Unfortunately, my son is almost 7 and still wears Goodnights. In my family my sister and Dad wet the bed until very late. My son is a deep sleeper. I have stopped trying to fight it.  The Dr. checked out his kidneys with ultrasound to make sure nothing was wrong.
It was freeing to just accept this and stop the battle for me. He will eventually outgrow it I keep telling myself.  I would try to change to a different brand. We use the Good nights after the underjams stopped working. Also make sure all things are adjusted properly before he goes to bed to prevent leaks. Sorry I have no other news to share.  God bless you Mommy!

Tincture of time.

You could try alarms and all that jazz but in the end his body just needs to mature. Lots and LOTS of kids aren’t dry at night at 4. I have a three year old who will still be in pull ups at 4 I am sure.

do not be concerned about—nothing to be worried about or push. Boys will stay dry when their brains are ready to have them stay dry.  focusing to intensely on it can cause un-needed stress.

My kids have all worn good nights much later than this.  My 10 yr old is just outgrowing them.

My doctor also said the best approach is to wait until they outgrow it, because really, what can you do?  The body is physically where it is developmentally.

Usually, by around age ten, they were dry at night.  I say this, not to depress you, but to let you know that lots of others have the same challenge.

Really, the only thing I think that might help is making sure the child is hydrated during the day: give him a water bottle, and keep refilling it and always keeping it in the same place.  That way, at least you will avoid him getting dehydrated by day, and being very thirsty at night.

I would never, ever limit water intake.

Both my 4 and 6 yr olds are still in pull-ups, although I think my 4 year old is about ready to get out of them.  My sister wet the bed when she was little, and my mom did all sorts of things to help her to stop, including an elaborate routine where my sister slept on a metal sheet that would sound an alarm the moment she started to “go”, and my mom would then have to jump up and slap her face with a wet washcloth.  My mom was just trying to keep her from being embarrassed (she was close to 10 at this point) but I think all it did was to bring more attention to it.

In other words, I don’t think there is anything you can really “do” that does more good than harm.  I’ve expected a heavy bed-wetter, since my family has a history of it, but so far only one of my kids has needed pull-ups past 5 yrs of age.  It will pass, seriously!

I have 6 kids aged 5 and up.  Two were totally dry at night by age 3, two were dry by aged 4, one was 5 and still wetting at night when we discovered he had a detached ureter (we discovered b/c he was in extreme pain).  He had surgery to fix and once that was resolved he was dry at night too.  My only one with an issue now is my 10 year old and he is dry 6 out of 7 nights.  It has slowly tapered down over the years. Our dr said not to have him wear goodnights so his body/brain can get the feel of wetting.  We tried alarms but he was such a deep sleeper that he slept right through it.  We couldn’t even wake him up before we went to bed because he was so out of it and we’d have to physically haul him into the bathroom and that was pointless.  Best thing I did was to purchase a flat, twin size pad from the bedwettingstore.com.  Wish I had done it at the beginning.  Then I taught my son how to do the wash with his wet things.  No big deal and no pressure.  I see this resolving in the next year as the accidents get further and further apart.

My 6.5 yr old just started wetting the bed again. I think there is a growth spurt going on and his insides haven’t caught up with his outsides! So we are waking him up to go at 11pm. I kind of shyly admitted this at a meeting of fellow first grade moms only to discover that lots of them are dealing with the same thing!

Thanks for the review. So hard to tell such things from clips or movies reviews in general. I’m a little dismayed that SAHMs are not portrayed at least a little more favorably. I’m getting tired of hearing negative nonsense lately. I just read that some website (goodenoughmother.com) stated that working moms were healthier and happier than SAHMs. Who was polled? And how many? I hate these random polls. I appreciate those who work outside of the home and if they’re doing what’s best for their family, then God bless them but do those of us who choose otherwise have to be put down or viewed as unhappy martyrs? Sorry, guess I’m cranky and touchy this morning. So thanks again for the review. It’s nice to know that if I decide to mortgage the house for the movies I’ll at least be seeing something worthwhile!

I totally get it.  This movie is already out on DVD, so you can rent it at redbox for $1.00 if you have one nearby.

