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Email a FriendPlease pray for me! I am filled with anger and bitterness today! My husband has a migraine (again). He has them at least 3 times a month and he is in bed for the whole entire day whenever he has one. I honestly feel at the end of my rope with it. He’s had them his whole life, but it seems that he gets them more frequently now than he used to. That leaves me to deal with the four kids (8, 6, 3, 1) by myself. I am irritated and I take my irritation out on the kids by being way short tempered with them. All I want to do is cry. We have three graduation parties to attend today, all for members of his family and I have to get to the store too. I know he would not choose to have these headaches, and I know they’re very painful and can’t be helped (he’s tried different meds and they don’t seem to help) but I’m just so sick of this. Please pray for me and my attitude.
Love Makes a House a Home
Posted by Danielle Bean in Homemaking on Saturday, June 04, 2011 7:00 AM
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If they’re his family, they’ll likely understand since they know him. I say you ditch the parties and make the best of it at home or wherever is easiest for you, the mother. You don’t have to put up a pretense for his family when you know they get it.
Praying! I also get migraines. The meds were almost worse than the headaches! I was able on my own to narrow down a few of the food triggers (nuts of any kind, esp cashews, for example). I know someone who went to a Headache Institute and learned that her headaches were triggered by artificial sweeteners. I agree with the person who said to skip the parties. If they will be stressful, that’s what I would do. If they will be helpful to you (meaning someone else to help mind the kids, meals made, etc), then I would go.
Thank you ladies for the prayers! I truly feel like it has helped me improve my attitude about everything! My hubby’s main triggers are powdered drink mixes (kool-aid, Tang drink mix, water flavorings) but they found out about those when he was young, I guess he may need to be reassessed to see if there are changes since he has gotten older. I think I was mainly disappointed because he works hard all week and the kids & I look forward to having him home during the weekend to spend time with. It’s a bummer when he has to spend the day in bed.
I’m still going to head out to the graduation parties, I think we’ll just drop in at each one and explain. They’re very close by so it should be fine. Thanks for the help & prayers! : )
*my comment code is *better*
I’m often in the same situation and it is so hard. Just a couple of weeks ago hubby woke up with one on the last weekend of soccer and he coaches our 3 yr old. So I had to get everyone to the games and coach the 3 yr olds. The whole day was a disaster. It can be really hard not to be resentful when you get to the weekend expecting to attack the chores and obligations together only to wake up and find out your doing it alone. And of course you feel terrible that he’s hurting again and losing out on family time too. Pray for patience. And when he’s feeling better, be honest with him about how your feeling. Tell him you hate when he feels so miserable but now you’re struggling with feeling overwhelmed so he knows you need some extra help and TLC for a couple of days. That way maybe the resentfulness won’t build up so much and if you know you will talk with him when the time is right you might be less likely to lose patience with the kids. And give yourself a break on things that don’t have to be done. If you don’t need to go to all the parties, don’t.
I’m going to second checking back in with the doctor and seeing a chiropractor. My husband’s have been worse since our 4th was born last Sept. and haven’t been this bad since he was finishing grad school. Back then his doc prescribed low dose muscle relaxers and they worked well. That’s not an option now with the busy schedule of 4 kids so he’s going to the chiropractor later this summer after his vacation days roll over. We really think it will help. I’ve also heard that some people with migraines see improvement on Gluten-Free diets.
I’m the one in our marriage who needs days in bed due to illness—not migraines, but another condition. My hubby tries to be patient with the situation, but I can see that it’s starting to get to him. I always tell him to just “keep everyone alive,” while I’m down. So he just drops the standards a little—some extra TV, low bar for house cleaning, order a pizza, etc. Maybe you can adopt a little of that. When hubby has a migraine (meanwhile he can do some investigating, but there’s sure to be more) just CUT BAIT! You know, do less, skip the ball game or the swim lessons, have hot dogs instead of your famous lasagna, stay inside and watch a little video. Give yourself a break!
It might sound crazy (most migraines are) but mine start with stress in my jaw. Five years ago I had 2-4 a month for 2+ days each in bed. Now it is 2-3 a year and a nap solves the problem. I had massage done on my jaw to loosen the muscles and wear a bite guard to bed every night. If I skip a night, I definitely get a migraine. Dh says he doesn’t mind seeing the bite guard if he doesn’t have to see me in pain. I’ll keep you both in my prayers, particularly that the cause can be found.
