I will pray for you and your daughter.

I once heard Dr.Ray speak in person, and wrote this quote in a notebook:
“To raise a one-in-a-hundred kid, you have to be a one-in-a-hundred parent.”

He also had us think about our kids’ stubbornness and our responses to them as compared to humanity’s transgression & sins against God and His patient, consistent responses to us ever since the Fall.  In other words, when I get weary of the same battles with my kids, I should think about my habitual sins and remember how patient God is with me.  Never mind with the Israelites & their fickleness!

My daughter had her 4 year old birthday at the park and the kids loved it. It was definitely less stressful then the ones we have had at home. You don’t have to worry about crowding or the kids running all over the place. I do recommend bringing some table weights and maybe some big bags to put presents in because the wind can be a lot of fun with tissue paper and tablecloths.

I would also have it at a park.  Could you invite “families” so the parents help watch the kids playing?  (and get to know each other out of the carpool lane)  We have also requested they give gifts to a charity (I choose) or even the animal shelter (ask what brand of food they use).  It is outside the norn, but with just family presents I get overwhelmed!  It is fun to see the box for the food bank fill up with canned goods!  Have it in the afternoon, were just snacks, cake and drinks are necessary. 

Wahoo for an almost 4 year old!

My vote would be for the park. It will take planning but you don’t have to clean your house to have everyone over and then again after it is descended upon by a group of 5 year olds. I had a low-key surprise party for my 4 year old at the house last year, just family and a couple of friends, in May. It was lots of fun and I’m glad we did it, but 2 1/2 weeks later when my twins were asking for a backyard party, we packed everything to the park. I just couldn’t face everything that goes into hosting in your home again.

My son has a Memorial Day Weekend birthday. We’ve done both. The park/shelterhouse for his fifth birthday was great, especially as I had a newborn at the time. The house worked, too, the following year because the newborn was then a toddler who napped through most of the party which we kept in the yard. Definitely more cleanup at home, though! Although, at a park, you have to remember to bring EVERYTHING you need.

As an aside, my son is the second youngest in his first grade class. I didn’t realize this until I got the Valentine class list which, for some reason included their DOBs. I know most people who have kids with summer birthdays tend to keep them back a year, but May just seemed “spring” to me and so I sent him. He’s done great. I couldn’t imagine if he was just in K this year. But I wouldn’t be surprised if your daughter continues to be one of the youngest in her class—seems like June is becoming the new “unofficial” cut-off in many parts of the country.

7 yrs ago I had a party for my son at a park.  We chose this site because I had a 2 yr old and newborn.  I hired two teenage girls to help me with the party.  They ran the games and kept the kids in check.

So far the non-fish meals I’ve planned for this year are big salads with lots of veggies and hard boiled eggs, minestrone soup and homemade bread, breakfast for dinner, homemade veggie pizza, and veggie stir fry.

When my kids were young, they LOVED Pasta with Peas.  It’s very easy.  Chop an onion with some garlic fine, and brown a bit.  Then add a can of tomato sauce, salt, pepper and basil or oregano.  Simmer for a few minutes.  Add frozen peas and warm up a bit. Cook your pasta, and pour the sauce over it.  My kids used to eat this ALL up. They loved it.  You can also make it without the tomato sauce.  I make it like that for myself because I can’t have tomato.  Use some water from the pasta to add liquid.

We do grilled cheese sandwiches often (and with tomato soup, for those who will eat it.) Another easy one for us is scrambled eggs and pancakes…simple, yet enjoyed by all. Cheese pizza works. I will admit that mine will usually just want fish sticks and mac ‘n cheese most every week. Oh, another one that they ask for is fried macaroni…boil elbow noodles until soft; drain, put in skillet with some oil/butter and fry until starting to brown just a bit. Add a couple scrambled eggs and cook until eggs are done. Add shredded cheese (taco flavor is the favorite here) and serve.  Simple comfort food.

Mine have enjoyed clams, garlic & noodles.
Very simple:  Olive oil & minced garlic in a skillet, add drained canned clams after the garlic is nice and hot; toss in spaghetti or noodles of choice. 

We’ve had to avoid shellfish, however, and so I’m lining up grilled cheese (we use Daiya substitute shreds) sandwiches and tomato or some other veggie soup for the next few weeks.

We often do canned black beans over rice, sometimes mixed with salsa or with shredded cheddar cheese on top. Lots of Mexican dishes can be made with black beans or refried beans instead of meat.

I fix baked potatoes and put out a “fixings bar” with it, so the kids have lots of choices of what to put on their baked potatoes.  I put out grated cheese, sour cream, steamed broccoli, salsa, butter, and ranch dressing.  This is always a hit at our house.  You can fix the potatoes in the oven, crockpot, or microwave.  Easy meatless meal !

Don’t forget meatless quiches and Breakfast for dinner (you can use meat free “sausage”) !  Also Lent is a great time to try out some vegetarian favored options such as stir fried tofu or veggie burgers.

I also just remembered that fried rice is another good one for Fridays. Usually meatless, but if I can find some shrimp that is inexpensive, I will throw a little in for flavor.

