I have two main comments:

First, to share a comment by a friend: the only side effect of NFP is babies. That is an awesome side effect.

Second, to encourage others in trusting God. For years I thought I was in control, we have always used NFP (11 years married) and I wanted to be done! I am miserable during pregnancy and have, so far, been unable to just suffer willingly through it. But I always ended up pregnant. Babies are great, but I was worn out from pregnancy—breastfeeding—pregnancy—breastfeeding, etc. So I wanted to be done, but just never was. Then God did a work in my heart and I want more children—and can’t seem to get pregnant. I had an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy and lost the tube (and lots of blood) last July. So this is the opposite of where I was for years. And now I see that it really and truly is God who is in charge of the womb.

Delores…my prayers go out to you.  You are a living witness to the importance of NFP and God’s plan.
I am a Mom of 4.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, I received chemo and was told there would be little if any chance I would conceive again.  Recently I had a recurrence and am now applying for a clinical trial drug which has the greatest chance of saving my life.  In order to be accepted to the trial, I am required to sign a paper stating I will use ABC or be absitnent while in this trial (which could be more than 2 years)  I realize this in an extrordinary situation, but what would you do?  Do I sign the papers and use NFP anyway?  Do we let go of an important part of our married life at what is the most difficult time of our marriage?  Do we use ABC, knowing there was only a slight chance of conception?  Or do I refuse the drug, even if could save my life?  Has anyone else had to face this decision?

Anon,
WHat a difficult situation, my prayers go out to you and your family.  Have you asked your priest if there is a priest nearby who has studied the Church’s teachings on medical ethics extensively?  If you’re not comfortable or confident about discussing this with him I would suggest contacting an order that you trust and ask to speak to their specialist in the area.

Anon
There is a NAtional Catholic Bioethics Center that pledges conformity to the magisterium - perhaps they’d be a resource :
http://www.ncbcenter.org/pledge.asp

Or maybe the Paul VI Institute that deals with fertility :
http://www.popepaulvi.com/

We had no problem using NFP when we were young and starting our family.  Now that we are in our 40s and our family is grown, it makes it so much more difficult to trust in the Lord.  Anyone else been in this boat?  Of course we would lovingly accept any more children that God sends our way, but that doesn’t mean that I seriously sweat it every month.  Is this how it’s supposed to be?  What if you truly don’t want any more children?

Anon,

My prayers for you and this situation.  I would recommend contacting the Pope Paul VI Institute and more specifically, ask to speak with Sister Renee Mirkes.  She is the ethics director there and is wonderful.  She is well versed in these things.  Sister Renee is an amazing theologan who can still bring it the level of us lay people.  She is warm, caring and understanding.  She won’t steer you wrong.  The number for the Institute is 402-390-6600.

anyone who says that it isn’t a struggle probably isn’t telling the whole truth.  but as with most areas of my faith, i’ve come to learn that trials and tribulations only further to stretch me (with pregnancy, literally:0), and make my faith grow.  as a convert to catholicism, this was a huge hurdle for me.  but i came from an evangelical background, where we would profess to trust God with ANYTHING.  ANYTHING—-like healing diseases through faith, putting food on the table through faith, paying the bills through faith…i came to realize that if i could claim to trust Him with those things, how could i not trust Him with the very body He created for me.

the first six years of marriage were sometimes a struggle, as we had four kids pretty quickly.  but then when i shared my doubts and struggles first with a priest in confession and sought out his advice, forgiveness through Christ, and followed his instructions on opening up my fears to my husband, everything changed.

can i still say that i don’t some days wonder just what number God has in mind?  no, but He has given us the tools, we DO have some control…the amount He intended, and i can honestly say at this point in my life….“Jesus, I trust in You.”

Anon 2… I’m in your boat too.  But I think really what we’re saying at this point is not that we don’t WANT anymore children but that we don’t feel we can handle another pregnancy/baby/child due to being totally overwhelmed at times as it is.  After our 8th and some difficulties with rebellious teens I felt strongly that we needed to devote more time and energy to our kids and that another baby would be too much right now for our family.  But it is a struggle every month.  I’m so grateful that I have a dh though who would be open to another baby if we felt that our family could manage or if God gave us a surprise baby despite our best efforts with nfp.  But it ain’t easy and requires sacrifice each month and I do think it is good that it requires us each month to reevaluate our situation.  But, honestly, menopause doesn’t look half bad to me right now. 

Early in our marriage we decided NFP was what we needed. I remember counting my possible fertile years and estimating the number of children we could possibly have and feeling over whelmed. Now, 13 years later the realities have set in. We have 6 (not the 12 I was sure we would have) and we will be lucky to have any more. It seems that our fertility has naturally slowed down. It really is a process of realizing and accepting Gods plan for our family.

