Please Don't Say That
Posted by Arwen Mosher in Family on Thursday, September 10, 2009 9:42 PM
Yesterday Camilla and I were unloading laundry from the dryer when she suddenly said, “Stupid!”
I glanced at her, trying to play it cool, and as she began to repeat the word it became clear that she wasn’t using it as an adjective to describe either of us. She was just saying it because she liked the sound.
Still. “Stupid” is not a term we want our child using. I gently told her that she needed to stop saying it or bear the consequences. She tested me by saying it one more time, spent two minutes in time-out, and I haven’t heard her use the word “stupid” again since, thankfully.
But the incident has me thinking about verboten words and where the lines should fall in our household. Since Camilla is not yet three, we haven’t encountered this issue much, but eventually she’ll be exposed to any number of rude and offensive words. We will have to decide which ones are too rude or offensive for our family.
(And I’m sure she picked up the word “stupid” at home. I imagine that I often unthinkingly say, “That was such a stupid movie” or similar things.)
There are, obviously, all the standard “swear” words that we won’t tolerate under any circumstances, and which I’m hoping our kids won’t hear for many years yet. But there are so many words that are borderline. Where should that line be drawn?
When I was growing up, my parents were fairly strict in this area. For example, we weren’t allowed to say “butt,” “fart,” or “pee.” “Bottom,” “gas,” and “tinkle” were the preferred words in our household. (Sorry for so much bodily-function talk! It’s difficult to discuss forbidden words without mentioning the actual words.)
I struggle with the question of how to find balance with the bodily-function words. On the one hand, we certainly want to raise little ladies and gentlemen. On the other hand, I think there’s room for viewing bodily functions as normal and natural and even - in proper circumstances - as a source of mild humor.
Then, of course, there is the question of pejorative words: anything that comes close to cursing, insulting, or belittling another person. But I think it’s fairly easy to recognize those when we hear them, so I’m not as concerned about how to decide and enforce their exclusion from our home.
How have you resolved this issue in your family? Do you have any advice to share?
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