Moms Need Friends
Posted by Blair Bailey in Family on Sunday, August 29, 2010 11:55 AM
We were slowly making our way through the “super” store, the children were wandering off, and I was tired. But on this one particular day I was still able to notice another young mom in the trenches like me.
She was with her own brood of three children with another obviously on the way. As we were nearing the end of our shopping trip, I had the nerve to greet her.
I recognized the school uniform of her oldest child as one from the school where I previously taught, so I asked her about it.
That simple question sparked a nice conversation about schooling, home schooling, job commutes, and living locations. We exchanged information and I’ve been able to welcome her to a group I’m a part of, something she had been looking for.
That was the success story. But I have not always been successful at making connections with other moms.
Bad Timing
One time, another young mom reached out to me, but with a different result. I had been struggling to get my children to swimming practice each day, and I had been lamenting the sad fact that we made no friends on the swim team last year.
I felt like I tried to meet other moms, but many of them were already friends through their own school and no one really reached out to us.
On this afternoon, another mom made a kind comment to me about how she should bring her other young children, since they’d enjoy playing ball with my toddler son. She shared that her husband usually makes it home in time to watch the younger ones during swim practice.
In my negative, exhausted state, though, I wasn’t able to see that. I simply responded, “Yeah, I wish I had that luxury,” and proceeded to deal with the goggles, towels, and the toddler’s toys.
The other mom turned around and we didn’t talk again.
Afterthoughts
I realized later on, when my husband ironically made it to help a few minutes later, that I had missed out on an opportunity to meet someone new. By responding in a condescending tone and not engaging in further conversation, I had missed out on a possible friendship or network of new moms to meet.
It’s really hard to reach out or talk to other moms when we’re engrossed in our children. It’s even harder when we’re having a bad day, dealing with a child who needs correction, or struggling through a difficult pregnancy or health condition.
But sometimes if we can step out of ourselves to engage in conversation with someone new, we will gain something more than we had expected.
Setting a Good Example
I want to teach my children the same. When a new child joins an activity that we’re a part of, I try to make it a point to pull my child aside and encourage her to welcome this new friend. I love seeing the smiles of the new children when they’re welcomed into a new group and am proud of my children for stepping out of their own comfort zone.
A few months ago, a new child joined my daughter’s activity and I had prepared her ahead-of-time to welcome this new friend. As we were getting into the car to leave the activity, I was surprised when my daughter asked me if she could invite the new little girl to her birthday party. The child accepted and came to the party the next day!
I don’t always do the best job at recognizing opportunities to reach out to other moms. But when I do, the rewards are great. Taking a moment to focus on others, instead of myself, is always a good thing. I hope that I have a chance to follow up with the kind mom at swim practice. I’m going to make it a point to try.
Have you had any chance encounters with new friends? A best friend met in an ironic way? Ideas about ways to meet new friends this school year? Please share!
—Blair Bailey is a mom of three who shares her journey at Blair’s Blessings.
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