I guess I’m fortunate that my husband’s idea of beauty has always been counter-cultural. He can’t stand thick eyeliner, lipstick or dyed hair, and that’s mostly what you see presented at “beauty” in our culture.

In fact, the first time he saw me, he was singing in the Easter choir at church, and his buddy nudged him and pointed out a gorgeous young woman with curly cinnamon hair and big green eyes and a lovely smile—that was my roommate. My husband shrugged and suggested that the “librarian chick” next to her was more his type. That was me. Plain brown hair, glasses, no lipstick.

Before we were married, he happened to see me in my jammies—a knee-length, long-sleeved plaid flannel night shirt with grey waffle-weave long underwear underneath, and he said he’d have to go because I was too darn attractive. If I ever tried to wear some slinky thing to bed, he’d laugh me right out of the room!

Of course, now that Tina Fey and Sarah Palin are famous, I guess I have something to worry about…Librarian chicks are coming into fashion!

I think Betty is right on.  It is really easy as stay home moms to get into the habit of always wearing “comfy clothes.”  I mean, who’s going to scrub floors and toilets in a cute skirt?  But, a discussion about this on Danielle’s site a few months ago made me realize that I was wearing workout-type pants, a plain t-shirt, and hair up in a ponytail or bun almost every day!  I never thought of myself as being frumpy; I just ruled out cute clothes once I had to deal w/messy kids and housecleaning on a daily basis. 

After reading that discussion, I went out and bought a few skirts that were comfortable (most of them were knit w/an elastic waist) and nice looking and decided that I was going to be more feminine for my husband and for myself!  He definitely noticed and voiced his appreciation, and I also felt better, especially when I got out of the house.  We can beat the stereotype of frumpy SAHM’s and make our vocation more alluring to others!

I agree with Betty completely!  I love that my hubby usually calls on his way home from work.  It gives me time to fix my hair, change out of my sweats and put a little make-up on for him.  He really appreciates when I wear a skirt, so I have several casual ones I can wear around the house as well as out and about.

The cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. I do for the good of our whole family.  Getting all “dolled-up” I do just for my husband and he knows it.

(this is a different Aileen than the previous post)

Personally, I can identify with Betty completely - her post was great.
But - I see a lot of the opposite here (suburb north of ATL).  I know that GA is supposed to be a fat state…but not where I live.  A lot of moms here are very, very fitness oriented.  They use personal trainers on a regular basis and have home gyms (one mom I know has actualy pilates machines…yes…the machines!).  They have great figures - I mean they are in fantastic shape like you wouldn’t believe.  But the way they dress!  At our Catholic school no less.  And for Mass sometimes.  I know…I sound like an old prude - but are super-tight, low-rise jeans with a very tight (spandex) t-shirt OK for the weekly school Mass?  And it’s not just a few people.  How about the tank tops with the bra straps hanging out…again…AT MASS.
My friend and I (and she runs marathons but dresses normally) decided the school needs a dress code for the moms.

Forgive me, but I am a bit outraged here.  I like to look pulled together.  I wear a bit of make-up each day, shower, fix my hair, and get dressed in presentable clothing.  For me.  The very idea that I should combat The World by being a Toy is offensive to me and to my husband.  Is he such an animal that he needs his candy to sedate him after looking at alluring billboards?  What am I, a lust washing machine? Oh look out Regina, feed your animal at home or he’ll go for it out of the home!  Correct me, but that sounds like the same logic some parents use, who allow their teens to consume alcohol in their basement so that they won’t drink outside and get into a car accident.

I can’t quite decide what I think of this. On one hand, I do think we should make an effort to look nice for our husbands. Then again, I think what constitutes “looking nice” is different for different people. We just don’t have the money to buy nice clothes - so jeans and t-shirts are my uniform. I never wear makeup, and I’m glad my husband doesn’t like it when I do. He says I look the cutest when I have my hair in a ponytail and I wear a sweatshirt with jeans. I’ve got a good man, that’s for sure!

Good point Regina.  Well said.

Wow, Regina.  I think you’ve overreacted a tad!  Danielle said “making small efforts toward keeping yourself attractive,” not ‘transform yourself into a voluptuous sex machine’.

