I love the idea of quiet time in the evening, Danielle!  I think we’ll be making use of that tactic at our house in future years.

We’re not strict about bedtime with our (2.5-yr-old) toddler, mostly because she’s the obliging sort of child who sleeps later in the morning if she goes to bed later.  Before we had the baby I actually liked it if she didn’t get to bed until 9:30 - because she would often sleep until 9:30am to make up for it!

I am strict about her nap routine, though, and have always had to be - she has major meltdowns if she doesn’t get a nap.  I don’t care so much about the exact time it happens, but it *has* to happen.

I feel strongly about our responsibility as parents to make sure that our children aren’t perpetually sleep-deprived.  But, in my opinion, it doesn’t really matter *how* sleep happens or on what schedule, as long as our kids are getting enough of it.

Bedtime is determined by age in our house.  When my kids were infants, I tried to keep them up as late as possible so they’d sleep longer at night.  Usually by a year old, they were going to bed by 8:30, but up until 4-6 months, I did my best to keep them up until 11pm or Midnight.
As toddlers, I allowed them to stay up as late at 9:30. 
Once my oldest started Kindergarten bedtime changed to 8pm, and over the past three years that has changed to 8:30. 
On weekends and during the summer I let the kids stay up as late at 9 or 9:30, but only if they’re not cranky or driving me insane.

We had this very discussion last night.  My oldest is 8, one is 7 and the youngest is 5.  When the oldest was 5 there was no way that he would be downstairs after 7:00!  Now they go up at 8 and are allowed to ‘play’ until 8:30 on school nights and 9 on weekend/holidays/summer.

I see why the youngest gets away with more! As the oldest of three and my younger sister nearly 5 years younger than me it would bug me that she was albe to stay up later at a much younger age.  We shared a room starting when she was 3 so I guess one of the bedtimes had to become more flexible.

My kiddos have always have gotten up around 6:30-7:30 am. For as long as I can remember,  even as infants. Which is okay, because that’s when DH is up and getting ready to go out the door for work (he leaves at 7:30). The only thing that has changed over the years is the time they go to bed. When they were younger they were in bed and asleep by 6:00 pm. DH didn’t see much of them those years because for the longest time he didn’t get home until 6:30 pm. So them being up at 6:30 in the morning was the trade off.  DH has changed jobs over the years, and even though he still leaves at 7:30 he’s home by 5:30 pm. When the kids were in PS (Public School) we had them in bed by 7:00-7:30 so they would be up by 6:30 the latest. They needed to catch the bus by 7:15, and it was easier if they naturally woke up vs. us having to wake them. Now that we homeschool the kids go to bed at 8:00 and for the most part still wake up around 6:30 am, however my DD (she’s the one that always needs more sleep) doesn’t get up now to almost 7:30.  So the bedtime has always been based on my DD and her sleep needs and we just make DS go to bed the same time. That may seem cruel, but I have to say my kids ARE 10 months apart, yes 10 months, and it’s easier to say this is bedtime for everyone!! If there was more of an age cap then stair-stepping bedtimes may have worked, but with kids 10 MONTHS apart it just doesn’t fly!

As long as our son napped (until about age 3) he stayed up until 9:00 or 10:00 p.m. Once he gave up the naps, bedtime moved to 8:00 p.m. It keeps drifting a little later. He’s always been an eary riser - usually around 6:30 a.m.

Occasionally we’ve had the baby in bed around 7:00 p.m., but more frequently it’s 8:30, sometimes later. She gets up at the same time, but still takes a nap varying in length from 40 min. - 2 hrs.

Honestly, I sometimes feel like having kids in bed at 7:00 would be like living on another planet! I don’t know how you all accomplished that. <g> Maybe we’re just permissive or our kids are spoiled or something.

We have a variety of ages here.  And the family dynamic has had the greatest impact on naps, not as much as nighttime.  At night, everyone goes to bed (if not to sleep) at 9:00.  Even the little ones.  My hubby gets home so late from work, that if I did a 7:30 or even 8:00 pm bedtime, they’d have no time with him.  But the naps are a catch-as-catch-can scenario.  Between kids activities, my pregnancies and need for naps, even the weather, can throw off the nap scheme.  There actually isn’t a nap scheme, but the little ones manage to “catch some zzz’s” here and there and they seem pretty healthy!

