About Bullies
Posted by Rebecca Teti in Family on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 11:55 AM
Today I’d like to introduce what I hope will be a regular feature. I’ll toss out what I hope is a provocative topic, you weigh in, and we all benefit from the variety of perspectives and experience. Here goes….
When I was a girl, Mom made a point of telling us if we ever saw a child being made fun of, she hoped her children not only wouldn’t participate, but would rise to that child’s defense.
“Sit with the kid who’s alone at lunch,” she told us, “and pick the child who’s always left out for your team.”
She trained us even as kids to be on the lookout for the shy and the misfit and to find ways to include them—because that’s what Jesus would do. I wish my mom were writing the curricula our nation’s schools are using to combat bullying. Most of the programs I’ve seen emphasize “peace” in a way that seems to yield the playground to the bully. Yes, the kids are taught that bullying is unacceptable, but they’re also taught to walk away from bullying situations—which seems to me to mean there won’t be any witnesses when the weak kids get pummeled. What about teaching our kids to stand up for what is right? Is not getting hurt the highest value on the playground? Isn’t that a form of materialism—prioritizing the material over the spiritual?
A slightly different spin on the question comes from John Eldredge’s wonderful book Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
When his happy first grader comes home after being pushed down on the playground, Eldredge looks him right in the eye and tells him if that ever happens again, I want you to get up and hit that bully as hard as you possibly can:
A look of embarrassed delight came over Blaine’s face. Then he smiled.
Good Lord—why did I give him such advice? And why was he delighted with it? Why are some of you delighted with it, while others are appalled?
Yes, I know that Jesus told us to turn the other cheek. But we have really misused that verse. You cannot teach a boy to use his strength by stripping him of it. Jesus was able to retaliate, believe me. But he chose not to. And yet we suggest that a boy who is mocked, shamed before his fellows, stripped of all power and dignity should stay in that beaten place because Jesus wants him there? From that point on all will be passive and fearful. He will grow up never knowing how to stand his ground, never knowing if he is a man indeed. Oh yes, he will be courteous, sweet even, deferential, minding all his manners. It may look moral, it may look like turning the other cheek, but it is merely weakness. You cannot turn a cheek you do not have.
This may be a difficult topic for moms to handle; masculinity is transmitted from man to man and we’re necessarily a little outside the process. But what say you? Are you delighted or appalled? Why? How do you advise your kids to handle bullies? Discuss. (Need I add? Be respectful; no bullying!)
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