I have 3 boys (5,3 &2 yr old) in the same room. At naptime the 5 yr old lays down until the 2 other boys are asleep then he may get up, however since it is quiet time, he may do a worksheet, color, cut or read (nothing else). Some days he’ll fall asleep if we’ve had a busy morning otherwise he gets at least a 1/2 hr of rest and goes to an activity ( today: making friendship bracelets). I tried for a while to force the nap issue with him, but have learned that it just frustrates us both so I let him stay up. It keeps us all sane

What works the best in our house is that I have people all in different rooms.  You might try putting your oldest on your bed with a pile of books, crayons, etc.  That way your 3 year old can still get some down time (and so can you) but she won’t be disturbing her younger sister - and the 2 year old won’t see that the 3 year old has a few more priveages.

sadly I really don’t have a room that would be safe enough to leave her in that I wouldn’t also be in.  Our bedroom is currently the holding area for things I’m accumulating to donate.  As a result, its a disaster. We live in a rather small townhome and my 3 year old is good at getting doors open. Yesterday we put our 2 year old down for her nap and 30 minutes later I took the 3 year old up for quiet time in the same room.  She cried a couple of minutes, but settled down and slept after that.  Meanwhile her little sister slept for 2 hours, but I’m worried it won’t work out that well all the time. But yesterday it worked pretty well.  Has anyone else had to put a sleeper in with a child doing quiet time?  Do you have special items just for quiet time?  I feel like I’m always worried about getting enough sleep for the youngest, poor kid just wants to do everything her sister does.
Thanks everyone!

Taking the children to Eucharistic Adoration on a regular basis has been wonderful for our family, for both parents & children.  Our Catholic homeschool group used to meet weekly for a special childrens’ Eucharistic Adoration, which we really miss now that some of those families have moved away.  Wonderful things happen in the Presence of our Eucharistic Lord!

I’ve had success with focusing on one opportunity at a time.  So you’ve got the bathtime pee-pee down.  Then go for the morning, and right before bed, then right before getting into the car, etc.  It doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing cold turkey training.  One pee-pee or poop at a time.  It’ll catch on.

I really like the book Diaper Free before Three, by Jill Lekovic, a pediatrician and mother of 3.  She suggests going directly to underwear, with plastic pants on over the underwear to go out.  In my experience (potty training one so far and working on the second!) pull-ups do send the message that the child can pee without consequences, just like a diaper.  My daugher never tells me that shes wet if she’s wearing pull-ups, whereas she and I both know immediately when she is wearing underwear. It’s more work and cleaning at first for a while, but more efficient in the long run.  I think Pull-ups delay the process of training and don’t send the important message that peeing in your pants is inconvienent, uncomfortable and wet   Good luck!

Oh, and I highly recommend getting a small potty for the car when you’re out.  It comes in handy for us SO frequently.

Ginny, I am about to start with my nearly 2.5 year old daughter, and I’m just going to buy some undies and jump in.  That said, I plan to spend a bit more time outside so accidents aren’t such a big deal.  I also plan to use a timer, set to go off every so often to remind us to sit on the potty.  Maybe start with half an hour?  I plan to play it by ear and see if she produces, might increase it if it looks like she can go longer.  She likes to have me read to her, so I’m thinking we’ll do one book and then get up (otherwise we’ll be there all day reading books!).  I keep telling myself that there are many ways of doing this so I can be a bit flexible, but that nearly everyone potty trains eventually so we can do it too!  Good luck!

Thanks, Potty People!

I appreciate the tips greatly.

Regina ... maybe you could make a “lovey” with her with some of the hair from the other side of her head.  She may like having a constant hank of hair to hang onto (maybe you could braid it if long enough?) and it would even out the way she looks! 

I haven’t had exactly that happen, but my sister’s kids love to yank *mom’s* hair out to hang onto while they suck their thumbs.  Ouch!

