Running on Empty
Posted by Lisa Hendey in Health on Wednesday, January 14, 2009 7:00 PM
Despite my determined attitude, the realities of having been diagnosed with and being treated for breast cancer have begun to sunk in a bit this week.
First off, let me reiterate that blessedly my battle is relatively simple since mine was caught so early through a mammogram - I had surgery and am now going through 7 weeks of daily radiation, but no chemo, so I’m one of the lucky ones! I’m in good shape physically and have every confidence that all will be well following my treatment, so I’m not having any undue anxiety about my own health.
But life feels a bit topsy turvy this week even though I am not feeling physically sick. One of the most difficult parts of this whole situation is going to the Cancer Center every day, where I am surrounded by men, women and - very sadly - children who are very ill. Every day, I walk in feeling positive and walk out feeling sad. Every day, I meet a new “cancer friend” with a new story and my heart breaks for most of them.
The hardest situations to accept and to process emotionally are the children who are ill. A few days this week, a young boy name “Ozzie” followed me on the treatment table. I think Ozzie is likely around ten, and he comes to the center transported by ambulance and accompanied by a mom who looks like her heart is breaking. Every time I see him, I give him a smile, say hello, and let him know I am praying for him - what I really feel like doing when I see Ozzie and his mom is crying my heart out. As a mother, I would much rather face illness any day than see one of my children go through something like battling cancer. I’m sure Ozzie’s mom feels the same.
So every day, when I am on the table, I pray for whoever has crossed my path in the waiting room. It feels like a drop in the bucket of the miracles that most of them probably need, and St. Peregrine is likely tiring of hearing from me - but at least it feels like I’m doing something to help.
My inability to cope with the pain of others is likely why I’d make a terrible social worker or physician. It’s dragging me down a bit emotionally, so I’m asking all of you today to carry this weight with me and to pray for all of those families coping with pain, illness and loss. Together, we can lift them in prayer and maybe that will make the burden they bear just a tiny bit lighter.
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