Yes, having a mild illness can make your waking temps go up slightly for a couple days.

No easy answers here! Nothing helps more than prayer in decisions like these. I think the answer depends in large part on the motivation for adoption. Is it a real expression of love and self-giving? Or is the desire to have a large family coming from the feeling that large families are the approved thing in certain Catholic circles? What’s at the bottom of it all: fear or love?

Forgive me for being so blunt! I sincerely hope this helps. May God bless whatever you undertake.

Just wanted to encourage you that every pregnancy and birth is different, I’ve had 3 so far and can hardly even compare the births to each other!

Sorry to be so blunt, but as I understand it, as a Catholic, you can only put off pregnancy for a grave reason.  I don’t think fear of/distaste for pregnancy and birth would count.  And while adoption is an extremely admirable and charitable thing, I also don’t think we’re supposed to voluntarily replace having our own children with taking in other people’s.  However, I’m not a theologian; aside from telling you to pray sincerely about it, the best advice I can give you is to go talk to a solid, knowledgeable priest.
I’ll keep you and your decision-making in my prayers.

Dear Unsure,
Planning to adopt is such a beautiful thing to do.  As the other commenter mentioned, knowing the heart of the reason who you feel called to adopt is very important.  It could be, that God is placing it on your heart because he needs you to be parents to a very special child who is just waiting for your love, and to be a part of your family.  Only you and your spouse can know what God is calling you to.

My husband and I lost our first baby girl, fairly early in our pregnancy, but I was so distraught and heartbroken, I never thought we would be able to carry a child to term.  God has blessed us with three more babies in the past four years.  Our experiences with pregnancy, labor, and birth have all been both amazing and difficult.  I know pregnancy can be a very hard thing to handle, especially when you have other little people running around!  I guess I just wanted to say that that it is such an amazing gift that we are able to cary life inside of us!  The popular media’s view of pregnancy is so off-putting, like you only have to get through it, that their is no joy associated with pregnancy or labor.  I think that the greatest lie we’ve been told is that we cannot enjoy labor, that it will always be only pain, and that our bodies aren’t strong enough to endure labor.  After having my past two babies naturally,( thanks to the Bradley method of preparation for childbirth) I can honestly say that our labors and births are the moments in my life that I am most proud of, and the moment’s in which I felt most amazingly strong and alive.  Even now, I use the methods of dealing with physical pain to help me deal with stressful situations, with patience, and with calming my own children’s pain.  I certainly don’t mean to sound preachy, I just wanted to share with you that your pregnancies can be a great source of joy, but you have to be open to that as a real possibility.  If you truly feel God is calling you to not put off pregnancy even while going through the adoption process, maybe God has an amazing pregnancy and birth experience in store for you:)
May God Guide you on your journey:)
MNS

Great books to read on positive pregnancy and birth stories are Ina May’s Guide To Pregnancy and Birth, The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth, and Birthing From Within.  These books were the real key to helping my husband and I change our way of viewing pregnancy and childbirth.  All the best!

Unsure,
This is a really difficult question and one I had not thought about until now. I am the proud mother of one son who was adopted, but we are unable to have biological children (barring a miracle). I agree with Lina that distaste of/ fear of pregnancy is probably not a good reason for postponing a pregnancy. However, if your life would be at risk with another pregnancy then you would be justified in using NFP to avoid pregnancy, and could with a clear conscience pursue adoption. You should discuss this with a good priest or Catholic ethicist.

Don’t think however, that adoption is necessarily easier than pregnancy/childbirth. It is different, and can be difficult. I don’t want to put people off adoption because it is a wonderful way to form a family. But don’t underestimate the effects of invasion of privacy, the waiting, the costs, the possibility that you may not be able to adopt an infant (if that is what you are thinking).

Having said that, I think that in the US you are able to adopt and have biological children at more or less the same time (though I would not recommend it, and new infant and a newly adopted child regardless of age, are both demanding).

I hope this is helpful.

May the Holy Spirit guide you in this decision.

I think it would be ok to use NFP to postpone pregnancy for a time during the process of adoption, IF you felt very strongly called to adopt a child. Adoption is an act of compassion and mercy and I think it is fine sometimes to postpone pregnancy when God is calling you to give a demanding gift of yourself that is not compatible with pregnancy (for you).

On the other hand, I think that if your primary reason for wanting to adopt is fear of childbirth, you need to really pray and think about that. Adoptive children deserve and need to be desired for their own sake, not as a way to assuage your conscience about being ‘open to life’ while avoiding childbearing. Not that this is necessarily what you’re doing, but your post does make it sound that way!!

Perhaps as well you need to consider why you are afraid of pregnancy, whether there is something that could be changed to improve your pregnancy experience, or whether there is something deeper at the root of that fear. I think most of us find pregnancy uncomfortable and arduous - it certainly involves a lot of dying to self! - but that the end is worth the process. There are factors that can make it harder/scarier…only in retrospect, for example, have I realized that I should probably have sought treatment for anxiety attacks during my pregnancies - but those are things that can be prepared for.

May the Spirit give you discernment, wisdom and peace as you pray through this decision!