Hi Regina.  I actually did this when I was little!  I sucked my thumb till about age 8—very embarassing but only at bedtime so I guess that wasn’t horrible—and I remember , at least at an older age, I would pull one hair (OUCH!) out of my head and stroke it while sucking my thumb to fall asleep.  It was simply a soothing thing, I guess b/c I had no other problems with hair pulling out after I quit sucking my thumb at 8.  I also have a friend who actually has trichtolllomania (sp?) but unfortunately, I don’t know when it she started or why.  I know there is some kind of trich. association you can find a website for….it may help to read about it.  My feeling is your daughter is too young to worry about that yet.  But that is just my opinion. Good luck!

Karen, I agree that our lives are not completely our own, even after our kids are grown.  (Easy to say when my oldest is only 19!)

I have been in challenging family situations like this.  What I did was to try to tactfully and privately tell the other person my objection.  Then, if/when the offender persisted, if it was a behavior which was a danger to my children in some way, I diminished contact with the offender.

This seems to me in keeping with Biblical advice.

Pope Benedict advised us in his most recent encyclical that charity and truth must go hand in hand.  It is not charitable to call a lie the truth (e.g., “It;s perfectly okay to shack up with your boyfriend, Mom.  I’m glad you’re happy.”).  If you

You’re on the right track, in my opinion, Karen.

Thanks Angela.  I just feel so bad sometimes because I was literally yelling at her.  I just feel like she doesn’t hear me.  And my parents are not religious at all… go figure.  We were all baptized Catholic, but I guess they didn’t take that seriously.  I haven’t until just recently, but am so glad that I did.  Thanks for the response!!

In my opinion, your Mother has fulfilled her obligation to her children and owes you ,now that you are married with children of your own, nothing. Just like she can not make your decisions for you , you can ultimately not make hers for her. You ask if you are acting like a spoiled brat, and truthfully I think you are bordering that area. You come off as very bitter for your parent’s divorce and sound as though you blame your Mother. How can you be so judgmental? You haven’t walked in her shoes and just because you decided to stick your marriage out, doesn’t mean that you can make your Mother’s decision. Her relationship with your Dad was not your relationship with your husband.Only she ,your Dad, and God know everything. You further come off greatly Judgmental when you take it upon yourself to judge who can and can’t work or should or should not get disability compensation. Unless you are this man’s doctor,which I assume you are not, you have no right to judge this.In my opinion you are way out of line . You may be right that your Mother is making a mistake, but your methods are simply driving a wedge between the two of you.Is being right ( if you are) worth losing your Mother ? I would personally advise that you do what you need to in order to live your life according to God’s commandments and let your Mom do the same.You have voiced your concerns so she knows where you stand, Don’t waste anymore energy on fighting but instead pray. If you are right, your Mother will eventually see the errors of her way. If this occurs comfort her with open arms. She doesn’t need an “I told you so” Isn’t it odd how sometimes the child has to be the bigger person ?

Karen, I’ve been in a situation with may parents were I knew they were making a horriable decision and they would just not listen to me. I tried yelling, guilt, and any other tactic I could. 12 years later my best advice is to let go and pray. You can not make any other persons decision no matter how much you love them or how bad it is. I will pray for you because this is very very hard for you and there is no way to make it easier for you to watch your Mom make a mistake (especially if she should know better.) But God will always be there with you and her.  God Bless

