Do you have a moby wrap or something similar?  That was a lifesaver for me with a baby who wanted to be held all the time and a 2 y-o who needed a lot of help from me too.  Baby stays close, but you have your hands free for potty help or anything else.  Good luck!  If your dd seems ready to use the potty, I’d let her go for it.

I know it’s hard, but I think it’s ok to let one child cry for a few minutes while tending to the other child’s needs. It won’t hurt your baby, and there will be times when you need to tend to the baby and the toddler might cry. It’s impossible to meet both of your kids need at the same time all the time. Having said that, a moby wrap or similar item seems like another good solution.

I agree that sometimes you have to let one child cry while you attend the other—as a mom of 6, ages 18mo to 8 years old, there are many times that one has cried while I change a baby etc.  In fact, they almost seem to have an uncanny ability to realize that I am in the middle of something that cannot be left and therefore choose that time to absolutely need something!  This is less of a problem as some of my bigs can now pinch hit for me but I really think it has made my big kids very compassionate . . . bottom line as long as you can hear the baby crying from a safe place it means she is safe!

I have not used a wrap or sling so far but there are a couple of things that can help with that mulit-kid juggle. I used my bouncy chair a lot when my dd was an infant. I hauled it all over the house. For things like potty time or bath/shower time, I would bring it in the bathroom and then I could easily take the baby in and out as needed. It did sometimes stress my son out if she was crying in that small space, so if she was really upset I would set the chair right outside the door. She could still see me but it wasn’t as loud and echoing. I’ve also been known to drag my highchair all over. It’s one that reclines so I can start using it pretty early. These are some of the coping methods I used with my firstborn twins. They stilled cried, but it made the juggling act easier than running back and forth between rooms when the baby is in a crib, playpen, swing or other immobile area. Another idea, it sounds like your dd is using a little potty. You could move it to the kitchen so you can sit on the floor holding/nursing your infant and tend to her at the same time. Keep a basket of books and small toys right there so if you need to distract your dd for a bit while your baby finishes or burps before you can help her finish up. And of course that bouncy seat so you can put baby down if necessary.

At one time I had a newborn, 18 month old, and a 2.5 year old.  When the two older ones were learning to use the potty, I would often put a pull-up on them and a shirt and either no pants or elastic wasted pants so they could get their pants up and down with no help or minimal help from me.  That way I could hold the baby while standing in the bathroom door to supervise and give verbal instructions when needed.  I also wouldn’t hesitate to put the baby down for a few minutes when you need both hands to help in the bathroom.

It is hard to hear your baby cry, especially when they’re so little. I’m assuming it doesn’t take long to help your two-yr-old - maybe 5 minutes or so. If this is correct, it might be helpful to consider the 5 minutes of crying as a beneficial lung-exercise for your baby. Expanding those lungs by crying, for brief periods, is a helpful way to prevent some lung infections - not that your baby would get them if s/he didn’t cry - but those deep breaths are good for the lungs. Certainly, this is not a reason to let baby cry for long periods of time, but when you can’t meet those immediate needs, know that nature is giving baby some good exercise while you’re helping out another child.  ...and a toilet-trained daughter means less diapers to change, oh the joy!

a ringsling would save your sanity here! also, think about putting the potty in the room you’re in (we did this while potty training).

if the baby has to cry for a minute, it will be fine, but “exercising the lungs” is definitely an old wives tale

Thanks for writing in Lina, and you said what I was going to say about lung exercises….sheesh!
People would say that screaming is good for the lungs when my first born cried and I would smile sweetly and say, “Oh, like *bleeding would be good for the veins*?”

Hi, me again I didn’t mean to fluster and feathers - and certainly, we are called to be loving, caring parents; I’m not advocating letting babies cry for this purpose. I am a nurse, so I do know that deep inhalation is important for healthy lungs - which is why it’s crucial for babies to cry, loudy and continuously after birth, also why getting your heartrate up when you exercise - promoting deep breathing - is important. It’s also why bed-bound patients are given spirometers and told to take deep breathes 10x an hour. So, while crying in babies does effect brain chemistry and long periods of crying can cause attachments problems, mild amounts of crying deeply inflates those lungs and can promote health. Again, I’m not suggesting that you should just let your baby cry “for the sake of exercise” but rather than the normal crying that a well-loved baby exhibits can have beneficial effects in small doses.