My kids are 4, 3, and 5m.  The two older ones quit napping about 5 minutes after I got pregnant with the baby, and have always seemed to need less sleep than the books recommend. Last week, as a last-ditch effort at regaining sanity and get some alone time, I told the big kids their bedtime is 8:00.  They mostly bought it.  The 4yo and baby are usually ready for sleep about then anyway.  The 3yo is a night owl.  Some nights it works and some nights it doesn’t.  I just kinda go with the flow.  I quit stressing about bedtimes a few years back when I found out the oldest one (then age 1.5-2) was lying down with me until I fell asleep, then getting up and playing for another hour or two before putting himself to bed.  And still waking up with the sun!

I am so glad to see that I am not the only one who isn’t extremely strict on bedtime. During the school year we really try to get both kids (7 and 2) in bed between 7:30-8:00, but now that it is summer, it is totally lax. They were both asleep at 9:30 last night and I was thrilled! We seem to have so many evening events right now that it is hard to keep to a bedtime. And, it is so darn hot here (in NC) that it is hard to play outside during the day, so we take advantage of the later sunset and play in the evenings. With school out, they can sleep in each morning and are both getting a solid 10 hours at night and my two year old still naps 2-3 hours a day, so I feel like they are OK on sleep overall.

Our 8 children are ages 19 to 4.  No more babies here, but we’ve always had 9:00 as our bedtime.  That’s the time we say prayers and then put them to bed.  Any earlier doesn’t work, as we often don’t eat dinner until 7:30 or 8:00 pm due to soccer practices or other activities.  As they became early teenagers, they were allowed to stay up a little later (10:00).  As they got older, well, I’m in bed long before they are.  I think it does make a difference that we homeschool, obviously they are not catching busses at 7:30 like a lot of the kids around here.  My 17yo ds will often sleep until 10:00 am, and I have to admit I have no idea when he goes to bed.  He seems to need the down time in the evening without all the little ones around.  The under 10 crowd usually is asleep by 9:30, but they are up (on their own - I don’t wake them) by 7:00 or 7:30.  That’s what works for us!

With our six kids, bedtime has certainly flexed and altered over the years.  I think as long as everybody is getting enough sleep, what hours that sleep comes in is an individual family decision.  My college roommate’s mother was an RN who worked the 3 to 11 shift.  Little sister “Cathy”—two years old—stayed up until midnight, to have a little time with Mom after work.  Then everybody went to bed, Mom slept until 8, and got all her housework done before Cathy woke up at 11 or 12.  Not usual, but it certainly worked for them!

What an awesome discussion today!
Thanks everyone for sharing.  It seems that this is a bittersweet topic for any parent.  The kind that what you want to do conflicts with reality. 
We have 6 kids under age 8 and we start bedtime routine at 7pm. this means showers or baths, then into pj’s, then into bed…to read, do puzzles, color (hopefully not the walls or sheets!), or anything quiet in bed not disturbing their roommates.  We also put on a BOOK ON CD everynight for them to listen to.  Lots to choose from at the library   Our 2 year old and baby who is 8 months are not into this routine so they hang out with us while we clean up dinner dishes and clean around the house.  This has been working for us and has been a great help for my husband and I to have some talking time (even w/2 babies around!).  even though it is tough most nights b/c of how sunny it still is at 7/8pm…they are used to it, but they are kids and they do try to wiggle their way out of bedtime to stay up like the ‘big kids’ do.  Every night, we have to tell htem to get back in bed, stay in bed, read etc…and we do bribe them every now and then.  We turn off lights anytime between 8 and 8:30 and keep the Book on CD playing.  they eventually fall asleep.  Then we do too! no joke! 
God bless, Mary

This was so great to read. We are fairly rigid about bed times and I like it that way. However, reading everyone else’s comments helped me to put some things into perspective too. Here is our problem….our kids start to melt down if they don’t get to bed on time and no matter how late they stay up, they wake up between 6:00am-6:30am without fail! We try to have our kids in bed with the lights out by 7:30, but usually after potty trips, needs for hugs, and some unruly behavior they are down and asleep by 8:00 or 8:15. We have a 3 year old and almost two year old sharing a room. Bedtime wasn’t as interesting until they started sharing a room.

When we only had one child bedtime was 7 or 7:30. But then it got gradually moved back because my husband was working later. Nowadays with a 3 yr old and a 15 month old bedtime is fairly late. I’d like it to be earlier but just can’t manage to get dinner on the table before 6:30 most nights. So we try to start the bedtime routine between 7:30 and 8. Usually after prayers and stories and everything they are in bed between 8:30 and 9.
of course we’re about to have a new baby and I presume our entire schedule will go a little crazy for a while.