It could be a stretch to post this under “homemaking” but here we go:
6.5 year old boys who write & carve on walls and furniture!!!
Just minutes ago, I found permanent marker on a small table. I scolded him, could feel myself starting to get over-the-top, so walked away and came up here to ask for help.
Some writings have been out of anger, e.g., being sent to room as a punishment & then writing in his room.
Some is just sort of “creative” doodling.
When I asked if, when he was doing it, he thought “Yes, I should be doing this” or “I should not be doing this, I will get in trouble” he said the latter.
I know he’s at that murky age near the cusp of “age of reason” but MAN this gets my blood boiling—I take it too personally, that he defaces MY property!!! 
(Oh yeah, in keeping with the theme of the forum: anyone know how to get permanent marker out of naked/unstained wood?)
When I was growing up my mother kept all the art supplies out of my reach and I had to ask to use them. I wish I hadn’t felt like it was some kind of a chore to ask her to get them down, but after seeing what kind of damage kids do, I’ve decided to do the same, with the exception of the crayons that are supposed to wash of with soap and water. My parenting principle is “Lead us not into temptation.”
I keep art supplies out of reach, too. All the developmental experts say to keep them accessible in order to foster creativity, but I know my son and I know the temptation would be way too great to draw all over the house. And I decided that it would be less detrimental to him to have his creativity stifled then to have his mother lose it with him. I do encourage art and do a lot of art with him, but it’s always under my supervision.
I have three boys (9, 7, and 7) and seriously, they just don’t think. I was crying a couple of weeks ago when my two 7 yr olds broke the garage door. They decided to take a “ride” up as the garage door was being opened by their older brother. It bent it beyond easy repair. I feel that most of my our stuff is broken due to the impulsiveness of boys.
I think the best offense is a good defense and that means putting all craft/writing items out of reach. Just wish that worked for us. 
So sorry…. I understand your frustration as I have three small creative little ones who view our house as their canvas! One saving grace…. Mr. Clean erasers. You can buy them at the grocery store. They don’t look like much but they have removed permanent marker for me, crayons on upholstery, etc. Good luck. Also I have found that if I make my little ones scrub off their artwork, it helps! Hang in there!
With unstained wood, your best bet is to sand it away. I would try the softest grade sand paper and work your way to hardest. A soft, steady sanding will work, but you will have to be patient. And frankly, I would make your son do it under your supervision. Any time he defaces property, he has to clean it up. It may not be perfect, but he will see a connection between action and consequence—particularly if that consequence coincides with something he isn’t allowed to until the cleanup is done. As in, I know you want to play outside, but you understood that you were doing something you should not have done. That is purposeful and I can’t allow you to do that. So, I am going to show you how to start cleaning this or (sanding) this and I will oversee you doing it. When you have finished to my satisfaction, you may do that which you want to do. Vandalism is a lack of respect for property, whether it is in the house or out in the world and it is not acceptable in this home. I have 4 boys…can you tell I have this speech down pat?!!
Hi Steph,
One way to get permanent pen off is to rub vigorously with plain ol’ Rubbing Alcohol—keep turning the rag or towel over, and it should come right off! You may have to pour it on the place, or soak a paper towel and *stick* it on the spot for a few seconds first. .I have to do this from time to time, too. I usually treat the permanent pens as “weapons of colorful destruction”, and as such, house them on top of the fridge.
Thanks, ladies!
I am now the owner of one freshly-sanded side table! B.A., great minds think alike.
Frankly, it occurs to me that I am probably slacking in my parental duties by not giving him more of these industrious types of projects to fixate on more regularly. I hate the thought of him associating industry and hard work with punishment!
