I don’t have any experience with this, as my only child is only 4 currently, but regarding the confirmation issue:  my gut would be to have her attend Mass and confirmation classes, but I wouldn’t actually force her to be confirmed.  I would want that to come from her.

I went through this with my now 15 year old daughter.  She wasn’t hating the church or faith in general, but she definitely doubted her Catholic faith and wasn’t at all sure about being confirmed.  I agonized over this.  Going to Mass was never a question, but I wasn’t sure I should force her to be confirmed.  I wondered if it would be valid if it weren’t her choice.  I spoke to our priest and our RE director about this and was assured that confirmation would be valid even if it wasn’t her choice - it is a gift, not something we do or cause.  There was one confirmation teacher that she had who was a yeller, and definintely didn’t improve the situation, so I was sympathetic to her about that (my opinion is that not everyone is cut out to do this sort of ministry, so if you aren’t, please don’t).  I am fortunate that my daughter continued to talk to me, continued to be open about her feelings, and I could be honest with her about my own experience/conversion, but I didn’t give her the choice about confirmation.  I told her after she left our home, she could choose where she went to church, but while she was home, she would be Catholic.  She was confirmed, and I don’t know if it was confirmation itself, or just the process of working through her feelings and doubts, but she is such a strong Catholic Christian now.  She stands up for her faith, which she doubted before.  She even recently made a hard decision to switch to a Christian school (Catholic high school not available here).  If your child will talk to you, keep talking.  Don’t shut the door on their doubts, because until they face their doubts and decide to believe and follow, their faith isn’t their own - it’s yours.  And your faith won’t save them.  I don’t know that every story like this has a happy ending, but we have been blessed by one.

You pray.  You can’t give your child the gift of faith, that is from the Holy Spirit.  You furthermore can’t force your child to be confirmed.  It must be his or her choice.  You can insist on Sunday Mass as long as he or she is under your roof.  Outside of that, you continue to treat your teenager with love and charity.  Parents need to understand that this isn’t a sign of their “failure” as a parent if a teenager rejects the faith.  Detachment and prayers, along with love go much farther than forcing the Catholic faith upon someone..

I was that teen!! Today, my catholic faith is much more conservative than my parents were then or are now.  Never give up hope! 
Before I continue , I need to but in a disclaimer. I had a younger brother who was raised in the same house home with the same parents, and I honestly do not this he has ever doubted his faith a day in his life.  On the other hand, I completely rejected it.  I think a lot of it has to do with the individual child, the way the faith was taught, and relationship the parents have with the child.  This is particularly true with the father child relationship.  Each of us a different so I can only share my story and I hope this helps anyone who is dealing with the pain of a child rejecting his/her faith. 
I think people come to accept the faith in one of two ways. Either through the heart or through the head. I happened to be a child who needed to first accept it in my head before my heart would follow. Eventually it was logic and in-depth understanding of the scriptures, which brought me back into the church. I think my brother and both parents were heart people and just did not know the hows and whys of the faith that satisfied my inquires. For them, it was not as critical. For me it was the breaking point. The final straw for me was when my parents could not answer questions and told me I just had to pay more attention in church.  From my perspective as a teenager, their repose make them looks like complete idiots following the church like little puppy dogs.  On the other hand, if a parent who thinks as I do, pounds in the facts without successfully address the heart with a heart child, I believe a teen would have a similar negative reaction.  I believe the faith as to be taught in a way that addresses each particular child’s needs. As parents I think it is too easy to teach as we need to be taught and it is easy to miss the mark. On the other hand you also have to keep faith that some things you have said all those years have sunk in. They may be stored in the box marked ‘things I rolled my eyes at’ but at least they are stored.
The relationship you have with your child is so critical also. It is important anyways, but it is particularly sensitive after a teenager rejects the faith. The teen needs to know you love them no matter what path they follow and they need to see you truly acting like a Christian. This is SO incredibly important if they are ever going to come back to the church.  The world offers them lots and lots of garbage and they will eventually see it when what it at home is so clean and pure. Fathers are on the hook more than anyone. They are an earthly example of Christ and how they act and relate will have profound influence on any ones vision of God. Years later, I read about this connection, and I blown away with the parallels I drew between my earthly father and my father in heaven. 
I could go on and write a book about my experiences. Parents stay calm and unwavering in your faith, show love and compassion for others without judgment. Find ways to serve the community with your teenager.  Talk to them about what they think and feel (they need to know your views can hold up to secular ones even without God in the middle). Never underestimate the level of influence your actions are on your teenager when they see you practicing what you teach. God is searching for them,  give them ever reason to want to be found again.

