Nurturing Love Across the Miles
Posted by Kate Lloyd in Family on Tuesday, June 15, 2010 10:00 AM
Dating will never be the same again. Twentieth century dating brings with it novelties, and possibilities that would have been almost unbelievable two centuries ago. One of the most obvious changes is the “long distance relationship.”
Think about it. A long distance relationship is really unnatural. (I’m in one myself.) A couple years ago, a man met and married the girl up the street—the one who he went to grade school with, and made his First Communion with.
My grandfather told me he knew my grandmother all his life. He just didn’t realize it until they were married. A long distance relationship then may have been when the girl lived in the next town over. People generally had the same ties, loyalties, and sensibilities, partially because they lived in the same place.
It surprises me sometimes, the questions that arise because my boyfriend and I grew up 500 miles apart each other, and spend every summer 9 hours away from each other. (That’s not too bad actually: our best friends who are dating live in separate countries, at least 3000 miles away from each other.)
One hundred years ago our paths would never have crossed. Dating now is great because opportunities there are more opportunities to meet people, but it’s hard when it comes to seeing each other very little, or answering questions like “Where will we live in a few years?” or “Why does your family act that way?”
A great thing about dating now is that when seperation is necessary, communication is really easy. We asked a wonderful priest about being apart, and he said to make a set, regular time to talk on the phone. I just like to be wary of one thing as far as the phone goes: While it is certainly great to hear the other person’s voice every day, a topic can easily get exhausted, and little impersonal, repetitive conversations can get to you fast. When you’re not seeing the person, the whole dynamic of the relationship changes.
I tend to think that long distance relationships should not be too lengthy, if possible. Two people need to be around each other enough to get used to how they act on an every-day level. I’m not sure how it is possible to spend an entire relationship apart. (Any thoughts?)
While distance can help to strengthen love, it shouldn’t be pushed past the limit. At some point you need to see the person, to be in their presence, to know that they’re real, and that they love you. We’re made for community with others, not with the phone. German philosopher, Joseph Peiper talks about sight as being the first step to love. It is in seeing that we recognize and know. It is in knowing that we love. And it is in loving and being loved that we find our fulfillment.
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