1. Posted by Lisa Hendey on Thursday, Aug 14, 2008 10:17 AM (EST):
Just a quick note that this photo of my parents was taken in 1982 - they’re an even cuter couple now!!
Marriage Mentors
Three things I learned about marriage from the best couple I know
Posted by Lisa Hendey in Marriage on Thursday, August 14, 2008 9:41 AM
I am fortunate to have a continual role model for marital happiness from my parents, who celebrate their 46th wedding anniversary next week on August 18. My parents welcomed me, the eldest of five kids, into the family ten months and three days after their wedding, so I had a front row seat for their learning to love and live together. From that vantage point, I’d have to say that I couldn’t have received better coaching on how to fully participate in a marriage, giving it my very best. So the following are the “three things” I learned about marriage from my parents - they also constitute the advice I’d give anyone in my life who is getting married.
1. Keep Christ at the center of your marriage. Reflecting back on my parents’ marriage as a “grown up”, it is apparent that their love flourished and grew in good times and in bad. Where other couples may have threw in the towel in the face of health issues, financial disasters or loss, my parents were able to stay the course and grow in their commitment to one another and to their children. They taught me that a strong faith life and a mutual belief in a loving God and in the sacrament of marriage helped them when times were toughest. I had a difficult time figuring out how to apply this in my own marriage to a non-Catholic who eventually joined the Church after seventeen years of marriage. Greg and I weren’t the types (and still aren’t) to end each night with a Rosary together or to explore long theological discussions with one another. But, in large part thanks to my parents’ example, we always prayed with and for one another even prior to Greg’s joining the Church. Our family commitment to our faith began with the exchange of vows at our wedding Mass, continued with our vows to raise our children in the faith at their Baptisms, and strengthens every day as we do our very best to be Christ’s light and love to one another.
2. Always err on the side of generosity. My parents taught me to always try to say “yes” when someone asks you for help, and even to anticipate their needs prior to their asking. Though they didn’t have much money, they were always helping their friends and members of our parish community. We had a very open home, with visitors and guests being welcomed continually. Most of all, my parents helped and were generous with one another. They looked for ways to build up and support each other. In our own marriage, Greg and I look for ways to be lovingly generous with one another. This can be as simple as pouring a cup of coffee and lovingly serving it to your spouse with a smile. Be generous with one another, especially when it feels the most difficult to give.
3. Never leave one good party in search of another. This is a famous saying in my family, coined by my Daddy. It holds true for most of life’s great mysteries - whether it’s a job, a marriage, or yes - even a party! My Mom and Dad love to dance, so our family was always the last to leave any party, especially one that involved dancing. My college friends teased that they were going to rent my parents for their weddings just to liven things up! “Never leave one good party in search of another” is a philosophical statement that the grass is NOT greener, that if you give your very best to what you are currently doing, then it’s the best place you could possibly hope to be. Wise words for any situation, but especially for marriage! Rather than looking at the lives and marriages of our friends with envy, my parents taught Greg and I to make our own marriage the best “party” in town - to have fun with one another, to enjoy one another’s company, and to always be the last couple on the dance floor.
I could go on and on about the many lessons I’ve learned from my parents’ about marriage, and they include a few things NOT to do! But I’ll leave the dance floor to you - what three things have you learned about marriage from your parents and what lessons do you hope to share some day with your children?
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Comments
2. Posted by Danielle Bean on Thursday, Aug 14, 2008 10:55 AM (EST):
God bless your mom and dad—what a beautiful couple! I love your dad’s saying about not leaving a good party. Very appropriate for all kinds of life situations.
3. Posted by nicole [website] on Thursday, Aug 14, 2008 12:09 PM (EST):
From my parents: Just keep going. Things will be tough and there are times when it would be easier to give up, but just keep going. I think my parents’ marriage is better now than it was ten years ago and I hope that will be true for my marriage.
4. Posted by Kate on Thursday, Aug 14, 2008 1:32 PM (EST):
From my parents…
1) lean on God’s grace to complete whatever is lacking, in you, in your spouse, in your life together.
2) The only thing necessary to make a marriage last is the mutual determination to commit each day to making the marriage last - and this includes DOing whatever is necessary. When you both know there is no exit plan...well, to borrow your phrase, if the exits are locked at your party, better make it a great party!
5. Posted by Dee on Thursday, Aug 14, 2008 5:26 PM (EST):
Three things comes quicly to mind: ‘a good work ethic’ - ‘belief in God is important’ - and ‘generosity’.
6. Posted by Esther [website] on Friday, Aug 15, 2008 12:51 AM (EST):
I think this series on marriage tips is great! I especially love #2. This has always been my parent’s (married 50 years) motto.
7. Posted by Lisa Hendey on Friday, Aug 15, 2008 12:53 AM (EST):
Esther, keep an eye on the blog, as there will be even more great “stuff” in the days ahead on this topic!!
8. Posted by Steve [website] on Friday, Aug 15, 2008 1:01 PM (EST):
Outstanding pillars for any marriage! Im sorry to say though, I dont see a lot of this in my own family. My parents went from taking us to the Methodist church every sunday to....well, I dont think theyve actually been to a regular service since about 1980 or earlier.
My in-laws though, we’ve attended mass with them every sunday since we’ve been married (going on 8 years this November), and alot of this sounds like them.
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