That said, as a man, I think Danielle as I quoted her above was exactly right.  I would even put the emphasis on “small.”  My wife dresses fashionably enough to avoid being labeled “dowdy.”  That’s one of the ways she tries to imitate St Paul’s ‘I become all things to all men’ to lessen any obstacles that might be created by frumpiness.  Even if she wanted to go more all-out than that, she’s earned the privilege.  I’ve watched her (carry and) give birth to our eight children.  That in itself deserves a medal of honor.  I wouldn’t love her any less even if she was dowdy.

But if a man would be helped by his wife keeping herself a bit nicer, than she should try to do that.  It would be self-giving love on her part to do so. That would be part of what the Church calls “mutual sanctification.”

My outrage was aimed at Betty Beguiles, not at Danielle.  Thanks for all you do, Danielle!

I think women should attempt to be attractive, beautiful, and, dare I say, sexy for their husbands. At the same time, I’m not sure I agree totally with Ms. Beguiles’ logic. I attempt to be beautiful to my husband not to essentially combat immoral images in the world, but to live out our marriage as God originally intended it to be. It probably does have the effect of combating the evil by presenting the good.

But I think the basic idea of being attractive for your spouse is correct. God created us as embodied souls, and we just can not ignore our bodies as if they were not a real part of our personhood. Further, God specifically created our bodies in as sexual way, as male and female, and in our sexual complementarity, we image God. Our sexual complementarity allows us to form a life-giving communion of persons that is meant to be a visible sign of God’s nature as Trinity. We often think that we image God through our reason and our will, but we also essentially image God in our sexuality.

Since we image God through the martial act, I think we should therefore want our bodies to be sexually appealing to our spouse. Sexual appeal is part of our bodies’ created purpose.

Of course, our society has gone so far of the reservation on this issue, that most folks haven’t the foggiest idea what sex really means or what it is about. Most want to be sexy for all the wrong reasons or with the wrong people! But I think it is important that we should not deny or diminish the goodness of our sexuality because it has become a source of sin. Instead we should strive even more deeply to live out our sexuality in the way God created us to do so.

I agree with what you are saying here, Danielle. I think it’s definitely true that making an effort to look good (whatever that means for each of us personally) will help us feel better about ourselves, and also is a nice thing to do for our husbands.

However, I have to admit I’m a little resistant to the tone of the post you quoted.  It’s certainly important for women to support our husbands in the quest for chastity in all areas of their lives… but it is ultimately each man’s responsibility (with the help of God) to achieve that virtue, and he is responsible for doing so no matter what his wife looks like. 

In my experience, many women who do not devote time to their appearances are overwhelmed by the other responsibilities in their lives.  One could say that as much as a wife can love her husband by looking good for him, he can love her in return by helping her have time to spend on herself that way!  Mutually beneficial!

And as far as women who truly have trouble finding time to make themselves look good, I think it is not helpful - and a bit misleading - to make statements like the one in the original post: “A man who receives those things at home will be less likely to look for them somewhere else.”  To me this implies that a woman who fails to make that extra effort would be complicit in her husband’s sins against chastity if he did commit them, and I don’t think that’s true. 

Of course it is most loving for a woman to help her husband as much as possible, including looking nicer if it helps him, and I agree with you, Danielle, that we should do that.  I just wish the original post you quoted had been a little less full of the negative motivations.

Wow Ladies!

This sure has hit us all differently.  Just a few thoughts to consider that are from my personal life that hopefully may help.  My Grandpa (devout, prayerful, daily Mass attendee) reminded us girls that men are not made of wood, they are human.  Even though a man is built of virtue does not mean that they are free from temptations, even St. Francis was terribly tempted with sins of the flesh.  Your husbands I’m sure love you intensely, but they are human and it takes a lot to not fall, especially in our culture.  My husband has told me how often we as women seem to forget how men are driven and how they think.  Even priests are subject to these temptations.  I don’t mean to preach here, but if we go to mass, dressing our best to please Christ, why shouldn’t we do it for our husbands?  Christ doesn’t love us more when we do it, but it still pleases him that we did something out of love for him.  Our husbands also appreciate the smallest act of love that we give to them.  I guess I can say all this because years ago when I had just a couple kids running around the house and I didn’t spend time on my appearance much, because I also believed, he loves me already! But then I read a book by a Christian woman who helped many struggling marriages, and had helped many improve their marriage. She was encouraging women to dress better, put on some makeup, and put some effort into their appearance for their spouse.  I laughed thinking “right, that’s not going to matter to my husband”, so I proceeded to put on only lipstick that day and left everything else a mess.  My husband walked in the door that night and said you look nice!!  I about fell over, it worked, and he noticed! He is not a person to notice detail so that made a believer out of me.  From then on I made it a point to look better for him, he always tells me how much of a lady I am to him (even though I don’t feel like it at all). 