My non-practicing Catholic boyfriend has agreed to at least consider NFP when we get married. We’ll read the books, take the classes, give it a shot. I can’t ask for anything more at this point. But given that, and given that I’ve heard people say that NFP is more effective when a woman has been charting longer and knows her body better, should I be starting at least the basics now? (General plan is for the wedding to be in about two years, once we’re both finished with grad school.) And if so - can anyone recommend a good online (or print) resource? I understand the general mechanisms, but would need to know more of the technical stuff. I know a good class is the way to go for learning NFP “for real,” but I guess I’m looking for the basics to get a jump start, if necessary, before we officially get engaged and actually take a class.

My husband and I are 28 with 2 kids, but we’re pretty sure we’re done having kids. The biggest reason is that I had severe preclampsia with my last pregnancy and had to have an emergency c-section at 35 weeks. I was having blurred vision and one side of my face was numb. It was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m terrified of it happening again. The problem is, both of our kids were surprises. They were both conceived while we were being pretty diligent about using NFP to avoid. I have very long, very irregular cycles due to PCOS, so NFP is very difficult for me. Ironically, most people with PCOS have trouble conceiving. Anyway, I go to a great NFP only doctor and I’ve been taking metformin for PCOS for the past couple years, but I’m still not entirely confident with NFP after 6 years of using it. And I have many fertile years left. Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation and what you do. I use the STM method. Some people have recommended Creighton but I heard it’s mucus-only, and my mucus is the most confusing part. I really need my temperature sign to confirm ovulation.

Scarlett,
Check these sites for the Couple to Couple League & One More Soul for info. on NFP:
http://www.ccli.org/
http://www.omsoul.com/

Sarahndipity,
Maybe you could look into NaPro Technology?  I don’t have the info. here, but you can easily find it online.

We’re big fans of the Marquette method here. We use the Clear Plan Fertility monitor with our tracking. It helps us to track both my external signs, and internal hormones. We can move ahead with trying or not trying (with God having the final say) each month.

I will admit it is a struggle for us. We want to be open, life is a blessing, NFP is great for our marriage, and yes babies are a GREAT side effect, but still, there are months where we worry, and I know that worry isn’t fully trusting God. I am with you other ladies who love God, love life, but still worry month to month. I wish I could “let go, let God” more fully!!

Sarahndipity,
Here’s a link for NaPro Technology:
http://www.naprotechnology.com/

I’m still a newlywed (it will be 9 months on 3/14), but I have nothing but positive things to say about NFP so far.  I charted for about a year before my wedding, too, and it actually allowed me to figure out some health problems (primarily PCOS) and find a solution without drugs.  It’s a struggle to continue to postpone pregnancy, but the knowledge that I’m not doing anything to harm my health and future fertility is SO worth the inconvenience of periodic abstinence.  After a friend of my husband’s suffered a stroke at age 22 that her doctor attributed directly to her birth control pill, I was even more convinced that NFP is the way to go.  The knowledge that every time we engage in the marital act it is a FULL gift of self from each of us is the most important reason to use NFP for me, but the absence of all the negative side-effects associated with ABC is a huge plus.

I’d love for any Facebook users to join the NFP group.  We have some really encouraging and enlightening discussions there.  Here is the link:
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=7591&uid=2229998645#/group.php?gid=2229998645

Sarahndipity,

I had a similar situation with my first pregnancy—I developed the HELLP syndrome form of preeclampsia and had an emergency C-section at 34 weeks. Taking care of a premie was exhausting, and I, who had always hoped for a large family, was seriously hoping that we were called to have an only child.

And then 5 months after delivery I found out I was pregnant again . . . so there went that theory! I’m now pregnant with our fourth, and so far I’ve never had preeclampsia again. (I will say, though, that my doctors watch me VERY carefully for any signs, and I have more frequent appointments in the third trimester.)

Obviously you have to decide what is right for your family. I just wanted to share my experience, because I was (and still am, a little) terrified of having that happen again, but I’ve been delighted at having our family grow.

anon2- We are like you, both in our 40’s and not wanting to have more children.  We use the NFP to avoid having children, knowing that at anytime God can change that if he wants to.  We both are open to having more if God wills it, although we are not seeking to.  NFP has worked very well for us.  Although sometimes the abstinence can be a little trying. 

I would like to know if anyone has any good NFP references that deal more specifically on menopause?  I have a good book, but it only breifly touches on that.

