Mix and (Don't) Match
Posted by Arwen Mosher in Family on Monday, October 04, 2010 9:30 PM
Many days, my son wears more than one t-shirt. The first one is covered with yogurt or similar, so he gets a replacement. I can’t remember him ever doing what he did today, though: wearing two regular t-shirts simultaneously.
I got him dressed as usual, picking a cute blue t-shirt. He ripped it off and brought me an orange one from his dresser. Okay, not surprising - he loves bright colors and always picks his red and orange clothes first. I helped him on with the orange one, but then he handed me the blue one. He wanted to wear both of them together.
All day, whenever I looked at his silly layered-shirt get-up, I laughed and shook my head at the same time. My daughter’s been picking out her own clothes for a while, but I’d thought I still had some time to make be the sole sartorial decision-maker for this guy. Guess not.
In a way, I find it fun to let Camilla dress herself. The combinations she creates are unique and, um, eye-catching. She’ll pair - for instance - a plaid top with a floral skirt, and she has no sense of color coordination. Recently she put on a puce-and-orange shirt and a pink-and-purple plaid skirt. And she thought she looked fabulous!
As much as I enjoy giving my kids freedom of expression this way, I struggle with it. There’s a balance between letting them express themselves and making sure they look presentable in public. And then, of course, there’s the vanity issue: do I care about them being presentable for their own sake, or for mine? It’s important that I make mothering young children appear to be a desirable state in life (as it is) and having well-dressed children is part of that. But maybe I should be more concerned with being loving toward my kids and clearly enjoying them in public, and then people will assume that letting them make non-standard clothing choices is a part of my loving them and giving them freedom where I can.
Like I said, I struggle with it.
My current solution is this: I pick Camilla’s Sunday Mass outfit, generally giving her a choice between two dresses. On weekdays when we’re going somewhere like the doctor’s office or out to dinner as a family, I let her choose one piece of clothing and then pick matching items to go with it. On weekdays when we’re hanging out at home or seeing relatives or close friends, she’s free to dress in whatever weather-appropriate outfit she likes.
So far, it’s working okay. We’ll see if she develops stronger preferences in the coming years.
I’m sure that someday, when I’ve got the much bigger job of helping an older girl learn to dress in a way that respects her dignity, I’ll think wistfully of the time when all I had to worry about was whether the patterns and colors matched. But for now, this is my challenge. Sometimes frustrating, often hilarious.
How do you or have you handled this issue?
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