Print Blog
Email a FriendPosted by Heather on Wednesday, Dec 14, 2011 9:21 PM (EDT):
Thank you Rachel. As I am currently in the tired, before dinner hour, I needed to hear just that. Dinner is almost ready and bedtime is right around the corner. 
Parenting Pitfalls
stuff to remember on the hard days
Posted by Rachel Balducci in Family on Wednesday, December 14, 2011 8:12 PM
This afternoon, in that challenging haze that is the hour before dinner, I had one of the most outrageous 30-minute spans of mothering in recent history.
It was the perfect storm (isn’t it always!) of me feeling overwhelmed and someone being grumpy and someone else getting into mischief and a fourth party not wanting to deal with the task at hand (and not handling that well, not at all). Throw into the mix a phone call about a situation with one of the boys that I needed to deal with and I suddenly felt that unwelcome mix of It’s All Too Much and World’s Worst Mother.
I hate it when that happens.
In the moment, the best I could do was white knuckle. I walked to my room, closed the door, counted to ten, dried a few tears and then headed back out to face the madness. That helped a bit, but the truth is I just had to ride the wave to the other side.
And it happened—we made it through. The project got finished, the toddler got put in her highchair, I got to the bottom of what seemed like the a huge deal and discovered it was an innocent (very innocent) comment.
Whew!
Here’s what I realized in the midst of that:
1. No one said this would be easy. It’s not easy, raising kids.
2. Don’t start judging your skills as a parent in the heat of the moment. Just because you are dealing with bad attitudes and bad choices does not mean you are failing as a parent.
3. Don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that your parenting methods stink. Just because you are addressing an issue (again!) doesn’t mean you necessarily need to revamp your entire approach. And if you do, don’t start thinking about that right now. That won’t help you get through this moment.
4. Our children don’t start out perfect—it’s our job to train them in the way they should go. Too often I fall into the trap of thinking these creatures start out where they should be and my job is to keep them there. The truth is we have volumes of wisdom and guidance to share, and it will take a lifetime. Don’t be discouraged!
5. Take a deep breath, bedtime is right around the corner.
6. Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it (yet).
Comments
Page 1 of 1 pages
Posted by Joanna on Wednesday, Dec 14, 2011 10:31 PM (EDT):
I just went into my big girls’ room (5 and 3) after getting the baby down for bed to say that I’m sorry for being mean and I’ll try harder to have patience tomorrow and be nice even if I’m frustrated. My 5 year-old just gave me a hug and said that she was sorry for not listening. She really is kind of perfect already. I hope I don’t break her.
Posted by StephC on Wednesday, Dec 14, 2011 10:51 PM (EDT):
I am posting now, at my bedtime, with a glass of “un poquito vino rojo” in hand, however, I had stormed into my room for a M.C.O. (Mommy Chill Out) around dinner time & really appreciated the timing & appropriateness of this post, Rachel. Thanks for putting it out there for all of us tired, hard-on-ourselves mommies to read & be reassured.
Posted by Rhonda on Thursday, Dec 15, 2011 12:45 AM (EDT):
This is kind of random, but I’ve been thinking, you know, in other countries, lunch is the big meal of the day. I’d rather have that and have a Crock-Pot of something going for dinner instead of trying to cook up a grand something or other for dinner during the “witching hour”... (If only!)
Posted by mothering spirit on Thursday, Dec 15, 2011 12:49 PM (EDT):
Thank you so much for this, Rachel! I already had the overwhelmed “witching hour” feeling when I woke up too early this morning to simultaneous crying from both kids, and I wanted to cry myself, wondering how I would make it through the day already tired and drained. This was the kind of sound pick-me-up I needed: today is not the day to reassess my parenting skills! Today is the kind of day to take care of basic needs (self included) and be gentle as I can with everyone (self included).
And one of the above poster’s comments about going into her kids’ bedroom to ask forgiveness made me think of a beautiful poem I found called “Nursey, 11:00 pm” that speaks to just that - I linked to it here: http://motheringspirit.wordpress.com/2011/01/14/toddlers-tempers-and-forgiveness/
Posted by Brigette on Thursday, Dec 15, 2011 4:14 PM (EDT):
It is so very relieving to know that I am not the only mother out there that loses her cool. I feel like I am the world’s worst mother almost every evening between dinner and bedtime. It is the hardest part of my very long days, especially for a working mom. Thank you so much for this insight. I hope and pray that I’ll think to use a “chill-out” moment from now on, before losing my cool. Thanks to all who have shared!
Posted by Jenn on Thursday, Dec 15, 2011 10:00 PM (EDT):
I, too, thank you for sharing this post and reminding me that indeed it is my job to train and teach my four children. It is a hard job. I pray for balance everyday as I am a “yeller” when I lose my cool, which can be often as my husband travels with his job and I work part-time. I told my oldest this evening that it’s my job to make him the best he can be. I may not do it well all the time, especially when I yell, but I hope my honesty with him will help him understand I’m human and doing the best I can. These posts help me realize I’m not alone in my guilt or being overwhelmed.
Post a Comment
By submitting this form, you give Faith And Family Magazine permission to publish this comment. Comments will be published at our discretion, and may be edited for clarity and length. For best formatting, please limit your response to one paragraph and don't hit "enter" to force line breaks.