My husband is not Catholic, and while we’ve had some disagreements over the use of birth control, he ultimately has respected my wishes to only use NFP. We used NFP between my 4yr old and my now 1yr old—the first month we did not abstain, we got pregnant with Finn; don’t tell me God doesn’t work His ways in our lives! LOL I have endured 10 miscarriages, including an ectopic that almost took my life (I lost half my blood volume and required a transfusion; I did lose that tube). After having suffered so much pain and grief, I feel like it would be a slap in the face to God, who was there for me during it all and for whom I am eternally grateful to for the children he has blessed me with, were I to stop trusting in him and use artificial means to prevent another pregnancy. My husband is adamant that we do not have another baby; I, on the other hand—well, my heart isn’t quite full, if you know what I mean. I feel like there’s one more baby meant for me. But we will continue to use NFP, and if God grants that I should have another child, it will be so. Considering how difficult it is for me to successfully carry a pregnancy, it would truly be a blessing to me to be able to have another baby. Anyway, that’s my take on it.

Oh, and when I say Marquette Method, I mean Marquette NFP method. We used to do Creighton until after #1 was born, and learned about this one and loved it! The charting is so easy for us both to do!

When it comes to openness to life, it can be hard between spouses.  I know that in my experience, even though my husband was completely opposed to ABC, and sold on NFP, he really struggles with the openness part.  At one point, though, I realized that the important part for me was that I was open to life.  So my prayer became, Lord, I’m open to life.  If my husband isn’t and You want him to be, then please work Your Grace in his life. 

We’ve had two children since then.

Our God is sooo good.

Has anyone out there seen any NaPro doctors for help for infertility in the Washington D.C. area?  I’m searching for a firsthand recommendation, if I can find one!

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on websites or literature that my husband and I can read with regards to NFP.  I remember receiving information at our Pre Cana class 5 1/2 years ago but we don’t know where it is.
I am due with our second child in the summer and looking ahead to begin using NFP when the time arrives.

There are some incredible women commenting here! You all amaze me. I was whining about not being able to get pregnant… I don’t have cancer, I do have a husband who is totally in agreement with using NFP; I guess I have it fairly easy. We only have 6 (+3 miscarriages/ectopics) and I want at least one more. I have had the name Benedict picked out since before our wonderful Pope Benedict XVI. But I think what we are all saying is that we have to pray, trust, seek wisdom, and trust Him some more.

One question I do have for others: a priest once asked my husband and I if we ever felt like NFP was being used as birth control. So here is my question: is NFP birth control? Is it wrong? What exactly is birth control?

I think that while NFP isn’t birth control, per se, it is the opportunity to plan your family (taking into account the physical and mental health of all present) while still being open to God’s gifts. God gives us free will and He equips us with an intellect and a will to be able to discern what He is asking of us. We need to use this gift of NFP, knowing our bodies, understanding the rhythms of our sexuality, but always being open and understanding that we never truly control life. God is that author.

I may be offending some people here, but I think it is wrong for people to assume that all good Catholics have huge families. Sometimes, it is HARDER for people to abstain and work with their husband to not have more children. We can’t judge others that is true….but to sit back and see large families and say “Wow, they must be so holy because they are so open to life” may or may not be true. There may be many more holier couples that only have 2 or 3 children!

I should add that both my husband and I come from large families so I am not against them! We both loved every minute. But it is our job to be RESPONSIBLE and use that intellect that God gave us to make the right decisions for or families.

#12 - I second your recommendation with the Clear Blue fertility monitor.  We have always used it and it has always been 100% accurate.  We don’t have to chart or interpret symptoms.  Doesn’t matter if you are regular or irregular, fertile years or menopausal.  All you do is test your urine and it tells you what level of fertility you are at that day.  So simple, it’s NFP for dummies like me.  Will set you back about $200 plus the cost of testing strips but it is so worth it.

Hi Anon3—where do you get the Clear Blue fertility monitor?

Anon2—I know where you’re coming from. I’m in my early 40s and have lotsa kids. NFP is great, but as your body changes (like mine—very little to no mucous) it is much more difficult to read the signs. I would love to hear about a book that deals with NFP use later in life, and as menopause approaches. Ever since I read about the 53 year old lady who had triplets (because you can hyper-ovulate as you get older) I feel just a little bit overwhelmed at that prospect!!

Anybody have a good book to recommend?

Woo - Hoo!  What a great idea to have a place for NFP people to share and ask!  I am grateful for NFP, but also find it incredibly difficult to use for the long haul.  I am in the “post having babies years” of my life.  Of course we know God could have other plans.  That is the real beauty in NFP, is you are always fully aware that God is in charge.

These are great comments! My husband and I have been using NFP for our whole marriage (6+ years), and have had great success spacing and planning our 2 kids. We have several friends who also use NFP and have also been successful spacing their children, while being open to new life. I agree with #24. For us, limiting the number of children we have has been difficult, but important for our family situation. Of course, in order to do it, you have to be very strict with NFP, and that’s hard.