Hi ladies, thanks for the comments.  I have to say Diane that I really don’t feel like I’m being judgmental at all.  I actually know this guy because he used to date my aunt, so I feel like I’m right on about his “disability.”  No, I’m not his doctor, but if he can get up and take my mom out on dates on a consistent basis, then why can’t he get a job? My own relatives are the same way as this guy and the thing that gets me with the situation, which I guess I didn’t say in my original post, is that my mother criticized these family members for doing exactly what this guy is doing! I guess that’s what gets me the most.  Because honestly and truly, I don’t care that much about who she sees (although I care enough about it to pray for her soul though…).  It’s just the turmoil that it’s all caused her and the constant complaining about how nobody wants to talk to her anymore.  I do pray for her, and for my father and my entire family actually.  Now that I have come to terms with my faith and love it and have accepted it as truth, I only wish my family would do the same.  But I also know it will take some time.  So I’m not judging anyone.  They BOTH threw away 38 years of marriage, and ripped this family apart.  It was a mess and she wants to take NO BLAME.  Bitter? Yes, I suppose you could say that.  Don’t I have the right to be? She brought me, and my brothers, into the middle of this whole thing and us kids got into huge, HUGE, arguments with each other and our parents.  I said things I shouldn’t have, all in the name of defending my mom.  So bitter? YUP!! Probably so.  And I think I have every right to be.  They have been through worse before in their marriage and stuck it out, so I just don’t understand.  Why is it that they get to “let go” of being my parents just because I have my own family now? Don’t I need my mom (and dad) now more than ever?? Don’t I need a role model Diane to follow and someone to ask questions?? I don’t feel like I can do that anymore.  She actually wanted to convince me a couple of years ago to divorce my husband so that I didn’t make the same “mistake” she made by staying with my dad!! So you don’t know the whole story either.  So please don’t judge me for my feelings because I feel they are well justified.

Sometimes I feel like a little five-year-old when I think about this.  I remember all the good times we had as kids.  My parents did a pretty fair job of raising us.  They were always there for us for our sporting activities, and always encouraged and supported us in school.  All three of us have good marriages and healthy children.  I just don’t understand….  I know, it’s not for me to understand.  I don’t have to like it though!

And I thought I had let go of this, but when she brought it up this morning, something agitated me and I guess maybe it was her constant complaining and looking for sympathy.  It’s a long story, but I don’t feel a lot of sympathy for her anymore, nor for my father.  I feel like they have each had their part in the demise of their marriage.  My dad has really come to terms with it, well, as far as I know anyway, but it just seems like my mom hasn’t.  I could be wrong.  I’ve been wrong before.  But based on her actions and the things she has said and done with us kids since she decided to get a divorce, I just don’t think that I am.  I guess it doesn’t matter how old you are, divorce is always messy.

Thank you so much for the comments ladies.  I will take a deep breath and try to let go of this again.  It’s easier to do for me because I’m physically far away from the situation.  I just really hope she doesn’t bring the subject up again….

I don’t feel I was judging you , but you asked and I gave an opinion. I did not say that you had no right to be bitter, just that I sensed much of it. I do find it funny though how you justify judging this man even though you know him through dating your aunt. There are many conditions that can render a person disabled even though they can drive a car and go on dates. Evidently your Mother sees something and your aunt did at one time too. I’m sorry that I don’t see things your way, but I was not trying to be mean, just looking at things differently I do have to say though, You may feel that you have the right to be bitter but carrying it around is only going to bring you down.Is this fair to your children ? You obviously long for a relationship with your Mom ( which is natural) but you can’t make her be who you want her to be . Again I don’t intend to offend or judge and I pray for resolution .

Hey Diane, I didn’t mean to be mean either.  Email and the computer can make things sound that way I think.  I was just trying to point out some more examples on why I see things the way I do.  And I do have a relationship with my mom, I just don’t have one that I really get anything from.  I don’t get advice from her, or gain any kind of knowledge about being a mom.  It’s really weird.  I don’t know if it’s me or her, but I actually talk to my mother-in-law or my friends for advice, not my own mother.  And it didn’t used to be this way.  I’m not sure what happened really.  She’s never been one for good communication, nor has my father.  I learned about being a female through a book she told me to read which was filled with pictures of drawings about what my body was going to look like, and THEN there was a drawing of, well, I don’t know if I can say it here.  Anyway, she didn’t really ever teach me anything that I feel she should have.  And there are many different components to this, and I probably shouldn’t have posted it because it’s very complicated.  Too complicated for the computer.  I just can’t imagine making a decision, even when my kids are grown, that affects my relationship with them the way this has for her.  And by the way, all my aunt ever did was complain about him.  How he lived with her and never paid any bills.  She kicked him out several times.  Like I said, I feel that my mom is being a hypocrite because she criticized my other family members for trying to collect disability.  I’m not saying here that no one should get it.  What makes me mad is when people collect it that don’t really need it and that leaves others who NEED it, without it.  That’s what makes me mad.  And when someone is dishonest like that, it says something about his character.  I’m not judging people who are on disability.  I think it’s a great thing when people, again, NEED it.  I truly do.  So my point is that this just says something about his character.  And she can’t explain why it’s OK for him to collect when he may not really need it, but not OK for my own father to be deceitful (I’m not saying it’s OK!! I’m just trying to make a point.) 