I went to Life Teen in high school and it was a great experience; we had very orthodox leaders and a wonderful priest.  I don’t remember any parents ever attending a night and I could see the leaders wanting parents to ask before doing so. There were four different kinds of nights (social [just for fun like ice skating], catechesis [teaching about some topic of the faith], spiritual [adoration or stations or something], and emotional [addressing some teen topic like suicide, eating disorders, or drunk driving]) and I would understand that, while it could be helpful for parents to know what topic was being covered (those leaders always handled it well, though I attended other youth groups that did not), it would also be hard for teens to share on some of those issues if they thought they were being observed. 
So I get not wanting parents to be present for some of the topics, but I don’t see why they can’t share with you what is being covered, unless they’ve been burned before by parents getting ticked about orthodox teaching on sexuality or abortion or something… And they are supposed to plan the nights well in advance and go over their plans with all the leaders (in our group, the leaders would divide the planning tasks for each month’s nights so not everyone had to do everything, but they all were in the loop and could help “edit” before actually presenting) so they should know what they are doing in time to let you know too; it’s not a seat-of-the-pants thing. 
Maybe if you could meet with the leader(s) and let them know what concerns you have, why you’d like to sit in once or twice, what topics you’d like to know about in advance, and also get to know them as well, just to get a feel for whether they’re trustworthy?  You’re right, a lot depends on who is leading the LT program; it, like most things, can be really good or really awful.  Also, you could check with your teen(s) who attend. I was (okay, am) a talkative sort and generally filled my parents in on whatever we were doing in youth group (and they knew a lot of my friends who went also) so I don’t think they had many concerns since they knew, in extensive detail, what we did. 

That sounds really off to me. The Lifeteen programs at various parishes I’ve attended have all been very open with parents, to the point of having separate meetings with them in order to inform them of upcoming topics and get them involved in the ministry. I can maybe see a youth minister’s reluctance in having parents stay to observe—he’s probably concerned that the teens might not be as open or honest with someone else they recognize as a parent in the room—but the ministry itself should be transparent when parents are concerned.

I think that not allowing parents to participate without “permission” would be a big red flag for me!  My husband and I have both been active in our local LifeTeen program with our kids.  We’ve even traveled to other programs in other areas where we have been very welcome.  It sounds more like an issue with the particular leader/s.  A parent has every right to guide the education of their child, LifeTeen included.

This wouldn’t go over well with me either.  I have no experience with Life Teen.  We have not let our son be involved in the Jr. High group at our parish for the same reasons though.  The leader wanted the son’s cell phone #, facebook, etc. so that they only interacted with the kids.  When my husband asked about what was shown on movie night she said that it’s all diocean approved, but that they do watch PG13 movies.  I’m like ok - legally a 12 yr old should not be on facebook nor watching PG13 movies, so I’m just not ok with it.  Sounds more like a highschool group than middle school!

At that age I removed our chairs to another room unless it was meal time and we kept the kitchen/family room area where are daughter played gated from the rest of the house.

Hi Liz, my little guy is also 16 months and likes to climb on everything. However, I know toddlers need to climb somewhere so we allotted a certain “climbing area”. (in our case, it’s his little toddler table and chairs. I stand right close when he climbs on it though) Whenever he climbs on something else, I take him down and say “no no, we don’t climb on this, but you can climb over here”. That way they still can climb, but they will eventually realize that the rest of the furniture is off limits. Maybe your climbing area could be a little kid chair with some pillows or something.
Hope this helps, I know how frustrating it is!

I have a 16 mo climber. I homeschool 3 older children and we spend quite a bit of time at our table so I’ve turned our kitchen chairs backwards with the backs up against the table so she can get up and down and stand in them while we work. It’s not the ideal and I realize it doesn’t teach her that there are some things she shouldn’t do but with the schooling I don’t see much else I can do. I can’t stop teaching every time she climbs in a chair (plus there is the other side of it which is she realizes it immediately draws my attention from her siblings to her if I stop every time). With my next youngest we moved the chairs to other gated-off rooms or pulled them far enough from the table that he didn’t want to put the effort into moving them back. I know it seems like a phase that is never going to end and they just get more and more adept at climbing and pushing things where they want them to help them up, but they do out grow it. You can use time out at this age, but that is a process too. I kind of feel like this is a phase that will be outgrown so I would rather use time out for other behaviors or when they get older and climbing is more defiant and destructive not just natural curiosity and milestone growth. Do you have any safe climbing toys like little tykes slides, that helped somewhat with my 2 oldest. When their climbing got out of hand, I would bring the slide in and let them climb it until they were done. Then they moved on to other toys and activities and the slide went back outside.