Anyway—Scarlett (#10), I cannot stress enough the importance of taking an NFP class with your boyfriend/fiancee before getting married. This is not something you want to learn on the fly. I’d start at least 4 months before your wedding so you can get a good sense or your body’s regular cycles.

We, too, learned the Marquette NFP method—it’s basically mucus plus the ClearPlan monitor. It was a great way to learn my body’s fertile signs and gave me a lot of confidence in the first couple of years, but it’s also really expensive. Each box of test strips is $50+. Once we got the hang of things, we stopped using the monitor. We just rely on mucus now.

Most pharmacies carry the fertility monitor. I know Walgreens does. I would caution that the monitor is designed to help people get pregnant. It identifies the days on which you are most likely to conceive, but remember that you can conceive on the days surrounding ovulation, too, if the conditions are right. I would use it in combination with other biological indicators.

I am always just a bit frustrated that the grave reasons for using NFP are too often not covered enough when teaching the method. I fully believe in NFP, and my husband and I have it as an option, although for us there has never been a grave enough reason to fully practice—we have trusted God to send us children as he wished, and it has worked for us—not to say it is by any means easy to trust.
There were times maybe I didn’t feel I could handle another child, or financially we weren’t in a place for one—as we thought, and yet either we didn’t get pregnant, or when we did, and I thought it wasn’t a good time—we found it worked out fine, as obviously God knows best what he is doing—it may have tried our total trust and reliance on Him and now I can look back and see what He was doing.
I have a concern when I hear so many say it is a great way to space their children—aren’t we then the ones in control, instead of allowing God that control. I know it is extremely individual and each couple is meeting God when they decide it is okay to use NFP, but I do think there is a tendency for couples to think it is the acceptable method in the Church and it almost becomes a form of birth control in the wrong way. I think it can be abused at times. There really needs to be a better focus on the grave reasons to use it in the first place. That’s just been my observance in the many classes we participated in. Sometimes it is presented as if you aren’t a good practicing Catholic if you aren’t using NFP—and simply relying on God completely to give you children as He sees fit. Yes I know that He has given us our intellect and prudence and we need to practice the virtue of prudence in order for it to grow, but I have mixed emotions when it comes to NFP—any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

#22 G: my husband and I just bought the updated CCL home study course and so far it seems really good for at-home study.  We took a class 5 years ago but wanted a refresher course (baby #4 is 4 months old.)  Link to the Couple to Couple League is: http://www.ccli.org  Since I don’t have the most reliable mucus sign, having cervix & temp to double check has always been very helpful.  Whatever method you try, don’t give up easily.  This takes time, the support of a good teacher, and maybe you’ll have to try a method or two that doesn’t work for you before you find one that does.  They have the same basics, of course, but I think different methods may work better for different temperments and/or situations.

I purchased my Clear Blue Easy fertility monitor at Rite Aid but I don’t know if they all carry it.  However just to to http://www.clearblueeasy.com for info - might even be able to directly purchase it.

For info on using it as NFP (the Marquette method) go to nfp.marquette.edu.

I would recommend following their system but I have used it alone without charting or watching my symptoms for 10 years to both get pregnant or not get pregnant and it has worked perfectly for me.  It will tell you if you are either 1) definitely fertile, 2) possibly fertile or 3) definitely not fertile.  If you choose to have relations under #2, possibly fertile, you do so knowing it could go either way.

I completely agree w/the posters about NFP NOT being “wrong”...God gave us a brain to use as well as the ability to use NFP and leave the final decision to Him.  We have had 6 pregnancies and only 2 of them were “planned” (meaning we were actually trying to become pregnant) and the others were all wonderful surprises.  We have been VERY strictly using NFP after our last baby b/c I had a horrible pregnancy, was very, very sick w/many different things (which I won’t bore you with) but, more than anything else, we are so incredibly in horrible financial binds (due in large part to this economy) that another baby now would, quite literally, put our family out on the street.  I don’t believe that God wants, or expects, everyone to just keep having babies if we can’t at least provide them w/basic needs.  I just LOVE what poster #24 said & couldn’t put it better myself.  God bless!

There are many different reasons why we use NFP for our family.  It is not popular because it can be difficult.  It doesn’t avoid God’s good providence to use NFP—on the contrary, we are “co-creators” in this beautiful mystery.  One honest reason for “spacing children” is for the mental health of the couple, (and in that couple, the woman.)  That is why it has been a couple of years between our children.  I needed a mental break from exhaustion, hormonal rages, and crying/screaming/colicky babies.  (I know it is *just* as it’s listed as a *grave* reason in Humanae Vitae so I think it ought to count)

Those people who have a faith that allows them to just “see what God has planned for us” are doing fine.  That must be working for you.  But please don’t act “holier than thou” about it for those of us who choose NFP.  It’s perfectly acceptable and completely natural to use Natural Family Planning.

