Moms Need Breaks Too
Posted by Danielle Bean in Family on Thursday, October 09, 2008 10:36 AM
My recent post about trying to find some alone time in the bathroom was meant to be lighthearted.
In the comments, though, Jay shared her real-life struggle as a mom who is desperately seeking a break:
I guess I need some encouraging words after my 23 month old is no longer contained in the crib and is not napping since this week. This was my two hour recharge time. My almost four year old doesn’t nap either. It is constant talking, chaos around here. I feel so selfish wanting a break. I am not feeling the joy of my blessing right now. How do you do it? I guess I need to pray for the graces of self-giving love and supernatural charity.
I remember all too well the time when my first two kids were giving up their naps. I needed that nap time. I counted on that nap time. It was, I was quite sure, the only thing that kept me sane.
And yet, ready or not, my kids outgrew their naps anyway.
I did kid about selfishness in my post, but let me tell every mother this much: Needing a break does not mean you are selfish. It means you are human.
You can’t take care of your family if you’re feeling put out and burned out all the time. It is absolutely exhausting—physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausting—to live day by day with the constant noise, constant chaos, and constant need-need-needing that comes with the territory of caring for small children.
You need a break.
It doesn’t need to be fancy, but it does need to be regular. As a minimum, at least once a day, you need 15-30 minutes to recharge your batteries—to sip a cup of tea, read a book, pray, listen to music, or just sit down and close your eyes. And at least once a week, you need a couple of hours to do whatever you want—by yourself.
Here are some ideas for making that happen:
- Exchange with a friend. Do you know another mom who needs a break too? Be good to each other! Watch her kids for a couple of hours in exchange for her watching yours on a regular basis.
- Use your family. If you are lucky enough to have extended family nearby, find out if they might be willing to give you a mom-break. If that isn’t possible, explain your needs to your husband. Not in an angry, complaining, demanding kind of way, but in a reasonable, “I need you and here’s an opportunity for you to be my hero” kind of way. Work around his schedule and respect his need for break times too. Maybe regular weekends or weeknights would be good times for him to stay with the kids while you get out by yourself for a couple of hours.
- Use technology. Television is a tool. You should not feel guilty about using it to keep kids occupied for a short while so that you can take a much-needed break. I think that a 30-minute DVD is significantly less harmful to a child than a 24-hour Martyr Mom. Audio books are also a great source of entertainment for preschoolers. Your local library probably has lots to choose from.
- Hire help. If all else fails, consider hiring the help you need. It doesn’t have to be professional babysitting that comes at a professional price. Do you know any nice families with older kids who might be willing to come over once a week or so to play with your kids while you take some time for yourself? If you don’t leave the house, you could “hire” even a younger child for this job whom you wouldn’t need to pay much at all. My 8-year-old daughter, for example, would be charmed to receive such a “job offer.” Just be sure you check with their parents first.
Remember, taking care of yourself in these small ways is actually a favor you do for your family. You can’t take care of them if you don’t take care of you.
Do you have any other thoughts or suggestions for helping busy moms find and take time for themselves?
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