Would something as simple as a bouncy-seat for the baby in the bathroom work?

as a homebirther, in a homebirthing community where babies often are silent and attentive after birth yet full of excellent oxygen and air, i would again argue the science of “crucial for babies to cry, loudy and continuously after birth.”  do you have any science or studies to prove that?

sorry, i just hate to see misinformation passed around. i understand you aren’t arguing for letting babies scream alone in rooms, but babies do cry for reasons, even if its something as in tangible as “i’m alone, i’m scared” etc etc

Thank you, all!!  I think for awhile I will just *leave* the bouncy seat in the bathroom so it’ll be there whenever “nature calls” my toddler!  I also appreciate the idea of using various slings, wraps, etc.  (As a new mom of two I am not used to tending to two kiddos at the same time, so sometimes I forget I can wear one while attending to the other!)  Regarding the little stir made by the mention of babies crying for a bit, it *is* consoling to hear other moms say it won’t kill the baby to shed a few tears.  It just tears me up inside to let it happen!  But honestly, if my baby weren’t crying for me for a few minutes, my toddler would be crying and vice versa.  When they both want ya at once, someone has to be a little sad for awhile, lung-stretching or no lung-stretching!

Jen, my dh and I read something once when I was expecting our 2nd, that stuck with us and helped us through that transition: “Parent to the first.”  Meaning, your second (and subsequent) children are going to roll with whatever routine is in place for the first.  In the early months, a baby’s needs are pretty straightforward, while the older sibling has undergone a pretty substantial change, in addition to all of those milestones coming down the pike.  (Ex: if my first hated the car seat, I tried not to go too many places.  With #3, we’re going places whether baby likes it or not -blessedly, he’s a good traveler, but I wonder if it’s chicken or egg at work?) 
Btw, I had a bouncer stationed on every floor of the house.  When my wish for an extra set of arms regularly failed to come true, the bouncer was my instant “safe place for baby.”

We don’t have a ‘mission statement’, but I have a ‘stay-on-track’ saying… Q.Q.C.C. translated, “Quickly, Quietly, Cheerfully, Completely.” Whenever we need to finish a task, chores, schoolwork etc., this is our motto. We do pray at the beginning of a new year for a family motto though. This year it is :“See How They Love One Another.” from the scripture Jn. 13:35 “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, that you love one another. We’ll say it for a toast or on other family occasions throughout the year as an inspiration. (I don’t know if this answers your question

Our family goal is to get to heaven…together….  This has colored our decisions through the years and as our kids are older now,( 21, 19, 19, 14, 11), I try to remind them again.
Not really a mission statement, but, something that brings us back to where we need to be.

We do!
Our Family Purpose
To Grow Closer to Jesus Christ
As we strive to become the best versions of ourselves physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

Will pray.  I was anorexic in high school.  Recovery can be a long road, including for the parents (as they may be blaming themselves, etc.)  How hard on the brothers and sisters! I am praying for the whole family.

If you haven’t already, I recommend checking out Kate Wicker’s blog http://www.KateWicker.com and her book “Weightless”. She struggled with being overweight as a child and then eating disorders in high school and college and has some great insights into how people battling eating disorders think and what can help them get through them. It’s not really a kid book, but depending on the maturity of her 11 year old, she might enjoy reading at least parts of it. (Nothing inappropriate, just that she writes about motherhood etc and an 11 year old probably wouldn’t relate much)

When I’m about to hit the fan it usually means that I’m low on patience to begin with. So that is exactly what I tell my children. “My patience is very low today so you need to tread carefully. I’m sure you will not like the consequences if you persist with this behavior.” This generally quells whatever is going on. If they do persist, then I enact those consequences. I never tell my children that I will tell their father or “wait ‘til your father gets home” for the simple reason it undermines my authority. My voice should be given no less weight than his as far as I’m concerned. We are equals in the house and should be treated and respected as much by the kids. I know it sounds harsh but having always followed through with my threats and never threatening unrealistic consequences, I now have the pleasure of not yelling at my kids so much. I can calmly tell them to stop most times and I’m heard. And it doesn’t hurt that overall they’re pretty good kids, too. And, if there’s a bit of a din you need to be heard above, I reccommend starting and holding your first word loudly. “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII would like it to be quiet in her now.” Holding the “I” gets their attention for me. Good luck. It’s frustrating, I know.

Guessing she’s doing more parallel play at home rather than taking turns playing due to your kids’ ages.  And, guessing she is probably more of the leader with the siblings?  I think what it’s quite normal behavior given the circumstances.  One thing I do is try to spend a little one on one time or even group time with me playing as well.  Play games where you have to take turns and change who gets to go first.  Also, I used to sit and play dollhouse and with my girls and of course they give me all the people they don’t want.  That’s when we have a talk about sharing and taking turns.  She could pick someone, then I could, etc.  Or, if you are coloring together and you see she’ll probably want the green crayon soon to color her grass, take it and use it yourself so when she wants it she needs to ask, then have her wait a short bit.  She’ll learn soon

Congrats on your new baby, Midwest Mom!  What are you noticing that makes you conclude your supply is lower than before?  Is baby eating on demand?  Do you hear swallowing sounds and see milk in her mouth when she’s done feeding?  Does she produce many wet and soiled diapers?  Things may be OK after all.  What are you experiencing that has you concerned?