Taking a break occasionally between blessings works for me.

Pray for me, please that I will have a change of heart soon, and be mentally, emotionally and physically able to welcome another baby.  My husband has already started those prayers, too.

God bless all who are deciding the best for their family.

#30 While it would be nice for all women to not use NFP and just sit back and let God give us children when He sees fit…it isn’t plausible for all women since fertility varies woman to woman.

I can give many examples….and I know you all have them as well! I have one dear friend who has been married 3 years and uses NFP to TRY to conceive. No luck so far but she hasn’t given up.

Another friend who while using NFP has someone become pregnant back-to-back with 3 children, all Irish twins! While she and her husband are happy for the children, it has put a strain on her like no other.

The amount of children that people have, as well as WHEN they have them, is a very personal decision that can only be made and JUDGED in front of Christ and between husband and wife.

I have an exciting comment to share!  When my husband and I got married, we discussed using NFP, but he wasn’t so sure—he only wanted two children.

However, since I got pregnant, he’s grown much stronger in his faith, and last night when we were watching 17 and Counting on TLC, I asked him how he’d feel about having a big family like that.  He looked me square in the eyes and said, “It might be cool.”  (Squee!  I DEFINITELY want a bigger family!)  I think since he knows he’s going to be a father soon, all his fatherly feelings are coming to the surface already!

Boy, it seems I touched some nerves and didn’t mean that—I was just simply trying to get some input on the conflict I have with the grave reasons NOT being taught enough, and I am sorry, but the MANY people I know that use it as a means to space children without the mental or physical reasons is uncanny. I FULLY agree that how many children we have is very personal to each couple and is between them and God and what is His will for them. And I by no means meant to come off as holier than thou—I was just sharing what worked for us as have everyone here-so please don’t judge my intent. Maybe someone needed to hear how we have trusted God with children and what worked on our end—it may be helping their discernment—so please don’t judge my intent. Of course I didn’t want to judge anyones reasons—I would never do that—just wanted some help in my conflicting paunderings on the many I know that too often use NFP as the accepted birth control and how to challenge them to be more trusting—I am sorry, but I don’t feel I was judging anyone—-and also sorry I obviously touched on a topic within NFP yet again I never really have answered in a loving way or with discussion, just people saying it’s never a place to judge—which I wasn’t doing.I find it hard to believe that none of you know any couple abusing NFP for the wrong reasons. I think we also have a responsibility when teaching NFP to discuss more the grave reasons and how a couple is suppose to discern those—maybe where most of you are this is happening, but where I am, sadly it isn’t, and I think young impressionable couples need to know how to discern this as a couple with a spiritual director and with God. It is between that couple and God, but they also need to know how to be prudent here. Sorry if I offended anyone. Yet again it seems I can never bring this up among ardent users of NFP without receiving a lot of attack for doing so.

1. The Marquette Method, using the Clear Blue Fertility monitor, is *the* way to go for NFP. The best place to get a monitor for the best price is Ebay - where strips can also be found in bulk. You won’t ever be charting mucous or temps again.

2. That being said, I am NOT a fan of NFP and I think it has hurt our marriage. I hate it. (And before I continue, YES, I’ve taken the class - twice. Yes, I have the books. Yes, yes, yes.) When I came back to the church and was engaged, I thought it all sounded awesome - NFP and Theology of the Body, etc. I was enchanted and in love with the truth the Church taught and that I had never known. Until I got married (age 36) - to a man in his late 40’s who was a virgin and did not know, until our honeymoon, that he had E.D.

The fact that he has E.D. makes it difficult, if not impossible, to know when making love for us will work. Now, it does work sometimes (because we’ve done some hard work and medical investigating to figure this all out - not the way you want to begin a marriage, trust me), but it’s never guaranteed. We have some free samples of Viagra, etc., from our doctor for special occassions -but do you all know what that stuff costs to buy? It’s like $60 for 10 pills!!!! AND insurance doesn’t cover it.

Lest anyone thinks I’m delving into strange territory, please know that E.D. is a way bigger problem out there than people care to acknowledge. Consider the impact this can have on a Catholic marriage: Even if NFP tells us it IS OK to make love (in the sense of preventing pregnancy), we don’t even know if we are able to make love in the fullest sense. So now what? We can’t make love during the fertile time and we can’t make love during the non-fertile times? NEVER have sex? NEVER complete the act? If we follow NFP, our marriage has no intimacy whatsoever.