What will it hurt to give it a try, to look a little better for him?  We are all temples of the Holy Spirit, we should dress like it to, meaning do your best for Christ and your spouse.  Don’t be fools and think your husbands are angels and can never fall into any temptations, none of us are exempt from that.

But isn’t another way to look at this that we shouldn’t take our husbands for granted.  You know, “well, it doesn’t matter how I look/feel/smell, he’s gotta love me anyway”?  It seems to me the lesson is that just because we are home all day doesn’t mean we have to look like it.  I’m no June Cleaver, vacuuming in a dress with pearls, or anything, and there are plenty of days when I look more like the Mad Professor than Betty Crocker, but that means that maybe I should try a little harder. 

And it depends upon what your husband wants. (oh, look, communication!)  If he thinks you look great in a t-shirt and sweats, great!  If he doesn’t care what the house looks like, but likes a good meal, well served, great! 

I know for a fact that my husband encounters all kinds of polished women at work, all day long.  I’m not worried, personally, but he tells me the stories of the husbands whose wives should be worried.  And when they say, “hey, look at that” to my husband, he can say, “you oughta see what I have at home!”

I think, for some of you who seem to be offended by this post, if you think about it not so much about changing yourself as becoming again the woman your husband courted, you might not be so upset.  Danielle is not saying to powder your face if that is something you never do, but just to be the best looking/smelling you can be.  When you were dating your husband, did you work or attend school all day, then knowing you had a date that evening, just wear the same clothes and not bother to bathe or brush your hair?  I believe most women, when we were dating, made special attempts at looking and smelling nice when we had an evening out with our man.  That’s all I read into this post.  Be the woman your husband fell in love with when you are with him - however much or little attention that requires.

I commented on this post on my blog a few days ago….I agree 100% with Betty, men are men, and we need to remember the temptations they face out there. In remembering this, we are not babysitting them. My only problem is that I’m too tired to look great for my husband. Thus, I say, Thank God for good Catholic husbands who love us no matter what we look like, and who understand that being a Mom isn’t the easiest job in the world. And I say this while still in my pajamas at 3 p.m.!

I’m sorry that my post caused you outrage, Regina, but I think you might be misinterpreting some of what I was saying. I am not suggesting that you become a toy for your husband, merely that we need to be careful not to neglect this one area of married life, the romantic side of it, that often gets neglected as more children arrive along with busy days and sleepless nights. I think Nikki was right on when she said…

“I think, for some of you who seem to be offended by this post, if you think about it not so much about changing yourself as becoming again the woman your husband courted, you might not be so upset.”

I simply think that when the romantic side of marriage gets neglected some men struggle more with the temptations of the world. I’m sorry if I offended you.

For those of you who didn’t read the whole post, I did go on to say:

“And no, I’m not giving men a pass. They have an obligation to exercise restraint and to conquer their immoral temptations.”

Thanks for the feedback!

I really enjoyed this post as well. Per Regina’s comment:

“The very idea that I should combat The World by being a Toy is offensive to me and to my husband.  Is he such an animal that he needs his candy to sedate him after looking at alluring billboards?”

I’m as easily infuriated by suggestions about women objectifying themselves as anyone, but that’s just not the vibe I got from this post. What I thought the post was getting at was that, the fact is, our husbands have a pretty big cross to carry in that area every single day since they are wired to be so visually oriented when it comes to feeling aroused—sheesh, you can’t even walk out the door these days without being bombarded by images of bikini-clad women in sexual poses. I do think that there’s a line that can be crossed when we take “looking nice for our husbands” to mean that our main value is in our physical appearance, that we have to compete with the images in the media, and we must always look like we just walked off of the set of Desperate Housewives; however, I think there’s something in between (and what I think the original post was getting at) that’s very healthy and beneficial for a marriage, where a wife just tries to look nice in small ways as a little gift to her husband.