I love the discussion.
Our routines have definatly changed over the years in the early years when I had 1-6 kids the kids were in bed by 7pm older kids by 8-9 depending on age. I loved this. It gave me time.

Today with 10 children 9 still at home ranging from 18-1year and a move to Idaho from California. I am not as strict about bedtimes. With so many kids and so much going on with older kids although I like young kids in bed by 8 they end up in bed as they fall off to sleep while we are cleaning up after dinner. Or they go to bed when we are ready to try to put them to bed after all our work. My kids are usually up by 6 even though we home school because there is so much to get done and we need the time to get it done.

This summer bedtimes are getting later because it is light out so late here and we do not have enough blinds yet. Oh come on let me be even more honest even with blinds the kids see the light and arguing with 3-5 kids about bedtime during light hours. Sighhh do not have it in me anymore.

Wheather this is good or bad I do not care I have so many other things to get upset about I am glad I do not get upset about this anymore.

Oh I should mention I am trying to let them sleep in until 7 this summer if they can get up and get chores done in time for prayers.

We have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. Bedtimes can fluctuate based on naptimes but generally our rule is to head upstairs at 7pm and have baths until 7:30pm. Then read and say prayers and the girls are generally asleep by 8pm. They used to sleep in until 7/7:30am.

Unfortunately, the extended sunshine has made it difficult for the one that sleeps on the east side of the house to sleep in morning such that she will get up between 5:45 and 6:30 and difficult for the one that sleeps on the west side of the house to fall asleep before 8.

One item on our “to-do” list is to put up some dark curtains in both rooms. They are just too young to not get enough sleep without being cranky with meltdowns.

This year we moved bedtime up when my oldest son started school.  I get the kids up before 7am to get ready for school, so I like to get them into bed by 7:30pm, figuring they’ll maybe be sleeping by 8pm.  The kids are 6, 4, and 2, plus a 2-month old.  Baby stays up later.  I used to put him to bed (he sleeps in our room) when we went to bed around 10:30 or 11, but lately I’ve been putting him to bed an hour or so ahead of us so that I can get a few things done with both hands free.  I may even try to exercise during that time if I get ambitious!

I am looking forward to relaxing the bedtime a bit for summer, but I really do need a little time with my husband and time to myself after the kids go to bed, so we won’t make it too late.  I figure the kids will be playing hard outside most days and will be ready to crash by evening time.

My girls are 5, 3 1/2, and almost 2.  I am pretty relaxed about bedtime.  Typically, they go to bed between 10-11.  The littlest one goes to bed about 30 minutes later than the older two, because they all share a room and she’ll keep them awake if they all go to bed at the same time!  My husband is a FOCUS missionary, so he often has very late hours and we have found that if we try to get them in bed as early as 8 or 9, they never see their daddy!  I think if they were the type of children to wake up early no matter what time they went to bed, we’d have to re-think this late hour, but since they’re not, it works nicely for our family.  Granted, I don’t usually have much time in the evening to “wind down” after caring for small children all day.  However, I do get up earlier than them (they get up between 9-10 depending on age) and I like starting my day off with prayer, uninterrupted shower time, and coffee and breakfast with my beloved husband.

I agree completley with you Danielle. We try to get kids to bed between 8:30 and 9:00, but we don’t panic if it’s later. They survive regardless and sleep when they need to. I homeschool my younger kids and our oldest goes to the local High School, so we do try and be a little more rigid during the school year, for his sake. But then he’s in football and soccer and then the little ones are in soccer and baseball. The boys are in Conquest and my husband and I have a night each for our own spiritual formation, so by the time we get home from outside activities, eat supper, take baths and say prayers, that normally dictates what time is bedtime (which is normally between 8:30 and 9:00). I think all in all, not being so strict, but still sticking to a general time, is the best for us, because our kids are very well adjusted when we have to go later on the weekends or even get up earlier. And since the baby sleeps with us, and goes to bed when we do or just when she’s tired, she’s has no problems when we are outside of our routine, i.e. travel and such. I think each family does find it’s own groove, but my advice to those out there looking for that groove, don’t force time constraints on yourselves and your little ones, it may come back to bite you when they do get involved in outside activities and you start venturing out on vacations and such.