Why would we want to prevent pregnancy? Because I’m turning 40 and my husband is now in his early 50’s. We have a small child (which we actually think of as a miracle, considering the E.D. situation - laugh!), but at our ages, we’re not sure that another child is a good idea.

My POINT is this - when you consult NFP books, they turn a blind eye to special situations like ours. When you go to the NFP discussion boards on the internet, the people there are damning and judgemental. We are not the only ones in this situation, I assure you all. AND I’m sure there’s lots of other special circumstances that other people have that I haven’t thought of.

Lack of intimacy in marriage is NOT a good thing. Our E.D. situation is getting better and better - which is good news - and better without drugs. (My husband now receives bi-weekly testosterone shots and it is helping. Women with middle-aged husbands - check this out, it’s amazing to find out that all it might be is hormones. ) Still, I am resentful and jealous of all the other couples who get to enjoy a great sex life, especially when first married, but who INSIST that NFP is the only way.

We’ve had very conservative priests, because of our situation, tell us to use condoms. We were shocked to get this advice and ultimately rejected it. Still, we understand why we got this advice. Our sex life has been a nightmare from day one and we are older in age. Because of our situation, there is no NFP - we’ve thrown caution to the wind, trusting in God, but feeling very, very wary in doing so. In fact, I’m a little weirded out right now thinking I might be pregnant.

The Church teaches that there are 2 purposes to our sexuality - kids and the unitive property between the spouses. My experience with the NPF cheerleaders is that all they care about is the kids part - they never show any concern or empathy or real understanding of how important the second part is. I’m glad for those who love it, but I reject absolutisms from these same people about how I “just don’t get it” or “I don’t want it enough,” etc. NO. NFP doens’t “get” our marriage.

3. Yes, there are LEGIONS of conservative Catholics who DO believe NFP is nothing but glorified birth control. We know a family or two who have shared this testimony with us in this regard. Truth be told, I understand more than I want to about where they’re coming from. The fact that NFP causes so many controversial discussions is, to me, proof of this - that it’s not the end-all, solve-all that some tout it to be. That being said, I also think the crowd that is anti-NFP (believing it to be birth control) also need to tone down their rhetoric and judgementalism against people who do choose NFP. I mean, what do they want? People who choose NFP are at least being realistic, holistic, and being open to life. In this day and age, that’s a miracle! And yet, the anti-NFP crowd makes it seem that their way is the only way.

I have never understood why Catholics are so vehemently opinionated about NFP. Some say it’s because, as Catholics, we’re open to life and NFP is an active, living testament to that. I agree. But there’s never any consideration for the fact that NFP has alot more to do with other things than just life. It has to do with the very heart and soul of a marriage. I once went to a seminar with Christopher West. He opened up the seminar with the statement that “sex is everything.” He’s correct about that, and I wish some Catholics would think about that in more depth.

I just want to say how much I admire all of you. It is so true that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. I never get involved in these discussions since I have the opposite problem and would have loved to have more kids but it just didn’t happen (medical reasons). I am thankful for what I have and pray for my friends who are struggling in different areas. It is so refreshing to see Catholic mothers who are even aware that NFP is the way to go. Most Catholics where I live would laugh at it :( So hang in there ladies, I will offer my prayers and lenten sacrifices for ALL of you in whatever situations you find yourselves.

NaPro Doctors: I made a comment earlier but think it got caught in the spam filter.

I live in NoVa and go to a great pro-life, pro-NFP obgyn practice called Tepeyac Family Center. The doctors there are trained in NaPro technology. Acutally, one of the doctors, Dr. Lorna Cvetokovich was a former fellow out at the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha, NE, and was an associate to the NaPro tecnonloyg pioneer Dr. Hilgers for several years. Their office number is 703.273.9440.

I’ve been married for 1.5 years and NFP works GREAT for us!

We’re postponing pregnancy because my husband is in graduate school and I’m doing a year of volunteer service. (Read: Poor health insurance and no money.)

When I was younger, I remember hearing someone call NFP “Catholic birth control,” but after practicing it myself, I can say that it’s much more hands on and involved than just popping the Pill and forgetting about it. I’m making a conscious choice to taking my temperature and chart and talk to my husband about my fertility EVERYDAY.

Personally, I also LOVE that there are no side effects, little cost, and zero waste! What’s not to love?

(Although, I do know several women in my life who are very frustrated and hurt by their not being able to use NFP - due to insanely erratic cycles. So, I don’t want to come off as “Oh, this is so easy! Why doesn’t everyone do it!?”)