This has been a very interesting topic.  One thing that I want to add to all of the women that have husbands that come home for dinner (or before they go to bed), BE THANKFUL!  I would love to have the opportunity to put this into action, but my husband leaves the house before the kids and I are awake, and is home after we are in bed.  On the weekends I let him sleep in and take naps during the day to try and catch up on his much needed rest.  I love to cook special things for him during the week, get his coffee ready the night before and leave him little notes. 

I think the bottom line is to know what our husbands like and then act on it to show them how much we love them.  In turn, our husbands should be doing the same.  Our marriage is the best place to practice self-giving love. 

WOW - I loved your words Betty.  I have said them for years.

For that matter I believe Faith and Family Magazine had an article some time ago that complimented this same thought process.  It was about date night and ideas.  It included simple and inexpensive ideas.  They go hand in hand in my eyes.

God has blessed us with amazing husbands, that work hard so we can stay home.  I get to work from home and school at home.  For me it is a simple way of expressing “Thank You”!

God Bless Betty!

I’m having a really hard time understanding why ladies aren’t willing to make small sacrifices for their husbands like this!  It reminds me of a previous post about being open to sexual encounters with our husbands when they request them. 
None of these things take a lot of time.  I have worn makeup every day since I was in high school.  I wear concealer, foundation, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, and either lip gloss or lipstick, every day.  I put on a nice skirt or pair of jeans (on heavy work days) with a feminine top, every day.  I put on some pretty earrings or a necklace and perfume, every day.  It takes me next to no time to do that!  Honestly, I probably spend maybe 15 minutes doing those things!  I know that many other ladies don’t wear as much makeup, jewelry, or my particular style of clothes, have allergic reactions to perfumes and soaps, etc.  But is it so time consuming to do your best for your husband?  Same with sex.  Let’s be honest here, it’s not an all night marathon like in the movies!!  It’s not difficult to offer our feminine love and charms to the most beloved people in our lives!
The thing that I find so disheartening is a hardened response like, I shouldn’t have to do that for him!  Ok, no maybe we *shouldn’t have to* but making a small sacrifice of time means so much.  When my husband looks at me and compliments me on how I look that day, I know that he feels respected by the fact that I care that he is a man, a visual man - the way God created him!  He knows it is for him.

I agree with Regina. When I am dressed and ready for the day I’ve done that one small thing for ME. It lifts my spirits to have on some lipstick and an ironed shirt. If this is pleasing to my husband, wonderful! It should not, however, be incumbent upon me to do these things in an effort to help him combat his “wiring”. Is he an animal who can’t control his appetites unless he comes home to a bright face and skirt? I have to say I find it rather insulting that he “may look elswhere” if I neglect to beautify myself to greet him at the door. In this Catholic women’s marriage nothing is more attractive to my husband than coming home to a warm dinner, happy children, and a wife who still runs out to his truck when I hear him pull in.

I agree with what Betty says in terms of trying to stay in shape and attractive for our husbands.  I actually never tried to be “alluring” - my husband isn’t the type who went for women who dressed to attract men.  But, some husbands do like that more than others and I understand what Betty is saying.  If that is what your husband likes, and that is what initially caught his eye…then you probably should continue.

However, I think Regina is making an excellent point.  Betty - you say that you were “merely” need to be “careful not to neglect” this area of life.  But really, it seems like you say much more than that.  Here is what you wrote:
“...men will still be confronted by other women on the street and in the workplace who are scantily clad or by sexual images on billboards. This is not their fault. I believe this is a huge burden for men these days to carry.”

