The only time I can remember going to confession growing up was before First communion (and I don’t even really remember it - I just know we did).  We went to mass every Sunday but didn’t really frequent confession at all.  It wasn’t until my late teens that I made a general confession and started going somewhat regularly.

With our kids, we try to go every month…..it’s usually about every 5-6 weeks.  Our priest is so accommodating - since seven of our nine kids are old enough, plus my husband and me, we just make an appointment with our priest to meet us in the Church a half hour before the confession time is scheduled for the parish (our parish has at least four times each week).  We do this on a Wednesday evening, stay for 5:30 mass, and then go out to eat afterwards.  We try to make it a little “event” with the kids - a happy time with a celebration at the end.  One of our goals is for our kids to grow up seeing going to confession as a regular routine (with no fears or apprehensions) that helps them on their path towards God.  Our 19 and 17 year olds still try to make it with us too - it is so good for the younger kids to see their older siblings still going to confession regularly.  I also find that scheduling the whole family together makes it actually happen….no one slips through the cracks and misses going for a year.

We go into the confessional but have the option of opening the little screen - some of us do and some don’t.  I do open it, mostly to make sure the priest can hear me and I can hear him clearly.  He knows who I am anyway - my husband and I go at the end of our line up of kids (maybe he has more mercy on us after hearing all of THEIR sins ).  I like to receive his guidance/spiritual direction so it helps for me to not be anonymous since we use the same confessor regularly.

I have always been a reluctant penitent until the last year. I would aim for once a month and it would stretch longer week by week as I found excuses not to go. I hated confessing the same thing over and over and over. The change came for me when I found a regular confessor who encouraged more frequent confession. I found that a consistent confessor kept me accountable. If I hadn’t been for 3 months, he would know. If I confessed the same sins over and over, he would know. I didn’t want to have to keep saying the same thing to my confessor time after time. That was one of the things keeping me away in the first place.
That motivation was obviously not fully out of love for God since I was concerned about what I would have to tell a human being. But Confession does involve a flesh and blood person in the priest and I am still imperfect. Accountability began to make a difference in a huge way. My primary goal is to love God enough not to sin. But it helps a lot when tempted to say: “I am NOT going to have to tell Father that I did that again!!” lol

The more I go, the more I want to go. The Presence, mercies and graces of Jesus Christ build on themselves and cause a yearning and desire that increases with each exposure.

Another positive change I made that helps me go to Confession is to go behind the screen. I was taught to go face-to-face as a child. As I got older (and my sins more serious) I had no interest in facing any man that I knew, be he consecrated to God or otherwise, to bare my soul. I started going behind the screen and found that I was better able to focus on God and on Father’s words instead of Father’s person. It helps keep me honest. And truly, I think that the face-to-face experience can be a burden for certain priests. They are men who do falter and uncomfortable as it might be to discuss, being alone face-to-face with a lovely woman may present certain mental, emotional, spiritual or physical temptations. I am sorry to say that I started going behind the screen after a disturbing incident with a trusted priest and that I do know others who have had similar experiences with others. God bless and preserve our priests in holy purity!

Regarding busy Saturdays…I find that I am much more willing to go the extra mile to get there than I used to be. I am no saint but have asked for an increased desire, taken baby steps, and He has answered with an outpouring of grace.

More frequent Confession is changing my life. I am sorry that I struggled against it for so long.

Lisa, when you asked “do you prefer a Penance Service” do you mean that a Penance Service can replace individual confession?  I’m sure you’ll clarify.  It’s been my understanding that the only way to be absolved from your sins is by individual confession (unless you’re going into battle or something).  Wouldn’t we all prefer the Penance Service if it were just as good?  Why go through the pain of accusing yourself when you can just sit in the pew and be absolved—like Amnesty Day at the Library?

I have to ask this here and hope perhaps some people will answer (anonymous is good).

I do not receive the sacrament of penance as often as I should, although I’ve been going at least twice a year for a while, after many, many years without going at all.

Even when I do a full examination of conscience, I tend to have the same sins over and over again. I am well aware of my struggles and temptations, but they tend to fall into similar issues.

After my last confession before Easter, I stated my sins—some that are truly heart-felt—and the priest said ‘‘that’s it”? Some were to me quite serious and a weight on my heart. This was individual confession at a Penance service, so I did feel some pressure to be quick (there were very long lines). But I felt as if I had done something wrong in how I made my confession.

I’m wondering though, for the common (and unfortunately repeatable) sins, how do you actually state them? Am I not saying things right? Even with all my reading, I feel at a loss.

If you don’t mind I’d love any help or suggestions—and of course I don’t expect someone to pronounce sins without being anonymous.  So if anyone would jump in here with a false name to advise me, I’d appreciate it.