Start with just 1 or a couple jobs you want done that would help the family.  Could she empty the dishwasher every day, set the table every night, etc.  Whatever helps you that she can do.  Maybe even pick a longer chore for Saturday morning like vacuum the whole house?  You can always add more but you want to start with something you can be consistent about.  You might also want to tell her that you will still be asking her to help in other ways periodically to avoid one of my favorite (NOT) lines here….“that’s not my job.”  to which we always respond, “whatever I ask you to do is your job”

I have a laissez faire approach to household jobs with my children because I’ve learned over the years that I’d rather have them do one or two things consistently well and be done with it than the cycle of nagging/procrastinating/yelling/sulking when the jobs seem too much, too hard, too difficult and too stupid.  So now I assign jobs according to their skill level and aptitude, rather than a one size fits all approach.  So the child who enjoys vacuuming and is respectful of my machine and furniture gets to vacuum and the one that enjoys polishing the silver gets to do that job and the organized one gets to fold all the cloth napkins, etc.  The gist of it is that they are contributing to the household (which is good) but I am the mother and the boss and it’s my responsibility to making it run well.

I would also vary her routine so she doesn’t get bored and also becomes proficient at all tasks. Dishwasher one week, laundry next, etc. Make a chart or use your regular calendar to write down the weekly chores.

Sheepishly raising my hand—-me, too. I am yelly mom.

I yell a lot, too.  When I find I’m doing it too much (some yelling is OK, really, it doesn’t kill them), I put myself on guard.  I will stop mid-sentence if necessary, and I make myself GET up, walk to the person, place my hand gently on their shoulder, get at eye level, and speak directly and calmly to them.  The hardest thing for me is that one bedroom is out of earshot without getting really loud, and I just don’t want to climb the stairs multiple times per day.  Once I start yelling up the stairs, the kids often feel they are being yelled AT, and then they get snippy, and then I get snippy and things escalate.  I try to diffuse that anger by apologizing and explaining that my yelling was only to get their attention - or I send someone else upstairs.  I think the key thing is to catch yourself yelling and make yourself stop.  The kids will think your behavior is strange, but they will welcome the change in tone.  If the kids backtalk or get angry (another thing that sets me off), I send them to their room until they decide that they can be calm.  And I pray a lot (Lord, have mercy…)

Thank you, Michelle! 

As I said below in reply to someone else, I’m concerned about “retraining” my kids to obey when I tell them to do something… not waiting to obey until after I yell at them about it.  I just feel lost when it comes to having to start over in a way, and feel like I’ve made such a mess of things!  Any tips on that, anyone?

My baby is just older than yours and I know we’re not getting much sleep. I know that this low sleep time will pass but when you’re running on little sleep I think it’s much easier to get cranky about everything. So part of me says not to be too hard on yourself. I don’t know if you homeschool so the kids are there all the time or what ages etc but maybe try writing out lists of what needs done. Somehow lists seem less like nagging. It doesn’t have to be elaborate I do post it notes for each person. Try to stick with the basics (meals, laundry, bathrooms, and tidy up) and if you can afford it maybe a few treats like ice cream for dessert or take out pizza or maybe a movie night for motivation could help. I know we’ve been home more since the baby was born and the weather isn’t good for being outside so everyone gets bored inside too so maybe any outside activity that your husband can get them to would be a help too to get them out of the we’re stuck at home stir craziness. Since your baby really needs you right now maybe your husband can take over a bit even a 5 minute call to the kids at lunch to see if they did their morning work or supervising them for 1/2 hour after dinner could get a lot done and you can concentrate on yourself and the baby more. This doesn’t mean you never have to discipline the kids but right now shift it more to your husband.

I had a light bulb moment a few months ago and decided to not permit TV or computer or any other electronic thing on school days (since we homeschool, they could be on these things by 2 or 3 in the afternoon until dinnertime).  The main reason I took that away was because they would procrastinate in schoolwork and I would give up around 3 or 4 (5 students is a lot when they all *must* work with you and only you), so they would then get to go on, but the schoolwork wasn’t done.  So, no tv or computer and we still stop so I can straighten the house and make dinner, but then back to work after dinner until bedtime.  They are so very unhappy…but, but, but, I noticed on the weekends when they do get tv and computer, that the bickering was tremendous.  You would think the opposite, right?  So even when they are better about schoolwork, I’m not going to let them have the electronic rewards.  Also, when they do bicker, I send both to their rooms, and if they share a room, then one goes to my room.  If I see one child instigating things I will try to step in early, but otherwise, both get punished.  My kids walk all over me, too, but I remind myself that true love doesn’t always mean being the nice guy and giving out hugs and kisses.  We have to teach these kids how to function in the real world - and our homes ARE the real world.

Sometimes when I’m feeling overwhelmed and under-appreciated, depressed even, my husband reminds me to check if I’ve been eating well, drinking water, taking my vitamins etc.  Usually I haven’t been.  Besides sleep (which isn’t always possible-I’ve got a 6 week old myself right now) this is often the one big thing that makes a difference in my ability to cope.  Doesn’t change one bit what happens around me, but I’m able to react better when my body is well-maintained.

