Jennifer~

This was typical behavior when my 14 yo twins were younger.  I would ask if someone was going to get seriously hurt, if yes, they could tell me, if not and really just wanted to get the other in trouble, the “tattler” got the discipline du jour.  It quickly eliminated that.  They still occassionally try the tattling and only need to be reminded. . .is someone going to be seriously hurt?

I’ve always adopted a similar stance as above… if it wasn’t “dangerous to health or safety” it was tattling and I don’t listen to tattling.  However, I never punished the tattler, because I’d hate for them to *not* tell me something important, thinking they might get in trouble.  And even if the information is technically tattling, it can be important for me to know to look out for a certain behavior.

My husband is an elementary school teacher, and he normally uses this distinction with his kids: “Are you telling me this because Sally is in trouble, or because you want to get Sally into trouble?”  I have a 2 & 4yo, so this distinction is a bit beyond them, so I ask my 4 yo tattler, “Is she hurting you, herself, or something? If not, I don’t want to hear about it.”

I also use “in trouble or out of trouble” and it works fairly well.

Hi Anne,

I’m with you about it being a “colossal waste of time” not to mention the fact that at this time of year with all of the other little sick people he *could* get something even worse if his immune system is compromised.

But, I’m also not a doctor/pediatrician.  So, if your “Mommy sense” tells you sick, (which I also agree with you—-clear to green is what I go by, too,) is there a possibility of a “phone appointment” with this pediatrician or consulting nurse?  That way you can ask questions and voice concerns without actually going out?  Just let them know you don’t have a car, and it would save them time if you just got a phone call when they have a moment?
Good luck with this and I hope your little one feels better soon!

Get your hands on the book “How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of the Doctor”.  It was written by a doctor, but he does not advocate taking a child to the doctor without a good reason.  He gives common-sense guidelines as to when to see a doctor (or seek emergency care) and when to treat at home.

It sounds to me like you and your husband need some time away from the twins on the weekends.  I understand how difficult your schedule is, but I think it’s important to put your marriage first.  Can you guys go out to dinner alone on Saturdays?

Is there any way you could go out for supper or a book club or even just wander the mall by yourself once in awhile on a weeknight?  An evening Mass or Adoration at a local parish?  An exercise class?

My husband also works away from home during the week and I’m here with the 14 yr old, the 12 yr old and out 6 six year old.  And let’s not forget the dog.

I’d love an answer on this too! my 2 & 3 year old are constantly pushing, tugging, scratching each other…I put them in time out but seriously at this point they could spend all day in time out. I’m burnt out with these 2- every activity becomes a struggle!

Thanks for replying mommyof5.  It’s actually absurdly comforting to know that someone else shares my misery.  Prayers to your fighting toddlers…

My kids (currently 5 and nearly 3) have gone through phases of fighting constantly. It is exhausting. Try to choose your battles, and be consistent. That’s really all you can do. I grew up in a very stable family (four kids, all of us 2 years apart in age). We fought each other all the time as kids, but are now close and loving as adults. At times, we nearly made our mother crazy! Good luck—things will be all right.

I’m by no means an expert here, but I have 3 under 4 and many of the same issues.  I recently found a site called “Raising Godly Tomatoes” which is by a Protestant mom with ten kids.  What she says is that little ones should be playing near you at all times (tomato staking), so the minute there is a sign of a fight, you can nip it in the bud by encouraging virtue INSTEAD of selfishness, meanness, and all the things that lead to the tattling and fighting.  She explains it much better on her website.  Some of her thoughts were a little…extreme (?) for me but I have to admit, when I keep very close to my boys (2 and 4), I am able to stop the fighting before it starts, AND encourage them to make virtuous decisions on their own until you can trust them to play together without your supervision.  Check out her website…she explains a lot more.

I’m laughing as I write this.  My mother color coordinated me and my three sisters.  I was blue, one was red, one was yellow and one was green.  Our toothbrushes, towels and some articles of clothing were organized as such.  It worked.

I don’t assign each child a color across the board but they each have their own towel, napkin and cup.  It has really worked for us!  With Christmas coming up, maybe a relative would consider giving each child a towel, beach towel, or cup with their name on it.

I have not done this, but my sister-in-law who has five children (ages 10-4) has done this.  She has two girls, so one is pink and one is purple.  And three boys, who are green, orange, and blue.  Her boys are relatively close in age and size so she has even coordinated which color underwear she buys for which boy.  They have been doing this for over two years, and it works very effectively.  It eliminates arguments over who gets what or did what, and makes it easier to see what child(ren) needs help/discipline with organization.
Her house runs very efficiently.

Haven’t done this myself but a good friend does.  She has 5 kids ages 3-11.  She recently bought them each a different color plate and cup.  They are responsible for getting their own dishes in the dishwasher.  She said it didn’t take long for the kids to realize that if they didn’t put it in - it wasn’t clean for the next meal.  And, she noticed it was mostly one of the older kids who was the culprit in forgetting to load his dishes, something she didn’t realize until things were color coded.

I have a 4, 3, and 1.5 year old and here are some of our favorite snacks. Besides having some nutritional value (or at least not overwhelming negative value), I also tend towards snacks that aren’t too messy (like yogurt) and which can generally be eaten without assistance and on the run.

Baby carrots
Apple slices (with peanut butter if eaten at the table)
Bananas (sliced up with peanut butter if eaten at the table)
Grapes (I watch for sales and freeze them sometimes)
String cheese sticks
Baked Goldfish
Pretzel sticks
Trail mix (I make my own with peanuts or almonds, raisins, and a few chocolate chips)
Pumpkin or Banana bread
Dry cereal (cheerios, shredded wheat)

Some of my favorite healthy snack choices are raisins, apple slices (sometimes sprinkled with just a bit of sugar and cinnamon), and cheese cubes (colby jack and mild cheddar are favorites). Also, wheat crackers. Sometimes I’ll combine something like fruit snacks or yogos with one of the healthy choices above, and the kids usually will eat both. I also give dry cereal sometimes; and you can mix something healthier like cheerios, with something like coco puffs for a treat.

In my experience, for some children poop will take 3-6 months longer to ‘get’ than pee.