Midwest Mom, Congrads on your new blessing.  After baby 2 and 3 it seemed like my milk supply regulated faster than with baby #1 (I was SO engorged with DD #1 it was painful and she had a hard time nursing!)  Look for the wet, soiled diapers, listen for the little “clucking” sound, see if your breasts feel “less full” after a feeding.  I know it isn’t recommended, but I nurse one whole session on a breast, then offer the other breast the next session (as opposed to switching mid stream) for the first month or so.  Doctors offices, county health nurses and lactation consultants love when you bring baby in for just a free weight check to make sure they are growing.

Try Mother’s Milk Tea - they sell it at Target around here or a whole foods store. I wish I could remember what the main ingredient is but it definately helps lactation.
Also, it is a little harder to relax and nurse a baby when you’re taking care of a preschooler at the same time. Remember to drink lots and lots, and keep the baby attached to you as much as possible. I could write a book here with more advice but I won’t what you are experiencing is normal, you’re doing a great job. Keep at it.

Congrats, Midwest Mom.  Have you checked out http://www.KellyMom.com yet?  It’s always my on my favorites while breastfeeding.  Then there’s also La Leche League International: http://www.llli.org

Remember, for optimal post-partum recovery: “Don’t stand when you could be sitting. Don’t sit when you could be lying down.  And don’t just lie down when you could be sleeping.”  For milk supply, when in doubt: nurse.

Now get off the computer and go rest and make milk!

no it IS recommended to nurse completely on one breast in a feeding

(breastfeeding counselor   http://www.women-serving-women.com.  and i do phone consults!)

there is no reason to switch unless you think your baby would like more after finishing the first side

lots of skin to skin to bring that milk in mama!  park your bottom somewhere for the day, take off your shirt and nurse that baby.

Thanks so much for all the suggestions.  I guess I was pretty engorged w/ DS and just don’t feel as “full” this time around on either side.  I’ve heard about the Mother’s Milk tea…I think they sell it at Walmart.  And I’ve also heard (and completely understand) that I need to drink a LOT of water and I guess maybe I’m not drinking as much as I need to be.  Little girl is DEFINITELY soiling her fair share of diapers so maybe my worry is for nothing!

Have you tried the Faith and Life series by Ignatius Press? They are wonderful and thought provoking books, and certainly not watered down. Combine this series with youth catechism and a bible, and you would be in good shape! Good luck in your search and God bless!
Julia

I second the Faith and Life Series - I will most likely be using it at home with my eldest next year (3rd grade book) because our parish uses the faith and life 2nd grade book for 2nd and 3rd (hard to get through those books in one year of weekly classes!) and I have been teaching a combo class of 3rd/4th and 4th/5th last year and this year out of the Faith and Life 4th grade book (which I LOVE!  The first half is salvation history, the second half is about Jesus as our guide.)  Very good series.  They have a book and a workbook (and also a teacher’s guide), I know the teacher’s guides can be expensive, so I probably won’t get one for next year - but I did look on the ignatius press website, and it looks like they have the revised edition on sale (they are putting out a third edition now) with the teacher’s guide being under $10, if you think a teacher’s guide would help you.

This year for first communion prep at home (eldest is getting Faith and Life at CCD) we are doing several books and several faith folders for Catholics (http://www.lapbooksforcatholics.com) - We read the story “King of the Golden City” every year.  This year for faith folders we have done “Things I See in Church” (I meant to do it last year, but lost the CD it was on…) and The 10 Commandments.  I still have the Sacrament of Confession and the Sacrament of Holy Eucharist faith folders to do this year.  I’ll probably pick out a few more to do next year.  Also, we use Connecting with History (http://www.rchistory.com) which combines history and religion together really well, so there are always faith filled books to read.  Good luck in finding something that will work well for you!

This is kinda off the topic, but why would “silent and attentive” have anything to do with homebirthing?  My daughter was born screaming and has not stopped since (not literally, but she IS very social and outspoken!)  My son was born silent and attentive, and still (at almost 4 months) rarely cries.  Isn’t “silent and attentive” more about personality than birth location?  Both my kids were born at the same big-city hospital (at which, I will add, I myself felt very comfortable and calm both times).  Curious about the homebirth connection.

firstly, sorry this was in the wrong spot!

2ndly, i was pointing out that i know lots of babies born not screaming and just “looking” which i was contributing to more peaceful environs - waterbirth, no suctioning, no overly bright overhead lights, etc etc - that accompany the homebirth experience.

i think personality is a HUGE factor, of course, and i will say, i’ve had only 2 births thus far, one at hospital and the next at home and both cried

my point was that babies can be born peacefully, without being screamers, but still get all the oxygen they need when born (of course delayed cord clamping helps too).  my experience with the “quiet” newborns has only been in the homebirthing crowds!