Of course it is acceptable in God’s eyes to avoid a pregnancy to adopt.
I think it is extremely fundamentalist to say otherwise.  I am saddened by the train of thought out there in the Catholic community.  God does have a plan for the millions of orphans in the world to be raised in a family and I think He is juts hoping some hearts would be open to it.  Be open to life is a very broad term.  Listen to your heart and seek wise counsel.

Beth could you explain why its ok to avoid preg. to adopt?  Each act of intercourse is called to be open to life, so if a couple was capable of having children, desired more children, but deliberately did not desire to bear more children themselves, isn’t that using NFP with a contraceptive mentality?

sure, adoption is great and could also be part of growing a family, but how is deliberately not having more children (but planning on continuing to have sex) just to have more children a different way morally acceptable?

Lina,

I do not think you can determine for another couple the morality of this.  The Church does not list just reasons to avoid of pregnancy, that is left to the couple to decide with God.  If a couple decides they graciously want to welcome an orphan into their home and in orer to do that they need to avoid pregnancy then the God I know says go for it!!

I find such a militant and fundamentalist attitude in the Catholic Church these days that it is very difficult to hear.

Are you really encouraging other Catholics not to consider adoption?  Because this is a sin?  To avoid conception to welcome an orphan?  What responsibility to we have to the orphans of the world?

Kim, I have had early spotting in 4 of my 5 pregnancies.  If there is no cramping associated with the spotting, ‘try’ not to worry.  It may be implantation bleeding.  However, if the spotting changes color (darker red) and cramping, consult your doctor right away.  (Just a side note, my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 6 wks, the other 3 went fine and I’m currently on my 5th pregnancy…wk 26).

Yes! My first pregnancy I had no spotting but my second and third (which I am currently pregnant with- 13 weeks) I HAVE had spotting.  Of course it always can be a sign of something wrong, but it also can be completely normal.  Of course there is often implantation spotting (but you are a bit late for that). But the last two I got spotting around week 12 and then almost every month.  It was a totally healthy pregnancy and she is a beautiful baby girl (17 months now).  I would say, it is fine as long as the bleeding doesn’t increase to more than a tablespoon or turn into heavier bleeding.  Also, watch for cramping. These could be signs it is more serious.  Even with just a bit of spotting, tell your doc. about it next visit, but try not to worry in the meantime.  When this happened with my first pregnancy I was freaked out, but the more people I told the more I found out how normal it is.  I think it is probably a hormonal thing (as most things are!).  It also can be caused by intercourse (as your cervix has more blood and is sensitive).  For me though it was almost like mini periods- which seems totally weird I know. Also, I have morning sickness, and so when I would have spotting and would still feel sick, I knew the baby was probably ok cause my hormones were still strong.  Also, later in the pregnancy when I had it I would still feel baby kick, and know he/she was ok. I hope this helps, and congratulations!

Thank you so much—that really helps me feel better!  My husband and I were together on Sunday night so that could be a common explanation based on what you said too.  Things are slow at work today so it was hard to keep my mind free from concern, but nothing appears to have changed for the worse and I still feel fine so I think it’s all right.  Just saying a few prayers   Congratulations to both of you on your pregnancies too!

I would agree with Theresa and Kim but as a doctor who does ob I would want you to call and let me know about the spotting—your doc may or may not want to see you but it is never a bad idea just to let him/her know.

I’ll pray for you! Please do the same for me next month (not happening this month). Don’t you love these happy days!

Paige, I have a similar experience to yours, and I agree with you. What I see in the beauty of NFP is that you are not making a “permanent” decision—you are making a decision for this month, right now, at this time in your life. Furthermore, you are making the decision and still leaving room for God to work—by not harming your body or using something foreign to the body to interfere with God’s work. And the way a couple feels this month may very well change next month. We all need to remember too that what may be “grave” for one couple may not be “grave” for another couple, as well as what might be grave this month, might not be as severe next month. It is for each couple to prayerfully decide, and to accept God’s will in the situation.

Hi, other Lina!
I agree that grave reasons come and go depending on time and circumstances.  However, I spoke so bluntly before mainly because Unsure said that her pregnancies and births had not been life-threatening, nor did she mention any other problems beside an apparent dislike for the whole process of pregnancy and birth.  I know some women feel great while pregnant and others definitely don’t; but perhaps pregnancy should be accepted as a cross, if we can’t enjoy it?
Unsure didn’t say if her babies were born very close together (I’m not going to tell any woman that she has to have a baby every year - that’s not good for the mother OR the children), or if her most recent baby was still only a few months old, or if she’d had or was recovering from post-partum depression, etc.  Obviously prudence is a large part of the decision whether to use NFP or not.
My main beef is with women who choose to use NFP as a kind of “Catholic birth control” - just because you’re not on the Pill or using other contraceptives doesn’t mean it’s OK to use NFP all the time or without good cause.  That is not how it is meant to be used.

other Lina - i can’t believe you spell your name properly!  i’ve never met another Lina (besides the woman i’m named for, my g.g. grandmother who actually died before i was born) who spells it right!

who are you?  where are you? we should be friends :-p

lol, anyways, i do agree with you as well - “catholic BC” isn’t what NFP is all about - its about discerning God’s call each and every month.