My husband and I have been married almost 5 years; we have 3 children (3 1/2, 22 mo, and 5 wks).  We (sort of) follow the Billings Ovulation Method to achieve pregnancies.  We’re both in our early 40’s and would like to have as many children as God will bless us with.  Knowing age (particularly mine) will be a factor in the near future, we’re not concerned about “spacing” our children.  This is what works for our family.  I’m so grateful to hear so many of you continuing with NFP despite the struggles.  I believe our society today looks at children as a burden rather than a blessing.  Hearing your struggles, yet still accepting God’s blessings, is very inspiring to me. 
For me, it is easy to follow God’s will regarding our family size when God is answering our prayers for children.  I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to follow His will when it isn’t in alignment with mine…(i.e. being infertile or being stressed physically, emotionally, financially with lots of kids).
My prayers go out to all of you as you continue to follow His will.

Anon h18
you have very good points.  Our sexuality is such an integral part of our being and our marriages.  Presenting NFP as if it were the blanket answer for all issues in this area is simplistic.  That’s why I think this comment thread being a regular feature is such a good idea.  Talking about NFP can stir up strong feelings and opinions and we need a forum in which to openly discuss them.  The difficulties in using NFP can be very real in practice.  You willingness to speak so openly about your marriage may well help those less comfortable entering the discussion.  As we were on the other end of the spectrum in using NFP to try and achieve pregnancy I’ve encountered my own issues with it.  I hated feeling scheduled and it was only after tossing the charts and adopting that we became pregnant.
This week was getting our feet wet on the subject, perhaps with time defenses will be lowered and more will feel safe to discuss their concerns openly as well. Both #24 & #30 have good thoughts and questions…although hot button.

Coming from a different perspective here, my husband is not Catholic but is anti-abc. He, however, sat through the info session for CCL classes and walked away not very impressed. Babies, babies, babies was what he heard from all the first hand testimony and nothing about the unitive properties of the sexual component of marriage. He believes whole heartedly in abstinance or the clear-blue easy fertility monitor.

Since our relationship is very open in the communication sector, abstinance is not a burden to either of us, it actually forces us to seek intimacy in less physical ways. Because of my very inconsistent signs as far as mucus and the temp thing not being very consistent either, the monitor has been much more helpful.

I also come from a unique genetic situation in which each of my pregnancies is life-threatening both to me and my babies (I’m pregnant with number 3 now) because of a blood clotting disorder. So, we have anxieties with each pregnancy that are compounded by that and the fact that because of scar tissue to correct an anatomical abnormality, I have to give birth by caesarian section. When I got pregnant with my second child and my first was only six months old, I was terrified because I knew my body was 100% healed, but we accepted this as God’s will. When the doctor finished “putting me back together” after my son was born, she told me my uterus was very thin, and she also advocated some type of NFP. My husband was scared and before we were out of the hospital, we had the whole, it’s going to be abstinance for a while talk.

Personally, I have nothing against NFP, I just wish that more people would, as someone else stated be more open-minded about family size. I have witnessed first hand in my own parish very harsh criticism of infertile couples and in particular of one couple with only two daughters because the wife had to have an emergency hysterectomy after almost bleeding to death after the VBAC of her second daughter caused her uterus to rupture. The prevailing attitude from those who don’t know all the details of these people’s lives is that they are artificially contracepting, otherwise, there would be a few more kids. Please, please, please, I would just like to say to everyone out there, we cannot know the personal details or sadness a couple may or may not be going through that is causing a childless marriage or a small number of children, if you find yourself “wondering” stop and say a prayer. And if you hear others “wondering” aloud, pray for them that their hearts may be open to understanding that others’ situations are not their own and judgment is reserved between God and this couple if indeed there is something untoward going on.

Maureen,
Thanks for making me feel better about sharing such personal information. It’s kind of weird stuff to throw out there publically, but I did it for the very reason you mentioned - to help others see that it’s not all black/white.

Yes, the “grave reasons” is a hot button topic. Visit an NFP discussion board and you will see (if you see things through my eyes) that there is near obsession with this topic. This obsession is a big turn-off to me.

OK, yes, I agree that many Catholics probably don’t examine “grave reasons” to postpone pregnancy as thoroughly as they ought to (including myself). So, OK, the NFP-police can say that and move on, right? Wrong. They will continue to belabor this point and dissect people’s situations to the extent that NO ONE seems to have any OK reason to postpone pregnancy.

If there is barely a good reason to postpone pregnancy (as they NFP-police so often state and/or strongly imply), then I ask this - what’s the point of NFP?

I’m being simplistic here in my questioning on purpose.

Back to anon….I’m sorry if you felt attacked because of your question. I think that we all get so passionate about these topics because it involves such a personal aspect of our lives! (have you ever seen so many anonymous postings on this site!?) I never meant to imply you were judging people. It’s a touch topic to talk about and I’m sooo grateful for this forum to be able to discuss it openly!! So thanks for your honesty and openess….ALL of you!