My two older sons, ages 16 & 14, have not been to Mass regularly in almost a year.  I allowed them, after they received Confirmation, to stop going to Mass.  I figured if they were just going through the motions, why bother?  This past Sunday at Mass, not only did I see two of their peers at Mass with their families, but Father mentioned something about bringing loved ones back to Mass!  I figured that was God telling me he wanted them back at Mass.  I have told them they must attend until they’re 18, then it’s they’re choice.  I also told them they cannot receive communtion until they go to confession.  Their father has not been to confession since I don’t know when & still recieves!  In fact, everyone at our parish recieves!!!  It’s so frustrating.  Please pray for us!  Thanks!

“IT IS NOT A CHOICE. Our Cardinal mentions this erroneous understanding in a letter he sends to all of the parishes in the archdiocese. He explains that we do not choose God, rather, we respond to the gift He gives us.  God chooses us! Yes, our willingness is important but it is like others said, a gift that we may leave unwrapped if we are not willing to respond wholeheartedly to the graces.  What I recommend to parents is that ultimately it is a family decision whether or not to confirm. The Church is not in the business of “forcing” sacraments on anyone. However, I don’t encourage waiting until the teen/child/person is “ready”.  Are we really ever ready for anything in our lives?”

Wow.  I am pretty surprised.
Rather shocked.  I guess this whole bunch of stuff surprises me….it is a SACRAMENT—
The church is not in the habit of forcing sacraments on people, but yet, don’t wait until they are ready?
What about marriage? Holy orders? They are sacraments, too.  I may not have known what was in store for me when I chose marriage, but I was still READY—-nobody forced me to get married because I went to class, and was the right age.  I mean REALLY!
I heard someone else’s point about having Confirmation at the same time as First Communion/Penance so they could “catch them before they hit the teen years”, and I disagree.  Thank you to Jennifer for putting in the quote from the Catechism.

This is a topic near and dear to my heart.  You see, my oldest is one of those heart ones that Tammy describes - has never waivered in her faith - she is 20.  Number 2 guy, age 18 - it’s not there for him.  He is a cerebral one.  But I totally agree with appealing to heart and/or brain.  This one needs to understand his faith differently.  He’s confirmed, he’s struggling, we have long talks - he’s working at it in his own way.  I can’t ask for more than that.  Church is required in our house, confession is a family event during Lent and Advent, at all other times, we invite them.  Number 3, at age 14, seems to cling to his faith, and understands it instinctively - time will tell with the next 3 kids.  Handing down the faith to the next generation and getting them to understand and live our awesome faith is so near and dear to my husband.  You see, we’ve been in Infant Baptism Ministry for almost 20 years.  We have watched the face of parenting change.  We have grave concerns for our young ones - so much so that we each teach 2 confirmation classes and we speak at Pre-Cana conferences.  We very much realize that over time, the last few decades of kids have not been taught their faith - it is not their fault.  Many of the current parents of young ones have also not been raised in their faith.  It has become a case of the blind leading the blind.  So why wouldn’t today’s teens question faith when they become immersed in confirmation classes?  It makes perfect sense that they would be this way.  Understanding that has helped us rise to the challenge of preparing them for confirmation.  I have learned to teach them that they don’t have to have all the answers.  My favorite way to get them to understand this is to get them to ask their parents why the parents want them to be confirmed.  Most parents can’t give a good answer.  But then I point out that in spite of not being able to describe it, each parent really wants confirmation for their teen.  It’s a down deep desire that we seem to innately know is important.  The action of them signing up the kids for CCD, clearing the calendar, getting them there….  that speaks more than words, doesn’t it?  We’ve also learned that it’s not enought to instruct straight out of the book and leave it at that.  We know they have questions about Catholcism that are not dealt with in the book.  They see and live in the outside world that resonates with tolerance for homosexualtiy, abortion, sex outside of marriage, cohabitation - there are other Christian faiths with married priests, etc.  This is the stuff they are asking about.  So I encourage the questions - anonymously on slips of paper at first - and I take them one at a time - always using the Catechism, and good apologetic websites (start with catholic.com) and I walk them through it.  The answers beget more questions.  The discussions take up more and more class time.  So much so that I have to make them agree to read the chapters, be able to answer a few questions about the chapter to prove they read it.  I point out the important points and away we go to their questions.  They want and need to understand the Catholic faith and what it teaches. The heated and sometimes difficult discussions are more than worth it.  Over time, I give them (and their parents - so they are on the same page) the websites that I know are safe and well done to find the answers to their questions.  (phatmass.com and lifeteen.com are a great place for teens to start)  They are challenged at school and on the field by kids of other Christian faiths.  They don’t even know how to defend, or that they can defend their faith at first.  When they learn how to answer those questions, I discover that they’ve been “surfing” around those sites learning on their own.  That’s when they start to own it.  That’s when they start to WANT it.  It is amazing to behold.  God is so good to let me witness this in those teens.  Somewhere along the way we have a deep discussion about what it means to be confirmed.  It doesn’t mean that they accept the rules and regulations blindly and confirm that they will carry on mindlessly.  That’s not what God wants.  God accepts and understands that we are all processing this differently because he made us all differently.  I should think He expects it.  What we are saying when we are confirmed, I tell the teens, is event though I don’t get it all, even thought I don’t understand it all, even though I’m struggling to agree with some of it, and even live it - I think this is what I want.  I’m starting to KNOW that this is what I want or need.  I’m now willing to confirm my parents choice when they had me baptized, but I realize that means that with prayer and study, I may get better at it a little at a time.  Somehow, I’m hooked enough that I realize in depths of my heart and soul - and that even though some of this stuff boggles my mind and staggers the imagination - there is just something about this that I know - this is the right choice for me.  This is as far as I can hope to get most of the teens.  And I tell them, that this is pretty much how it is for most adults.  We all struggle to understand and accept and live our faith in a plethora of ways.  For most of us, most of it is cut and dry, and there are other components that we struggle with.  I love to point out how priests struggle to explain the Trinity on Trinity Sunday homilies.  Inevitably, a priest will tell us how difficult it is to explain - and yet they are up there, struggling with it, because they believe - and they want so much to share with us.  Doesn’t that also speak volumes?  Don’t give up parents.  I totally agree with the calm, affirming approach.  And tons and tons of prayer.  But don’t give up - beautiful things will happen…