Sorry, not much advice because my kids aren’t that old, but I will pray!  I think getting dad involved, like Becky D. suggested, sounds great.  I was going to say maybe your husband could have a talk with the teen about being respectful and helpful, or a talk with all the kids to say “Mom is so busy and tired with the new baby, please try to be extra helpful and nice to eachother.”  I remember from my childhood and from watching my nieces and nephews that these reminders and talks are not too effective long-term, but they’re great short-term, so repeat as needed!  hang in there!  Things will look so much better and you will be much more able to deal with these problems when the baby is older.  Those first few months are so crazy.

Um, my now 4 yo was up at 4 am from infancy until she was over 2.  There was nothing I could do, it was how she was hardwired (I had another child who was very similar…he was 4 or 5 am and it went on until he was 2 or 3).  I finally just gave up and got up at 4 am and did stuff.  Then went back to bed at 6, if I could, since I had other children.

Thanks, Michelle.  When he was a tiny guy, I did get up at 4am and he’d nap at 530 or 6.  I’ve since found that I can let him hang out in bed for a while and nurse him and he’ll eventually get to sleep again for at least 3 more hours.

Been there, done that! SO frustrating! I’ve successfully helped a lot of friends with a lot of sleep issues for their babies..so just a couple of quick thoughts for you..are you putting him in his crib awake so he falls asleep on his own, or are you putting him to sleep and then laying him down? Its always better to put baby to bed awake. In the past we have fixed problems like yours with putting baby to bed awake to fall asleep on his own.
Also the waking up at 4am thing is quite likely a phase..how long hasit been lasting for? We had a 4am wake problem for about 2 weeks with my first baby, then it went away. Possibly the issue could also be that he is being woken up from being in bed with you? He might sleep better on his own. If he’s still asleep when you transfer him from crib-your bed, that could be a wake-up factor as well bc babies have radar for when things are different
Another thought..are you responding to the wakeful times immediately? If he is happy, chattering to himself, and not crying, I would leave him be and not go into his room and allow him to fall back to sleep on his own. Going to check on him could cause him to continue to wake up night after night to see mommy. If he knows you aren’t going to respond, then it will eventually stop.
Hope this is helpful for you.

Thank you for your encouragement!  I’ll look into John R.—-haven’t read him before.

I’m kind of worried that I’ve “trained” my kids to act only when mommy gets to that point of yelling and not before….. so, I need to re-form myself AND them….. and I fear that I’ll get so frustrated with them, that I’ll just yell again and it will be this big cycle.  Sigh. 

I have recently started going to daily Mass again and I’m hoping and praying for the grace and conversion of which you speak.  It’s good to hear that you have conquered that yelling!  (and to read what you said about the sin/bell)

Me again… I just looked up John Rosemond.  He has lots of books!  What in particular did you read that was helpful?

Thank you!

Dear Husband

Thanks Becky! 

Two things to try: 1) a naked bottom.  Yes, you may have to clean the floor.  You may have to clean the floor often.  This will test your patience, but sometimes it forces a child to let go of the security of a diaper.  2) Making your child help to dump the contents of the diaper in the toilet and do whatever pre-wash routine you do.  Also making him wipe his own bottom and even making him put his own diaper on (sorry, mommy has too many other diapers to clean/change, put on, etc).  I also suggest Miralax (a stool softener) if he starts to hold it in, which is likely to occur if he can’t have things his way.  Just a teaspoon in his juice or water (not milk) every day.

I got so frustrated with the first of my kids who were late bloomers when it came to potty training!  I tried to push, they sat on the potty endlessly, etc.  Then I learned to lighten up.  I figured as long as they headed off to college potty trained I was okay with that.  And, so far, they all have!  Adult peer pressure about when your child is potty trained is unreal!  I found, though, that for my kids, they trained faster—under a week for all of the last 5—but they were all 3 1/2 thru 5 years old when they did.  (Disclaimer here, I am a stay at home and didn’t have to put them in daycare.  That would certainly have complicated things!)

Well, I have 4 boys. After struggling with the first one, I eased off and waited with the other 3. They were all over the age of 4, and one was very close to 5 before they did it. BUT—when they were ready, they were ready. It was a very quick, simple process—no accidents, messes, etc. My pediatrician backed me up, and said they would do it themselves before kdg., and they did. I guess by that time, I’d gotten over the social “stigma” and didn’t care what other parents thought—I was doing what was best for my son and for our family (to keep peace and sanity!)