My kids are not big fish eaters either, but I did find a recipe for homemade fish sticks on http://www.wellnessmama.com that they all liked.  It was easy, too.  We have also done egg/potato bake, which is sliced hard-boiled eggs layered with sliced boiled potatoes (I boiled them in the same pot) and cheese sauce like I would make for home-made mac n’ cheese. You layer it all and then bake at 350 for 20-30 min. until hot.  You can also add veggies to it or serve them on the side.  We also did meatless lasagna back when we were eating gluten, or mac n’ cheese with veggies. Also pancakes, quiche, or scrambled eggs.

I can’t type too much right now, but we are going to try to go meatless all Lent, which meant me fixing up an entire new menu. Here is the link to our Lenten Menu (it’s just for dinners and a lot of the fresh fruit/veggies are not included on the menu).
Hope this helps
http://theippolitis.blogspot.com/2012/02/monthly-dinner-menu-for-lent-feb-2012.html

How old is your son?
What is your dh’s role at bedtime?

Couldn’t you pop in some ear buds and listen to a good podcast or an audio book? That’s been my sanity as I see the little ones off to sleep! I usually get the “why don’t you just make them go to sleep by themselves” thing, and it’s tempting. But a few of mine are older now and no longer want to snuggle mom. I only have one smuggler left and I’m in no hurry to rush her. And quite honestly, I enjoy catching up on my favorite audios and podcasts, maybe saying the Rosary in peace.

Are you nursing to sleep?  If so, I would nurse sitting up and then put him in bed, even if he’s not yet asleep.  I KNOW it’s hard, I’ve been there many times.  But you’re right, falling asleep and waking up at 4 am in a toddler bed is no good, and unproductive!!  I’m not saying wean him or lock him in the room alone…I’m saying develop a new habit of nursing for 10 or 15 minutes and then into bed he goes.  I would bring in laundry and fold it, or a book and read it, or the rosary to pray or knitting or some other activity to do in a chair or sitting on the floor while he settles.  If this option just doesn’t work for you, how about nursing to sleep in your bed where at least you will be comfortable?  Or setting a wrist watch alarm to go off in 30 minutes?

Could you switch him to a twin size bed already?  We’ve never used toddler beds for that exact reason.  I lay down in bed to nurse and often fall asleep.  My dh sometimes wakes me to relocate when he goes to bed, if I was very tired though he’ll just let me be and if I wake up I relocate myself.

I have used the Faith and Life series - I have the child’s book and the activity book, which gives plenty of discussion questions.  I got them from EmmanuelBooks.com.  Another idea is to use the books that your parish uses - they may charge a fee for the supplies, but they might not be as expensive as purchasing them yourself.  I also like the Baltimore Catechism Book 1, which you can get at EmmanuelBooks.com.  Also be sure to teach the basic prayers: Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, an Act of Contrition, a Morning Offering (these are all in the Baltimore Catechism or online).  Also getting some children’s missals or guides to the Mass are helpful.

I second the opinion on the Faith and Life books and the Baltimore Catechism.  I didn’t use the parish books because, when I reviewed them, they included quotes from Archbishop Weakland and others that I felt were unacceptable.  We fly under the radar, for the most part, in our parish.  The DRE is aware that we homeschool and I let her know early in the spring if we are having anyone needing sacraments the following year.  We attend the parent/child workshops in the parish, as required, but teach following our own lesson plans.

We like to incorporate The King of the Golden City.  The kids have all loved it.  It really helps make some of the teaching more concrete.

Definitely agree on the Faith and Life, and my favorite is the St. Joseph First Commnion Catechism, based on the Baltimore Catechism.  I’m currently teaching the FC class at my parish and don’t care for the book they use (Blest are They), so I pick and choose some things out of it that I like and supplement with the St. Joseph’s Catechism and Scripture.

Prayers for you and your sweet boy. We love St. Lucy over here. She never fails us! My now 2 yr old had minor eye surgery (Closed tear duct) 6 months ago and all was well. Good luck!

Clare, Prayers for you.  Positive discipline does work!  It takes time, but is so worth it.  I know it works when I hear my kids talk to each other using phrases I’ve used with them (e.g. I’ll listen to you when you talk with gentle words and voice.”). 
My sister found this group very helpful, she’s an amazing mother of 3: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/aboutgcm/
I’ll pray for you!

I have found the book Parenting With Grace: Raising Nearly Perfect Catholic Kids by Popcak very helpful with my four.

I am sorry. I got the title a little wrong. It’s Parenting With Grace: Catholic Parent’s Guide to Raising Almost Perfect Kids by Gregory Popcak.