I think it’s scary and sad to think that it is a “huge burden” for men basically to restrain themselves from everyday situations like women they see on the street and on billboards.  I’m sure for some men that is very difficult.  And, I’m sure that all of our husbands have seen beautiful and women and given them a second look.  But is it so bad that we need to worry that we make sure to “...weaken the power of these temptations.”
Every man is different (obviously).  But I think this is underestimating many men.  They deserve more credit.
Of course we should try to look nice.  For ourselves (as Regina so rightly said).  For our husbands.  For our kids.
But Betty’s post put the emphasis on looking alluring in order to keep her husband from the harrowing temptations of everyday.  What happens when you are old?  What do you then?  Facelift?  Boob job?  Botox? Or, does looking alluring not apply after a certain age?  We all know that older men can and do pair up with much younger women.  So what about when the makeup doesn’t hide the wrinkles, the working out + Spanx just doesn’t cut it anymore.  What then?
Is your husband supposed to suddenly love you for the inner you?

Again, I’m not saying at all that we shouldn’t try to look nice.  That’s pretty much common sense.

BUT - if looking nice and sexually attractive (which is what alluring means) is what is helping your husband combat that which surrrounds him all the time…what happens when you just don’t look sexy anymore? 

I don’t know how old Betty is - but the bottom line is that at some point, none of us will be able to compete with a good-looking 19 y/o.  Period.  And your husband better have the wherewithal to withstand that by himself.  From his inner strength.  Not by saying, “well, at least my wife looks almost as good as that.”

Yes, you try to look good no matter your age.  It’s not a matter of not having wrinkles or not aging;  it’s a matter of looking the best you can for the man you love, no matter your age. 

Haven’t you seen pictures of McCain’s mother?  http://i.l.cnn.net/cnn/2008/images/01/25/art.mcainmother.gi.jpg

She looks fabulous.  And she’s got wrinkles.  Very natural, elegant, chic, extremely well dressed, makeup, hair coiffed, etc. The lady knows how to work it. And she’s 98!!  Any elderly gentleman would be proud to have her by his side.

And the converse is true; if you think you look cute in jeans and a pony tail, because maybe you did at 22, you might want to rethink that at 45.  There’s a “good look” for every body type, every style and every age, but you’ve got to care a little about what that means for you.

I don’t see women who try too hard as much as I see women who just give up.  They don’t care anymore, they are overweight, they dress like slobs, they’ve always got pull-on pants and running shoes or flip-flops on, oversized T-shirts, no makeup and will make all kinds of jokes if exercise is ever mentioned.  But they’re the first ones to jump in on the conversation if we’re talking about eating. 

To keep fit, to keep well groomed, to show your husband that you want to please him is a loving thing to do.  And yeah, I think he should do the same for his wife.  A big paunch, unclipped toenails, not owning a suit, never wearing some after shave or cologne…please.  It’s a type of selfishness. 

And it’s interesting but if you think about it: the reasons for each gender are different.  I don’t want my husband to look good so he looks “hot”.  I want him to look good so he looks respectable, like he’s self-assured, a leader, someone I look up to.  That’s the part that’s “hot”, to me.  Men are different.  They like to see their lady looking like a real lady, and sometimes a glamourous, va-va-voom lady; that’s what they think is “hot”.  So, I refresh my lipstick, get the pedicure and put on the heels, just for him.  I can see the appreciation in his eyes.

Men are visual.  God designed them differently.  Deny it at your own risk.

You know, another small thing you can do that I have found to be better than applying make-up in the late afternoon is to wear the perfume I wore when we were dating.  I know I look ridiculous buying ckOne at my “advanced age” of cough cough thirty cough cough something, but I wear that and my husband really appreciates it.  They may be visual, but men also have a sense of smell.

Emma’s got it.  “Men are visual.  God designed them differently.  Deny it at your own risk.”
However, A loving attitude toward one’s husband goes much further than a “bright face and a skirt.”  NOTHING is more attractive to my husband than when I look at him and my eyes light up.  When that happens, I could be wearing a spit-up tshirt two days old and he wouldn’t notice.

Emma -
You wrote “They like to see their lady looking like a real lady.”  You then go on to describe high heels, lipstick, pedicures and “va-va-voom.”  If your husband is the Betty Boop type…great! 
But if you read the posts, what YOUR husband thinks is a “real lady” may not be what other husbands thinks.  I dress the same now as when I dressed when my husband was pursuing me…pretty casual.  Casual does not equal slob.  And, by the way, neither do running shoes…which I wear because I run (and you’ll find if you run a lot…it does not do kind things to your feet…but it’s great for the rest of you!).  And, high heels + lipstick most certainly does not equal beautiful or lady necessarily.  It all depends on who is wearing the running shoes or the heels. 