OK, I’ve gone off on a tangent here.  I do thank you for commenting Diane, but I do respectfully disagree with you.  I can’t imagine a point in our lives where we get to say, oh well son, I don’t have to care about how you feel anymore.  I’m done raising you.  I read a book called A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George when I converted back to Catholicism.  I know she’s not a Catholic author, but it was a perfect read for me at the time.  Anyway, she is a mom of 2 daughters (I believe) who are grown, and she is still their mom.  She still calls to say hi and see if they are OK and if they need anything.  I just don’t think that motherly instinct goes away.  I know my mom, you don’t (no offense there please!! ) I know that she is seeing this guy because he was the first thing that came along and she doesn’t want to be alone.  Her sister is extremely upset and won’t talk to her.  Her other sister, who she was living with for some time, also won’t talk to her and they are the best of friends.  I guess I was tired of hearing her complain about a situation she put herself in.  And I don’t want my kids around that.  I don’t want my kids to think they can get married thinking that if this doesn’t work out, I can get divorced and find someone else.  That’s the mentality I had and I don’t want that for my kids.  The problem is that it’s everywhere! So she was upset that her new beau probably wasn’t going to be around for anything (I’m not there much as it is so I don’t see the big deal- I live in MD and she’s in MA- I go up there twice a year!!). 

I can have a relationship with her knowing she is living in sin.  I have been doing it for MONTHS.  But when she asks my opinion, it gets messy, and she knows it.  As long as we don’t talk about it, we’re OK.  I can respect her decision, but she has to respect mine.  I guess that’s what gets me.  She wants ME to change, and that’s not fair.  She wants MY BROTHER to change.  She wants her sisters, mother, aunts, and uncles to all change, for her and her new relationship that no one approves of.  I just don’t get it. 

So I guess my question is, now that I have rambled for entirely too long, why do I have to set aside my values and expectations for my kids to please my mother?? Why is it OK for her to stop being my mother and caring about and respecting my wishes? I’m NOT going to put her happiness ahead of my children, and she shouldn’t expect me to.

I think it would depend on if you have enough rooms for each child to have their own rooms.  Amongst my mommy friends my children are amongst the VERY few who share a room, we simply don’t have enough rooms for them each to have their own, so they don’t, but my other friends have room for each child to have their own room from the start, so I think it depends on your situation.  Also, if they children like sharing a room at those ages, I wouldn’t force them into separate rooms if it isn’t necessary.  It could disrupt their sleep.  I think my girls are white noise for each other, and I’ve noticed that if one leaves the room in the middle of the night due to illness (we had some nasty stomach bugs in the early spring) that the other sleeps more restlessly and wakes more often.
Good luck!

Well, I cannot offer advice. But, I will pray for you.

