her hands of the whole visit & leaving meals, event planning, etc. up to me.  No big deal—I expect to do that for my guests anyway!  BUT… yesterday mom approaches me and says she is humiliated at the idea of *me* hosting guests in HER house.  I get that.  So I let her scrap all my plans and plan the meals *she* feels like cooking & events *she* thinks guests to the area will enjoy. But there’s a problem: my mom’s style is very different from my in-laws & (because she’s ticked off) mom is clearly not taking my in-laws needs and desires into account.  For example, my MIL has food allergies (not severe, but annoying none the less), which I told my mom about… and mom says she is making food which contains only *small* amounts of the allergy-food but that she doesn’t have the energy to avoid the allergy-food (in this case, corn syrup) entirely.  That’s tacky, right?  Also, obviously my in-laws are not big planners so my husband wanted to eat out with them one evening while they are here but let them pick the day after they arrive.  Seems gracious to me.  But my mom “assigned” a day for eating out so it fits with her micro-planning she’s doing for the rest of the weekend.  And here comes my question: How much of this to share with my husband??  I’ve let him think my parents (including my mom) are excited about his folks coming.  I’ve let him think my mom and I are working happily together regarding meal-planning and event coordination for the weekend… instead of telling him the details I just shared with ya’ll.  I don’t want to create needless bad-vibes between my husband and my parents—afterall my husband just gave up a truly enjoyable job & took one that’s a “step down” (in both $$ and enjoyment-level) so we could quickly move near my folks and the big city healthcare our son needs.  I don’t want my kids to grow up near their grandparents but have things we weird between us and them—usually things are great!  it’s just the mix of their house, my in-laws, the laid-back-style of my in-laws, and the micromanaging style of my parents.  I can handle either group just fine singly… but getting these two groups together is like trying to mix water and oil.  No can do.  And when my MOM is doing the mixing, its even harder.  Do I basically fake it till we make it through… or spill the truth to hubby?!!

Dear anon,  It is so understandable that this weekend will be a problem.  It sounds like the situation with both sets of parents is taking you away from where you need to focus, which is on your child.  Having had a child with a serious medical condition, I know how easy it is to let this happen.  Sometimes I used to wonder why people couldn’t understand how overwhelming it is, and then I realized that I was keeping the “stiff upper lip” and not telling them.  Your whole world has turned upside down; you have a sick child, your husband has changed jobs, you are living with your parents, your in-laws want (understandably) to see their grandchild (perhaps thinking - while they can).  It will help you tremendously if you and your husband can work as a team, rather than allowing the situation to push each of you back to your families of origin.  Yes, you have to do most of the communicating with your mom; yes, he has to do most of the communicating with his parents - but together you can figure out what needs to go into that communication.  I bet you feel there is no time or space to work things out; but it’s so important that I bet you can find it, even taking a walk (or drive) around the block together.  Hang in there - God is with you.  We don’t simply worship a God who could snap His fingers and relieve our suffering - we worship a God who has chosen to suffer alongside us.