The issue of whether or not to avoid pregnancy (as opposed to *how* to avoid pregnancy) is a different issue that I didn’t have space to address here. I did, however, publish a column on the subject a few years ago and you can read that column here: http://www.catholicmom.com/nfp02.05.htm

As for the postpartum thing: If you are regularly abstaining for more than a week or two at time PLEASE get in touch with an NFP teacher (feel free to email me if you like). Months upon months of abstinence just isn’t necessary, even during the time before your cycles return, but most people really do need the help of an experienced teacher to sort it all out.

Fertility declines with age, and sometimes at a younger than average age. When you choose to abstain and say “not now” you need to realize that what you are really saying is “better never than right now.”  That’s how serious it is.  It’s hard to accept that truth in today’s world where so many people do have children exactly when they want to due to the pill or IVF, etc.  But the truth is, only God gives life.  I think couples need to say to themselves, “if this cycle was our last chance to have a child, would we still abstain?

Wendy,
I think it’s a bit extreme to use your suggestion. There are many, many cases of families who desire more children but for whom it would be imprudent to conceive “right now.” The physical health of the mother, the financial health of the family, the effort demanded in caring for a special needs child and a whole host of other reasons are perfectly sufficient for using NFP. The reasons need not be life or death, though they certainly shouldn’t be trivial. I hope you had the chance to read Sara’s article “Thy Will Be Done,” which beautifully expresses the proper attitude toward reasons to avoid conception.

That sounds terribly difficult.  Are there support groups for Catholics with life shortening disorders?  It sounds like HUntington’s Disease - even if not, they might have support resources that could be helpful as well.

Sara does address the “hard cases” in this CatholicMom.com column. Prayers for you in your difficult situation.

I would be careful about assuming that, because there is a strong possibility that any children would have a much shorter than normal life, there is an obligation not to have children (or at least not many). There are many saints who died before the age of 30, including at least one doctor of the Church (St. Therese). The length of one’s life and the significance of that life aren’t really related.

It may be, however, that because the additional responsibility of caring for your spouse and any children with the disorder (or for other reasons), God does call you to limit your family size and that would be exactly the kind of situation that calls for NFP.

The idea is not that NFP is fine for most people, but when there is a *really* serious reason to avoid pregnancy then it is OK to resort to contraception or sterilization. NFP is specifically for - and only supposed to be used - when there exist truly serious reasons to avoid pregnancy.

My prayers for you and your family in what sounds like a very difficult situation.

Mucus-only methods do tend to be better for women who have long cycles and a lot of discharge and you will probably find that your mucus patterns aren’t so confusing as they seem now once you have learned a bit more. Because with the symptothermal method one relies so heavily on the temperature shift to determine when fertility is over with, there isn’t much emphasis on the significance of different patterns of discharge that can occur in the part of the cycle before ovulation - most people are just taught to assume that anything and everything indicates fertility. This is mostly true, and so isn’t a problem for women with normal length cycles, but when there are several weeks between the end of your period and ovulation it does result in a lot of unnecessary abstinence.

Learning a mucus-only method will let you distinguish between the real cervical mucus that indicates fertility and the ‘background’ discharge that often occurs in long cycles and is not directly related to fertility.

And if you like the temperature sign you can certainly continue with it. Temperature-charting isn’t necessary with a mucus-only method, but it doesn’t conflict with it either as long as you follow the guidelines of the mucus-only method as they are written.

Oh yes it is fine to learn NFP without your husband. Every couple works things out a little bit differently and while some husbands are very involved in charting and interpretting the chart, many others aren’t (including mine). It’s a little bit like labor and delivery; some fathers catch the baby and cut the cord and some stand way back and do their best not to pass out. When I wrote that complete refusal to discuss NFP is abnormal and unhealthy I meant refusal to discuss it as a family planning option - not refusal to discuss the details of the physical signs of fertility.

If your husband is willing to abstain during potentially fertile times when it is necessary for you to avoid pregnancy, then count your blessings and go with that!