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Danielle Bean

Danielle Bean
Danielle Bean, a mother of eight, is Editorial Director of Faith & Family. She is author of My Cup of Tea, Mom to Mom, Day to Day, and most recently Small Steps for Catholic Moms. Though she once struggled to separate her life and her work, the two …
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Rachel Balducci

Rachel Balducci
Rachel Balducci is married to Paul and they are the parents of five lively boys and one precious baby girl. She is the author of How Do You Tuck In A Superhero?, and is a newspaper columnist for the Diocese of Savannah, Georgia. For the past four years, she has …
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Lisa Hendey

Lisa Hendey
Lisa Hendey is the founder and editor of CatholicMom.com and the author of A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms and The Handbook for Catholic Moms. Lisa is also enjoys speaking around the country, is employed as webmaster for her parish web sites and spends time on various …
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Arwen Mosher

Arwen Mosher
Arwen Mosher lives in southeastern Michigan with her husband Bryan and their 4-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and twin boys born May 2011. She has a bachelor's degree in theology. She dreads laundry, craves sleep, loves to read novels and do logic puzzles, and can't live without tea. Her personal blog site …
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Rebecca Teti

Rebecca Teti
Rebecca Teti is married to Dennis and has four children (3 boys, 1 girl) who -- like yours no doubt -- are pious and kind, gorgeous, and can spin flax into gold. A Washington, DC, native, she converted to Catholicism while an undergrad at the U. Dallas, where she double-majored in …
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Robyn Lee

Robyn Lee
Robyn Lee is a 30-something, single lady, living in Connecticut in a small bungalow-style kit house built by her great uncle in the 1950s. She also conveniently lives next door to her sister, brother-in-law and six kids ... and two doors down are her parents. She received her undergraduate degree from …
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DariaSockey

DariaSockey
Daria Sockey is a freelance writer and veteran of the large family/homeschooling scene. She recently returned home from a three-year experiment in full time outside employment. (Hallelujah!) Daria authored several of the original Faith&Life Catechetical Series student texts (Ignatius Press), and is currently a Senior Writer for Faith&Family magazine. A latecomer …
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Guest Bloggers

Kate Lloyd

Kate Lloyd
Kate Lloyd is a rising senior, and a political science major at Thomas More College of Liberal Arts in New Hampshire. While not in school, she lives in Whitehall PA, with her mom, dad, five sisters and little brother. She needs someone to write a piece about how it's possible to …
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Lynn Wehner

Lynn Wehner
As a wife and mother, writer and speaker, Lynn Wehner challenges others to see the blessings that flow when we struggle to say "Yes" to God’s call. Control freak extraordinaire, she is adept at informing God of her brilliant plans and then wondering why the heck they never turn out that …
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Treasuring Today

A bittersweet reality

I love being a mother, but there are some aspects of it which I did not anticipate before Camilla was born.

For instance, I did not realize just how much a baby would NEED me.

Camilla nursed every hour and a half.  She would only sleep at night on my arm.  She had such severe separation anxiety that I couldn’t leave her with Bryan and go to the bathroom without having to listen to her wail.

It was all worth it, you understand, but it was still draining at times.  There was part of me that couldn’t wait for my daughter to grow up and stop needing me quite so much.

As Camilla got older, she got over her separation anxiety, she moved to her own sleeping space, and she weaned.  In October right after her second birthday I left her with Bryan for a weekend retreat and she was fine.  At Thanksgiving we left her overnight at my parents’ house and she was fine.  At her own pace she has gained a fair amount of independence.

This has been a relief in many ways, but oddly, I haven’t loved it as much as I expected I would.  It’s bittersweet to watch my little girl change so fast.  During my pregnancy with Blaise, I found myself looking forward to again having a little one who would depend on me so fully, who would need all the little things that a mother can offer.

Having a new baby is exhausting, of course, but this time around I find that I am better able to treasure the time I have with Blaise while he is tiny.  In fact, I sometimes find myself snuggling down with him on my arm after a nighttime feeding.  Not because he needs it - he is a much easier baby than Camilla and will sleep in his crib just fine - but because I love having his small, cuddly body to hold.

This time around, I realize how quickly it will pass.

Two weeks ago, my sister drove down from my parents’ house to visit for a couple days.  On Thursday she was heading back, but we’d see her again on Friday, as we were going up there for the weekend.

Camilla loves my sister and did not want her to leave, so I casually suggested that she go along and spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  I expected Camilla to balk, but she jumped up and went to go find her sleeping bag.

An hour later, I was standing at the door watching her walk to the car.  She was holding my sister’s hand and chattering excitedly about her trip.  I called goodbye to her, and she barely turned around to wave a hand at me.  Such a big girl.

I went back inside to feed the baby.  I held him extra close while I was doing it.

image credit


Comments

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You are so right about it being bittersweet.  My children are 15, 11, &5;.  It is exciting to see them spread their wings and fly (especially with my 11yo because she had such separation issues and made the first few years of school trying), but on the other hand I find myself sad at times because it is all going too fast.

 

While I was bemoaning my oldest turning 18 soon (going to college 1500 mi away from home & such), someone said to me that it’s like watching a fish swim in the ocean.  But that the tide, in the end, always has a way of bringing them back.  I’m not sure yet if that thought is going to help me but it sure does make me think about holding onto the simpler joys that my younger kids bring to my life in a different way (youngest is almost 3).  When I think about ds1 being that young, it seems literally like just a few months ago…and I can’t believe that it’s been 15 yrs!  I know they are only “on loan” to me from God but I still don’t know how my old mom heart will be when he actually moves out…he is, after all, still my “baby” (and he knows it…he’s not happy about it, thinks I’m a big sap about it but he does know & accept it).  ; )

 

My daughter is similar to Camilla in the need for touch and holding. She still needs it at almost 10 months, and I know I will miss it when she becomes more independent. But I am also looking forward to the day when I can leave the house for just an hour or two without her. I probably could do it now, since she is turning into a major daddy’s girl, but daddy doesn’t have any milk smile

 

My oldest is 19 and graduated last year. He took an emergency medical technician course and is now working as an EMT for an ambulance service.  The really neat thing is that every step of the way he has called me on the phone to tell me of his own small successes.
“Mom, I got into the EMT program.”
“Mom I got the job.”
“Mom I need new black pants for work!”

OK the last one was pretty familiar but it’s nice that as he goes out into the world I’m still one of the first people he calls to share with!

 

I think as moms the 1st one is about survival and we forget to grab on to all the 1sts. I have found with #2 (9 months old today!!! I’m mourning how fast, she has now been outside my womb as long as she was inside it - a hard milestone to accept) I savor and “get” all these moments more. Each baby reminds us of the quick changes life brings.

Thanks for reminding me today!

 

Oh, Arwen. This brought tears to my eyes. I’m sitting here nursing my little one while my formerly needy girl falls asleep down the hall in her own room. It’s the very definition of bittersweet.

 

I’ve found the same thing with #2, though both my babies were much easier than Camilla!  I’m so much more willing to cuddle this baby in bed with me, so less likely to worry about starting habits I don’t want to continue, because that first little baby (now 2) would far rather run away than cuddle most days.

 

Very interesting as well as informative post.Thanks for providing for us.I read your article with my pleasure.


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