Hi Clare,

I have five kiddos, from 14 on down to 2.  *I* chose the positive parenting I think you trying to follow and I can say, “it works”. 
Do what is best for your family.  All of my family and my in-laws thought we were nuts, too, but then, all they knew was threatening, punishment, spankings—that were brutal to borderline abusive—like one of my husband’s siblings was hit in the face so hard that he fell down the stairs into the basement (!), so they REALLY didn’t know any different way.  I understand that they did the best they could at the time—but we know better and so do you!
I benefitted greatly from the parenting books by Dr. Sears, as well as “Positive Discipline”

I have older children and I don’t know if you would have called me an “attachment parent” when they were babies - I did stay home with them, nurse on demand, but never had much success with co-sleeping and baby wearing wasn’t in vogue way back in the 90s, but whatever your style of parenting is, it’s your style.  I don’t know how my children would have turned out differently if I wasn’t me and they weren’t themselves, because you as a parent are in a relationship with a particular child.  I don’t think there is any “right way” to raise or discipline your child when you do it with love.  Obviously there are some really wrong ways - like willful neglect, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, living in filth, physical and sexual abuse,  but those aren’t done in love.  My advise is to be yourself and love your children.  You’ll be fine.

Clare, I appreciate your post so much because the same question has been going around in my head lately.  We have three kids 4.5 down to 6 months.  I started out with a more attachment parenting style.  As my son got older , and we started running into more problem behaviors, we started to use spanking sometimes,though very lightly.  We have mixed feelings about using spanking.  I have also found myself being more punitive in my discipline..i.e. I will take away a favorite toy for the day if a behavior continues.  I don’t like doing this, but I am really at a loss for how else to do things.  My kids can really act up in church and my son can be really difficult to get to do something like get dressed for school in the morning without my having to repeat a request multiple times.  I will go to the links that people have suggested, and I think I might even have the Popcak book because I would like to understand how positive discipline/parenting looks like on a practical level and how it works.Sorry if this is disjointed gotta go to a crying babe.

Maybe you don’t have to go completely gluten free all at once? Why don’t you try cutting down on the processed foods first, but keep white flour for baking, etc. Then slowly start swapping out the white flour for whole wheat flours/pastas, etc. Then you can slowly switch to more gluten free products, but you may find you don’t need to live completely gluten-free—especially if your daughter doesn’t have major stomach/digestion issues. Getting rid of the processed sugar and highly refined flours might be enough and would be less of a dramatic impact on your family.

I type this as I’m lusting after leftover grocery store birthday cake in the next room. Clearly I give better advice than I take!

Holly, we have had great progress in many areas going gluten free.  It can be overwhelming at first, since it often means more money and more cooking, but you can take baby steps.  It’s easier to eliminate processed foods first, which will automatically reduce gluten and many of the toxins going into your family’s bodies.  Like you, I am not organized, and my hubby is a terrible eater as well, but I just keep telling myself that what I’m doing is a huge improvement.  I initially did it while I was breastfeeding my youngest because she had terrible yeast issues. That was a good motivator for me to try to be more disciplined. I got a lot of help from the http://www.wellnessmama.com website.  She is a nutritionist who has studied lots about grains/gluten and has loads of recipes.  Last Lent, I put my whole family on a gluten free/no refined sugar diet, and my hubby went along with it as a Lenten thing.  Behavior and physical health changed dramatically for all of us.  It’s still a challenge for me, but I notice the difference when any of us have gluten.  I found a great book also, called “What’s eating Your Child?” Can’t remember the author, but there was a lot in there about the connections between various learning disabilities, autism, behavioral issues, etc. and diet.  You might be able to find some answers there, too. Lent is the perfect time to start - it’s an automatic sacrifice every day!   God bless.

Oh my goodness Colleen!  I am reading that book right now!  It is really on the money so far.  I love the idea of Lent being an extra motivator, especially for my husband. K, I’m right there with you on those leftover sweets… we have some donut holes in the cabinet just calling out to me.  Thank you both!

Holly, I have had great success with going gluten free.  Colleen basically said what I was going to.  It is well worth the effort.  K has good suggestions too, but if gluten is the underlying issue, you need to get it out of the diet as soon as possible.  Going with foods that are unprocessed is your best bet. There are many gluten free products out there, but many are processed with a lot of sugar and additives.  Trader Joe’s sells Brown rice wraps which are very good. Other than that I don’t buy anything pre-made.  Good luck!  It does take getting used to, but it is certainly worth the effort!

Prayers for you and your daughter, Samantha.  I can understand why you would struggle with the feelings you described.  I struggled with similar feelings when I had my three miscarriages.  I’m sure someday we’ll understand why God gave us each our particular crosses, but in the meantime, it’s tough to fight our way through.  In my own situation I had to keep turning to the sacraments and prayer and other people who could understand and pray for me.  I will admit, I railed at God at times and literally cried out to Him in my anguish.  I figured that He could take it!  And it helped me to get it out.  Are there other parents you could connect with who are experiencing similar struggles?  Sometimes that can help, just to know that you’re not the only one going through something like this. Lots of prayers going up for you this Lent.

Prayers and hugs to you, Mama!  It is so natural and understandable to feel how you’re feeling right now! 

Someone gave my sister-in-law this story (below) when her daughter was born with spina bifida.  She passed it along to me when my son was born and the doctor said he had spine issues, too.  I hope it comforts you like it did me.  Also, is there an online support forum for you daughter’s condition or something similar?

WELCOME TO HOLLAND by Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…...

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.