We all agree we should look nice.  I don’t think anyone has said otherwise.  It’s the WHY that we disagree on.  For instance, let’s say two people agree that it’s good to say the Rosary.  Person A does it because by saying it the Blessed Mother will bring her closer to her Son. Person B does it because she is afraid that her house will burn down if she doesn’t.  Furthermore, Person A feels that she can say the Rosary in the privacy of her own home. Sometimes she even says it in bed (!). Person B feels that it can only be done in a Church, on her knees. 
Do you see the difference?  They both agree on the end point.  It’s the reason and method with which they disagree. 

That’s what’s happening here.  We agree on looking nice and attracting our husbands.  We just disagree on why and how.  Don’t you think that many of these women on this board who have been married for years and have kids might just know what attracts their husbands?  I do.  And, it’s not necessarily high heels and lipstick. 

P.S. - unless you bring your own kit I’d steer clear of the pedicures.

Quote from Emma:
“I don’t see women who try too hard as much as I see women who just give up.  They don’t care anymore, they are overweight, they dress like slobs, they’ve always got pull-on pants and running shoes or flip-flops on, oversized T-shirts, no makeup and will make all kinds of jokes if exercise is ever mentioned.  But they’re the first ones to jump in on the conversation if we’re talking about eating.”

I think one needs to be careful saying such things on a bulletin board/blog that is inhabited my many, many women who have lots of kids - like 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10+ kids. If Emma thinks these women have “let themselves go” because they have nothing better to do or because they consciously chose to, she needs to think again. I believe it was an uncharitable thing to say in such a forum, even while I understand her point, since I, myself, get angry at how I look since I had a baby. Nonetheless, no one knows what’s going on internally with a woman; there can be all kinds of reasons a woman “lets herself go”: depression, medication-induced lethargy, finances that don’t allow for shopping, plain old tiredness, lack of sleep due to caring for children, etc. Probably some other “excuses” I can’t even think of. Believe me, if I could look the way I did when I was engaged and first married, I would! But to do so is to choose between myself and my child and housekeeping, etc. My kid wins. Maybe my husband loses, but like I said in a previous post, that’s why I have a great, Catholic husband.

<In my experience, many women who do not devote time to their appearances are overwhelmed by the other responsibilities in their lives.  One could say that as much as a wife can love her husband by looking good for him, he can love her in return by helping her have time to spend on herself that way!  Mutually beneficial!

I think Arwen hit the nail on the head here. I love clothes and accessories and I love to look good. If money were no object, I would have tons of clothes. But many days my look is as low-maintenance as possible, and it’s not because I don’t care - I like to look good, both for my husband and for me.  It’s because I’m simply overwhelmed with everything I have to do. The days I really put an effort into my appearance, with makeup, jewelry, etc. are days I’m the least stressed out.

I have a hard time believing most women who don’t put effort into their appearance are lazy. I guess it’s hard for me to understand why someone wouldn’t want to look good. When you look good, you feel good. I think the vast majority of these women are simply overwhelmed, so their appearance walls to the wayside, even though they probably don’t want it to.

The best thing a husband can do to make his wife more alluring is give her time to herself. Tell her he’s watching the kids so she can go to the spa / get her hair and nails done / go shopping. Or simply do something for herself that she enjoys, even if it has nothing to do with beauty. She will feel much more refreshed and motivated to look good, I guarantee it!

With all of the reaction to Emma’s comment, I think we need to see that every husband is different.  If I wore heels and lipstick everyday, my husband would wonder who I was seeing on the side.  LOL!  Besides, at 5’9”, and wearing heels, I’d tower over him, and be constantly falling down the stairs.  Not very alluring if you ask me.
We do all know what our husbands prefer.  They love US, it’s just that sometimes US needs a little help.  We are fallen, after all.  An old “make-up” book I read as a preteen had a great saying:  “A little fresh paint never hurt a barn door.”  And for those of us who aren’t used to wearing make-up, there are some great products that minimally brighten a gal’s face, just making subtle adjustments that do make a difference!
A clean shirt and decent pants?  Why not?
I thrift store shop for our clothes, and find great deals on cute clothes all the time.  So you don’t have to be wealthy to look nice…
Besides, it’s a good witness to the world.  We want others to see that it is rewarding to live out the vocation that was chosen for us.  We don’t have to all be thin and fit… that’s NOT the criteria here.  And it’s rude to pass judgments like that.  Good heavens.
But to remind ourselves how much we love our husbands, how much we enjoy our vocation, and how we respect ourselves… that is what is at the heart of it all.
Blessings to all you awesome moms!