As for books - try “Do I have to go?” by Matthew Pinto and Chris Stefanick, “Blessed are the Bored in the Spirit” by Mark Hart.  I recommend parents read first.  Also, “I Choose God” by Chris Cuddy and Peter Ericksen - witness by young adults describing their struggles to accept and live the faith - gives great insights on young ones to the adults who love them so.  “Here. Now” by Amy Welborn - will tug at the heart strings of ones who need to be addressed in that way.  And then there is Apologetics for teens - the “Prove It” series by Amy Welborn does a lot of explaining.  Also, “100 Things Every Catholic Teen Should Know” by Mark Hart and Todd Lemieux.  As Lent is around the corner, pick one up, read it and tuck it in the Easter Basket for your teens.

Looks like some have gotten sidetracked from the topic. Yes, one of the commenters did ask about Confirmation, but this article started out asking for help with a teen that was believing she was agnostic. I don’t have a teen, yet, but aside from the praying,and lots of Rosaries, I’d suggest keeping the lines of communication open. In a loving, non-judgemental way, ask questions…What had she heard that made her start to question her faith, and the Catholic church? Is she hearing this from friends? What in the Church does she disagree with? Does she fully understand what it means to be Agnositc? Then answer these questions/answers with knowledge and love. If you don’t know how to answer the question, or refute the answer, tell her you’ll find out, or suggest you find out together. http://www.Catholic.com is awesome for that. There are also some great books out that may help either her, or you. Arm yourself with knowledge. MOST of us can always learn more about our Faith…unless you have a PhD in Theology. I suspect even then something can be learned.   Her relationship with you and your husband has a big impact on her view of God and the Church. Try to keep it as open and loving as possible, but remember, you are still the MOM and set the rules. Church is not an option as long as she’s living under your roof. My mom used to say, “They may get it by rear end-mosis. They put their rear ends in the pew and get it.” lol! Prayers for your family.

I’ve have not heard the different opinions about confirmation before. I’m definitely going to read more about that. 

There are people I know who were raised in a Catholic home, educated in an orthodox Catholic high school and college, served on national ministry teams (such as NET) and still reached a point in their life where they lost their faith or the nature of their faith changed in a way that they did not hold on to beliefs they may have embraced previously . So often I hear when someone does not hold fast to the Magisterium it is because they were not taught the faith well.  This is simply not true.

When I take look at how my mother and grandmother were taught the faith it was very orthodox.  My mom could recite the Baltimore Catechism practically by heart.  Yet it was a very rigid faith that was often fear based.  The pre-vatican II days were not glory days to me.  There was much that was taught that was not healthly or balanced.  There are so many complaints about how poorly people are taught the faith these days.  However, I do not see the generations as having been better taught.  Generations before may have lived external rules better (Mass attendance, no meat on Fridays, Holy days of obligation, no eating along time before communion..) but at least in my family there was not the deep understanding.  (I know others may have a different experience).

My advice is to live your own relationship with God deeply. Let your marriage be an example of God’s love.  Have fun with your child. Let your child ask questions.  Don’t nag them about the faith.

Another thought I had is that we should focus on the basics of the gospel message.  Help our kids to understand mercy, redemption, grace, forgiveness, sacrifice.  They need to understand how to have a relationship with God on a very basic level before they understand all the theology of the church.