Marriage Mentors
Posted by Lisa Hendey in Marriage on Thursday, August 14, 2008 9:41 AM
I am fortunate to have a continual role model for marital happiness from my parents, who celebrate their 46th wedding anniversary next week on August 18. My parents welcomed me, the eldest of five kids, into the family ten months and three days after their wedding, so I had a front row seat for their learning to love and live together. From that vantage point, I’d have to say that I couldn’t have received better coaching on how to fully participate in a marriage, giving it my very best. So the following are the “three things” I learned about marriage from my parents - they also constitute the advice I’d give anyone in my life who is getting married.
1. Keep Christ at the center of your marriage. Reflecting back on my parents’ marriage as a “grown up”, it is apparent that their love flourished and grew in good times and in bad. Where other couples may have threw in the towel in the face of health issues, financial disasters or loss, my parents were able to stay the course and grow in their commitment to one another and to their children. They taught me that a strong faith life and a mutual belief in a loving God and in the sacrament of marriage helped them when times were toughest. I had a difficult time figuring out how to apply this in my own marriage to a non-Catholic who eventually joined the Church after seventeen years of marriage. Greg and I weren’t the types (and still aren’t) to end each night with a Rosary together or to explore long theological discussions with one another. But, in large part thanks to my parents’ example, we always prayed with and for one another even prior to Greg’s joining the Church. Our family commitment to our faith began with the exchange of vows at our wedding Mass, continued with our vows to raise our children in the faith at their Baptisms, and strengthens every day as we do our very best to be Christ’s light and love to one another.
2. Always err on the side of generosity. My parents taught me to always try to say “yes” when someone asks you for help, and even to anticipate their needs prior to their asking. Though they didn’t have much money, they were always helping their friends and members of our parish community. We had a very open home, with visitors and guests being welcomed continually. Most of all, my parents helped and were generous with one another. They looked for ways to build up and support each other. In our own marriage, Greg and I look for ways to be lovingly generous with one another. This can be as simple as pouring a cup of coffee and lovingly serving it to your spouse with a smile. Be generous with one another, especially when it feels the most difficult to give.
3. Never leave one good party in search of another. This is a famous saying in my family, coined by my Daddy. It holds true for most of life’s great mysteries - whether it’s a job, a marriage, or yes - even a party! My Mom and Dad love to dance, so our family was always the last to leave any party, especially one that involved dancing. My college friends teased that they were going to rent my parents for their weddings just to liven things up! “Never leave one good party in search of another” is a philosophical statement that the grass is NOT greener, that if you give your very best to what you are currently doing, then it’s the best place you could possibly hope to be. Wise words for any situation, but especially for marriage! Rather than looking at the lives and marriages of our friends with envy, my parents taught Greg and I to make our own marriage the best “party” in town - to have fun with one another, to enjoy one another’s company, and to always be the last couple on the dance floor.
I could go on and on about the many lessons I’ve learned from my parents’ about marriage, and they include a few things NOT to do! But I’ll leave the dance floor to you - what three things have you learned about marriage from your parents and what lessons do you hope to share some day with your children?
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