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Email a FriendYeah, it’s not easy to pray with teenage boys. Especially when you have an atheist husband. I try to do at least the evening prayers with the oldest, and encourage him to do some on his own. Add on a few quick blessings here and there… and prayers for him.
Praying with and for our Teens
How do you bridge the gap?
Posted by Lisa Hendey in Faith on Tuesday, August 23, 2011 10:00 AM
This week, we’re preparing to take one son back to college and the second son is busily adjusting to his Junior year in high school. It’s funny, when my sons were toddlers, I truly thought nothing could be more difficult or more stressful than a terrible two year old. The more we parent teens, the more I realize that every phase of parenting is filled with blessings and challenges. Point in case: the fact that my own mother still has to carry around a fully charged cell phone to take “emergency” calls from her 48 year old daughter. I’ll bet she thought that my sixteen year old self was going to drive her crazy too, and the truth is that her mothering of me continues even into adulthood.
The more independence my teenage sons gain, the more I find myself compelled to pray with and for them. The perils of today’s society are all around them and sometimes prayer, discussion and clinging to the sacraments feels like our only “weapon” against the wickedness and snares of the devil. And yet honestly, it’s tough to pray with a teen—have you tried it lately? My boys are amazing and are also used to me praying with them often and in unusual places, and even—horrors!—in front of their friends! I get the occasional rolled eyes, the embarrassed glances, and the occasional non-participation. But more often than not, when I overcome my own shyness and pause our busy lives to take the initiative, we all feel better for having overcome our discomfort in taking our concerns to the God who loves us so greatly.
But I’ll admit that sometimes I can’t bring myself to be strong enough. I know I have missed opportunities and made mistakes, and that despite my best efforts things haven’t always gone according to the perfect plan I have in my head. Seeing our lives take twists and turns makes me realize even more how important my role as “Prayer Warrior” for my husband and sons truly is. I may not cook well and let’s not even begin to speak about my domestic abilities, but the greatest part of my motherly job description to pray with and for my sons remains a huge priority to me. Despite my shortcomings, I persevere, taking the lead of countless motherly saints who have gone before me, counting on God’s infinite love for each of us.
How about you? Do you have a hard time praying with your teens or young adult children? What has worked for you and what challenges continue to make you want to simply give up on family prayer? And if you’re facing a special “teen challenge” or indeed any motherly concern, please feel free to place your special intentions in the comments below so that we can all carry our concerns to our Heavenly Father together.
Comments
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Excellent post. Especially relevant as we approach the feast of St Monica, this Saturday. She was indeed a pray warrior for her husband and children.
I would like to draw your attention to an initiative launched in Ireland, by a group of women last year. Their idea is simply to get people to do a holy hour once a week for their children. Mothers will do anything to help their children. Most have never thought of doing a holy hour for their children! I think the simple ideas are the best! We must pray for our children, at some point it will be all that we can do. St Monica, pray for us.
http://www.prayforchildren.org
“It is not possible that a son of so many tears should perish.” - St Ambrose to St Monica
Posted by Mary Kate on Tuesday, Aug 23, 2011 10:55 AM (EDT):
As the mother of 2 teen boys (and 4 other children), I often get overwhelmed and panicky when I pray for my kids. This was never the norm when they were all little, just as the 2 oldest have really started to be more independent. I’m sure it’s because I feel a real lack of control regarding their choices, but, at times, it becomes almost painful to pray for them. They really are good kids, so I’m not sure why I’m this bothered by all of it.
It seems to get momentarily worse in Adoration, until I learned to just “be there” (“breathe in Jesus’ love and breathe out His peace”).
Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon? Just curious.
Also, thanks so much for posting this, Daria. I really needed to hear from another mom of teen boys, as I worry that I am going about it “all wrong”.
Posted by natalie on Tuesday, Aug 23, 2011 12:23 PM (EDT):
love this post! Please pray for my husband to have more wisdom with parenting and pray for my step son to do Gods’ will .DH has an older son that dropped out of college, been living with a girlfriend for 5 yrs. I am very concerned about his influence on our children- his half- siblings. DH’s son(my step son) is Lutheran (my husband converted to Catholicism)- but I feel he uses the “well- he’s lutheran as an excuse” My husband knows the riches of our faith- the sacraments- but he won’t dare spread this good news with his lutheran son. Something just seems wrong with it all. The son also thinks he’ll just take over our family business, hence probably why he doesn’t feel he needs college. But, we both think he’s much smarter than mowing lawns. My husband is a bit passive about things, and his older son more bossy. Please prays and advice. Do we need spiritual direction?
Posted by Beth on Tuesday, Aug 23, 2011 4:59 PM (EDT):
My husband and I make an effort to pray with our children individually at regular intervals or when they are sick or experiencing some other challenge. At bedtime we’ll set a night and make rounds to each child and ask them what is on their mind and if they have specific prayers requests. We bless them with holy oil and lay hands on them and pray an open prayer and invite them to pray if they feel comfortable. The kids especially ask for it when they are sick. It is important and we need to make sure we do it consistently—I think the kids really appreciate it.
Posted by Monica (momof2) on Tuesday, Aug 23, 2011 9:26 PM (EDT):
My older boy is 13 so we are just entering the teen years. So far no resistence to family prayer or going to Adoration or mass but we homeschool so there isn’t the peer influence pulling the other direction or determining what is cool and what is not. Even if my two boys were to start resisting it really doesn’t matter - prayer is just what we do here, like it or not. Eye-rolling or any form of protest they know would be met with consequences. The point is to build up good habits so even when they are no longer under our roof prayer will just be a natural part of their lives, as it was for me growing up and still is.
Posted by Susie on Wednesday, Aug 24, 2011 9:20 AM (EDT):
Thanks for this post. I have learned a lot already - especially about spontaneous prayer. I would have never thought of going to my children individually and asking them if there is something I can pray for with them. We do an organized family prayer time once a week, but it is mostly the younger kids (not the teens or college student) who share their intentions. I think it is because we introduced this in the last year or so and they are more comfortable with it. Even so, it is usually prayer for some world event, and not for something personal that they are facing. I have been in a moms in touch prayer group in the past where we pray for our children’s school, and then we pray with another mother for each of our children. But those prayers are my interpretation of what my child needs, not asking my child what prayers they need. I agree with you Lisa, I feel the need to pray for my children even more now that they are older, and also to pray for peace in my own heart because it is very hard not to be anxious when you have young adults out there in the world. Their mistakes can have such serious consequences as they get older. The rosary and the adoration chapel help me.
Posted by Gwen on Friday, Aug 26, 2011 11:39 AM (EDT):
I have always dedicated a decade of my rosary especially for my children and I pray for them continuously since they were babies. For a mother especially it is difficult to let go. When my teen went to WYD I worried a lot about her even though I know that it’s good for her to grow without me there. I have to put them into God’s hands.
My favorite image when I worry is to think about baby Moses. I image myself as his mother putting my children into the river and trusting that the princess (who is Holy Mary) will take care of them. I pray a Hail Mary every time I worry about one of my children and put them into her hands. I need to continue to pray for more peace and trust for myself also.
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