He really is a sweetheart, and at one point actually said, “Mom, look—I’m a carpenter!” Ooo—talk about a gut-check! Reminder to self: that’s Christ out there in that 6 year old boy…
An idea may be to keep all the art supplies out of reach (except maybe washable crayons) but put it in pretty jars that he can see but no reach. Then he can still view the art supplies and it looks appealing (to inspire creativity!)... yet he still needs to ask you to get it down. Of course you mentioned carving, which means he may be using things that aren’t exactly “art supplies,” like forks or paperclips. You cant hide EVERYTHING from him! So another thought that came to mind is… what about taking away the art supplies for one or two days every time you find “art” on the wall or on furniture? Then he has to “earn” back the supplies by a day of not drawing on things-other-than-paper? Just an idea. As an aside, my toddler just discovered that crayons make pretty marks on just about everything (before this I really think she thought they only worked on plain white paper!), so we have simply taken them away. So, in the face of this art-supply-deprivation, I found her painting on the bathroom mirror with dribbles of milk from her sippy cup this evening! There just seems to be something natural and inborn and unstoppable about the desire to “make art” in small children…
I second having him clean up whatever mess he makes. But, just another idea for the moms who keep creative supplies out of reach. When mine were little (2 boys and a girl, now 10, 8 and 7) I only kept the permanent markers out of reach. They had stacks of paper and WASHABLE markers as well as crayons at their fingertips –– and they used them constantly. (Still do). The permanent markers I (still) keep up in a cupboard beyond reach. Sometimes, if you foster their creativity, they won’t go to the walls or furniture. Tell them to make pictures on paper anytime they want, and you will hang them up.
I have a question. I have a nine year boy that I need help with on adjusting his attitude. Majority of the time, he has a very negative attitude, complains, whines and gets sassy. He is definitely a strong willed child. I am trying to be the stronger willed mother, but it can be exhausting at times. Any suggestions?
I too have a child that is very negative by nature ... she is now a teenager and over the years what has worked is accepting her melancholic personality but teaching her to identify and overcome this weakness. She’s also very introverted ... which can be an added challenge and I worry about her future relationships - learning how to open up and share.
In identifying her negativity - we take her to the side in a private conversation and point out something she has said or done. Most of the time in talking through it, she sees and I truly see over the years she is learning how to be more positive while embracing her quiet and not overly joyful personality. Another thing we’ve done is had her write down in a journal 10 things she is greatful for ... thinking that a lot of her pessimistic attitude often stems from just not being greatful! This helps her take the time to think, write down and be greatful for all that she is blessed with ... which I think can help with ‘attitudes’. God bless you!
Am an artist, and daughter of an artist. I distinctly recall the time I colored on a portrait that my mom had spent the entire night in creating and completing. I just wanted to see what it felt like to use pastels on velour paper which was a soft as a baby’s skin. Mom punished hard, spankings were the norm back then, BUT Dad intervened and then she started giving me art lessons. Isn’t there Dad or Uncle or Grand Dad who can get this little man into doing something creative like, maybe, building bird houses and painting them?
Does any one here know anything about ODD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder?
Yes, my daughter is boarder line ADHD and ODD. ODD is treated similarly to ADHD often with the same medications and therapy. ODD is basically when ADHD is so severe you can’t really even call it ADHD anymore. They are very defiant and do not respond to negative punishments well. Very aggressive, often hurting themselves, others, and property.
I’m expecting our second in a few weeks and unfortunately I am not expecting the lovely flow of hot dinners I got for about a month after my first was born (we’ve moved). Anyway, I’d like to prep and freeze as many dinners as I can while I have time and was wondering if people who have done the same can recommend the best recipes they’ve found. A small caveat: my husband doesn’t love pasta, especially not with tomato sauce. He will eat it, but not more than once or twice a week, certainly. I realize this makes casseroles more difficult, any ideas to get around it?
As mother to 11, I always put away as many ‘freezer’ dinners as possible beforehand. I made ‘double dinners’ most evenings, putting one into the freezer. If making casseroles, I line the pan it with foil, put the food into the container and freeze. Then, when frozen remove from pan and wrap securely in plastic wrap. Then, when ready to serve, unwrap and bake a little longer than normal. The once-a month type cook books have some excellent recipes. I used mostly what our favorites were. Mayonnaise and sour cream don’t freeze well, but I’ve frozen just about everything else…broccoli cheese casserole, enchiladas, green chili, regular chili, chicken and dumplings etc. I even make double batches of soup and pour half into a gallon zip lock and freeze.Then just a veggie and a salad completes the meal.
I just had my second a couple of months ago and stocked the freezer with about 4 weeks worth of food by making big batches of the following dishes and splitting them up into one-night servings to freeze:
- meatballs
- stuffed shells
- bags of homemade sauce
- mexican meat from the crockpot (to serve in tortillas)
- beef enchiladas
- chicken enchiladas
- chicken divan (chicken/broccoli casserole-ish)
- bbq shredded chicken from the crockpot
- meatloaf
- sloppy joe meat
- spinach and artichoke lasagna
Happy cooking!
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