Michele,
I feel for you. The teen years are not easy ones, especially with a “difficult” child.  Stick to your guns, but try not to get upset with her. (At least not in earshot of her!) State what your expectations are in a non chalant way. Leave emotion out of it.  This is easier said than done, but if you rehearse a bit I bet you will be able to do it.  Also, she needs to realize that as long as she is under your roof, you make the rules.  She is not even graduated from HS for goodness sake.  Until she does that, I would do exactly what you are doing now.  Use lots of “I” statements, such as “I expect all the work to be completed by .....”  Try not to say “I expect YOU to complete .......”  Leave her out of it. Just state what you want done.  After a while it might help.  But then again, it might not.  I’ll pray for you.  I had a very difficult teen to deal with just a few short years ago.  He has finally calmed down, and isn’t a rebellious teen anymore.  (It took till he was almost 20, but it happened.)

My almost 18 year old will not be ready to graduate on time for a variety of reasons also.  We had him formally diagnosed with ADD this last year (for a variety of reasons, mostly because I wanted him to know he wasn’t the only one in the world who struggles like he does and that’s not an excuse to get out of everything!) and spent a little while in therapy.  The therapist emphasized to him over and over that while he is under our roof, he is under our rules also.  I don’t bring this up to recommend therapy, but just to point out that others outside the homeschooling world believe this to be true. 

I think teens are the hardest age to navigate, perhaps in part because it’s my first time through the teens.  When dealing with my son, I try (and often do not succeed) to keep the emotion out of it just like another poster suggested.  I do think that is awesome advice.  Now, if I could just stick with my good intentions!  By 18, they know what buttons to push.  Sigh.  I keep telling myself, eventually he will move out, eventually he will move out.    And I also step back and remember I love him and his life is bigger than the current frustrating stage.  So anyway, I don’t have any perfect answers, just lots and lots of empathy!

The consequence of such a reaction should be something they don’t want and should be enforced all the time (even when it’s really really hard, like you don’t want to dole out the consequence) it should work quickly. Though as Dr. Ray Gurandi says when they redouble their efforts and come on stronger you know it’s working. My daughter saw a little girl in a store ask her Mom “pppppllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeee” and has started doing it. I told her that if she asks like that the answer is “no”. We’ve missed out on ice cream (that I wanted to) and a few other things. Now she says “ppppplllll… please” she catching herself and stopping her own behavior.  Good luck and God Bless

My mom is friends with the deacon’s wife who is the liturgist at their parish and just recently told me about a conversation they had about this issue.  Surely you aren’t the only ones in the parish who have a dietary issue and of course our Lord wants your daughter to receive Him!  Have you tried calling the parish office and asking them about options available?  My mom told me that they do have special allergy (wheat, gluten, etc) free hosts that can be provided - maybe that would be an option?  Also, on a yearly retreat I attend, I have noticed a woman who is the only one to receive the precious blood (not offered for everyone) after everyone else goes through the line.  I hope you find a solution! 

I too have a wheat allergy.  My pastor allows me to receive from the cup. I go up to the altar after the sign of peace.  The rest of the congregation only receives the host, except for Eucharistic ministers.  Maybe your pastor will allow this.  My brother who is a pastor has a family in his parish who are celiac and cannot recieve the host. He lets them receive from the cup after the congregation has finished receiving the host.  In his parish also, the congregation only receives the host. Talk to your pastor, I’m sure he will listen.

I just want to respond Andrea.  I tried the gluten free hosts, and was not able to take them.  They are made with wheat starch. They are also the only hosts approved by the U.S. Council of Bishops.  They are made by the Bendectine’s.  IF your daughter has a wheat allergy, I would be very cautious in trying these. I was unable to.

I suggest you speak to your priest about it.  This is a pretty common problem these days so he will likely have a solution for you.  I have known situations where the priest simply saves a little of the precious blood for the affected person and either assigns a specific extraordinary minister of Holy Communion to find and give to the person or else gives it at the beginning or end.  You will likely need to work out a schedule of some sort with the priest so he knows when your dd is there (as simple as letting him know just before the Mass or perhaps sitting in the front pew would work).

I’m glad you were able to figure out what was making your dd so sick!  Food allergies are tough to deal with but the reward really is in the better health of our children!