Let me start out by saying that I live in a very small town….about 6000 people, at our small parish we do not have a priest that lives even in our town. So we rarely ever have any kind of service on Saturday. We have a Reconciliation Service Wednesday. That is a small service where we pray and search our souls and find the three worst sins we have on our conscience. Then we write those sins on a piece of paper and walk in a line up to our priest, he quietly reads our sins, lets us know that we are absolved, after he throws the paper in the fire. When I moved here this was the first time I had ever seen or been a part of anything like this. In our parish our confessionals were even taken out. We rarely get the opportunity to do a one on one confession. We must make an appointment and then its really not a sure thing that you will be able to make a one on one confession. I am very uneasy about this but there are only a few of us that complains. Most people say its okay because we ask for forgiveness before mass and then at the Reconciliation Service that it is better to do it as a community. I personal love one on one confession, and need it. It makes me feel so much better. What do you all think about our parish really not offering confession? Please pray for us to get a full time priest. Thanks

Oh, I love the sacrament of reconciliation. I didn’t always feel this way… In fact I use to hate it. I felt it was more of a punishment, then a gift,  and I don’t think I really ever said a good confession… That was before God convicted me. I just went to get it over with and never really confessed those hard to speak of sins…You all know what I’m talking about… I would scrape by with those simple ones like, I used the Lords name in vain, or I had impure thoughts, and the superficial list goes on…

Back to the day God convicted me….I had gone to one of my favorite Catholic Book stores, Our Lady of Peace, in San Jose Ca, and I picked up this small pamphlet called “A Guidebook For Confession, The sacrament of Reconciliation” from Scepter Publishers. It has a picture of Our Beloved John Paul II on it. So I purchased this little pamphlet, no more than $2.50, and I sat down and read this, and I was mortified…not in a bad way, but in a good way…I realized that I had never really examined my conscience, nor did I ever really form my conscience, there fore I never really said a good confession. I really didn’t understand the benefits of this “GIFT”.  It’s so much more than just confessing your sins, it being truly sorry for them, its a means to help you understand way you do the things you do, its a means to break the footholds or strongholds Satan has on our lives, its clarity in a foggy world, its a means of recovery, Its true forgiveness and love, love for me the sinner. Wow, like I said, What a WONDERFUL GIFT! This booklet really helps you to break it down, and examine every aspect and also helps you realize the action of simply hating someone, or wishing ill will towards someone is a mortal sin, It forces you to see yourself in a different light.

Before, I was, one might say, Blissfully ignorant… I thought…I’m a good person, I go to church, I love those around me, I believe in God, (So does Satan) I’m know I’ll make it to Heaven… WRONG! Belief is not enough, as I mentioned above, Satan knows God is real, and we all know he is not going to make it to Heaven. 

I was, like many of us, engrossed in Sin, and sin (MORTAL AND VIENAL). We as Catholics know that those who die with Mortal Sin on our Soul wont make it to Heaven, its very clear.

Now, you can say I finally realized what it meant to have the FEAR OF GOD in my heart. I also realized just how much God loved me and all of you to give us such a gift. A gift that would allow us to be washed clean.

So, needless to say I could not wait to say confession, and lucky for me it was Saturday and I was able to go to confession, so I did. I must tell you, for the first time I said a good confession, and I felt this weight lifted off my heart my soul and mind…It was so beautiful… I cant find words to do it justice.

I now go to confession twice a month, and sometimes 4 times a month…I find that I need to go to confession because I don’t like to be separated from My Lord God the Father, not for any amount of time.

I remember telling my 38 year old sister how often I go to confession, and she said ” Gosh, you must really be bad!” I don’t sin like that, the last time I went to confession was about 15 years ago, and I don’t have that much sin that I need to go every other week.”
“No, I said, I’m not bad, I just want to be better, and I’m not going to be better if I go on thinking that I’m not a sinner, or refuse to believe I’m not as sinless as I want to believe I am. I thought I was Okay, but I really wasn’t.” 

You see ladies, confession is a true gift, and if you don’t make a conscience effort to go, or plan for it, are you really growing spiritually? I’m afraid the answer is no. You are stuck. I was stuck…In order that we grow we must keep Gods Grace Flowing, and we cant do that with Mortal sin on our Souls. Go out and purchase the booklet i mentioned above, this one is really the best one, and go to confession, and go often, and you will find that it will help you with ALL aspects of your life. You will feel Gods Flowing Grace!

Our parish only has confessions for half an hour each week. With a toddler in the house, it’s very difficult to have that precise half hour free. It’s very frustrating.

Does anyone else find that missing confession feeds on itself? As in, if you skip one week, it doesn’t seem so bad to skip the next, and before you know it it’s been four months (or more)?