I’m really envious of all these families with their bedtimes.  Our kids are wired and it didn’t matter whether they were 2 or 12 but they never slept more than 9 hours no matter what I did.  They go to bed at 9:00 pm, fall asleep around 9:30 and wake up around 6:30 am. However, I don’t let them come out of their bedroom until 7:00 am.  I go to bed when they do and get up around 6:00 am so I get about an hour of the day to myself.  No naps here and we homeschool so I really make use of that one hour in the morning before they are up.

Still, it’s better than when they were infants and colicky. The oldest was up every hour of every night for his first year and never napped more than 45 minutes.  Sleep deprivation doesn’t come close to describing what I and my husband went through.

When my kids were younger, they had a strict bedtime of 8pm, sometimes 7:30 if they were in school.  It made for less grouchy kids in the mornings getting them off.  When they reached about 8 years old they were allowed to stay up till 8:30, then it progressed until lo and behold the youngest is 16 now and goes to bed at 11, one hour past me.  It has worked for us!

Keep being flexible Danielle!!! Just wait till you have kids in college!!! Add being pregnant and falling asleep at 9:30!!! Thanks Be to God they are good kids!!! You will know when instituting a early bed time is necessary!!! We let the middle size kids stay and play in their rooms…as long as they don’t fight or wake up the little kids!!!

+JMJ+

Great to see this discussion and see how many other moms don’t mind a late bedtime.  Many of my family members have chastised me several times for putting my baby (15 months) to bed at 9pm.  When she was cosleeping with me (up until 10 months), we just went to bed together, which was always at 9pm.  After she transitioned to her own crib in her own room, we stuck with the 9pm bedtime and it works great.  My husband and I are very social people and during the weekends are often out at friends homes for dinner until 8pm.  I couldn’t imagine having to cut out those great socialization opportunities (for us, as well as our daughter) in order to be hope for a 6 or 7pm bedtime.  Now that we are pregnant with our 2nd child, I plan to continue the 9pm bedtime routine for both of them.  Also, a bonus to a late bedtime is that my daughter doesn’t wake up until about 9am, and I am an early riser so I get several hours of “me time” in the morning before she awakes!

Right on, sister!  When I was a child, my father worked a second shift and I often took a “nap” at 7:00, woke again at 10:00, and had “dinner” with him at midnight before going back to bed again around 1 or 2.  It worked for us—I was homeschooled through early elementary age—and I would have spent far, far less time with him if my parents hadn’t been so flexible.

Our four kids (oldest is 9) go to bed somewhere between 9:00 and 10:00 most nights.  We homeschool, too, so they’re able to sleep in in the mornings if they need it.  The youngest two still take naps- I insist on that, though I don’t care exactly when they are- and they’re all allowed to read in bed for as long as they like as long as they stay there and are quiet.  [Note: this does not always happen!]  Occasionally the toddler is at the end of his rope and he gets put to bed earlier, but usually he gets his extra sleep by sleeping longer in the mornings than his siblings.

Flexibility is key- work with it, work with it.

I am interested in your bed time system. Currently I am a busy 15-year-old in high school. I recall going to bed relatively early when in elementary scool, around 8 PM. When I entered middle school, I was doing homework until 9 PM, after which I would head to sleep. However, I think that my sleeping schedule has degraded with tremendous workload I have gotten in my high school. I always stay up past midnight doing work, and usually until two or three in the morning I am finishing up homework. I am terribly worried about my growth and health, but I can see no way to do less homework, except taking boring classes. My younger brother, who has his own room, has had a more lax parenting from our mother, concerning bed-time. He is in 4th grade, and he typically stays up until 10 at night, albeit this is never because of homework, of which he receives extremely little. I hope he grows up to avoid my own fate. I wonder how different a person I would be if I really got the 8.5 to 9.25 hours of sleep recommended for adolescents. My parents do not know I go to bed so late. Of course they always go to bed before I do. I hope I am not ranting. Our high school teachers have the bizarre notion that they can give as much homework as the amount of class time. Clearly they do not realize that this results in over 7 hours of homework. Keep in mind I go to public school, in Massachusetts. It may be that your children will not deal with this. I wish them the best. I caution you, nevertheless, about two things. 1. You adolescents will not go to bed late exclusively because of nights out with friends/parties. 2. You will not always know when they go to bed, or fall asleep, no matter how much you may think so, and how much you think you know your children. There will undoubtedly be some nights when they stay up later than you thought they did. Best wishes, and good, luck!