I like #38’s comments about the lack of mention of the intimacy that sex is supposed to bring about…not just the kids! I remember when I was first married being a little upset that no one had told me abstaining from sex during fertile periods would be hard for the WOMAN! I mean come on, that’s when our bodies are most “begging” for that intimacy!

What a gift sex is to marriage…and NFP as well. We all learn as couples how to work with each other, our needs, our medical issues, our femininity and masculinity…it really is so beautiful! And that is the true gift: the openness and the communication that we build with or spouse.

I have to agree with one of the anonymous comments.  MOST of the people we’ve known who practice NFP a) practice it to avoid children and b) have no grave reason.  They simply only “want” a certain number or a certain lifestyle.  Very few have medical (e.g., a particular illness that makes pregnancy very risky), social (e.g., living in China with threat of forced abortion), or other extreme reasons (e.g., likelihood of being sent into a war zone).  It is simply about what they want or what “things” they “want” to give to their current children. 

I would love to give them all a copy of “Covenanted Happiness: Love and Commitment in Marriage ” by Msgr. Cormac Burke.  It really lays out what is important in marriage, and it isn’t avoiding children.

I haven’t read all the replies, but I did read the one from the lady whose husband suffers from ED.  The comments about NFP “preventing intimacy” in your marriage broke my heart.  I think a lot of people have that mindset, and I’m saddened by the idea that this method of gaining knowledge about your body (which is really what NFP is, to me—a key to understanding a woman’s body) could put any sort of wedge between you and your husband.  My husband and I are CLOSER for having used NFP: he understands me better, and I’m forced to be more open with him.  The burden for avoiding pregnancy is on BOTH of us EQUALLY instead of just me (ABC/IUD/tubal) or just him (condoms/vasectomy). 

I do think some advocates of NFP focus so much on the “babies” aspect that the “bonding” issue can seem to suffer.  But that is a HUGE reason why I support it over contraceptive methods (and NFP is not contraceptive.  It can be pro-conception, or it can be neutral, but by its very nature it’s never against it).  There are no barriers with NFP.  There is nothing held back.  It takes 100% communication from both spouses, all the time.  THAT is intimacy.

There is a new book for NFP during perimenopause. It is from Couple to Couple League. It’s for those who have learned the method, but need more information as their body goes through changes.

I called CCL, renewed my membership, got phone counseling, and ordered the book.

I think this is the hardest time to use NFP in our marriage because we are strongly motivated to follow the rules to prevent pregnancy, but, the fertility signs are not as obvious.

Before I got the advice from the ccl counselor, we were abstaining waaaaay too long, more than we needed to.

It’s also a time in our lives where we really need the graces that come from the marital embrace to keep us close, loving, and supportive of each other; which then spills over to having the energy to care for our children, age 4-18.

We’ve used NFP for 22 years, sometimes with openness and selflessness, and sometimes with a not so good attitude, more like “birth control”.
We have learned and grown, and now are closer, more giving of our selves, and enjoy our intimacy even more than ever!

We are grateful that we never made a regretful decision to become sterilized when we thought we had had enough, and, we are so grateful to a loving Mother Church, and a ever-loving God!

First, just a quick thought on pre-eclampsia: we took Bradley childbirth classes before our first baby and they put a big focus on nutrition, specifically a high-protein diet (80-100 grams/day) to avoid pre-eclampsia.  If you Google “brewer pregnancy diet” and go to the bradley birth page, it gives you all the recommendations.
My second thought is just on the “hot-button” topics in general.  I think part of the reason they are such difficult topics is because ALL of us are influenced by our culture in some way.  Some because we have lived as society told us to for some length of time and others because we have been fighting it all our lives.  So everything gets filtered through those lenses of “our culture is a contracepting culture, so any regulation of children just fits into that” or “everyone judges me b/c they think I have too many/few children” or “any control of the sexual impulse is unnatural and unhealthy.”  And because there is often a lot of hurt associated with our sexuality (pornography, pre-marital sex, abuse, explicit advertising, etc. ad nauseam), things like NFP that touch so near that core tend to bring up a lot of issues.  The last CCL magazine had an article that briefly mentioned that problem: NFP is sometimes touted as a cure-all.  While it’s certainly a good starting point for learning the truth about sexuality (since our culture doesn’t see a real connection between sex and babies, or even sex and intimacy), it isn’t going to fix all the problems that could be present in a marriage.  Just something for all of us (me included!) to keep in mind during these discussions.
One other note: for those having trouble with pre-menopausal or post-partum NFP, CCL now has classes specifically to teach about those very iffy times.  “Basic” NFP is taught separately.  Also, they now have a computer program for charting so (during normal times) it is less to figure out on one’s own since the program does it all for you once you plug in the data.