I ask my husband routinely if there are ways that I can improve my appearance for him, and when he makes a suggestion I take it seriously.  He likes dresses so I wear dresses at least half the week.  He likes make-up so I wear it daily.  He likes high heels so I wear them to Church or out to dinner.  If he told me that he hated make-up and preferred jeans then I would take that seriously too. 

Isn’t it being a loving spouse to provide ones partner with as many earthly pleasures as one can without sacrificing virtue or responsibilities?  If your husband likes a pretty lady then why on earth wouldn’t you accommodate that?

I am late in response on this issue. I am single woman in my early 30s. I have a brother who is married and in his 40s. Over the years he is always commenting on how I dress,etc. Years back, he told me to get my hair dye. I rejected the idea as I wish to maintain my style of simple and moderate (out of) fashion. Few days ago, he commented again, this time asking me to shave off my legs hairs and my skirt is too long (below the knee). This is not the first time he commented the same. It set me thinking, that my brother ever comment my SIL too? I am quite hurt but yet set me thinking about what he as a husband think about his wife . Are these the obstacles for me not meeting my Mr Right? I have no fashion sense and do not bother to make up (I do little make up to go to work). The hairs on my legs and the crooked teeth do not bother me at all. But his comments set me thinking. He is a man. He sees what his likes and hate it what he doesn’t like. This is not about being a Catholic or not. This is plain human being issue, being a man’s view of a woman. So, I agree with my brother’s view.

I do believe, a wife (even I am not marry yet) should dress in a sense that not showing the “messiness” of her or family life, to show respect to her husband, to show her love to the husband through “appropriate” dressing, etc. I have no comment or object on those who prefer to wear pyjama throughout the day. But what I would like say is that if I wear appropriately accordingly to my “duty”, isn’t it nice to be lifted up in spirit and full of joy by the dressing when performing the task at hand? I tend to “dress” up abit when I am going for a interview, hence I believe dressing up appropriately for our husband is very important too. I do not wish to present messy self to him when he comes back from work. I want him to feel refresh and energised when he sees his clean, freshen and “dress up” wife welcoming him home. Touching up abit for those super busy wife will be good enough to give a surprise to the unexpected husband. Marriage, is not the ending of dating phase, is the beginning of a journey of courtship that required hard work to attract each other whether pysically, emotionally and sexually. God bless.

Pauline, forgive me, but I think it’s weird that your brother notices your leg hair.

Rachel-
Believe me—-it happens.  When I was in college I stopped shaving my legs for two years.  I was just tired of cutting myself.  My parents were on my case for much of that two years wondering if I were ever going to shave ever again.  Family members notice.

Leg hair—yes, family members notice. My mother just about had a coronary. My husband is perfectly okay with it and has been since I threw the last razor away. Who gets a vote? My husband. My mother still doesn’t like it, but I think it’s her job to get over it—and I’d never think of saying anything about her appearance because I really believe it’s an important spiritual discipline (for me) not to burden myself with opinions I don’t NEED to have.

I’d reiterate the point about paying attention to your own husband’s taste—-my own would be aghast if I suddenly changed my toilette & generally frumpy style, but when I got a mantilla for Mass, he thought it was superattractive.

I thank all of you for your comments and perspective. I am a young, Catholic woman who is single, but in a serious relationship and hopes! to get married to this man one day. I am trying to learn how to develop good habits for a happy married life! I watched “Fireproof” recently and I also saw a new movie called “No Greater Love” - also about marriage. If you haven’t heard about it, check it out! I loved it! http://www.nogreaterlovethemovie.com/index.html?dir=main

Thanks again for your thoughts. God bless!